Vault: The Truth Restaurants Aren't Telling You.

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode Title: Vault: The Truth Restaurants Aren't Telling You
Date: May 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and laugh-filled episode, The Bert Show crew uncovers unsettling and hilarious secrets from the restaurant industry. Swapping stories and anecdotes, the hosts reflect on real-life “insider tips” that servers and restaurant employees usually keep hidden from customers. The discussion explores misconceptions about food preparation, the psychology of customer service, and sneaky tricks used behind the scenes in bars and kitchens. If you think you know what's going on in your favorite eatery—you might want to think again!

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Revisiting Restaurant Secrets Lists

• [01:30] Bert introduces the idea with, “Do you remember that list that we did?...secrets in restaurants that waiters don’t ever tell you.”
• The team recalls previous times they've discussed restaurant secrets that made them rethink certain habits (e.g., ordering ice at a restaurant).

Condiment Recycling Horror Story

• [02:03] – [02:49] Cassie recounts Jeff's tale about working at a fancy restaurant, where leftover condiments (like ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard) from customer ramekins were collected, decontaminated of obvious debris, and recycled for future servings.
  • Quote: “Jeff’s job was to use a tiny little spatula and scrape it out and then pull out french fry parts or hair, band aid, whatever...” (Cassie, 02:24).

The Waiter's Code: “Our Most Popular Dish”

• [02:57] – [03:45]
  • Waiters are often not allowed to give honest personal feedback about menu items. Instead, “It's one of our most popular dishes” is code for, “I can’t tell you I don’t like it.”
  • Quote: “If you ask a server how something is, and she says, ‘it's one of our most popular dishes,’ that's the key phrase for you.” (Bert, 02:57)

Holiday Sob Stories for Bigger Tips

• [03:46]
  • Some servers admit to stretching the truth about why they're working on holidays to elicit sympathy and increase tips.
  • Quote: “On Christmas Day… I might say, my sister’s been in the hospital… and then the tips come in.” (Bert, 03:46)

The Hot Soup (or Spoon) Trick

• [04:15] – [04:53]
  • If a customer complains their soup isn't hot enough, sometimes restaurants run the spoon under hot water instead of reheating the soup, giving the illusion of hotter temperature.
  • Quote: “We take your spoon and run it under really hot water… so you get the impression… your soup is indeed hot, but it’s really just your very first bite.” (Bert, 04:15)

The Nerve (or Not) to Send Food Back

• [04:56] – [05:19]
  • Split perspectives: some hosts are hesitant to send food back unless it’s a major error, fearing it’s rude or might result in retaliation.
  • Discussion on whether customers second-guess their own order after a mistake.

Confessions of Silent Guilt: Letting the Waiter Take the Fall

• [05:28] – [06:11]
  • Bert shares a personal story about not correcting his wife when she erroneously thought her order was wrong, then quietly tipping the waiter extra for handling the situation gracefully.
  • Quote: “On my way out, I pulled the waiter aside… and I said, I just want to let you know, man, you got that right.” (Bert, 06:07)

Bartender Tricks: Stronger Drinks (or Just the First Sip)

• [07:05] – [07:46]
  • Joanna calls in to confirm: if customers complain about weak drinks, bartenders might just pour extra liquor into the straw, so the first sip is potent but the rest is unchanged.
  • Quote: “You pour a little bit of liquor into their straw so… that initial sip is stronger than the rest of it.” (Joanna, 07:05)

Sneaky Ingredients and Pre-Made Food

• [07:46] – [08:13]
  • Many so-called “healthy” smoothies are blended with half and half, making them much less healthy than they seem.
  • Some restaurants pre-make salads days in advance, serving them as “fresh.”

Servers “Helping” with Calories

• [08:13] – [08:36]
  • Hosts share anecdotes about a waitress who would secretly use heavy cream in skinny celebrities’ coffee drinks, thinking she was “helping them out.”

The Restroom Cleanliness Test

• [08:36] – [09:06]

  • A manager says that judging a restaurant by its restroom cleanliness is an accurate reflection of kitchen hygiene—if the bathroom is clean, the kitchen likely is too.

  • Quote: “If it’s clean in the restroom, you’re cleaning the kitchen.” (Bert, 08:36)

  • The hosts unanimously agree: dirty bathrooms are a dealbreaker for returning to a restaurant.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You got a little tiny bowl of ketchup… you didn’t know is that Jeff’s job was to… scrape it out and then… pull out french fry parts or hair band aid, whatever…” (Cassie/Jeff, 02:24)
• “If she says, ‘the shrimp are more popular,’ that means she hates the other one.” (Bert, 03:39)
• “We take your spoon and run it under really hot water… your soup is indeed hot, but it’s really just your very first bite.” (Bert, 04:15)
• “You pour a little bit of liquor into their straw so that they think it’s a stronger drink, but it’s not.” (Joanna, 07:05)
• “If your bathroom is nasty, I will never go back.” (Abby, 08:49)
• “It was the very first thing my dad said to me when I got into The Flying Biscuit: Keep your bathrooms clean.” (Host, 08:58)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:30: Introduction to restaurant secrets list
• 02:03: Condiment recycling story
• 02:57: Waiters using “most popular dish” as code
• 04:15: The hot spoon trick for soup
• 05:28: Bert’s story of letting the server take blame for wife’s wrong order
• 07:05: Bartender’s trick for making weak drinks seem stronger
• 07:46: Smoothie and salad transparency
• 08:36: Restroom cleanliness as test for kitchen hygiene

