Vault: These Had Washing Statics Are Shocking

Summary

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The Bert Show: “Vault: These Hand Washing Statics Are Shocking”

Date: January 20, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Theme:
Light-hearted but serious exploration of the shocking realities behind people’s handwashing habits—especially in Atlanta—with statistics, funny real-life confrontations, and gross-out facts to both inform and entertain.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Handwashing Statistics – Atlanta Spotlight

• [00:02] Melissa Carter, Jen: The episode kicks off by discussing disturbing local and national data revealing how many people skip washing their hands after using public restrooms, especially at Turner Field (Braves games) in Atlanta.
  • Out of those observed at Turner Field:
    • 26% overall did not wash their hands
    • 37% of men did not wash hands
    • 16% of women did not wash hands
  • Nationally, 9 out of 10 women wash their hands, lower rates for men.
• Quote [00:12] Jen:
  • “They showed that the biggest offenders in the city of Atlanta were people that went to Turner Field to a Braves game. And they said that 26% of those observed at Turner Field did not wash their hands after they went to the restroom.”

2. Public Reactions & Hygiene Judgment

• The hosts openly admit to judging restroom-goers who skip handwashing, especially in public places.
  • [01:23] Melissa Carter: “And I'm sure this happens to women also, when you see a woman come out of the bathroom stall and they walk right past the sink and like, you almost want to say something to somebody like, come on...”
  • [01:36] Jen: “If I can hear them not wash their hands and just walk right out the door, then I think differently about—yes. Nasty. Come on.”

3. Phil Turana's Handwashing Vigilante Experiments

• [02:06] Phil Turana: Inspired by the statistics, Phil goes undercover to publicly call out handwashing offenders in Atlanta fast food restaurants with a microphone and bullhorn for maximum effect.
  • He doesn’t have to wait long to find offenders.
  • Embarrasses a customer in front of everyone for not washing his hands.
  • [03:39] Phil Turana (as sanitation announcer): “Ladies and gentlemen, I do not mean to bug or annoy you…but I want to let you know I was in the restroom and noticed this young man came out…without washing his hands.”
  • The confrontation results in denials and discomfort, with the “accused” adamantly defending himself.

4. Humiliation, Denial, and Group Laughter

• The segment details the prank’s fallout: laughter, embarrassment, and defensive reactions from the “offenders.”
  • [05:13] Restaurant Manager/Employee: “I'm asking you nice and leave alone. Cause you don't lied on me and that ain't right, man. I ain't lied on you, no. I don't even know this cat…”

5. Confronting Restaurant Employees

• Phil targets a fast-food employee next, noting subtle clues the person didn’t wash their hands (no water in the sink, hand dryer off).
  • He’s quickly shut down by a protective and irritated manager.
  • [07:44] Restaurant Manager/Employee: “I understand that...but I don't need you in this restaurant microphoning out. Get out.”
  • Phil admits to “cowering” and obeying the manager's (loud) order to leave.
  • [08:16] Restaurant Manager/Employee: “Just get out of here.”

6. Paper Towels vs. Air Dryers: A Gross Revelation

• A caller with a graduate background in special education (“Ann”) shares a disturbing thesis:
  • Hand dryers might actually make your hands dirtier by blowing fecal matter particles onto them from the air.
  • [09:14] Graduate Student Caller: “...a survey said that if you use one of those hand dryers, your hands are actually dirtier because...it actually blows fecal matter out onto your hands.”
  • The cast is both disgusted and amused, joking about switching to “jeans-wiping” rather than using a dryer.
  • [09:34] Melissa Carter: “Thank you. A tornado of poop.”

