Vault: The Student Vent Line Is Open

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: The Student Vent Line Is Open"

Date: May 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the everyday challenges and raw stresses that high school students face. Through both candid discussion among the cast and real-life voicemail messages from students, it becomes a lighthearted yet sincere exploration of what makes the high school experience so intense and memorable. The hosts unpack topics like academic pressure, adult misunderstandings, strict parents, and the echoes of social awkwardness—serving equal parts empathy and humor.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. High School Stress: Then and Now

(00:45 – 01:59)

• The hosts reflect on their biggest high school stressors:
  • Uniforms and Lack of Self-Expression:

    "We could not express ourselves." – Guest 1 (00:55)

  • Short Bell Times Between Classes:

    "It was never long enough to go to your locker, talk with your friends, and then get back to class." – Guest 3 (01:12)

  • Pop Quizzes by Unpredictable Teachers:

    "One of the biggest stress because you never know when it was gonna happen." – Guest 3 (01:22)

  • Adults Not Understanding:

    "The emotions are so raw in high school...and if any adult tried to calm you down...they don’t know what they’re talking [about]." – Guest 5 (01:36)

• The consensus is that high school drama always feels enormous, especially when adults minimize those feelings.

2. The Student Vent Line Opens

(02:00 – 04:32)

• Listeners call in to vent their pressing student woes:
  • Dealing with Acne and Social Pressure

    "I wake up every morning, I look at my face, I know I got acne. Get out my face and stop talking about it!" – Caller (02:47)

  • Judgmental Teacher and Threats of Damnation:

    "Because we failed his test, he condemned us to hell. He actually, like, literally said, 'y’all are going to hell and y’all should belong in public school.'" – Caller (03:04)

  • School Staffing Issues:

    "This is, like the third week of school, and every day we go there, we still don’t have a teacher." – Caller (03:29)

  • Test Anxiety (PSAT):

    "Today’s a PSAT and I have to take it. I don’t want to take the PSAT. Love Anonymous." – Caller (03:42)

  • Living at Home Post-Graduation & Parental Overreach:

    "It’s been two years since I graduated and [my stepdad is] still on me about not going to college...He threatens to throw the computer out because I’m on it after midnight. Oh, I have to go. I can’t take showers after 8:00." – Caller (03:53)

3. Hosts’ Reactions and Empathy

(04:34 – 06:56)

• The cast relates deeply and sympathetically:
  • Empathizing with “Acne Kid”:

    "Randy Seleski was our acne kid. Poor dude, I mean, it was all over and there was nothing he could do." – Host (04:41)

  • Recalling Awkward School Memories:
    • Unused black combs on picture day:

      "That is like the Starship Enterprise for lice, that thing." – Host (05:37)

    • The agony of late lunches and weird cafeteria food:

      "I'm not even sure it was pizza...my school system decided that corn was a great side item for pizza." – Host (06:35)

  • Reflecting on Overbearing Parenting and Delayed Independence:
    • The hosts acknowledge how challenging it is to retain autonomy while living at home post graduation.
  • Startling Teacher Behavior:

    "You should all be condemned to public school." – Guest 1, recalling caller's story (06:49)

4. Universal High School Anxieties

• The cast collectively agrees that regardless of age, discussing these topics can instantly transport you back to those tense school days:

  "Isn't it funny that it doesn't matter how old you get, that you can bring yourself back to that time and still get stressed out about it?" – Host (06:18)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You were pinging in crisis mode all the time, like, when you’re in high school, right?" – Host (01:55)
• "There were two kinds of acne...the one that was just everywhere...and then there was the two or three that would crop up that are the Oxiclean or...the other creams you could put on." – Guest 5 (04:53)
• "It always had to be visible right where, you know, it was like your third eye and it was always right before a party or a big picture or something." – Host (05:15)
• "I mean, I’m 19 years old and I can’t get treated like I’m 12." – Caller (04:24)
• "Well, that’s going to hell...That’s obviously a Christian private school." – Guest 5 (06:51)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:45 – 01:59: Hosts' High School Stresses
• 02:00 – 04:32: Student Vent Line Messages
• 04:34 – 06:18: Reactions to Student Messages
• 06:18 – 06:56: Reflections on Past High School Anxieties

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Conclusion

This episode stands out for its blend of humor, nostalgia, and genuine empathy. Whether reminiscing about the ridiculousness of school cafeteria food, the horror of unpredictable teachers, or the social minefield of acne, The Bert Show offers students and adults alike a place to vent, reminisce, and laugh at the intense, awkward, and formative years of high school. The vent line concept demonstrates that, even years later, so many high school stresses are universal and relatable—reminding everyone listening that they’re not alone.

Transcript

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[Host]

hey, the bird show. I'm trying to. If you think back, like, what was the biggest stress you had, like, in high school?

[Guest 1]

Uniforms.

[Host]

Uniforms for you?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Weight Watchers Announcer]

Well, yeah, that was, like, early.

[Guest 1]

Like, more like middle school and early high school. I went to private school and we had to wear uniforms, and it was, like, so oppressive. We could not express ourselves.

[Host]

All you want to do is be an individual, right.

[Guest 1]

And express ourselves creatively through our clothes, and we couldn't. That was a big stress.

[Guest 3]

I had two. Mine was like the bell between class to class because it was never long enough to go to your locker, talk with your friends, and then get back to class. So there's never a long bell. And then I had one teacher who always would do pop tests, like pop quizzes in the morning. It would be random. And that was one of the biggest stress because you never know when it was gonna happen. And she did it because she didn't like you, right?

[Host]

You specifically.

[Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Guest 5]

I think adults, just in general, because whether it's your parents, teachers, whoever it is in your life that were adults, didn't understand your plight. So I think that the emotions are so raw in high school that, you know, everything is very dramatized. And if any adult tried to calm you down or tell you wasn't a big deal, then they didn't understand and they don't know what they're talking.

[Host]

You were pinging in crisis mode all the time, like, when you're in high school, right?

[Guest 5]

Yes.

[Host]

Paula Studi, she still stresses me out. She was a. Well, she was a high school cheerleader, and it was the classic, like, I just want to be friends story for four years. Oh, my God. And did I love her. Everything she said was, like, sweet, honey. It was music to my ears. And she would have nothing of it. I tried everything. Even back at my reunion when I was already married, I still tried to elbow up to her, and she was still the same way. Had nothing to do with it, just friends. So this is our student vent line here. And if you've got a stress and you don't have anybody to talk to about it, let us play psychologist for you, and you can just leave a message here. 404-255-3535. And we're pretty behind on these because so many of you guys call, but here's the first batch. What's stressing you guys out?

[Guest 2]

I just know that my vet is. I'm getting everybody coming to my face talking about, I got a pimple. Duh. I wake up every morning, I look at my face, I know I got acne. Get out my face and stop talking about it. I'm dealing with it. Leave me alone.

[Guest 5]

End of message.

[Caller]

Okay, so I'm in ninth grade now, and I go to a private school, and I had a teacher last year, and because we failed his test, he condemned us to hell. And he actually, like, literally said, y' all are going to hell and y' all should belong in public school. So, yeah, it was pretty interesting. I'm just glad I don't have him this year.

[Guest 4]

So. That's funny.

[Guest 5]

End of message.

[Guest 4]

It's kind of hard to get really upset with a teacher when you don't have one. This is, like the third week of school, and every day we go there, we still don't have a teacher.

[Guest 5]

What? Huh? End of message.

[Guest 2]

Okay, today's a psat and I have to take it. I don't want to take the psat.

[Guest 1]

Remember that?

[Guest 2]

Love Anonymous.

[Guest 5]

End of message.

[Guest 4]

My stepdad, like, so hard on me because I graduated a couple of years ago, but I failed my senior year. I still went to summer school or whatever. I got my diploma or whatever. But he's still. It's been two years since I graduated, and he's still on me about not going to college. I'm an orthodontic assistant right now, but he's so hard on me that he threatens to throw the computer out because I'm on it after midnight. Oh, I have to go. I can't take showers after 8:00'.

[Guest 2]

Clock.

[Guest 4]

It's a little ridiculous. I mean, I'm 19 years old and, you know, I can't get treated like I'm 12. Thanks.

[Guest 5]

End of messages. Graduate living at home.

[Host]

Let's chew on this one. Let's chew on a couple of these here. Okay, first you got poor acne kid.

[Guest 5]

And all of that was so sad.

[Host]

Randy Seleski was our acne kid. Poor dude. I mean, it was all over and there was nothing he could do. I remember him coming into school with, like, the creams in between all the acne. Tried everything he could.

[Guest 5]

Yeah. There were two kinds of acne. The one, like you were saying that was just everywhere. Everywhere where that was just a huge medical condition. And then there was the two or three that would crop up that are the Oxiclean or the. I'm trying to think of the other creams you could put on top of it.

[Guest 1]

The one massive mountain in the middle of your forehead.

[Guest 5]

It always had to be visible right where, you know, it was like your third eye and it was always right

[Host]

before a party or a big picture or something.

[Guest 5]

Yes, yes.

[Guest 1]

Poor guy.

[Guest 5]

Do they still pass out those little black combs on picture day? I mean, even in high school. And I thought, are you serious? I got this. I don't think I ever used one of them.

[Guest 1]

Fifth grade.

[Guest 5]

I mean. No, we never used it. I don't know why they gave it

[Guest 1]

to us, but the photography companies always came with them.

[Guest 5]

Yeah. Now here you go. And I'm like, you really think that's what I use to, you know, fix my hair?

[Host]

That is like the Starship Enterprise for lice. That thing.

[Guest 5]

Oh, my God, yes. Well, I'm just so turned on that you brought up Starship Enterprise.

[Host]

I didn't quite get the one that hasn't had a teacher for three weeks. They show up every day.

[Guest 3]

That's bizarre that. Maybe it's a substitute.

[Guest 1]

Really weird. I don't know.

[Host]

The psat.

[Guest 3]

Oh, that sucks.

[Guest 1]

That's the pre sat. Okay, you have to take that as what, a sophomore as a SO or a freshman?

[Guest 3]

As a sophomore. And it's during school hours, so you have to go to school and take a test all day while everybody else has a normal schedule.

[Guest 1]

You got to have the number two pencils and fill in the bubbles.

[Guest 3]

And a late lunch and you were ready to eat at your same time.

[Host]

Isn't it funny that it doesn't matter how old you get that you can bring yourself back to that time and still get stressed out about it? Like. Like Talking about the SATs right now has me all, like, tensed out.

[Guest 5]

I was thinking about the square pizza when you said late lunch. The first lunch that came to mind was the square pizza we had.

[Host]

And I'm not even. I'm not even sure it was pizza.

[Guest 5]

Yeah, I'm not sure it was, like, very rubbery. But somehow the. My school system decided that corn was a great side item for pizza. And so. Yeah.

[Guest 1]

And how about the one whose teacher told him they were going to hell?

[Host]

Oh, yeah, the private.

[Guest 1]

You should all be condemned to public school.

[Guest 5]

Well, that's going to hell. That's. I was like, what? That's obviously a Christian private school.

[Host]

Honestly, The Birch Show.