Vault: Their First Date Is on Christmas Day

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Their First Date Is on Christmas Day

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Episode Overview

In this festive, lighthearted episode, the Bert Show crew welcomes Marlene, a listener gearing up for a unique experience: her very first date with a new love interest will take place on Christmas Day. The conversation explores the circumstances leading to such an unusual date, Marlene’s expectations and precautions, and, of course, lets the hosts’ trademark wit and playful banter shine through. This episode delivers authentic laughs, relatable insights into the world of online dating, and the community spirit that makes The Bert Show a morning favorite.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marlene's First Date Plans (01:31–05:19)

• Setting the Scene:
  Marlene shares she hasn’t been in a relationship for around two years, struggling to find good dating prospects until she started online dating on Match.com.

• How the Date Came to Be:

  • She and her prospective date have been talking daily for a few weeks but haven't met in person yet.
  • "Basically we've been talking for a while. I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had a really, really hard time meeting good guys and so I started online dating on Match..." (Marlene, 01:43)
  • Despite never meeting in person, they've had regular texts and video chats.

• Christmas Plans:

  • Both Marlene and her date are spending the holiday away from their families—she can’t travel home to New York due to work.
  • "He's going to be coming on Christmas morning, which I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas. So they work out." (Marlene, 03:17)
  • The plan: brunch at Marlene’s, a movie date, and if all goes well, heading to her neighbor’s place.

• Logistics and Safety:

  • Her date lives about 1.5 hours away; conflicting schedules postponed their first meeting until Christmas.
  • Initially, Marlene considered having him come to her house, but her family convinced her to meet him elsewhere for safety.

• Family Reactions:

  • Marlene shares more openly with her mom, who’s supportive but cautious; her dad is unaware of the specifics.
  • "My dad doesn't. I mean, I've talked to my mom. I tell my mom everything. But she's cool. I mean, at first, you know, she just wanted to make sure he wasn't coming to my house because we don't know each other yet..." (Marlene, 04:42)

2. Hosts’ Playful Banter and Memorable Moments

• Holiday Romance Jokes:
  The crew peppers Marlene with cheeky, holiday-themed innuendo:

  • "You think he's gonna wrap himself in a bow?" (Host 1, 03:51)
  • "What are the chances you let him stuff your stocking?" (Host 2, 04:23)
  • "If things go well, he's going to get to swaddle the baby Jesus." (Host 2, 05:33)
  • These jokes maintain Bert Show's trademark blend of warmth and sly humor.

• Safety and Precaution:
  The hosts address the importance of meeting in public for a first date, echoing Marlene's family's concerns.

• Looking Forward:
  The team promises to follow up with Marlene after the break to find out how her unique Christmas date went.

  • "Well, we'll check back with you after we get back from break to find out how it went." (The Bert Show, 05:15)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On new beginnings:
  "I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had a really, really hard time meeting good guys and so I started online dating..."
  (Marlene, 01:43)

• On hope and the holidays:
  "I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas. So they work out."
  (Marlene, 03:17)

• The Bert Show’s signature humor:

  • "Just leave it on so that we can say we slept together." (Host 1, 02:52)
  • Referring to Christmas-themed jokes about bows, stockings, and tree stands (03:51–05:26).

• Family and safety:
  "At first, you know, she just wanted to make sure he wasn't coming to my house because we don't know each other yet..."
  (Marlene, 04:42)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:31: Marlene comes on the air
• 01:40–03:01: How the date was arranged and why it’s happening on Christmas
• 03:17–03:38: Marlene shares excitement and family situation
• 04:04–04:22: Detailing the brunch, movie plans, and neighbor’s gathering
• 04:42–05:13: Family’s reaction and shift to a safer meetup spot
• 05:15–05:19: Hosts arrange to follow up about how the date goes
• Throughout: Playful banter and holiday jokes

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Episode Tone & Style

True to the Bert Show, the exchange is fun, flirtatious, honest, and inclusive. Hosts juggle warmth, concern, and teasing with lots of laughter, keeping things light while also being genuinely supportive of Marlene’s leap into holiday romance.

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This episode is a great listen for anyone who enjoys heartwarming stories, holiday cheer, and the unique twists real life can take—especially in the world of online dating.

Transcript

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[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

The Burt Show Here is Marlene. Good morning, Marlene.

[Marlene]

Hi. Good morning.

