Vault: The Secret Second Relationships Our Listeners Don't Want You to Know About

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: The Secret Second Relationships Our Listeners Don't Want You to Know About
Date: April 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the hidden world of "don't ask, don't tell" relationships, where couples stay together for practical reasons but allow each other to pursue romantic or sexual relationships on the side—as long as it's kept discreet. Using current celebrity scandals (notably from the reality show John & Kate Plus 8) as a springboard, the cast explores the boundaries of these secret agreements, differing from openly consensual non-monogamy. Listeners call in and share their experiences with these complex, unspoken arrangements.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Celebrity Inspiration: John & Kate Plus 8 Scandal

• Host introduces the theme: Recent tabloid revelations about John and Kate's alleged affairs raise questions about secret arrangements within marriages (01:27–02:20).
• Co-hosts speculate whether high-profile couples, including Pink & Carey Hart and Will & Jada Smith, follow similar "don't ask, don't tell" arrangements (03:33–03:45).
• The hosts debate the authenticity of such scandals and their use as promotional tools for reality TV (02:29–02:31, 05:36–05:50).

2. Defining the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Relationship

• Host: Clarifies the difference between openly non-monogamous relationships and the specific focus of this episode: silent, unspoken arrangements where partners discreetly pursue others, so long as the primary relationship remains intact (03:03–03:33).
• Quote: “I’m not talking about open relationships and swingers… I’m talking about, like, almost like don’t ask, don’t tell.” (03:11, Host)
• Co-host 2 discusses the practical, companionate nature of such arrangements, usually formed after the romantic love fades:
  • “If you have both fallen out of love with each other, you’re resolved that your situation is more like roommates, more practical. We have to raise these kids… That’s the scenario where I think that something like that would probably work.” (04:40, Co-host 2)

3. Discussing Famous Couples and Arrangements

• Co-host 1: Mentions celebrity couples rumored to have such arrangements, fueling speculation about Hollywood relationship norms (03:33–03:37).
• Co-host 3: Applies the theory to public figures like Bill and Hillary Clinton, positing that political or business partnerships may override romantic love:
  • “I’ve always thought… Bill and Hillary Clinton were that way—that, oh, I could see that, you know, you’re good business partners, we help each other politically. Just don’t get caught.” (05:07–05:17)

4. Listener Call-In: Real-Life Arrangements

• Ashley, a listener, shares her candid experience of a practical marriage where her husband is indifferent about her extramarital encounters, as long as he doesn’t find out (06:17–08:05).
• Quote:
  • “He’s actually said to me that he doesn’t care what I do. He just doesn’t want to know about it.” (06:17, Ashley)
  • When asked if the agreement is mutual:
    “Yes… I would rather him actually go find a girlfriend for himself if he can.” (07:31, Ashley)
• Hosts express surprise at how matter-of-fact and unthreatened Ashley is—even stating she wouldn’t mind if her husband brought someone home (07:44–07:48).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I think it would have to be totally different. Complete stranger, like, go to Vegas—what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” (07:18–07:24, Co-host 2 & Host)
• “See, I would always be so threatened that he would fall in love with her more than he was with me.” (07:55, Co-host 2)
• “He’s a very shy kind of guy… So you would run the show there and you would have nothing to worry about.” (08:02–08:05, Host and Ashley)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:27 – Episode’s main question introduced, via celebrity scandal context
• 03:03 – Distinction between open relationships and “don’t ask, don’t tell”
• 04:40 – Discussion on practicality as the driver for secret arrangements
• 05:07 – Political/business partnership examples (Clintons)
• 06:17 – Ashley’s call and real-life testimony
• 07:31 – Ashley confirms mutuality and personal motives

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Tone and Takeaways

The tone is informal, humorous, and candid—typical of The Bert Show’s friendly back-and-forth. The segment draws laughs while also tackling serious questions about why couples might stay together despite pursuing outside relationships. The hosts are open-minded but often incredulous regarding how such arrangements work, especially when listeners like Ashley offer first-hand accounts.

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In Summary:
This episode peels back the curtain on a rarely discussed but surprisingly common type of relationship: staying together for family, financial, or practical reasons while each partner seeks fulfillment elsewhere—secretly and without disrupting the home. Both celebrity rumors and listener experiences underscore the complexity and variety of ways people navigate long-term partnerships.

Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Host]

and participation may vary. Single items at regular price. Prices may be higher in Alaska, California and Hawaii. The bird question that maybe you guys either know someone and I'm sure this has come up on the Burt show before, but this question is fueled by John and Kate plus eight, the TV show.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Host]

And Jen, you'll have to correct me if I'm wrong or fill in the blanks here, but last week it came out that John or a week or two ago John was caught like being inappropriate with a 23 year old girl, right?

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. Hanging out with a quote unquote friend

[Co-host 3]

a whole lot and leaving her Place early. A neighbor caught him leaving her place like six in the morning.

[Co-host 2]

And her brothers come out and talk to the tabloids and everything else.

[Host]

So that. That happened a couple weeks ago. Then last week, I think it came out that Kate was fooling around with her security guard, her security man, and then they were having a relationship.

[Co-host 3]

And by the way, you know, they confront each other for the first time. Memorial Day weekend is when the first episode comes on. They're actually using all this to promote the new season of the show too.

[Host]

Seriously.

[Co-host 2]

Brilliant.

[Co-host 3]

Yeah, brilliant. But I feel bad for the K, so.

