Vault: These Are The Worst Pick Up Lines Ever!

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: These Are The Worst Pick Up Lines Ever!"

Date: January 6, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and The Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

In this fun, lively episode, The Bert Show cast and listeners share the worst and most elaborate pick-up lines they've ever heard or received—many of which are audacious lies borrowed from movies or involve outrageous stories. The episode weaves together hilarious, cringe-worthy, and even wild tales of dating misadventures, including imposters, movie plot lifts, and shameless fabricators. The cast reacts with their signature banter, making this morning radio a perfect mix of real-life comedy and relatable moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kangaroo Jack Story – When Movie Plots Become Pick-Up Lines

• [01:49 – 03:16]
  • Host recalls a segment about Pinky, who called in after being charmed by a man (Matt) at a St. Patrick’s Day party.
  • Pinky recounts how Matt’s “original” story about a kangaroo in Australia impressed her—until the cast recognizes it as the plot from the film Kangaroo Jack.
  • Notable Moment:
    • “That’s the plot of a movie.” – Co-host ([03:12])
    • “Kangaroo Jack.” – Multiple voices ([03:14 – 03:16])
    • Realization that guys often borrow stories or lines directly from films to impress women.

2. The "Three Doors Down Drummer" Guy – Rock Star Wannabe

• [03:22 – 04:49]
  • Hosts recall a previous call from a bartender who met a man claiming to be the drummer from Three Doors Down.
  • They humorously bust the imposter with a surprise call from a Universal Records rep, playing along only to expose the fib.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “We busted that guy.” – The Burt Show Host ([04:39])

3. Listener Call-Ins: The Worst Pick-Up Lies

• [05:08 – 10:58]
  • The cast asks listeners to share pick-up lies that stood out, with callers contributing stories that are both ridiculous and cautionary.

a. The Fake Single Dad

• [05:20 – 06:10]
  • Kim shares about a man who pretended his nephew was his son to appeal to her as a fellow single parent.
  • “I met this guy whose son supposedly played on the team...it’s his nephew.” – Kim ([05:36])
  • The cast highlights how quickly such a lie unravels with even a little scrutiny.

b. The College Football "Player"

• [06:15 – 07:19]
  • A caller recounts meeting a man at a bar who claimed to be an Oklahoma University wide receiver—despite his physique and the fact the real players would already be in Miami for the championship.
  • “He was like, wide receiver, and the guy like weighs about 250 pounds.” – Caller ([06:47])
  • “In the South, we know about football, especially college football.” – The Burt Show Host ([07:19])

c. The Undercover "FBI Agent" (and Thief)

• [07:27 – 08:52]
  • Lisa was duped by a 20-year-old claiming to be an FBI agent, who later stole her credit cards.
  • Months later, she saw a movie with the exact same plot device and lines.
  • “I went to the police station, I felt so stupid because they're looking at me like, yeah, girl, okay. You gave this guy your credit cards? I'm like, no, he's an FBI agent.” – Lisa ([07:56])
  • Calls out the dangers—sometimes laughable, sometimes serious—of putting blind faith in a stranger's story.

d. The Serial Band Member Impersonator

• [09:13 – 10:09]
  • Stephanie introduces a local “band member” imposter who claimed to be both the lead singer of Creed and, to others, a member of different bands.
  • Her friend exposed him as a former coworker from a café who regularly impersonated musicians to pick up women.
  • “He used to work with me at $3 cafe… because he was impersonating, like, different band members.” – Stephanie ([09:41])

e. The "Big Daddy" Assist – Movie Lines for the Win

• [10:20 – 10:58]
  • Christina tells a surprisingly sweet story: A boy enlisted a little kid to pretend to be his lost brother—a ploy copied from the Adam Sandler film Big Daddy.
  • Christina realized the ruse was a movie reference, but laughs it off since she's now dating the guy.
  • “I realized later on the line was from Big Daddy… And I'm actually dating him now, so I guess it works.” – Christina ([10:43])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Movie Plot Pick-Up Fails:
  "I think we're learning here that guys get their best lines from movies." – The Burt Show Host ([10:55])
• Football Knowledge Pays Off:
  _"In the South, we know about football, especially college football." – The Burt Show Host ([07:19])
• Life Imitates Art (and Bad Pick-Up Lines):
  “You're just watching your life unfold on screen.” – The Burt Show Host ([09:04])
• On Bizarre Behavior:
  “That's like sociopath behavior.” – Christy and Co-host ([09:08–09:10])

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:49] – Start of main topic: Matt’s kangaroo story/pick-up lines discussion
• [03:12] – Realization it's the Kangaroo Jack plot
• [04:39] – "Three Doors Down drummer" imposter gets exposed
• [05:20–10:20] – Listener stories: Single dad, college football player, FBI agent/credit card thief, band member imposter, Big Daddy movie ruse
• [10:55] – Hosts sum up: “Guys get their best lines from movies”

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Summary & Takeaway

This episode is a feel-good, high-energy testament to the wild creativity (and, often, gullibility) of the dating scene. Through real calls and the hosts' banter, it reveals just how far some people go to impress—fabricating wild stories, impersonating celebrities, or straight-up reenacting films. If laughter is your goal, and a little cringe is welcome, this episode is a must-listen—just beware of anyone who claims to be a rock star, undercover agent, or the hero of a popular movie!

