Vault: Their first date ended before it started

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault - "Their First Date Ended Before It Started"

Date: June 2, 2026
Cast Involved: Bert (A), Kristin (C), Abby (D), Marlene (B, caller/guest)

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Episode Overview

In this Vault episode of The Bert Show, the morning crew revisits a call from Marlene, who shares her unfortunate online dating experience where her much-anticipated first date never even began. What follows is a candid, humorous, and at times empathetic discussion about modern dating woes, online matchmaking, and the sometimes comical (or disheartening) realities of putting yourself out there—especially around meaningful holidays.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Marlene’s Online Dating Story

• Marlene explains her difficulty meeting quality guys in person, which leads her to try online dating through Match.com.
• She builds a virtual connection for a couple of weeks, exchanging daily texts and video chats on "Snackchat" (Snapchat), but hadn’t met the guy in person yet.
  • Marlene (B, 00:13): “We’ve been talking for a couple weeks now... but we haven’t actually met in person yet.”

The Set-Up: A (Sort of) Blind Christmas Date

• They make plans to meet on Christmas, each alone and seeking company for the holiday.
• The hosts view this as "zero pressure" due to the shared context and prior video chats.
  • Host A (01:06): "The pressure here would be off, really, because you have the commonality of both being alone on Christmas."

The Letdown: Cancellation and Ghosting

• The guy cancels last minute, stating his parents wanted him home for Christmas, which Marlene reasonably accepts.
  • Marlene (B, 02:18): “I guess his parents, you know, at the last second had really wanted him to come... I thought, okay…they were paying [for travel]. That’s what I thought had changed.”
• He proposes rescheduling for New Year’s Eve; Marlene is hopeful once again.
• After the holiday, he never contacts her again—complete radio silence from his end.
  • Marlene (B, 04:05): “He never did…still, I never talked to him again.”
• Marlene, feeling it’s his responsibility, does not reach out to him.
  • Marlene (B, 04:37): “At that point, it was in his court…I'm not gonna beg him to remember to call."

The Aftermath: A Silver Lining and a New Approach

• Marlene spends New Year's Eve out with her two lesbian friends and jokes about possibly “switching teams.”
  • Marlene (B, 05:10): “Maybe I’ll just switch teams.”
• Disheartened by the experience, she removes her profile and decides to step away from online dating.
  • Marlene (B, 05:32): “That was kind of the last straw. I already took my profile down.”

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2. The Crew’s Reactions and Empathy

• The hosts are alternately outraged, exasperated, and amused by Marlene’s misfortune:

  • Host A (05:23): "What a tool. What a total tool."
  • Host D (05:36): “Not only to screw up two dates, but Christmas Day and New Year’s…”

• Suggestions that karma will catch up with Marlene's date:

  • Host C (05:53): "He's gonna get dumped on Valentine's Day."
  • Host D (05:54): "His 2010 is gonna suck."

• The hosts grill the rationale of dating during holidays and offer light-hearted caution for next time:

  • Marlene (B, 05:59): “I will never, ever put a holiday, you know, with the date, because I don’t want it to mess up my holiday.”

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3. The Realities (and Ridiculousness) of Online Dating

• Moving from Marlene's story, the crew discusses the unpredictability of online dating:

  • Host C (07:20): “If you’re not getting the results...you gotta switch it up. You can’t keep doing the exact same thing and expect different results.”

• Kristin describes encouraging friends to date online—recounting laughs from reading absurd or “red flag” profiles, and the camaraderie that comes from dissecting them together:

  • Host C (07:50): "One guy was...he's got some serious mother issues."

• It's underlined that online dating is as much about opening doors (and having fun) as it is about finding love:

  • Host C (08:43): “The point was just, let’s open some more doors here and see what happens.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:59] Marlene: “I mean, there was other shocks, but that wasn’t one of them.”
• [02:05] Marlene: "Unfortunately, I don’t have good news because he ended up blowing me off."
• [05:23] Host A: "What a tool. What a total tool."
• [05:10] Marlene: "And you never know, maybe I'll just switch teams."
• [05:32] Marlene: "That was kind of the last straw. I already took my profile down."
• [07:20] Host C: "You can’t keep doing the exact same thing and expect different results."
• [08:34] Host C: "We’re having some really good belly laughs...there’s nothing to put you in a good mood except for a good laugh, right?"

