Vault: The Psycho Hall Of Fame

Summary

"Vault: The Psycho Hall Of Fame" – The Bert Show

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Date: December 18, 2025
Cast Featured: Jen, Melissa, Kerry, Amy, with several listener call-ins

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives deep into the wild and humorous tradition of inducting new members into the show's "Psycho Hall of Fame." In this tongue-in-cheek segment, hosts and listeners recount outlandish and over-the-top stories of relationship-induced "psycho" behavior—from stalking and elaborate ruses to property damage and police involvement. With a lighthearted, self-deprecating tone, the cast and callers celebrate infamous moments of romantic obsession, ultimately selecting a new inductee into this dubious—and hilarious—hall of fame.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origins of the Psycho Hall of Fame

• Jen sets the stage by recalling Stacy, the show's original and most notorious inductee:
  • "She's the model on the trophy... She's got that Heisman pose going on. Except for a football in her hand, she's got a knife, right?" (01:16–01:21)
• Melissa and Jen discuss how the hall grew to include more extreme—and comical—tales of romantic obsession.

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2. Legendary Psycho Stories from Past Inductees

• Caller Tina’s classic tale:
  • Obsessed with an unattainable bachelor, she:
    • Bought a second cell phone with a different number.
    • Had a friend record a greeting as "Nicole" (the woman her crush talked about).
    • Secretly switched contact numbers in her crush’s phone, rerouting his calls intended for Nicole to this new number.
    • "Every time he would call her and leave her voicemails... I would just happen to be outside the restaurant or happen to be by the bar." – Amy recounting Tina’s actions (02:33–02:50)
  • Jen: "That's what gets you into the Psycho hall of Fame, right there." (02:50–02:56)

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3. This Year’s Nominations: Listener Stories

Nominee #1: Kimberly – The Paint Roller Window Incident

• Kimberly shares:
  • At age 20, after her boyfriend locked her out during an argument, she smashed two of his windows with a paint roller.
  • Despite this, she later married him.
  • "I don't lose my temper very often, but it was bad." – Kimberly (03:49–03:56)
  • Jen: "Serious anger management classes." (03:56)

Nominee #2: Amy – Faking a Panic Attack in the Hospital

• Amy confesses:
  • Suspecting her now-husband was with someone else, she enlisted her roommate to fake a medical emergency.
  • She staged severe hyperventilation in the ER, and had her roommate inform her boyfriend she was in the hospital.
  • "I went completely through with this, went to the emergency room, acted like I couldn't breathe... and to this day, still claim that I was having a panic attack." (04:11–04:49)

Nominee #3: Kerry – The Police Intervention Hoax

• Kerry’s story:
  • Long-distance fight: boyfriend unplugs the phone to avoid her calls.
  • She calls the local police and fakes a story about a knock at his door, prompting police to visit and tell him to call her.
  • "The police went over to his apartment, knocked on the door and said, you need to call Kerry back." (06:11–06:42)

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4. Enabler Stories and Group Reflection

• The hosts and listeners also reflect on the enablers—friends who fuel these antics:
  • Melissa:
    • Helped a friend slash an ex’s tires to keep him from another date.
    • "Her thought was that he's gonna have to spend all of his money to replace those tires rather than spend his money on the other girl he was dating." (05:51–05:58)
  • Group discusses how women sometimes rally around each other for these "psycho" missions.
    • Kerry: "It's frightening." (05:07)
    • Jen: "There should be another hall for the friends that enable this kind of thing." (05:20)

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5. Voting and Induction into the Hall of Fame

• Recap of nominees:
  • Kimberly: Paint roller through two windows.
  • Amy: Faked panic attack and ER visit.
  • Kerry: Called police with a fake emergency.
• Melissa and Jen vote for Amy (the hospital faker) due to time invested and the friend/accomplice angle.
  • Kerry casts a dissenting (but admiring) vote for the cop-caller, calling Kerry’s effort "felonious."
    • "I respect the fact that Kerry was willing to commit a felony filing a false police report... My vote is for felonious Kerry." (07:44–08:02)
• Amy is inducted as the winner (08:06–08:09).
• Jen: "Congratulations, you have been inducted into the virtual Psycho hall of Fame." (08:07–08:09)