7. More Startling Handwashing Stats

• Jen shares more national handwashing survey figures:
  • 83% wash their hands after using the bathroom at home
  • 73% after changing a diaper
  • 42% after petting pets
  • 32% after coughing or sneezing into hands
  • [09:59] Jen: “Only 83% of us wash our hands after using the bathroom at home...Only 73% wash their hands after changing a dirty diaper...Only 42% wash your hands after petting a dog or a cat...32%...after they cough or sneeze into their hands.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [00:58] Melissa Carter: “Just know that you’re smearing each other’s fecal matter on each other’s hands.” (On post-game high-fives)
• [01:23] Melissa Carter: “...you almost want to say something to somebody, like, come on, you know.”
• [03:39] Phil Turana (sanitation announcer): “Ladies and gentlemen, I do not mean to bug...but I want to let you know I was in the restroom and noticed this young man came out…without washing his hands.”
• [05:13] Restaurant Manager/Employee: “I'm asking you nice and leave alone. Cause you don't lied on me and that ain't right, man.”
• [07:44] Restaurant Manager/Employee: “I understand that...but I don't need you in this restaurant microphoning out. Get out.”
• [09:14] Graduate Student Caller: “...it actually blows fecal matter out onto your hands.”
• [09:34] Melissa Carter: “Thank you. A tornado of poop.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---|---| | 00:00–00:51 | Atlanta handwashing stats, sports culture | | 02:06–03:39 | Phil Turana’s undercover “enforcement” at fast food | | 03:39–05:13 | Public call-out, denials, and group embarrassment | | 05:39–07:53 | Restaurant employee confronted, manager intervenes | | 08:47–09:28 | Graduate student caller drops the “fecal tornado” revelation | | 09:59–10:25 | Additional shocking national statistics |

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Summary

This Bert Show episode is a tongue-in-cheek expose of America’s lackluster handwashing habits, mixing real data with on-the-ground comic stunts. The cast’s playful shaming and Phil Turana’s bold (and sometimes awkward) confrontations with restroom offenders make for an uncomfortable yet thought-provoking listen that might just make you head back to the sink—preferably with paper towels. The gross-out facts about hand dryers and the biting banter keep the laughs coming while driving home the dirty truth: way too many people are skipping the soap, and public health might depend on more than a little gentle shaming.

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Transcript

[Phil Turana]

The Burt show.

[Melissa Carter]

Melissa Carter, tell us the statistics. Specifically in Atlanta, from guys that are dirty, you're dirty, dirty, dirty dudes is really disturbing.

[Jen]

Well, they decided to do a national survey about how if people really do wash their hands. Okay. And so one of the places that they observed, and this was just randomly observing in public restrooms. And they showed that the biggest offenders in the city of Atlanta were people that went to Turner Field to a Braves game. And they said that 26% of those observed at Turner Field did not wash their hands after they went to the restroom. And the way that it went, men and women, 16% of the women didn't. 37% of the men did not wash their hands. So in the national survey, same thing where nine out of ten women do wash their hands. But like, the percentage of men was. I mean, who did not was far higher.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

Just for the record, also tonight at Turner Field, men. Don't touch me.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, you know, like at a Braves game after a win, you know, like, random guys will high five each other. Just know that you're smearing each other's fecal matter on each other's hands.

[Phil Turana]

Just.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

I'll be. I hope nobody at Turner Field, like, none of the guys, you know, none of my bosses there mind me wearing the big yellow dishwashing gloves.

[Melissa Carter]

Come in there with a latex glove on. What are you planning on doing to the players?

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

What's he wearing that for? Oh, just.

[Melissa Carter]

Cause it's just offensive. And I'm sure this happens to women also, when you see a woman come out of the bathroom stall and they walk right past the sink and like, you almost want to say something to somebody like, come on, you know. And I know.

[Jen]

Well, even, you know, and in women's bathrooms, it's all. Everyone is a stall, you know, so you're sitting in there, you don't even know some of the people that are. Especially in a public restroom. You don't know the people in and out. But I do make judgments, even if I'm not outside of the stall yet. And I do make judgments. If I can hear. If I hear them not wash their hands and just walk right out the door, then I think. I think differently about. Yes. Nasty. Come on.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, in Atlanta, at least guys are the worst offenders. At least we found that out of Turner Field. So Phil Turana decided to go out and do something about it, because this man realized at the hands of the gateway to the disease.

[Phil Turana]

So I figured no better place to go than to find. If you can't go to Turner Field, go check out some of the fast food restaurants around town. So what I did yesterday is I put my microphone on and I grabbed my bullhorn and I went and sat in the restrooms. And ironically, now you say that I had to sit there and wait. I did not have to wait long to find offenders.

[Melissa Carter]

See, because sometimes, like, we really believe that public humiliation is the best form of getting you straight.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

We do it every day.

