Vault: They Broke Up After She Became a Born-Again Virgin

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: They Broke Up After She Became a Born-Again Virgin"

Date: May 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show team discusses listener Amanda’s relationship history as part of their "Relationship Report Card" segment. Today’s focus is on Eric, an ex-boyfriend who reflects on their breakup, which occurred after Amanda decided to become a "born-again virgin." The cast and callers engage in a layered conversation about sexual boundaries, personal transformation, guilt and shame around sexuality, and the authenticity of such changes in relationships. The tone is candid, often humorous, yet occasionally critical, with moments of listener pushback and reflection on cultural and religious attitudes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Amanda’s Dating History Recap (01:30–02:41)

• Bert summarizes Amanda’s past two relationships explored on previous episodes:
  • Both involved significant age differences and mismatched lifestyles (her partners were younger, wanted to keep partying while Amanda pulled away and became more serious).
  • Amanda’s recurring pattern: Starting off adventurous, then soon withdrawing from the party/going-out lifestyle, leading to relationship breakdowns.

2. Eric’s Perspective: The “Born-Again Virgin” Conversation (02:41–10:23)

• Relationship Overview:
  • Eric (early thirties) and Amanda (similar age) dated for about six months.
  • Their relationship started with strong chemistry and shared values about "where they were in life."
  • After a vacation together, Amanda announced she wanted to become a "born-again virgin" as part of New Year’s resolutions.
• Eric’s Reaction:
  • Initial confusion and disbelief (“I said that, you know, there’s, I want to lose 10 pounds and there’s I want to quit smoking, and then there’s I want to become a born again virgin.” – Eric, 05:37)
  • Describes Amanda’s decision as deeply personal to her; she wanted to abstain from sex until she was certain “you’re the one that I’m going to marry and have children with” (05:51).
  • Expresses feeling hurt and “mind games,” wondering if he was being rejected or if it was about him.
  • Ultimately, Eric stayed for about a month after her decision but found abstinence incompatible with his needs and left the relationship.

3. The Show’s Take on “Born-Again Virginity” (08:23–09:07)

• Hosts debate the concept:
  • Bert: “Once that’s gone, it is gone. You can’t will it to be again. It is gone.” (08:23)
  • Co-hosts express skepticism toward the terminology and wonder about the role guilt, shame, or personal transformation plays, especially for women.

4. Call-In Segment: Listener Responses (10:54–16:30)

a. Christine’s Rebuttal: The Religious & Emotional Dimension (10:54–14:43)

• Christine pushes back against the cast’s tone, emphasizing:
  • The spiritual side of “born-again virginity” as a personal, faith-based choice: “...in the Christian faith because you are becoming a new person spiritually. That's why they call it born again." (12:17)
  • Her frustration with the cast’s dismissal of Amanda’s choice and concerns about fostering shame.
• The cast clarifies they’re more skeptical about the term than the choice itself; they encourage open disagreement but defend their right to candid opinions.

b. Mike’s Perspective: Pattern Recognition & Authenticity (15:01–15:59)

• As an agnostic, Mike shares a more secular viewpoint:
  • Thinks Amanda initially presents herself as appealing to her partners but then shifts back to her authentic self.
  • Suggests the born-again virgin declaration may be linked to her personal efforts to change, not to manipulate.

c. Cast Deep-Dive: Is Amanda Self-Sabotaging? (16:01–17:32)