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6. Insights and Running Themes

• Nearly all nominees married the men involved in their "psycho" tales.
  • "The good news is, is that if you go psycho on a guy, he's gonna end up being your husband." – Jen (08:32–08:36)
• Joking advice from hosts:
  • Melissa: "As a woman, I think…the theme through all of this is guys, don't cut your girlfriends off when you're talking to them. That's what happened in all three of these incidents." (08:14–08:26)
  • Kerry: "Decided there's gotta be a limit. Like, can it be four hours?" (08:26–08:29)
• Event ends with a mock "Psycho Hall of Fame Oath," recited with glee and self-awareness, swearing off further infractions. (08:45–09:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jen (on the original inductee):
  "She's the model on the trophy... She's got that Heisman pose going on. Except for a football in her hand, she's got a knife, right?" (01:16–01:21)

• Amy (ER faker):
  "I went completely through with this, went to the emergency room, acted like I couldn't breathe, hyperventilated for three hours, and to this day, still claim that I was having a panic attack." (04:39–04:49)

• Melissa (theme reflection):
  "As a woman, I think…the theme through all of this is guys, don't cut your girlfriends off when you're talking to them." (08:14–08:26)

• Jen (tongue-in-cheek wisdom):
  "The good news is, is that if you go psycho on a guy, he's gonna end up being your husband." (08:32–08:36)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:04: Launch of Psycho Hall of Fame segment
• 01:16–01:32: Recap of original Hall of Famer, "Psycho Stacy"
• 02:29–02:50: The "Tina" cell phone sabotage story
• 03:11–03:56: Kimberly’s window-breaking confession
• 04:11–04:49: Amy’s ER panic attack ruse
• 06:12–06:42: Kerry’s prank-police call on her boyfriend
• 07:31–08:09: Voting and winner announcement
• 08:45–09:52: The Psycho Hall of Fame Oath

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Tone and Style

True to The Bert Show’s signature energy, the tone is lively, irreverent, and self-mocking. Stories are told with a blend of embarrassment, giddy nostalgia, and communal laughter. The hosts mix sharp one-liners, teasing, and "real talk" as they explore the extreme lengths people go to for love—or at least, for relationship attention.

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Summary Takeaway

The "Vault: The Psycho Hall Of Fame" episode is a laugh-out-loud confessional where everyone—hosts and listeners—own up to their wildest, most irrational romantic antics. By voting in the queen of elaborate hospital schemes, the show cheekily salutes the unpredictable, passionate, and occasionally "crazy" side of love, all while reminding listeners that every psycho has their day… and sometimes even a husband at the end of it.

Transcript

[Melissa]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first.

[Amy]

There, the last one.

[Melissa]

Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Melissa]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Jen]

See mint mobile.com.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The bird show.

[Jen]

All right, the first person that we inducted into the Psycho hall of Fame, I mean it's like our Vince Lombardi. It's the first person that goes in that was psycho Stacy. I mean, she'd been stalking her ex boyfriend for three years, driving by his poker game.

[Kerry]

She's the model on the trophy?

[Jen]

Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, she's like the Heisman, right? She's got that Heisman pose going on.

[Melissa]

Except for a football in her hand. She's got a knife, right?

[Jen]

Right. Now the first person outside of Stacy that got inducted into the hall of Fame, I don't even remember woman's name. But her story was priceless. It was Tina.

[Melissa]

Tina.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Amy]

There was this guy that I really liked. He was like in the working world, like the young bachelor. And I was in love with him. We would go out for drinks, we'd go out for movies and dinner, but he just never wanted to actually be my boyfriend. And he used to always talk about this one girl that he met through work named Nicole. And he just talked about it all the time. Like with me. I went out and I bought another cell phone from a completely service provider with a completely different number. And I got my friend to record the voicemail to say, like Nicole. So it would say you have reached the voicemail box of. And then her voice would kick in and say Nicole. And then one of the times when I hung out with him, he went to the bathroom and I just kind of took his cell phone off the table and he had two numbers in there for her and I changed them both to the cell phone number.

