Vault: The Thumb Sucker Breakup

Summary

The Bert Show Episode Summary: "Vault: The Thumb Sucker Breakup"

Date: March 5, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the cast dives into a jaw-dropping dating story that quickly morphs into a wider, uproarious discussion on unusual adult comfort habits—thumb-sucking and attachment to childhood "security blankets." After sharing the titular "thumb sucker breakup" tale, listeners chime in with their own confessions, proving that childhood habits can linger far into adulthood. The episode is a blend of shock, humor, and candid group therapy, laced with the show's signature irreverence and relatability.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Thumb Sucker Breakup Story

[01:01–06:04]

• Setup: Host Jen Hobby shares a real dating story (with permission) from a woman she knows.
• The Reveal: The woman had dated a 36-year-old man for 5 months—successful, well-dressed, fun, and thoughtful.
• The Twist: During a romantic night in, the man confided:

  “I really want to just be able to be, like, honest with you. And I feel close enough to you now to tell you this about myself, but I suck my thumb.” (Host 2, 03:50)

• Additional Detail: He also sleeps with his childhood "woobie" (a comfort blanket).
• Hosts' Reactions: The room erupts in disbelief and laughter:

  “No, no, no, no, no. And no, no, no, no, no.” (Host 1, 04:19)

• Dealbreaker: The woman ends the relationship, saying she just couldn’t handle it.

2. Parenting, Prevention, and Personal Stories

[05:12–06:04]

• Thumb-sucking memories: Hosts reflect on their own childhood habits and the extreme measures parents sometimes take to break them.
  • One host recalls a special bitter-tasting cream used by his parents:

    “They bought some like, nasty taste in rubbing alcohol that was specifically for this...it broke me of it in about a week.” (Host 1, 05:12)

• A Cautionary Tale:

  “That will make you change your behavior with your kids today…” (Host 2, 05:47)

3. Listener Calls: Confessions and Commiseration

[06:04–14:37]

Sightings:

• Angela’s Observation ([06:06–06:44]):
  • Angela witnesses a grown woman sucking her thumb in a car on her morning commute:

    "There's a grown woman sucking her thumb...she's gotta be in her mid-40s." (Caller 1, 06:19)

Adult Comfort Items:

• Melissa’s Woobie ([06:51–07:12]):

  • Melissa, 24, married, confesses she still sleeps with a "woobie" (blanket), having transitioned through three over the years.
  • Explaining the term:

    “If you watch Mr. Moms, that's what it came from.” (Caller 1, 07:10)

• Hosts’ Consensus:

  • Hosts agree the blanket is less jarring than thumb-sucking, but both combined would be a "dealbreaking combination."

    “Freak me out nearly as much as the sucking the thumb.” (Host 1, 07:35)

Extended Thumb Sucking:

• Lee’s Story ([08:34–09:53]):

  • Lee, 25, still sucks her thumb at night for security despite her parents' best efforts to stop her (including the use of worm guts by a great-grandmother!).

    “My great grandmother...put worm guts on my plum. It still didn’t work.” (Caller 1, 09:13)

  • Her husband tolerates it privately, asking only, "just don't do it in public." (Caller 1, 09:34)

• Lisa, 38, and the Psychiatrist ([10:28–11:31]):

  • Lisa shares her lifelong thumb-sucking habit, from failed "Popsicle stick" tricks to a psychiatrist’s refund after failing to break her habit.

    “She guaranteed her after six weeks, I would quit...at the end of that six weeks, the psychiatrist gave my mother her money back.” (Caller 2, 11:08)

• Spouse Acceptance:

  • Lisa says her husband of 20 years “don’t care.”