• Co-hosts debate whether Amanda is unconsciously torpedoing her relationships by attracting partners with different values, only to later pull away from what is most important to them (“She is sabotaging herself, you know?” 10:32; “Maybe she just doesn’t really want to be in a relationship because she keeps figuring out a way to torpedo these relationships.” – Caller Stephanie, 17:24).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Eric on Amanda’s Resolution (05:37):
  “I said that, you know, there’s, I want to lose 10 pounds and there’s I want to quit smoking, and then there’s I want to become a born again virgin.”
• Host, on taking the decision personally (06:38):
  “If I’m the guy...she doesn’t want to do that anymore, I can’t help but take that personally.”
• Co-host 1, on the issue of shame (08:46):
  “It disturbs me that women feel so guilty about it...there’s some shame in what they’ve done in the past.”
• Christine (Caller), on the spiritual side (12:17):
  “...that is what it’s called in the Christian faith because you are becoming a new person spiritually.”
• Co-host 3, on reacting to callers (14:43):
  “But if it is a huge problem for each one of us, why wouldn’t we be allowed to say that?”
• Host, on Amanda’s dating choices (16:30):
  “It’s fascinating that Amanda is attracted to men of such seemingly opposite characteristics as she has...almost as if she’s setting herself up for failure.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Amanda’s dating history recap: 01:30–02:41
• Eric describes relationship and Amanda’s resolution: 02:41–10:23
• Hosts debate ‘born-again virginity’: 08:23–09:07
• Eric reflects on why he left: 09:14–10:23
• Listener Christine’s religious defense: 10:54–14:43
• Mike’s secular take: 15:01–15:59
• Cast analyzes Amanda’s patterns: 16:01–17:32

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Final Thoughts

The episode delivers a nuanced, sometimes heated exploration of personal boundaries and the complexities of evolving identity within relationships. Callers and cast members dissect Amanda's choices, debating whether these shifts are rooted in personal growth, faith, or subconscious self-sabotage. The dialogue surfaces broader cultural and gendered issues around sexuality, guilt, religion, and authenticity—leaving listeners with open-ended questions about love, intimacy, and self-acceptance.

Transcript

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[Host]

The Bird show here's what we know about Amanda so far. We know that she's 33 years old. We know we talked to her on Friday and she agreed to do Relationship Report Card where we line up a different dude every day and he details exactly why the relationship hasn't worked out. And in day one, John came on, said, look, we went out with each other in College. It was 13 years ago. I was drinking and partying and she was too for about a couple of months. And then she got real serious about the books and she wanted me to stay home all the time. And I was 21 so it didn't work out. Then yesterday we talked to Nathan and he told US he was 21 while they were dating when she was 30.

[Co-host 1]

30.

[Co-host 2]

30.

[Host]

30 years old. Same scenario there. He wanted to party and do it up. He was 21 years old. He was going clubbing. He's going to the bars. And she's like, I am past this man. She started off hot, like, she was going out with him and drinking. And then a couple of months later, she didn't want to do it anymore, so she stayed home and he kept going out, and that was the end of their relationship. So we do have that tie together. Today it is Eric who wants to be on the Voice Disguiser. Morning, Eric.

[Caller Eric]

Hey, guys. How are you? Good.

[Host]

How are you today?

[Caller Eric]

I'm doing okay.

[Host]

How long ago did you date Amanda?

[Caller Eric]

Well, we. We dated two years ago.

[Co-host 3]

Okay.

[Caller Eric]

And we were together, like, really almost exactly six months.

[Host]

Okay, six months.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Host]

And you're how old?

[Caller Eric]

I'll be 35 in May.

[Co-host 3]

Okay.

[Host]

Somebody her own age got you a little older.

[Caller Eric]

Two years older, I mean, but, you know, pretty. Pretty similar in friends and age.

[Host]

And so Amanda for sure is listening right now, and she probably hasn't heard your voice in a while. So give us a snapshot, a description of the time that you guys spent together and started off, you know, with all the good stuff that happened in the beginning, and then just tell us where you started to see some red flags and then how it deteriorated for you.

