Podcast Summary: The Bert Show — Vault: The Top Five Turn Offs

Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Date: December 2, 2025
Cast: Anna, Lindsay, Jeff, Melissa
Theme: Discussion of the top five turn-offs in the realm of sexiness and attraction, peppered with authentic humor, anecdotes, and lively debate.

Episode Overview

In this fan-favorite vault episode, the Bert Show cast dives deep into what makes someone instantly unsexy — the biggest turn-offs, as ranked and debated by the hosts. Featuring unfiltered, hilarious banter and some surprisingly helpful advice, the group unpacks their personal no-go’s and welcomes listeners into their unvarnished (and very funny) world. Though the phone lines are down, the conversation crackles with opinions and classic Bert Show antics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: What Makes Someone Sexy?

• [01:01] Anna introduces the topic, pivoting from phone line troubles to advice on how to be sexy — or, more specifically, what not to do.
• [01:11] Lindsay jokes, “With women, very easy to be sexy,” suggesting simplicity is key for female sexiness.
• [01:15] Anna: "I think this is more geared toward women."
• [01:21] Lindsay: “Take some clothes off. Boom, sexy, done. Let's move on.”
  • The group riffs on the (over)simplicity of male perceptions of sex appeal.

2. The Top Five Turn-Offs for Women Trying to Be Sexy

Anna unveils a ranking of major “don’ts,” with the crew elaborating and riffing on each.

5. Hair Flipping — Overdone is Overkill

• [02:22] Anna: “Number five… flip your hair excessively. Don't flip your hair.”
• [02:46] Lindsay admits, “I got to be honest with you. I do like that... that's a subconscious sign that she's attracted to you. So you can do that as much as you want to me...”
  • The group debates if hair flipping is secretly sexy or just too much.

4. Scratching Your Body

• [03:13] Anna: “Scratch your body... that's a turn off.”
• Jokes fly about body mites, crabs, and odd “animalistic” habits.
• [03:23] Melissa: “What are those body mites?... scabies or something like that...”
• [03:58] Anna: “Okay, moving on. Okay, that's not sexy. Talking about crabs and body mites and ringworm..."

3. Picking Nose or Face

• [04:10] Anna: “Pick your nose or your face."
• [04:12] Lindsay: “Who would do that? I mean, who would…”
• The team reiterates: basic grooming and manners matter.

2. Eating Food Too Fast

• [04:21] Anna: “Eat food fast and furiously… don't, like, gobble your food in two or three bites.”
• [04:32] Jeff: "I'm guilty of this. I'm a way fast eater."
• [04:54] Anna: “I will shovel food in and she [Lisa] will take two hours to eat a sandwich.”
• Hosts blame the radio business for cultivating the habit.
• [05:18] Jeff: “And everybody that we know… that work in radio are fast talkers and fast eaters.”

1. Biting Your Nails

• [06:19] Anna: “And the number one thing… is bite your nails… that is just… so unattractive.”
• [06:19] Lindsay: “If the phones weren't working, I would love to ask this question… what can a guy do to make himself physically sexy?”

3. Turn-Offs for Men: What’s Unsexy on a Guy?

• [06:45] Jeff: “That depends if you got the stomach that's worth showing.”
• [06:51] Anna notes fashion: too-tight or muscle shirts are off-putting — the "cut off shirt thing" as “nasty and redneck.”
• [07:27] Melissa: “With guys, it’s more about just give us a sneak peek. We don’t need to see a mesh shirt per se…”
• Chest hair is discussed as polarizing: sexy to some, “Busch Gardens” to others.
• [08:06] Lindsay: “I got an email last week… he is the hairiest human being I have ever seen. And it is so disgusting that I could not look away.”

Memorable Quotes & Moments

On Female Turn-Offs

• Lindsay [01:17]: “Okay, take some clothes off. Boom, sexy, done. Let's move on.”
• Anna [02:22]: “Flip your hair excessively. Don't flip your hair.”
• Melissa [01:57]: “When you shave your legs, don’t miss any spots… it’s skanky when a guy finally gets to that point.”

The Nail-Biting Debate

• Anna [06:19]: “If your nails are like just ragged and… look like a mountaintop where it’s just all kinds of… ragged… that is just… so unattractive.”

Chest Hair Confessions

• Lindsay [08:06]: “He is the hairiest human being I have ever seen in my life. And it is so disgusting that I could not look away.”
• Anna [08:40]: “He’s like Velcro.”

On Preferences and Judgment

• Jeff [10:07]: “It’s kind of like snuggling with a big teddy bear, I guess.”
• Melissa [10:16]: “Hey, it’s a good thing for soaking up crumbs, like, you know, nasty.”

Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |:----------|:-------------------| | 01:01 | Intro to the topic: What not to do if you want to be sexy | | 02:22 | Hair flipping as a potential turn-on vs. turn-off | | 03:13 | Scratching, body hygiene, and TMI debates | | 04:10 | Picking nose or face — instant attraction killer | | 04:21 | Eating too fast — radio industry confessions | | 06:19 | Nail biting: the unanimous #1 turn-off | | 07:27 | Guy turn-offs: too-revealing shirts, chest hair | | 08:06 | Epic story of the world’s hairiest man | | 10:07 | Hairy men: comfort vs. cringe | | 10:31 | Open talk on personal preferences and deal-breakers |

Tone & Style

The episode’s style is playful, snarky, and candid, with everyone riffing off one another in a way that’s both funny and remarkably relatable. The cast does not shy away from TMI or laugh-out-loud moments, making listeners feel like their own quirks are totally normal.

Final Thoughts

For anyone curious about the little things that can make or break attraction, this episode offers a witty, sometimes gross, and always entertaining rundown of real turn-offs. The consensus? Whether it’s over-flipping your hair, biting your nails, or going full bear with the chest hair, a little self-awareness goes a long way.

For more Bert Show antics and to weigh in on the debate, check them out online — and maybe, avoid shaving just half your legs this winter.