    "We've been together 20 years." (Caller 2, 11:42)

Extended Comfort Habits:

• Tony and His Wife’s Bunny Pillow ([12:12–13:25]):

  • Tony, married 22 years, describes his wife’s attachment to her “bunny pillow” well into her late 30s, reiterating that the comfort item never posed an issue for their relationship.
  • He poses:

    “If God said, you got two choices: they either suck their thumb at night or they suck on cigarettes all day long in the day. What would you choose?” (Caller 3, 13:12)

• Hosts’ Verdict:

  “I thank God that there’s another 2 million women in Atlanta to choose from…” (Host 3, 13:25)

The Granny Sleeper:

• Terrell’s Story ([13:42–14:37]):
  • Caller reveals her sister dated a man who slept in the same bed as his grandmother until age 18—another group jaw-dropper.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Honest Confessions in Relationships:

  • “Rebecca, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now...but I suck my thumb.” (Host 2 as the boyfriend, 03:50)

• On how to fix thumb-sucking:

  • “You need to call your parents and get the name of that cream so Jen could give it to her friend who was dating Mr. Four Year Old.” (Host 3, 05:35)

• On the host's shock:

  • “We are seriously talking to people who are with confidence saying, yeah, I suck my thumb.” (Host 4, 09:53)

• On dealbreakers:

  • “That’s a deal breaking combination.” (Host 1, 07:35)

• Confessing to partners:

  • “I told him after about six months of dating, and he's like, you know, just don't do it in public.” (Caller 1, 09:34)

• On failed interventions:

  • “The psychiatrist gave my mother her money back. She said she’d never seen a case like it before.” (Caller 2, 11:13)

• On adult relationships:

  • “If God said...they either suck their thumb at night or they suck on cigarettes all day long. What would you choose?” (Caller 3, 13:12)
  • “I'd thank God that there's another 2 million women in Atlanta to choose from.” (Host 3, 13:25)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:01] — Start of the thumb sucker breakup story
• [03:50] — The big confession: “I suck my thumb.”
• [05:12] — Host’s own thumb/finger-sucking childhood anecdote
• [06:06] — First listener call: grown woman spotted sucking thumb while driving
• [06:51] — "Woobie" blanket confessions begin
• [08:34] — Lee, 25, shares her thumb-sucking story and partner’s reaction
• [10:28] — Lisa, 38, recounts a lifetime of thumb-sucking and failed interventions
• [12:12] — Tony discusses his wife’s lifelong attachment to a “bunny pillow”
• [13:42] — Terrell shares about the man who slept with his grandmother until 18

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Tone and Takeaways

The conversation, though comedic and sometimes incredulous, is strikingly compassionate and inclusive. Listeners and hosts share openly, normalizing quirky comfort habits while humorously weighing their's impact on dating and relationships. The episode draws a fascinating line between acceptable quirks and nonstarters in love—reminding parents everywhere to double-check those pacifiers and blankets.

Final Thought:
Only on The Bert Show will you get this level of realness and laughter about the things we all secretly wonder: is that one little habit really a dealbreaker?

Transcript

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[Host 2]

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[Host 1]

So Jen Hobby came in here the other day saying, you guys, I gotta tell you something that is gonna change the way that is it parents behaviors when it comes to dating.

[Host 2]

Yes, it's a dating story I heard from a friend over the weekend that will change moms and dad's behavior with their kids. Like it will force moms and dads to change their children's behavior today. Okay.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

But it's a dating story. But it is a dating story.

[Host 3]

Okay, okay.

[Host 2]

But when you change your young children's behavior immediately today, you will start making changes so that this doesn't happen to your child. Okay, Tell the story.

[Host 4]

Tell the story.

[Host 2]

Go, go, go, go.

[Host 1]

This was real story. You're not urban legend.

[Host 2]

Real story, not urban legend. I talked to the woman this happened to. Okay. Was out on Saturday with a bunch of friends and having a great time. Ran into this, this group of women and two of which I knew from Florida State. A whole bunch of them had gone there, whatever. But it was their mix of group of friends from Atlanta. So I'm not even sure if the woman who told me the story was from here or whatever, but she gave me this story and permission to tell it. Okay. With maybe a couple details changed. Right. So I'm not giving out her name, but this is from her. Her story. Okay, Got you. She's like, she's listening to the bird show for a while. She's like, oh, do I have one for you? Let's go sit down.

[Host 1]

Let's go prime time on this one.

[Host 2]

Ok. So she had been dating this guy for about five months and they had really hit it off and he was a total gentleman then, you know, been going out for a while or whatever. But he is a traveler, very successful in sales, so travels a lot for work, whatever. So they didn't do, like, a lot of spend the night together stuff, but they hung out a whole bunch of different times. And she was, like, so excited about this. She was, like, telling her mom and tell, you know, telling her friends, like, this is really. I'm so excited. Finally met this great guy, like, very successful, done very well, owns his own home, you know, drives a luxury vehicle, very, you know, gentlemen put together. They have fun together, like, play, you know, do athletic stuff together, which she really enjoyed.