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Tone and Language

The episode is conversational, candid, witty, and sometimes irreverently honest. The hosts mix humor with slightly gross (but always entertaining) truths, creating a playful yet informative atmosphere for listeners.

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Summary prepared for listeners who want the juiciest restaurant truths and a good laugh—no need to worry, the ad sections and generic chatter have been skipped!

Transcript

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[Podcast Host 1]

The bird show do you remember that list that we did? We do this one from time to time that comes out these secrets in restaurants that waiters don't ever tell you. Yes, and every time it grosses us out and we promise we're never gonna do it again. New list came out today.

[Podcast Host 2]

Is it like the one that made you never order ice in a restaurant? Don't you ever get ice and you only drink bottled water.

[Podcast Host 1]

That could be on that list. Yeah, but this is the one that last time we had it we disc the well drank cold drink thing.

[Podcast Host 2]

Right?

[Podcast Host 3]

And then even in like Jeff who used to work in a restaurant told us about his experience about having to the little containers with the ketchup and then you scooped it and Recycled it.

[Podcast Host 2]

Yeah, I did. I fed it to a baby bird. It was the little ramekin things, the little tiny ceramic bowls. Because this is a fancy restaurant.

[Podcast Host 3]

Yes.

[Podcast Host 2]

So you didn't get your ketchup in a squeeze bottle or a packet. You got a little tiny bowl of ketchup to dip your fries into. Yeah. What you didn't know. And mayonnaise and mustard and all those sandwich toppings. What you didn't know is that Jeff's job was to use a tiny little spatula and scrape it out and then pull out french fry parts or hair band aid, whatever, and it went into a big tank, and then that's what went out the next night.

[Podcast Host 1]

So messed up. Messed up.

[Podcast Host 2]

I didn't know any better. I was making 4.75 an hour. Man, you were rich. The best busboy that restaurant ever had. JT's in.

[Podcast Host 1]

What's up, 30 secrets your waiter will never tell you. We won't go through all 30, but we got a couple of good ones for you. Waiters are not allowed to tell customers about a dish that they don't like. So if you ask a server how something is, and she says, it's one of our most popular dishes. That's the key phrase for you. It's one of our most popular dishes because she can't say. If she doesn't like it, she can't say. Quite honestly, it's not for me. Although from time to time, I have

[Podcast Host 3]

had a waiter do that. Server do that.

[Podcast Host 2]

I usually do the comparison, and I appreciate that.

[Podcast Host 3]

Oh, that they don't.

[Podcast Host 2]

Yes.

[Podcast Host 3]

Well, I usually do the comparison where I say, okay, well, I'm debating between the shrimp and the steak. Which do you recommend?

[Podcast Host 1]

And then if she says. If she says the shrimp are more popular, that means she hates the other one.

[Podcast Host 3]

Okay. All right.

[Podcast Host 1]

Okay. So that's the key phrase. This one's really good for this time of year, on Christmas Day, when people ask why I'm there, I might say, my sister's been in the hospital and. Or my brother's off to war, so we're celebrating when he gets back. And then the tips come in.

[Podcast Host 2]

Nice. Way more bad karma, though you could do it with. Anyway, it's like strippers saying they're students. Oh, you are? Okay.

[Podcast Host 3]

Putting myself through med school.

[Podcast Host 2]

You're a student.

[Podcast Host 3]

Okay.

[Podcast Host 1]

I'll give you more money if you make a big fuss about sending your soup back because it's not hot enough. This is specific to soup. Here. We like to take your spoon and run. Run it under really hot water. So when you put the hot spoon in your mouth, you're gonna get the impression, often the very painful impression, that your soup is indeed hot, but it's really just your very first bite.

[Podcast Host 3]

Oh, that's very first sip.

[Podcast Host 2]

Don't believe that.

[Podcast Host 1]

I didn't make that.

[Podcast Host 2]

That seems like too much work.

[Podcast Host 1]

No, it makes perfect sense. Like, rather than have to put it back in the microwave for a minute, run it under hot water for 10 seconds, it's back.

[Podcast Host 2]

That is funny.

[Podcast Host 3]

I'm always afraid to send something back. I usually just suck it up. Like, I. I just don't want to, because I do feel like I'm being rude if I say, you gotta take this back. Because, you know, unless the order is completely wrong, you know, unless I ordered, you know, chicken and you gave me beef, I won't. I won't send it back.