[Phil Turana]

So what I did is literally the first clip you're gonna hear is I literally walk into the bathroom, I'm not there for any more than five seconds, and I find an offender. So as soon as he walks out and starts to head back to his table where he's eaten, I grab my bullhorn and let the entire restaurant know that, ladies and gentlemen, we have an offender here who has better things to do than to wash his hands.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay?

[Phil Turana]

And listen, what you wanna do is, you wanna hear how he adamantly denies it to everyone? Cause I think I might have embarrassed him.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay? So I'm just trying to set the scene. So as you're walking into the bathroom to have your bullhorn in hand, thinking you're gonna have to crash, you know, stay in a stall for a while, right? And as you're walking in, you see somebody come immediately out of the stall, past you, past the sinks, into the.

[Phil Turana]

Restaurant, to the point where we almost brushed up against each other as he's walking out.

[Melissa Carter]

So as he walks out, are you behind him with the bullhorn?

[Phil Turana]

Yes, I'm probably about. I am probably no less than three or four feet behind him. And I follow him over to his table to where he's sitting down and eating with his friend.

[Melissa Carter]

Is it a crowded restaurant?

[Phil Turana]

There's probably about. Well, there was probably about seven or eight people eating, but the entire staff of the restaura, this going on, you can hear them in the background.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

All right, ladies and gentlemen, I do not mean to bug or annoy you as you're dining, but I want to let you know I was in the restroom and noticed this young man came out of the restroom without washing his hands. He was in the restroom for a long period of time. And I noticed he came out of the restroom and did not wash his hands. Sir, we like to make it a point to make sure that everyone washes their hands. This young man did not wash his hands. He was leaving the restroom.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

I don't know, but he lying on me.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Sir, it's okay. Don't be embarrassed. I just wanted to let you be embarrassed.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

You lying on me, man. I don't even know you, man.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Sir, no need to be embarrassed for the situation. No, sir, no need to be embarrassed whatsoever. I understand. It happens.

[Phil Turana]

Maybe you're a little rushed.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Just want to let you know, next time as you exit the bathroom, please wash your hands.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Hey, can you get the cat waving around me though? Cause he lying on me, man. I just came in here.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

If you'd like, I will give you instructions how to wash your hands.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

Man.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

We been trying to eat, man. Your man eat his food.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Exactly, he's trying to eat. And I want to make sure as you're eating, you do not get to film from the bathroom onto your food.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

We gonna put our hands on you. You gonna get the same dress. Man, I don't even know the cat, man. I just came in here, man. I don't know the cat, man. Hey, can you leave him alone though, man? I don't know you, man.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Will you promise to wash?

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

I promise if you leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Just leave alone.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Just promise to wash your hands.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

I'm asking you nice and leave alone. Cause you don't lied on me and that ain't right, man. I ain't lied on you, no. I don't even know this cat, but he don't lie on me and I don't even know that ain't right, man.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Sir, just wanted to give a public service announcement. Thank you.

[Melissa Carter]

The worst is you could hear the snickering in the back.

[Phil Turana]

Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

And laughing at him.

[Melissa Carter]

Like humiliated in public, where you start to get that hot feeling on your neck and it starts to spread down, you know.

[Jen]

And look at him saving himself. Look, you're lying on me.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

You're lying on me, man. Why are you lying on me?

[Phil Turana]

And so this next time I go walking into the bathroom of another fast food restaurant and I actually catch an employee.

[Jen]

No, that is against the law. They had the sign to remind them in every bathroom actually in Atlanta, wash.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

Hands before returning to work.

[Phil Turana]

And so I catch him as he's walking again. As he's walking, as I'm walking in, he's walking out. And now I gotta be honest here, I did not actually see him not wash his hands. However. However, I did notice that there was no water in the sink. Because, you know, when somebody washes their hands, you can tell they've just washed it. And they did not have actually have paper towels. They have that air blow dryer. So if he would have washed his hands, you knew. Because that air dryer goes for a long period of time. So no water in the sink, totally dry, and absolutely no paper towels in the air. Dryer was not going. Now, what you're going to hear at the end of this, as I'm calling out this employee, his manager comes over and then it gets a little uncomfortable.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

Is this what you said? Because you sent an email out yesterday and said you're going to hear me cower.