[Host 1]

Whatever.

[Host 2]

Dresses well. He's got great style. I mean, like, nothing can be wrong with this guy, right? Like, he's awesome. And they're just totally hanging out, enjoying dream come true each other and getting to know one another. And, I mean, I also have to mention that he's 36 years old. Okay. Okay.

[Host 3]

All right.

[Host 2]

So one night, she goes over there, and they, like, cook dinner at his house and whatever. And they're just having this, you know, little romantic night and laying on the couch, like, afterwards, just kind of snuggling, watching a movie or TV or whatever. And he says to her, give me a fake name.

[Host 4]

Rebecca.

[Host 2]

Rebecca.

[Host 3]

Oh, Rebecca.

[Host 2]

He says to her, he says, rebecca, we've been seeing each other for a while now. I just want to tell you how much I care about you and just really want to be able to be totally myself with you. Like, I really want to just be able to be, like, honest with you. And I feel close enough to you now to tell you this about myself, but I suck my thumb.

[Host 1]

And no, no, no, no, no, no. And no, no, no, no, no.

[Host 3]

I did not see that coming.

[Host 2]

And I still sleep with my woobie from when he was a kid.

[Host 1]

Is that a blanket?

[Host 2]

His blankie.

[Host 1]

Wow. 36 years old.

[Host 2]

36 years old, he's still sucks his thumb and sleeps with his blankie.

[Host 4]

Are they still together?

[Host 2]

She was like, oh, my. She's like, what do you say to that? She said that she was speechless. Wow.

[Host 3]

Does he suck his thumb, like, while he's sleeping or, like, if he's in the office, work.

[Host 1]

He never broke it.

[Host 2]

Never broke it?

[Host 1]

Never broke it.

[Host 2]

And that's why they didn't spend the night together a lot.

[Host 3]

And that's why he told her if

[Host 2]

he spent the night together, then he couldn't suck his thumb.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

And he's 36 years old.

[Host 1]

When I was a kid, I wasn't sucking my thumb, but I used to suck this finger. And I'm not Sure. What age it became like, son, it's time to stop sucking your finger. But my parents went out and they bought some like, nasty taste in rubbing alcohol that was specifically for this to put on my finger. So every time I put it in my mouth, it would just get nasty. And it broke me of it. I think in probably about a week,

[Host 2]

you need to call your parents and thank them.

[Host 1]

No kidding.

[Host 3]

You need to call your parents and get the name of that cream so Jen could give it to her friend who was dating Mr. Four Year Old.

[Host 1]

Perfect.

[Host 2]

Is that unreal or what?

[Host 1]

So is she still seeing this dude or was that the deal breaker?

[Host 2]

No, that was a total deal breaker. She was like, uh. And that was it. But that will make you change your behavior with your kids today if you have kids that are on that cusp of maybe sucking their thumb too long. It's so bizarre.

[Host 1]

Good morning. Who's this?

[Caller 1]

Hi, this is Angela.

[Host 1]

Hey, Angela.

[Caller 1]

Hi. Good morning. Guys, I'm on my way to work and I swear to you, as soon as you guys mention this story, I happen to look to my left, there's a grown woman sucking her thumb.

[Host 1]

No,

[Caller 1]

I'd be in the car on her way to work. It's what, 7:54? And she's literally sucking her thumb. She's gotta be in her mid-40s.

[Host 4]

No, she wasn't biting her cuticle or anything. She's full on sucking her thumb.

[Host 3]

Think it's a situation where she just happened to hear Jen's story?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, right.

[Host 1]

She's like, I want to give that a try. Sounds pretty good.

[Host 2]

I'm going to try it out. No, but I mean, just like nasty to do now.

[Host 1]

Hey, Melissa, you're on Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hi. I'm 24 and I've been married for a little over three years and I still sleep with a woobie.

[Host 1]

The same woobie that you had when you were a kid?