[Host]

And, you know, obviously John and K plus eight. There's eight children involved in this, you know, in that relationship. And I think we've talked about this on the show before, but. And we'll take your phone calls and we'll put you on the voice disguiser. 404741, Q100. Are there people who just have an understanding?

[Co-host 3]

Like if John and Kane, if it was just. No, like, let's say that you're saying if their scenario was, you know what, let's just do whatever we got to do. Just try not to get caught.

[Host]

Yeah. And I'm not talking about open relationships and swingers and that type of thing where you're allowed to, you know, because we've talked about that before, involve other people together. Right. Wendy's married to a guy named Joe, but they have an arrangement that if, you know, Joe meets a girl that he really likes, he can tell Wendy about it and blah, blah, blah, and the whole thing can happen. I'm not talking about that type of open relationship. I'm talking about like, almost like don't ask, don't tell. Yes.

[Co-host 1]

Well, didn't Pink and Carrie Hart have that sort of deal?

[Co-host 2]

I don't know.

[Co-host 1]

When they were married, they could go date other people as long as they didn't find out about it.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

I've always heard that Will and Jada have that kind of a relationship.

[Co-host 3]

I've heard that too.

[Host]

And you would think different reasons, though, but it would be like a Hollywood thing.

[Co-host 2]

Oh, Melissa, everybody's not gay. You think Jada is, though?

[Co-host 3]

I'm hoping

[Host]

so. The telephone number, 404-741-Q100. We'll put you on the voice disguise. We'll give you a fake name, and if we don't get any phone calls, then so be it. But you would think that that's like a Hollywood generate the story thing. And Melissa kind of threw a little bucket of water on that with, you know, they're using it to promote the start of the first season. But it could be that if there's a situation where the woman's raising the kids and everything's great and blah, blah, and she starts screwing around with somebody and the guy knows it, he might go, you know what? I still got a good deal here. You know, she's still my wife. She's still taking care of my kids. Or the other situation is where the guy, you know, is making a good living and funding the woman's life.

[Co-host 2]

I would imagine it's when the relationship becomes practical and neither one of them are in love with each other. Because if you're still in love with the other person, I don't think you'd be okay with that scenario. But if you have both fallen out of love with each other, you're resolved that your situation is more like roommates, more practical. We have to raise these kids. We have to bring in two incomes. You know, we can even have separate bedrooms, whatever. That's the scenario where I think that something like that would probably work because neither one is in love with the other anymore.

[Co-host 3]

I've always thought, well, I thought for years that Bill and Hillary Clinton were that way, that, oh, I could see that, you know, we're good business partners, we can help each other politically. Just don't get caught. And then I think that when the whole storm happened is, well, we got it now we have to publicly react.

[Host]

Now we have to deal with it.

[Co-host 3]

But, yeah, I thought, you know, there are certain couples that I'm sure are together because they're better business partners or partners in life than they are, but they're rigid in the bedroom, if anything at all.

[Co-host 2]

Or rigid.

[Host]

And that could be the. The John of Cage scenario. Although with Jack, can you imagine if the whole thing was 1000% orchestrated because of the launch of the season?

[Co-host 3]

That'd be horrible. Because, I mean, can we not have a family drama? I mean, it was successful already, but can we not have a family drama without there being drama in the family?

[Host]

But how old are the kids? Like, would the kids even know at this point?

[Co-host 3]

They have two older twins that would be aware.

[Host]

The publicity is great, though. I'd watch the show. Yeah, I wouldn't have watched it before, but I'll watch it now.

[Co-host 1]

That's what the previews are about right now. They're all both in tears.

[Co-host 2]

Hey, that's sad.

[Co-host 3]

Yeah. Commentary on our society.

[Host]

Ashley.

[Caller]

Welcome to the bird shows right now. And he's actually said to me that he doesn't care what I Do. Because I'm. Me and him are quite young. He just doesn't want to know about it.

[Host]

So you guys, he's your husband or your boyfriend?

[Caller]

My husband.

[Host]

So while he's gone, you can do whatever you want.

[Co-host 3]

Just don't tell him about it.

[Host]

Yeah, whatever you want to do, you can do it. As long as he doesn't find out once he comes home.

[Co-host 3]

I'm assuming that once he's home, then it stops. Is that also the agreement?

[Caller]

Pretty much. And he's actually friends with some of the people that I do this with.

[Co-host 1]

So you have followed through.

[Co-host 3]

How is he not. How is he not gonna find out if you're going or going to the friend pool?

[Host]

Yeah, guys, seriously. Guys can't keep secrets.

[Caller]

Just so you know, they aren't his really, really close friends. They're just more his acquaintances.

[Co-host 2]

I think it would have to be totally different.

[Host]

Complete stranger, like go to Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, exactly.

[Host]

Do you let him have. Do the rules apply in the other direction?

[Caller]

Yes, actually, they do, actually. I'm actually more towards. I would rather him actually go find a girlfriend for himself if he can.

[Host]

And then when. And when he comes back home, he leaves her and everything's good.

[Caller]

Actually, I wouldn't care if he brought her back home.

[Host]

Really. So you're looking to have a little more spice? A little more spice, if you will.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

See, I would always be so threatened that he would fall in love with her more than he was with me

[Host]

because it was more new with him.

[Caller]

He's a very shy kind of guy.

[Host]

So you would. You would run the show there and you would have nothing to worry about. The bird show.