[Caller Eric]

Okay. Well, we met through mutual friends, and I remember we hit it off right away. We, you know, it was nice because, like, we didn't meet, like, you know, we weren't fixed up. We were just out, and we really connected, and it seemed, like, really cool. And she's great. You know, she's. You know, my memory of our relationship is that we had a good time, but she's pretty serious about her career and work, and I like that. Like, I thought that was great. And, you know, we weren't kids, so this was, like, someone who I started looking at as, you know, possibly someone to hang out. So I think we were on the same wavelength in terms of where we were at in our lives for hanging out and be pursuing something long term. And I won't give you tons of details, but, like, here's what really happened. We went away on a vacation, and we had the best time. We just, you know, like one of those week packages, and it was just, like, amazing. And she's a lot of fun, you know, and she. She's not like a party girl, but she was, like, really a lot of fun and sort of partied on the same level that I do. Like. Like, you know, enough fun, but not crazy. But here's the wildest part. So. And this is. This is why. This is where it started to go downhill. We got back from the vacation, and it was right after. It was like around the New Year's resolution time. And I'm not a big resolution guy, but I remember her saying, I'm going to make some resolutions this year. And I said, great, amazing. And you have to keep in mind that this is right after the vacation where we had, you know, a really good time. And we're not kids. We were, you know, we were.

[Co-host 3]

All righty.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Caller Eric]

So she says, I've decided I want to become a born again virgin. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I'm not kidding you. And I thought she was kidding.

[Host]

Did you laugh?

[Caller Eric]

What'd you say?

[Co-host 2]

Did you laugh right away?

[Caller Eric]

Yeah, I just said, you're like. I said that, you know, there's, I want to lose 10 pounds and there's I want to quit smoking, and then there's I want to become a born again virgin.

[Co-host 1]

So did that mean that she wanted to stay a virgin and that means no, mom.

[Caller Eric]

How? It was explained to me, and she just said, you know, I've. And we're. You know, I don't remember her being religious. I mean, I think that her family, they may be observant and they may observe holidays and whatnot, but I just remember her saying, this sort of came to me, and I've reflected on this, and this is like an incredibly important thing I want to do in my life. I just want to abstain from sex, and I really want to sort of claim myself. I mean, that's the phrase she used, a born again virgin. And I want to do this until I'm really, really, really certain that you're me or anyone, but I certainly thought it was me because we were together, that you're the one that I'm going to marry and have children with. I mean, I didn't hear a lot beyond, I want to become a barn again person.

[Host]

You need to hear after that. Yeah, I can't. I mean, if I'm the guy and I'm the dude that's been intimate with my girlfriend now for six months, and she all of a sudden say she doesn't want to do that anymore, I can't help but take that personally.

[Caller Eric]

Yeah. This was like, at five months. And so I hung out. Like, I thought. I thought, okay, this isn't going to last. Who can? And really, like, we went, like. I remember we went like a month And I couldn't handle it. Yeah.

[Host]

Oh, sure. You're going to get a lot of support here.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, I. Different conversation for a different time. I just. I've never heard a guy say that they were gonna do that.

[Host]

To be a boarding in person. Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

I just wonder where that comes from. Why she decided, like, up and decided

[Co-host 3]

that a really bad vacation of lovemaking.

[Host]

Did she say, why this?

[Caller Eric]

And then I thought, is it me? Is it like. I really felt like. Is she trying to sort of, like, not say, you're not doing it for me? Like, I had no. You know, it played a lot of games with my mind.

[Host]

Was she reading some kind of book or something? Was. All of a sudden, she's making all these changes. Some kind of.

[Caller Eric]

Well, you know, as I said, it was around. It was. You know, it was around the new year time. And like, you know, she just. I guess she was, like, reflecting on what she wants to. What she wanted to do and give up and do with her life. And, you know, it was. We weren't living together, so, like, you know, we were dating, but. So I can't tell you what went on, like, in the privacy of her own thoughts about it. But.

[Caller Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller Eric]

And then things just got tense for me then. I was always in my head about. Of course. Yeah. I could never really.

[Caller Stephanie]

You know.

[Caller Eric]

And then it was like. Then it was, like, really frustrating because we would, like, you know, fool around, but, like, really, like, we'd kiss and we'd cuddle and it just wasn't enough.

[Host]

I applaud you for sticking around for four weeks. I think you said it was a month I'd have been gone right at the virgin part. Weird, because I'm breaking up with you. And just as a sidebar here, and we've talked about this before, there is no such thing. Once that's gone, it is gone. You can't will it to be again. It is gone.