[Caller 1]

I've actually had three because all of them have holes in them. So I just keep transitioning to the next one.

[Host 3]

What is a woobi?

[Caller 1]

If you watch Mr. Moms, that's what it came from.

[Host 1]

That movie back in the day. His kid had to sleep with his blanket all the time.

[Host 3]

And it's just a blanket that you had growing up?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, the first one was the one I was actually brought home from the hospital in. And then I slept with that one probably till I was about 14 and wouldn't let my mom wash it until finally I started doing my own laundry and realized that the blankie thing doesn't

[Host 1]

Freak me out nearly as much as the sucking the thumb. But, I mean, it's a combination of the two right there. That's a deal breaking combination.

[Host 2]

She said that.

[Host 3]

What was her first words?

[Host 1]

Let the woman speak.

[Host 2]

Wait. Everybody shut up. She said that he showed it to her and it was really the original

[Caller 1]

one from like, when he was 5.

[Host 2]

And it was like, old Tatter Nolan. Oh, God. She didn't know what to say.

[Host 3]

What was the first words out of her mouth?

[Host 2]

Like, what she say?

[Host 3]

Like, didn't she say, you're kidding? Like, wouldn't you think that's a joke? Like, Wendy, if you're out on a date with a guy and he tells

[Host 2]

you that in her mind she's going, give me the hell.

[Host 3]

Wouldn't you, like, wouldn't you think it was a joke?

[Host 4]

Well, that's something a guy could do if he wanted to get rid of a girl.

[Host 1]

No kidding. Hey, lee, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Caller 1]

Good morning. Oh, God. Okay, so I'm 25 and I still suck my thumb.

[Host 2]

Why? Come on.

[Host 1]

Is it some kind of.

[Caller 1]

I only do it at night, just like the other loser. But, you know, it's. It's a security thing, I guess. I don't know.

[Host 4]

25?

[Host 3]

Are you legitimately sucking on it?

[Host 1]

I do as a parent, give me advice. So this never happens with my son Hollis, because he's, like, attached to the pacifier right now at 16 months, and it's still sort of like, I'm already like, he's dependent on it.

[Caller 1]

So we cut our children's passes out at age one. Like, we didn't have a trouble, you know, trouble cutting them off of it. But they did try to suck their fingers. But we put an end to that real quick.

[Host 2]

Why do you still do it?

[Caller 1]

I don't know. I have tried to quit. My parents did everything they did. The nasty taste and fingernail polish. And my great grandmother actually had an old plum tree, and she went out there and got an old. An old rotten plum, and there happened to be a worm in it, and she put worm guts on my plum.

[Host 1]

Oh, really? They were going hardcore.

[Caller 1]

It still didn't work.

[Host 1]

Well, just cut it off.

[Host 3]

What does your husband think of this?

[Caller 1]

Well, I mean, I told him after about six months of dating, and he's like, you know, just don't do it in public.

[Host 1]

So in the middle of the night, or if he wakes up before you, he'll wake up and roll over and you're there sucking your thumb. Or is it just before you get into bed.

[Caller 1]

No, he'll see me doing it. You know, sometimes I'll do it before I go to sleep.

[Host 3]

That's a problem.

[Host 4]

Sometimes our conversations on this show really, really confuse me. We are seriously talking to people who are with confidence saying, yeah, I suck my thumb.

[Host 1]

We found somebody older than 36.

[Host 2]

No.

[Host 1]

That still sucks their thumb.

[Host 3]

Is it a guy or a girl? Because the girls. I'm almost okay with it.

[Host 2]

No way.

[Caller 2]

Like, I'm so different.

[Host 1]

There's no gender difference here.

[Host 3]

I'm almost. It's almost more accepting. I can accept that more than a guy doing it.

[Host 4]

That's pathetic.

[Host 1]

No. Good morning, Lisa.

[Host 3]

I wouldn't sign up for it, but I'm just saying it's more accepting.

[Host 4]

No, I. And Lisa, I did just. I did say it was pathetic.

[Host 1]

Hi, Lisa.

[Caller 2]

Well, let me tell you, if I was a woman dating a man, I don't think I would want. I don't think I would want to date someone who was sucking their thumb.

[Host 4]

But you do.