[Phil Turana]

You'll hear this at the end where I get yelled at and the manager yells at me to leave. And even though his employee is. Even though his employee didn't wash his hands. However, being the big man that I am, I cower like a little girl. You hear him yell at me, and within seconds I'm like, okay, I'll leave. And you hear that at the very end.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Please don't be alarmed. I'm here from the Sanitation Commission of America. And earlier today, I was following this gentleman out of the bathroom. He did not wash his hands as he was leaving the bathroom. Young man, I noticed you did not wash your hands as you exited the bathroom, sir.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Okay.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

If you'd like me, I'd show you how to wash your hands if that would make it easier. It's a very simple procedure. A little bit of warm water and soap. They even have automatic blow dryers so you do not have to touch the caper itself.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Okay.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Would you like to for me to take you to the restroom and show you how to wash your hands?

[Phil Turana]

What are you talking about?

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Yes, sir.

[Phil Turana]

It's the manager.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Need to get out here with that.

[Phil Turana]

I was just letting you know that this young man did not wash his hands as he was leaving the bathroom.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

I understand that. I understand that he's not on the clock. He will wash his hands before he come on the clock, but I don't need you in this restaurant microphoning out. Get out.

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Okay, well, can we make it a rule to have them wash their hands in the future?

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

It is a rule, sir. Would you please get out of the restaurant with this mess?

[Phil Turana (as the sanitation announcer)]

Yes, sir. And I'll be happy to leave some pamphlets if necessary.

[Phil Turana]

No pamphlets if necessary.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

When you go use the restrooms, always wash your hands. It don't matter. I just want to go to my shower room.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

That was it.

[Phil Turana]

Thanks for doing. You would have known.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Sir, please leave.

[Phil Turana]

Leave. Okay.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Just get out of here.

[Melissa Carter]

Get a light.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Don't come back here either. Sir, please leave.

[Phil Turana]

Leave.

[Jen]

Dang, dude, you got scolded, bro.

[Phil Turana]

Wow.

[Restaurant Manager/Employee]

Sir, please leave.

[Jen]

My butt just went numb.

[Melissa Carter]

Now, he did start to say something to the employee like, you gotta wash your hands.

[Phil Turana]

You gotta Wash your hands. You gotta wash your hands.

[Melissa Carter]

Hey, Ann, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Graduate Student Caller]

Hi. How's it going, guys? I just wanted to say I heard Phil mention the blow dryer. And I'm a graduate student, and actually in my class this week, we were learning about hand washing, and my professor said there had been a survey that came out, I think about six months, months ago that said that if you use one of those hand dryers, your hands are actually dirtier because of the number of people that don't know how to wash their hands properly or might accidentally hit that. And that it actually blows fecal matter out onto your hands.

[Phil Turana]

Oh. What?

[Jen]

Well, I prefer the paper towels anyway.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

Hey, just curious. What degree are you getting where you have a graduate level course where you spend a day talking about hand washing?

[Graduate Student Caller]

Special education.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

Okay, good.

[Melissa Carter]

So it's blowing the fecal matter out of the blower on your hands.

[Jen]

Nasty, nasty, nasty.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, thank you. A tornado of poop.

[Jen]

I'm wiping my hands on my jeans next time.

[Melissa Carter]

Serious, man.

[Jen]

Well, I don't know if that's any better. It's any better than fecal matter from somebody else being blown all over my hands.

[Co-host (possibly a male colleague or friend)]

What are you saying, Carter? That Jen poops her pants?

[Phil Turana]

No.

[Jen]

No.

[Phil Turana]

Whatever. No. No.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, yeah, kind of. What else you got on the stats?

[Jen]

Yeah, other statistics about washing hands. This national survey did okay. Only 83% of us wash our hands after using the bathroom at home. Don't just do it in public restrooms. You got to do it at the house, too. 73%. Only 73% wash their hands after changing a dirty diaper. 40. Only 42% wash your hands after petting a dog or a cat. And only 32% of people, 32% wash their hands after they cough or sneeze into their hands.

[Phil Turana]

The Birch Show.