Transcript

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[Caller or Participant]

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[Host or Narrator]

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[The Burt Show Host]

The Burt show so we just got off the phone with this guy Matt. We did a love lost and found with Matt and Pinky. And Pinky a couple of weeks ago is at a St Patrick's Day party and she meets this and he seems really cool. I mean they're getting their drink on and everything and I asked her this morning like what is it about this guy Matt that made you so attracted to him that you had to call a radio station and kind of put the APB out on this guy. And she said he told a pretty funny story about a kangaroo that she thought, you know what? That's a guy that I want to hang out with again. And this was his story. Pinky, what's that? What's the kangaroo story that Matt told you that just overwhelmed you?

[Caller or Storyteller]

Okay. He. He went to school in Australia for study abroad, and he was with a couple of his friends, and they were.

Driving, and they hit a kangaroo.

They thought that they killed it.

So they are just being, you know, just being guys.

And they decided to start taking pictures with this dead kangaroo.

And they're putting, like, a hat on the kangaroo, putting the arm over it and taking pictures.

Well, one of the guys gets the idea to put his jacket on the kangaroo, and all of a sudden, it.

Woke up and hopped off with the guy's jacket on.

Well, they go to get in the car, and the guy's keys were in.

The jacket on the kangaroo.

So, like, hopped off.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Can you put her on hold for a second?

[Christy]

Yeah.

[The Burt Show Host]

Can I put her on hold?

[Co-host or Commentator]

Yeah.

[The Burt Show Host]

Yeah. Hey, Pinky, hold on one second.

[Co-host or Commentator]

That's the plot of a movie.

[The Burt Show Host]

Of what? Kangaroo Jack.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Kangaroo Jack.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Kangaroo Jack, Yeah.

[Caller or Participant]

Was that his pickup line?

[Co-host or Commentator]

You think he's using the plot of a movie? And she fell for it.

[The Burt Show Host]

Okay, so his elaborate line to pick her up was May was a true story, but for our purposes, let's say it was a lie. And he lied and he watched Kangaroo Jag, and he's been using it as a pickup line. So then we started to think, I wonder what the biggest elaborate lie is for anybody listening right now to give us a call. 404-741-1005. That any guy has ever laid on you to pick you up. And we started thinking about that Three Doors down drummer guy that we had on last year also. You remember this guy? Now, this was a call that we took from a bartender, right?

[Co-host or Commentator]

She worked at. I don't know where it was. Buckhead Tavern or something. Buckhead Saloon or something.

[The Burt Show Host]

And some guy walked in there telling her that he was the drummer from Three Doors Down.

[Caller or Storyteller]

He's also the drummer for Three Doors Down.

[Caller or Participant]

No way. Really?

[Christy]

Yes.

[Co-host or Commentator]

No, he's not.

[Musician or Guest]

We just played in Georgia.

[Caller or Participant]

Are you really?

[Musician or Guest]

Yeah. I was just over there for New Year's Eve and then left there and flew out to Las Vegas and played.

[The Burt Show Host]

Do you have your own private plane?

[Musician or Guest]

It's not ours, but it's chartered.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[The Burt Show Host]

Does the record company pick up that kind of thing?

[Musician or Guest]

Yeah, I don't have that kind of money.

[Caller or Participant]

Your single's been huge. And for some reason, coming the top of my head right now.

[Musician or Guest]

Hold on one second. Hold on. What got everybody going? Hold on one second. I'm sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to.

[The Burt Show Host]

Go before you take off. One second here.

[Caller or Participant]

Hey, David.

[Christy]

Hey, Brad.

[The Burt Show Host]

It's Dave Reynolds from Universal Records. How are you? We busted that guy.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Dave Reynolds, by the way, I believe was an A and R guy who picks out, you know, artist assigned to the label and is the one who picked three doors down to be on Universal Records and obviously knew this person in the bank. Obviously, if you make that decision and give them that much money, you remember Dave Reynolds name for the rest of your life.

[The Burt Show Host]

So we want to know the most elaborate lie a guy has ever used to pick you up. Now, obviously, you must have found out about this weeks or months later. Good morning, Kim. You're on the Burt Show. Hello. Hi, how are you?

[Caller or Storyteller]

I'm fine. The crazy pick up line that I had was, I'm a single parent. And we was at a basketball game and I met this guy whose son supposedly played on the team. And for like a couple of months, I'm actually thinking, this is this guy's.

Son and it's his nephew.

[The Burt Show Host]

So because you're a single mom, he thought that if he was a single dad, it would help get in, it would help him, right?

[Caller or Storyteller]

And I was like, every time I would ask him, I was like, where is your son? And he would say, oh, he's with his mom. And one day we went out in a family event and I was like, oh, you're just such a great aunt. And she was like, aunt, I'm his mother. And I'm like, oh, hey, I'm sorry. You know, And I believe it. Cause they all look alike.