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00–02:15] – Marlene recounts beginning her online fling and the Christmas no-show
• [02:16–04:14] – The fallout, promised New Year’s make-up date, and ultimate ghosting
• [04:15–05:23] – Emotional impact; Marlene’s perspective on personal dignity and follow-up
• [05:32–06:09] – Decision to leave online dating and lessons learned
• [06:39–08:54] – The crew discusses online dating’s ups, downs, and comedic moments

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Takeaways

• Dating, especially online and around the holidays, is an emotional gamble that sometimes leads to disappointment. The Bert Show’s crew approach these topics with a mix of empathy, humor, and practical advice.
• Sometimes the best response to romantic letdowns is good friends and laughter.

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For anyone who’s ever been ghosted or let down on a big day, this episode is both relatable and reassuring, with the collective wisdom (and comic relief) of The Bert Show on full display.

Transcript

[A]

The Burch show. This was Marlene before we all left for vacation.

[B]

I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had really, really hard time meeting good guys. So I started online dating on Match.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

We've been talking for a couple weeks now, and we talk pretty much every day, and we text and stuff during the day, but we haven't actually met in person yet.

[C]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[D]

It's a blind date on Christmas.

[B]

We've talked on the camera phone, you. You know, on Snackchat. But I mean, technically, no, we haven't met in person.

[A]

I would think that there is. That's, like, a zero pressure date, really, right there. Because you guys both have the commonality. You don't agree? Wendy, what's. What's going on?

[D]

Sorry, we had broken equipment. Go ahead.

[A]

Did it just fall? Yeah, microphone just fell.

[C]

My microphone just fell in her lap.

[D]

It literally fell on my lap. So I'm holding it. Okay.

[C]

Go ahead. Sorry.

[D]

I feel like I'm about to kill your love to. I feel like I'm about to sing a song for.

[C]

I feel like you're hosting a game show.

[D]

I know.

[A]

All right. I'm sorry.

[D]

I'm sorry, Marlene. I'm good right now.

[A]

Marlene. Marlene. I would think that the pressure here would be off, really, because you have the commonality of both being alone on Christmas. So at least we get to hang out with together, and we're with somebody,

[C]

and they had seen each other before. She said they did the Mac chat thing, and they had done the video chat thing, and they had been talking online for a while, so it wasn't complete and total blind date, but this is first face to face meeting, which is really, I think, exciting and kind of cool.

[A]

Hey, Marlene.

[B]

Hey, Good morning.

[A]

How are you?

[B]

Hi. I'm good. How are you guys?

[A]

Good. You didn't have that initial shock that Jenna's talking about? Because I think a whole bunch of dudes put, like, pictures up of what they looked like 25 years ago.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Or completely different guys. And then you show up on the date, and the black dude you're about to have a date with is white. So you didn't have any of that. You knew what this guy looked like. So there was no shock?

[B]

No, there wasn't any shock.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, there was other shocks, but that wasn't one of them.

[C]

Okay, what were some of the shocks?

[B]

It was. Well, the first shock was that, unfortunately, I don't have good news because he ended up blowing me off. No.

[A]

On Christmas.

[D]

That's not cool on Christmas?

[B]

Well, because he had plans on Christmas, so Christmas Eve, he ended up blowing me off for it. And, I mean, he did call and he said that he wasn't going to be able to make it. I guess his parents, you know, at the last second had really wanted him to come, and I guess they worked out a way, and he called and said that he felt he needed to go do that, you know, which was understandable.

[C]

Why make plans with you in the first place then, right?

[B]

Yeah, I know. I mean, he said that before he wasn't going to go to his parents, and then they called and they really wanted him there. So. Yeah, so it kind of. I was kind of bummed because that, you know, that was what we had decided to do.

[A]

What had changed, though? Like, what had. Had changed?

[C]

He.

[A]

He knew that he wasn't going to your. His parents when he initially talked to you. So what made him decide to go over there? Or are you just not believing his story at all?

[B]

Well, I mean, at that point, I did believe his story because I believe that. I mean, that does happen. Like, then his parents maybe helped him to get over there because, remember, it partially was financial of him not going. So I thought, okay, well, they were paying, you know, to get there. That's what I thought had changed.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So, I mean, I believed him. And so I just, you know, let it go. And he asked actually if he could reschedule for New Year's Eve, if we could do something for that instead.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So even though I was bummed, I was, you know, I was excited about that because New Year's Eve is always, you know, kind of like a couple's couples holiday.

[D]

It's a good way to try to make up for the fact if I'm blowing you out for Christmas, I'll make it up to you New Year's Eve.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And he said, you know, let me plan something special. And, you know, you know, he was gonna call me when he got back, but he never did.

[A]

What?

[B]

No. Yeah. So, yeah, like, to this, he still. I never talked to him again. He never.