[Melissa]

Okay, what happened?

[Amy]

What happened? Well, actually he never called me, but this way I. Every time he would call her and leave her voicemails and sometimes he'd leave a voicemail like, hey, I'm gonna be at so and so happy hour after work if you want to meet me up there. And I would just happen to be outside the restaurant or happen to be by the bar.

[Jen]

All right, so that's what gets you into the Psycho hall of Fame, right there. There's a lot of effort in that one.

[Melissa]

That was great.

[Jen]

All right, so we will take your nominations for the Psycho hall of Fame, and one of you gets put in today.

[Martha Stewart]

Good.

[Jen]

Good morning, Kimberly. Yes, hi. How are you this morning?

[Amy]

I'm good. How are you doing?

[Jen]

Good.

[Amy]

All right, well, my story is out of character for me, but I was actually. I was about 20, and I was dating this guy in college, and I liked him a lot. We got into this big fight, and he locked me out of his house when I was trying to talk to him. So I picked up a paint roller from outside and just crashed it through his window. And then he came out, and he was like, what in the heck is wrong with you? And he shut the door again. And so I did the other window.

[Melissa]

Oh, so violent. Psycho hall of Fame.

[Amy]

Yeah, I know, but I'm married to him now.

[Jen]

Oh, then maybe he's the psycho.

[Amy]

I was like, 20. I'm 25 now. It was the one. I don't lose my temper very often, but it was bad.

[Jen]

Serious anger management classes. Hold on one sec. All right, Kimberly. All right, that's nominee number one. And good morning. We are calling this woman now. You know, if you're using a fake name on Psycho hall of Fame, chances are pretty good you're going to get in today. Hey, Amy.

[Amy]

Hey. Okay, this is not out of character for me, so let me go ahead and say that this man is my husband now as well. But I couldn't find him. I didn't know where he was. I suspected he was with another woman. So I started scheming. My roommate and I came up with, I was going to have a panic attack, and she was going to take me to the hospital. So when he called looking for me, they were going to say, oh, Amy's in the hospital. You know, she's sick. And so I went completely through with this, went to the emergency room, acted like I couldn't breathe, hyperventilated for three hours, and to this day, still claim that I was having a panic attack.

[Melissa]

Oh, my God. So what?

[Jen]

And was he cheating?

[Amy]

I don't know. But he did come to the hospital, and I did get him to stop whatever he was.

[Jen]

And it all seems like such a great idea at the time.

[Melissa]

Like Melissa said, so calculating. We are so calculating.

[Kerry]

It's frightening.

[Jen]

And she has, like, accomplices too. That's the thing. Like, there should be, like, your friends around. You should go, okay, that's a little psycho. But no, they're just as crazy as you are.

[Melissa]

We go right along with it. What now?

[Amy]

It was a desperate time.

[Jen]

There should be another haul for the friends that enable this kind of thing.

[Kerry]

Seiko Frames hall of Fame.

[Melissa]

I was an enabler once, back in the day, when I was in high school. One of my friends was so obsessed with this guy. His name was Peter, and I can't remember his last name but she actually got so psycho over him that I was with her when she slashed his tires so that he couldn't go on a date with some girl he had a date with that night.

[Jen]

See, but women feed other women about that. You should do it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You should put a knife to his.

[Jen]

Wheels is what you ought to do. Get it, girl.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Get it.

[Jen]

He deserves it.

[Melissa]

And her thought was that he's gonna have to spend all of his money to replace those tires rather than spend his money on the other girl he was dating.

[Jen]

Hey, Carrie.

[Kerry]

Slashing tires. I wouldn't even know how to slash a tire. I didn't end up cutting myself.

[Jen]

Jen will teach you how. Dark side.

[Kerry]

Jen, right.

[Jen]

Hey, Kerry.

[Kerry]

And you broke his toes.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Amy]

Hey, good morning. How are you?