[The Burt Show Host]

All right, Susie. Thank you. Good morning. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Host or Narrator]

Hi.

[Caller or Storyteller]

I had a guy, I was at some Buckhead bar or something like that, and he said that he played for. It was on New Year's Eve and I was just at the Florida football game at the Peace bowl. And everybody was at the bar afterwards. And this guy says that he played for Oklahoma University, who was playing in the national championship like two or three days later. And I used to work for football team, so I know for college football teams, so I know that they leave at least a week early, go down.

And prepare for the team.

And I was like, oh, really? I was like, so, you know, what position do you play? And he's like wide receiver. And the guy like weighs about 250 pounds.

[Christy]

You know what?

[Caller or Storyteller]

You become some stupid girl that doesn't.

Know anything about football.

And he was just like, oh, okay. I was like, what's your number?

And he's like, number four.

Number four.

It was like, so, you want to dance?

I was like, no, not so much. You don't play football. You need to just leave because you.

Should be down in Miami right now.

And it was just so.

[Caller or Participant]

That's funny. You can't do that to girls.

[The Burt Show Host]

In the south, we know about football, especially college football. That's right. Good morning, Lisa. You're on the Burt show on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Hello. I have a event where I was walking through Lenox Mall, met this guy, and come to find out he told me he's an FBI agent.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Right.

[Caller or Storyteller]

I have to start off by saying I was 20, I was young and didn't know any better. And he probably was really about 20 himself. So I didn't think that this guy's too young to be an FBI agent. And a couple of years after, well, he ended up stealing my credit cards and everything and pocketed me.

Yeah.

And when I went to the police station, I felt so stupid because they're looking at me like, yeah, girl, okay. You gave this guy your credit cards? I'm like, no, he's an FBI agent.

For real.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Why? Did he say he needed your credit cards?

[Caller or Storyteller]

No, he took them out my wallet when we went to dinner.

[Caller or Participant]

So you didn't know he had them?

[Caller or Storyteller]

I didn't know he had them. He canceled them for me. And it was months later, before I even went to use my credit card. And so then it all started unraveling. And I was watching a movie couple of years later, and the same thing, the movie. I was like, this is really familiar. Life was this movie.

[Co-host or Commentator]

So he took your credit cards out and said that, like, thought you had lost him. So he said, oh, don't worry about it. I'll cancel him. In reality, he was just keeping them in his pocket and started and then waited a couple months and.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Yeah.

[The Burt Show Host]

And you saw the movie unfolding and it was your life.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Caller or Storyteller]

A couple years later, I saw the movie. And he even used lines out the movie.

Oh, my God.

[Caller or Participant]

What movie was that?

[Caller or Storyteller]

I don't remember. It was released in the 80s. I know the line was, see ya. I wouldn't want to be ya in the movie. And he used to say that all the time.

[The Burt Show Host]

That's funny. You're just watching your life unfold on screen.

[Co-host or Commentator]

That's crazy.

[Caller or Participant]

That's like sociopath.

[Christy]

Behavior.

[The Burt Show Host]

Hey, Stephanie. Good morning.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Good morning.

[The Burt Show Host]

Hey.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Hey. I think that I met the guy, the same guy that said that he was from three Doors down. Several years ago, I met a guy out at a club and he said that he was the lead singer for Creed and he had a friend with him. You said that the friend was the guitar player for Creed. And I didn't really listen to that music at the time, so I didn't really know anything about the band. So I hung out with him all weekend.

And little things didn't add up that.

Like, I see now, like, he told.

Me to pick him up at the.

Crowne Plaza where he was getting a room. Then later on he was like, oh, we didn't get a room there. Like, we didn't like the rooms. And they went to, like, a crappier motel. And then my friend Jamie, we ran into her out and she was like, stephanie, that guy is not the lead singer for Creed. He used to work with me at $3 cafe off the property by the police, because he was impersonating, like, different band members.

[The Burt Show Host]

Oh, see, now that is weird because he just went from band to band, just impersonating different guys.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Yeah, to pick up women.

[Caller or Participant]

Oh, God, dude.

[Christy]

Creepy.

[The Burt Show Host]

And Creed is a pretty big one. That's a pretty bold lie right there because most would know who it was. Yeah. Hey, Christina. Most elaborate lie a guy has ever told you to pick you up.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Well, I was in a school pageant and there was this little boy that came up to me afterwards and was like, excuse me, excuse me. You have to help me find my brother. And I was like, all right, what does he look like? And turned out that I realized later on the line was from Big Daddy when the little boys in the grocery store and the older guy came up to me and he was like, oh, I'm so sorry about it. And it was so planned. And I'm actually dating him now, so.

I guess it works.

But it was just the lamest pick up line that I've ever heard, so.

[The Burt Show Host]

I'm not exactly sure what he did. He sent a little boy over to lie to you that he was lost.

[Caller or Storyteller]

Like, Big Daddy wasn't even his brother. Like some random little boy.

[The Burt Show Host]

I think we're learning here that guys get their best lines from movies.

[Caller or Participant]

Yeah, exactly. Adam Sandler did that in Big Daddy, the bird show.