[Podcast Host 1]

Really?

[Podcast Host 3]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host 1]

I'm at a place now where if you're spending, you know, a good amount of money on food, get it right.

[Podcast Host 2]

Do you ever question whether or not you screwed up the order?

[Podcast Host 3]

Yes.

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[Podcast Host 2]

Like the food comes and you look at it, and it's the blue cheeseburger, but you ordered the something else.

[Podcast Host 3]

Sometimes I'll just eat the blue cheeseburger.

[Podcast Host 2]

Yeah. Because I'm in my mind, I'm convinced that I was distracted.

[Podcast Host 1]

I'll tell you what. I did one thing. I totally. I totally sold my wife Stacey, out. And I don't even know if to this day, she knows that I did this. We were at a Mexican restaurant, and. And we were in Charleston, and she ordered a certain type of taco, and the waiter brought the taco that she wanted. And when it got to her plate, she thought she had ordered a different kind of taco, and she sort of made a big stink about it. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I ordered. And he said, yeah, this is what you ordered. And I knew the waiter was right, and I let it go. I totally let it go. So she got a new taco. She leaves the restaurant. And then on my way out, I pulled the waiter aside, and I just want. And I said, I just want to let you know, man, you got that right.

[Podcast Host 4]

You did.

[Podcast Host 1]

Did you give him a bigger tip? I gave him an extra tip, too.

[Podcast Host 2]

Is she one of those people? Because we were out to eat with somebody once, or it was a similar situation. We heard the person say fries, and when the food arrived, there were fries on it. And the girl insisted she said rice, but was so belligerent with the waiter. Where you're almost like you kind of didn't want to be. So you kind of braced. You're like, whatever. And you let the two, she and him hash it out. And he's like, I'm really sorry, I'll bring you the rice. But you said fries. She goes, I didn't. I said rice. Rice sounds like fries. Maybe you got a better hearing.

[Podcast Host 1]

Customer's always right.

[Podcast Host 2]

Bad, right? So he goes and gets them and it was no big deal. And then afterwards we all talked and we're like, she ordered rice, right? Or what? You know, got it. Like the waiter was right. And we all agreed afterwards and felt that we didn't go back in, though. It was a good move.

[Podcast Host 1]

Joanna here, plenty of experience in this area.

[Podcast Host 4]

I'm really hoping you could be on the voices guys there. I just want to tell you, it was going back to the spoon thing with liquor. If a customer brings back a drink and they say it's not strong enough, you pour a little bit of liquor into their straw so that they think it's a stronger drink, but it's not. It's just that initial sip is stronger than the rest of it.

[Podcast Host 3]

That's funny.

[Podcast Host 1]

Never even thought of that.

[Podcast Host 4]

You will never know where I work.

[Podcast Host 1]

Really? That's smart.

[Podcast Host 3]

Smart.

[Podcast Host 1]

Never thought of that.

[Podcast Host 2]

That's actually. I don't think that's a complaint thing. Like, I know a lot of bartenders who do that. Hit the straw, the drink with. With something so that it always appears to be.

[Podcast Host 1]

Wow. Here's one about the smoothie you might be ordering. A lot of restaurants use half and half. So if you think that you're ordering this healthy strawberry banana smoothie, it's really filled with all sorts of fats. Half and half.

[Podcast Host 3]

Oh, yeah.

[Podcast Host 1]

One restaurant.

[Podcast Host 3]

It tastes so good.

[Podcast Host 1]

Yeah, right. That's why you keep going back. Why can't I lose this weight? I'm just eating nothing but smoothies all day. One place has their salads pre made three days ahead of time. You think you're getting something fresh and you're not.

[Podcast Host 2]

Do you remember the waitress in LA who said that the Olson twins used to come in and get the non fat latte, caramel, frappo, Frappo, whatever. And she just thought they were too skinny. So she made it with full cream. Yeah. Didn't even use whole milk. She used like the full cream. They used to make the whipping cream in there.

[Podcast Host 3]

She was trying to do good. She was trying to help them.

[Podcast Host 2]

I've been on this treadmill for days. I can't lose weight. I'm going to get a coffee.

[Podcast Host 1]

And one manager says that if you really want, if you're interested to know how clean it is in the kitchen, then go to the restroom because it's a pretty good mirror image right there. If it's clean in the restroom, you're cleaning the kitchen.

[Podcast Host 3]

I will judge. And we've talked about this before. I will definitely judge any place. Restaurant guest it doesn't matter what it is. If your bathroom is nasty, I will never go back.

[Podcast Host 2]

Indeed, it was the very first thing my dad said to me when I got into the Flying Biscuit. Keep your bathrooms clean.

[Podcast Host 3]

Absolutely.

[Podcast Host 2]

And he was talking about my house. He wasn't even talking about the restroom.

[Podcast Host 4]

Hey.

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