[Caller 2]

I mean, I do. And I'll tell you. I have since the day I was born. And we've done the whole nasty crap that you put on there. I had to put, like, Popsicle sticks around and tape it up. I would suck the other thumb. My mother took me to a psychiatrist who guaranteed her after six weeks I had to watch these nasty videotapes of what it does to your teeth and the germs and the bacteria and blah, blah, blah. She guaranteed her after six weeks, I would quit sucking my thumb. And at the end of that six weeks, the psychiatrist gave my mother her money back. And she said she'd never seen a case like it before.

[Host 1]

Can't break it. How old are you now?

[Caller 2]

I'm 38.

[Host 1]

And you're still sucking your thumb?

[Caller 2]

Yes. Now, I will tell you, I don't do it in public. I only do it at bed. Or, like, if I'm sick. You know, like if you have an upset stomach or a really bad headache, I can go to bed, suck my

[Caller 3]

thumb, and I feel better.

[Host 2]

Look at Wendy's face.

[Host 3]

Are you married?

[Host 1]

Wendy just looks like she just did a shot.

[Host 3]

Are you married?

[Caller 2]

Yes, and I have two children.

[Host 3]

And how does your husband feel about that?

[Caller 2]

Oh, he don't care. We've been together 20 years.

[Host 1]

At what point did you tell him that you're a thumb sucker?

[Caller 2]

Oh, God, probably within the first couple weeks. I never thought anything about it. I mean, because we met when we were 17.

[Host 4]

I just can't imagine going into waking

[Host 3]

up in the middle of the Night.

[Host 4]

Going into Millie Pete. Because I'm thinking about her children growing up. Going into Millie Pete on the couch or going home and Millie Pete's on the couch, not feeling good, sucking her thumb.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Host 1]

Hey, Tony, you're on Q100.

[Caller 3]

Hey, good morning, guys. I don't really understand the Bircho's reaction. I've been married 22 years. When I met my wife when she was 17, she had what's called a little bunny pillow. It's a little tiny pillow that her grandmother made for when she was a baby. And it had, like, three different covers sewn onto it that she literally. She couldn't sleep without this thing. And even when we traveled and stuff well into. Up to. Well, in the 30s, maybe even up to 38, she still had this little thing. So I finally hid it from her. And she. She would. Sometimes I'd, you know, see her at night, and she'd have her thumb in her mouth. I don't know if she's actually doing the old. But she'd have it in her mouth. But let me ask you something. Now, be honest with me. In a hypothetical situation, if God said. God said, okay, you're gonna have this relationship. And based on what Jim said, you've got this perfect person. They hold a great job, a great relationship with them. But you got two choices. They either suck their thumb at night or they suck on cigarettes all day long in the day. What would you choose?

[Host 2]

But there's.

[Host 4]

It's still crazy for somebody's adult to suck their thumb.

[Host 3]

I'll tell you what I would do.

[Host 4]

You're bringing God and cigarettes into.

[Host 3]

I'll tell you what I do, is I thank God that there's another 2 million women in Atlanta to choose from, to be honest with you, because I'm not.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Host 1]

Here's a deal breaker that may gross you out pretty well.

[Host 2]

I can't even get to it. Come on. Come on.

[Host 1]

Terrell?

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Hey.

[Host 1]

Hi.

[Caller 1]

My sister was dating this guy about 10 years ago, 10 to 12 years ago. And, you know, she thought he was really cute, really handsome. And then one day out the blue, he was like, okay, you know, I have something to tell you. She's like, what? You know, he was like, I slept with my grandmother until I was 18 years old.

[Host 4]

What?

[Host 2]

In the same bed?

[Host 1]

In the same bed?

[Caller 1]

In the same bed until he was 18. And we were freaked out. This guy went to Georgia State, you know, and it was just like, okay. And, you know, he was just.

[Host 4]

Now, were they so dirt poor that

[Host 3]

they were in one bed?

[Caller 1]

I don't think so.

[Host 3]

I wouldn't.

[Caller 1]

He didn't look that way. You know, he looked very clean cut and everything. And he slept with his grandma. I don't think there was anything hanky panky going on with grandma but you

[Host 2]

know, like just wanted the comfort of it.

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