[Co-host 1]

It disturbs me that women feel so guilty about it. You know, it concerns me when we talk to Amanda on Friday, that women feel.

[Caller Eric]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

That there's some shame in what they've done in the past.

[Host]

I just. I struggle with just the name of it. Rephrase it or something, because it's just a big old lie.

[Co-host 3]

It's just the whole concept. What, the born again virgin thing?

[Host]

Yeah. You got one shot at that.

[Caller Eric]

Yeah.

[Host]

Okay. So that was really it. Everything's going fine. And then all of a sudden she decides, no more of this. And then you're out of there at that point. Okay. Easy stuff.

[Caller Eric]

Yeah. And, you know, when you're a guy, I hate to say it, like, it's. In some respects, it felt like I was being punished for something or that I would. And then I thought, wow, did I offend you in some way? It was just really. It was a real bad mind game for me.

[Host]

I gotcha. Okay, cool. I'm sure she's listening right now. We are not putting her back on today to debate it or.

[Co-host 3]

Although what are we doing?

[Co-host 1]

She's screaming right now at the radio,

[Commercial Announcer 2]

but I know it's getting longer.

[Co-host 1]

Huh? What is it?

[Caller Eric]

I have to say one thing.

[Co-host 3]

Oh, no.

[Caller Eric]

She's a great gal and, like, really terrific person and I really enjoyed her. But that, you know, maybe in retrospect, I hope she'll understand, but it just. It just. That wasn't cool with me. That's all.

[Host]

So had she not made that announcement or that life decision, then the relationship would have continued on, you know, as

[Caller Eric]

far as I was concerned. I really thought, like, things were going great and we were having a great time. So I can't tell you, like, if two years later we'd still be together, but I know that I would. I had every interest in staying with her at that point and. And. But that part of a relationship is important to me.

[Host]

Okay, cool. I'm sure she'll have something to say about that when we talk to her again, but we got it, man. Thank you very much. Appreciate it, Eric. Thanks. Bye.

[Caller Eric]

Bye.

[Co-host 1]

She is sabotaging herself, you know?

[Co-host 2]

Like, I just wonder where that came from. There had to be something going on.

[Co-host 1]

Things were going that trip that spurred

[Host]

that on and she certainly wasn't enjoying that part of their relationship because if that's going great, you just don't give

[Co-host 1]

that part up unless she's just.

[Caller Eric]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

The first thought I have is that things are going well. So she messed it up, you know?

[Host]

Is this Kristen?

[Caller Stephanie]

Christine?

[Host]

Hey, Christine, good morning.

[Caller Christine]

Hey. First of all, I just want to say I've been listening to you guys for over a year and I absolutely love your show, but I am so, so upset and disappointed by your reaction to this whole thing.

[Host]

Why is that?

[Caller Christine]

Okay, okay. First of all, you guys said it's ridiculous that she, you know, wants to be a born again virgin and that it's a lie and that it's stupid and that she shouldn't feel guilty, you know, if she has decided to turn her life over to living, you know, in a Christian way that she feels like God wants her to do, you know, that's something very personal for Anyone to experience. And you know, even if you don't particularly understand it, that religious side of it, that can be a very, very important and personal part of someone's life,

[Co-host 3]

but we don't know if it's religious. He may have just sucked in bed.

[Host]

Well, and let me say this also because I don't want you to twist my words around. I don't have any problem at all with the fact that for whatever reason a woman wants to give up that part of a relationship. That part really doesn't bother me. The more superficial part of that that really annoys me is calling it what people call it. There is no such thing as a born again Virginia. It's done, it happened, it's over.

[Co-host 2]

All of a sudden. Say that you're going to now practice

[Host]

abstinence, but you're not a born again virgin.

[Co-host 2]

Reclaim that part.

[Caller Christine]

So you can do with the physical aspect, obviously physically, you can never be a virgin again. Everyone knows that. But on the religious, spiritual side of it, that is what it's called in the Christian faith because you are becoming a new person spiritually. That's why they call it born again. They don't mean literally physically, you're going

[Co-host 3]

to be a virgin again, that's fine.