[Jen]

Good, thank you. How are you?

[Amy]

I'm doing good, thanks. My boyfriend lived in Alabama. I lived in Missouri. It was very late at night one night, and we got in a big fight on the phone and I kept calling him back and he kept yelling at me to quit calling. He was tired, so he eventually unplugged the phone from the wall. So I called the police in the town he lived in. And I made up a story that there was a knock on his door and now I can't get through to him. And the police went over to his apartment, knocked on the door and said, you need to call Terry back.

[Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Kerry]

Oh, my God.

[Amy]

And can I tell you that I've been married to him 10 years now.

[Jen]

This is a reoccurring theme. We got ourselves a reoccurring theme.

[Melissa]

Oh, man. It's the Marriage Psycho hall of fame. Today.

[Amy]

10 years Saturday.

[Jen]

All right, hold on one second. Okay.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Jen]

All right, our three nominees then. What we have is the woman that threw the paint roller into the window.

[Melissa]

Two different windows.

[Jen]

Two different windows. Then you have the Amy who faked her Panic attack and went to the hospital so her boy ex boyfriend would have some kind of sympathy. And then you have the last one here, which was Carrie, who sent the police over to her ex boyfriend's house to tell him to pick up the phone.

[Melissa]

Oh, these are good.

[Jen]

Where are you going, Melissa?

[Melissa]

I love the cop thing, but I think because of time invested and the friend angle that is involved. I go with Amy in the hospital stay.

[Jen]

Amy in the hospital stay. Jen.

[Melissa]

Gotta second that one. Amy in the hospital.

[Kerry]

I respect the fact that Kerry was willing to commit a felony filing a false police report in order to get her boyfriend to call her. I can sympathize with the boyfriend because girls just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. And I can understand the unplugging of the phone. My vote is for felonious Kerry.

[Jen]

Kerry. And I am gonna go with the girls on this. And I'm going with Amy.

[Melissa]

Amy.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Jen]

Congratulations.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Jen]

You have been inducted into the virtual Psycho hall of Fame. And you know what?

[Melissa]

As a woman, I think that the theme through all of this is guys, don't cut your girlfriends off when you're talking to them. That's what happened in all three of these inst. The guys either shut the door, hung up the phone, or just, I guess.

[Kerry]

Decided there's gotta be a limit. Like, can it be four hours?

[Jen]

Well, the good news.

[Kerry]

Can't you say in four hours?

[Jen]

The good news is, is that if you go psycho on a guy, he's gonna end up being your husband.

[Amy]

That's exactly.

[Jen]

All right, now, Amy, before we put you into the Psycho hall of Fame, there is an oath that you must take.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Jen]

All right, Jen, please repeat after me.

[Melissa]

I, Amy, solemnly swear to uphold the.

[Amy]

Ideals I am solemnly swear to hold.

[Melissa]

The ideal of the Bircho's Psycho hall of Fame.

[Amy]

Of the Birch Show Psycho hall of Fame.

[Melissa]

I will no longer slash, stalk or steal.

[Amy]

I will no longer slash, stock or steal.

[Melissa]

And I promise to throw out all mementos.

[Amy]

And I promise to throw out all mementos.

[Melissa]

Reminding me of my insane obsession.

[Amy]

Reminding me of my insane obsession.

[Melissa]

I promise to stop cracking voicemails.

[Amy]

I promise to stop cracking voicemails, emails and.

[Melissa]

Or passwords.

[Amy]

Emails and. Or passwords.

[Melissa]

I now realize. I now realize that plotting anything while under the influence is never a good idea.

[Amy]

That plotting anything while under the influence is never a good idea.

[Melissa]

And of course, I will never fake another panic attack and go to the hospital.

[Amy]

Of course I will never fake another panic attack and go to the hospital.

[Melissa]

This is my official oath.

[Amy]

This is my official oath.

[Melissa]

So help me Psycho Stacy.

[Amy]

So help me Psycho Stacy.

[Melissa]

There you go, Amy.

[Jen]

You have been inducted.

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