[Radio Host 1]

Good morning.

[Radio Host 2]

Hello.

[Radio Host 1]

Good.

[Marlene]

How are you guys?

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

Good, thanks. So you've got a first date on Christmas?

[Marlene]

I do.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

How does this play out?

[Marlene]

Well, I guess we'll see. Basically we've been talking for a while. I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had a really, really hard time meeting good guys and so I started online dating on Match and we've been talking for a couple weeks now and we talk pretty much every day and we text and stuff during the day, but we haven't actually met in person yet.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh, that's pretty cool. Blind date on Christmas?

[Marlene]

Yeah, I mean, blunt, we've talked online like on. On the camera phone, you know, on. But I mean technically, no, we haven't met in person.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

So you know what he looks like. He knows what you look like. And there's no faking that.

[Marlene]

Right. From pictures.

[Radio Host 1]

About how many times a day do you chat or text or whatever with each other?

[Marlene]

We do the morning. Hope you have a good day. And then we talk at night before we go to sleep.

[Radio Host 1]

That's cute. Who hangs up first? I'm just kidding.

[Marlene]

Neither one of us.

[Radio Host 1]

Just leave it on so that we can say we slept together.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

And he's where?

[Marlene]

He's. Well, that's the thing. That's why we haven't met yet. He's about an hour and a half away.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

Okay.

[Marlene]

We haven't had time to actually get together for me to go there. Him. And here we've both been working and neither one of us had plans for Christmas. I couldn't afford to go home this year and I actually have to work before Christmas and right after Christmas. So my family's up north in New York and it just seemed pointless for me to go. Nobody's really doing anything this year anyways, so I was staying here and it turned out that he didn't have, you know, any big plans. I'm just going to go to a neighbors next door who's a friend of mine. So he's going to be coming on Christmas morning, which I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas. So they work out.

[Radio Host 2]

It's cold.

[Radio Host 1]

That's cute and cool.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

It gives you something to be excited about on Christmas. Even though you're not excited about Christmas.

[Marlene]

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm still excited about Christmas, you know.

[Radio Host 1]

You think he's gonna wrap himself in a bow?

[Marlene]

That would be nice.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

There's a package joke in there somewhere that I'm not gonna make.

[Radio Host 1]

I'm just gonna refer to it. I'm not gonna actually make it, but

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

if I did, it would sound like this.

[Radio Host 1]

So Christmas morning he's coming to your house and then you guys are both going over to the neighbors, like to eat dinner or whatever, or eat during the day.

[Marlene]

We're gonna do brunch first when he first comes over. And then we're gonna go see some movies. Do that for the Christmas thing. And then as long as all is cool, then I'm gonna take him over to the neighbors.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

Okay.

[Radio Host 1]

Awesome.

[Radio Host 2]

What are the chances you let him stuff your stocking?

[Marlene]

Slim to none.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

I don't know, it's Christmas.

[Radio Host 1]

What happens on Christmas Day is at Christmas good for you.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

I love this man.

[Radio Host 1]

This is great. I think it's cool. Does your family know who you're spending Christmas with?

[Marlene]

My dad doesn't. I mean, I've talked to my mom. I tell my mom everything. But she's cool. I mean, at first, you know, she just wanted to make sure he wasn't coming to my house because we don't know each other yet, but that's the

[Radio Host 1]

first thing he's doing. But he is, right?

[Marlene]

No, he's not coming to my house. We're gonna meet for brunch. Originally, I actually was gonna have him come to my house, but my. Yeah, people weren't so happy with that. So.

[Radio Host 1]

Okay.

[Marlene]

I mean, I'm sure he's fine and it's cool, but I understand.

[Radio Host 1]

Sure.

[Marlene]

They're concerned and they're far away.

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[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

Well, we'll check back with you after we get back from break to find out how it went.

[Marlene]

Okay. All right, great. Thank you, guys.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

It's a great idea. Thanks, Marley.

[Radio Host 2]

I'll bet you let him put what, Erica. His tree right in your stand.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

There we go.

[Radio Host 1]

Well, she just needs to prepare. Yeah, I mean, she needs to trim the tree, cute panties, and then just see what happens.

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If things go well, he's going to get to swaddle the baby Jesus.

[Radio Host 1]

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Seriously? Bye.

[Marlene]

Bye.

[Radio Show Host (The Burt Show)]

I am getting out of right now.

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