[D]

What? Even you? So you have now you have no idea what happened?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, this is the. Wow. This is like. I think I just. I have really had luck with guys. I mean, this happens. Like, not this, but just where it's always like, wow, really?

[A]

Did you call him, leave a voicemail at any point saying, hey, just checking in, making sure we still have plans tomorrow night or tonight or whatever?

[B]

No, I would never. I'm not doing that's. Crazy because he. I mean, at that point, it was in his court. The ball was in his court. He said he was planning something special. So at that point, it's like, what could I possibly do? I'm not. You know, I'm not gonna beg him to, like, remember to calm.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's bad.

[A]

So what'd you end up doing on New Year's Eve?

[B]

I actually ended up out. I had a. I actually had an amazing New Year's. I was out with my two lesbian girlfriends.

[D]

Had a.

[B]

And you never know, maybe I'll just switch teams.

[C]

That's your New Year's resolution.

[B]

You never know what 2010 brings, but keep having this bad of luck.

[A]

Wow. What a tool. What a total tool.

[C]

Now, is that going to make you think twice about going back on Match and meeting somebody else? Are you still open to online dating?

[B]

That was kind of the last straw. I already took my profile down.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm so sorry, but I mean, and not only to screw up two dates, but Christmas Day and New Year's.

[C]

Ev.

[D]

I mean, come on.

[A]

See, and this. In a case like this, you just gotta believe that karma is gonna end up hitting this guy. You can't blow somebody off twice like that on those important days and not think that's gonna come back.

[C]

He's gonna get dumped on Valentine's Day.

[D]

His 2010 is gonna suck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry, Marlene.

[C]

That sucks.

[B]

Okay, well, I definitely learned my lesson. I mean, I will never, ever put a holiday, you know.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Look, with the date, because I don't want it to mess up my holiday.

[A]

What a tool. What a total tool. I'm sorry it worked out that way.

[B]

It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't have better news.

[A]

Okay. It's all right.

[C]

Thanks to have a good year with us.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Happy New Year.

[C]

Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

[A]

See, that's good, because the bar is set so low going into 2010 now.

[C]

What did you can do that without, like, a phone call or text or email or anything? Nothing at all. Like, even if he made up some lame.

[D]

Excuse me.

[C]

That she knew was a lame excuse, that's way better than just blowing it off.

[A]

Not showing up at all.

[C]

Jerk.

[A]

Bad. She mentioned that she's off Match now, and I think Jen was telling us off the air that you've sort of been forced to sample.

[C]

No, I forced a friend of mine.

[A]

You forced a friend of yours to online date?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How's it going?

[C]

A couple of friends of mine. Well, we're really entertained by some of the posting from the men up there and how everybody just. I mean, there are more really hilarious moments that we have gotten out of it than. I think she's actually met maybe two potential guys that she would maybe like, and one that she set up coffee with. But that's like, it. And she's been on it for, like, maybe, I think maybe a month now. I forced her to do it.

[A]

And why did you make the suggestion or why did you force her to do it?

[C]

Well, just to sort of get out of your comfort zone, I think. Like, you know, a lot of times when you're single, you get in the same social circles, and so you end up meeting the same people or you go out to the same places, so you end up seeing the same people out. And if you're not getting the results from that that you want, you got to switch it up. Right? You can't keep doing the exact same thing and expect different results. Right. So I was like, just get online, post a profile, whatever. So she went on one of those. And. And now we are just really having fun with some of the hilarious posts on there. Like, one guy was. Oh, man, I wish I could. I wish I knew you were gonna talk about this. I could pull it up on my email. I mean, the listing that he has on there, he's got some serious mother issues. Really, like, and it's apparent in his posting, like, on the things, like he was saying, I don't want a woman. That's this, and it's that and whatever. We were like, whoa. So it's kind of been entertaining. Cause every time she finds a really, really bad one, she emails it to three of her friends. And we all replied all back and forth, like, with some really funny commentary about it. So. But maybe the one that she's having coffee with, maybe that'll work. She's got three in. I mean, I think that's pretty successful. And it's gonna be somebody she would have never met otherwise.

[A]

You just hold onto that as the friend that forced her into it. You just hold on to that.

[C]

And we're having some really good belly laughs. And there's nothing to put you in a good mood except for a good laugh, right?

[D]

And she's like, great. And I'm still not in a serious relationship.

[C]

I don't think. I don't think that was the point of it. The point of it was just, let's open some more doors here and see what happens.

[A]

Was it match you guys are using?

[C]

No, she's using a different one.

[A]

You don't want to say which one.

[C]

I don't want to say which one.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I don't want people to go find her.

[A]

Why? She's not doing any good on her own. Maybe you, too. The Birch Show.