The Bert Show: "Vault: These Are The Worst Pick Up Lines Ever!"

Date: January 6, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and The Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

In this fun, lively episode, The Bert Show cast and listeners share the worst and most elaborate pick-up lines they've ever heard or received—many of which are audacious lies borrowed from movies or involve outrageous stories. The episode weaves together hilarious, cringe-worthy, and even wild tales of dating misadventures, including imposters, movie plot lifts, and shameless fabricators. The cast reacts with their signature banter, making this morning radio a perfect mix of real-life comedy and relatable moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kangaroo Jack Story – When Movie Plots Become Pick-Up Lines

• [01:49 – 03:16]
  • Host recalls a segment about Pinky, who called in after being charmed by a man (Matt) at a St. Patrick’s Day party.
  • Pinky recounts how Matt’s “original” story about a kangaroo in Australia impressed her—until the cast recognizes it as the plot from the film Kangaroo Jack.
  • Notable Moment:
    • “That’s the plot of a movie.” – Co-host ([03:12])
    • “Kangaroo Jack.” – Multiple voices ([03:14 – 03:16])
    • Realization that guys often borrow stories or lines directly from films to impress women.

2. The "Three Doors Down Drummer" Guy – Rock Star Wannabe

• [03:22 – 04:49]
  • Hosts recall a previous call from a bartender who met a man claiming to be the drummer from Three Doors Down.
  • They humorously bust the imposter with a surprise call from a Universal Records rep, playing along only to expose the fib.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “We busted that guy.” – The Burt Show Host ([04:39])

3. Listener Call-Ins: The Worst Pick-Up Lies

• [05:08 – 10:58]
  • The cast asks listeners to share pick-up lies that stood out, with callers contributing stories that are both ridiculous and cautionary.

a. The Fake Single Dad

• [05:20 – 06:10]
  • Kim shares about a man who pretended his nephew was his son to appeal to her as a fellow single parent.
  • “I met this guy whose son supposedly played on the team...it’s his nephew.” – Kim ([05:36])
  • The cast highlights how quickly such a lie unravels with even a little scrutiny.

b. The College Football "Player"

• [06:15 – 07:19]
  • A caller recounts meeting a man at a bar who claimed to be an Oklahoma University wide receiver—despite his physique and the fact the real players would already be in Miami for the championship.
  • “He was like, wide receiver, and the guy like weighs about 250 pounds.” – Caller ([06:47])
  • “In the South, we know about football, especially college football.” – The Burt Show Host ([07:19])

c. The Undercover "FBI Agent" (and Thief)

• [07:27 – 08:52]
  • Lisa was duped by a 20-year-old claiming to be an FBI agent, who later stole her credit cards.
  • Months later, she saw a movie with the exact same plot device and lines.
  • “I went to the police station, I felt so stupid because they're looking at me like, yeah, girl, okay. You gave this guy your credit cards? I'm like, no, he's an FBI agent.” – Lisa ([07:56])
  • Calls out the dangers—sometimes laughable, sometimes serious—of putting blind faith in a stranger's story.

d. The Serial Band Member Impersonator

• [09:13 – 10:09]
  • Stephanie introduces a local “band member” imposter who claimed to be both the lead singer of Creed and, to others, a member of different bands.
  • Her friend exposed him as a former coworker from a café who regularly impersonated musicians to pick up women.
  • “He used to work with me at $3 cafe… because he was impersonating, like, different band members.” – Stephanie ([09:41])

e. The "Big Daddy" Assist – Movie Lines for the Win

• [10:20 – 10:58]
  • Christina tells a surprisingly sweet story: A boy enlisted a little kid to pretend to be his lost brother—a ploy copied from the Adam Sandler film Big Daddy.
  • Christina realized the ruse was a movie reference, but laughs it off since she's now dating the guy.
  • “I realized later on the line was from Big Daddy… And I'm actually dating him now, so I guess it works.” – Christina ([10:43])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Movie Plot Pick-Up Fails:
  "I think we're learning here that guys get their best lines from movies." – The Burt Show Host ([10:55])
• Football Knowledge Pays Off:
  _"In the South, we know about football, especially college football." – The Burt Show Host ([07:19])
• Life Imitates Art (and Bad Pick-Up Lines):
  “You're just watching your life unfold on screen.” – The Burt Show Host ([09:04])
• On Bizarre Behavior:
  “That's like sociopath behavior.” – Christy and Co-host ([09:08–09:10])

Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:49] – Start of main topic: Matt’s kangaroo story/pick-up lines discussion
• [03:12] – Realization it's the Kangaroo Jack plot
• [04:39] – "Three Doors Down drummer" imposter gets exposed
• [05:20–10:20] – Listener stories: Single dad, college football player, FBI agent/credit card thief, band member imposter, Big Daddy movie ruse
• [10:55] – Hosts sum up: “Guys get their best lines from movies”

Summary & Takeaway

This episode is a feel-good, high-energy testament to the wild creativity (and, often, gullibility) of the dating scene. Through real calls and the hosts' banter, it reveals just how far some people go to impress—fabricating wild stories, impersonating celebrities, or straight-up reenacting films. If laughter is your goal, and a little cringe is welcome, this episode is a must-listen—just beware of anyone who claims to be a rock star, undercover agent, or the hero of a popular movie!