[Caller Christine]

But God is wiping away your sexual sins from the past night. That don't agree with that.

[Co-host 1]

That's what I. I'm the one that said it was silly and had a problem with.

[Host]

This is where Melissa and you will disagree.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, I mean, and we just have to agree to disagree. But I find it disturbing that a woman in her own mind feels so guilty about and shameful about her past that she feels the need to. To do this for herself. And that's why I said earlier that I would be interested to hear a guy say that I'm a born again virgin because it seems like I only hear women say this and I'm just always concerned about a woman being ashamed of her sexuality.

[Caller Christine]

Okay, well, like I said, it is a religious and spiritual thing. And if it's not something that you personally believe in, then you're not going to understand it. And that's not my problem. I don't expect for you guys to feel the same as everyone else, but what bothers me is how you criticize it. I mean, as soon as he said hey, she decided she wanted to be a born again virgin, all of you guys started moaning. Oh, gosh. Well, that just ruins the whole thing. And maybe it does ruin it for him because if he doesn't feel the same way about, you know, that religious side of it or whatever, then I can understand why maybe that was a problem for him. But just the fact that you guys acted like, oh, yeah, that is a huge problem. I can't believe she did that.

[Co-host 3]

But if it is a huge problem for each one of us, why wouldn't we be allowed to say that? Just like you're calling up saying it's not a big problem for you, but being all defensive, like, wouldn't it be better just to call up and say, hey, you know what? I understand where she's coming from. Like you're mad at us for feeling like that's not the proper choice for us and expecting us to completely understand your side of things.

[Caller Christine]

No, but you guys have to realize that you have listeners from all different backgrounds and things. You know, it's one thing.

[Co-host 3]

Yeah, so call up.

[Caller Christine]

And I don't agree with that. I don't think, you know, I would never do that with my life. But to actually sit there and act like, you know, she's this crazy weird person for doing that.

[Host]

Hey, Christine, I don't want to be, I don't want to be rude to you. I don't want to be rude to you, but I think we're just saying the same things over and over and over again. So I'm going to move on to another caller, but we get you and we hear you.

[Caller Christine]

Thank you.

[Host]

Okay, bye.

[Caller Mike]

Bye.

[Co-host 3]

I hate you guys.

[Caller Eric]

Oh, yeah, she's not happy.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

Do you think she was a born again virgin?

[Commercial Announcer 2]

I don't think so.

[Co-host 3]

If she was, she needs to have sex.

[Host]

I think she's a born again Steven. Vicky Listener at this point. She'll be listening to us tomorrow.

[Co-host 3]

She needs, she needs you just to get, go out and just ask God to forgive her for one night and get real freaky.

[Host]

Hey, Mike, good Morning. You're on Q100. What's going on?

[Caller Mike]

First off, that lady before me would not shut up. It was kind of amusing.

[Host]

Okay, let's move on past that.

[Co-host 3]

I didn't notice.

[Caller Mike]

I'm agnostic. So I'm gonna give you guys a non religious point of view from here, okay? I think it's like the mindset born again virgin thing is kind of okay, but you can never have, you know, down. Your body will never become a virgin again.

[Host]

Right.

[Caller Mike]

But the girl, I'm going on the girl subject here. I'm going to talk about the girl. I think she tries to seem appealing to the guys at first, but once she thinks she's in the relationship, far Enough where either they're tied down or she settled down enough with the relationship and content. I think she kind of shows her who she really is in a way. But, like, with the born again virgin thing, I think she was just. She didn't want to be like that person anymore, so she wanted to change who she was. And it seems different with every guy.

[Host]

So she seems to be, like, kind

[Co-host 2]

of doing something the guys at first, maybe, right?

[Host]

And then becoming just the opposite of what they want. Maybe purposely breaking. I mean, but it's breaking up with them without breaking up with them, because the two guys before her, big part of their life is going out and drinking, right? All right? They're getting their drink on, so she. She says, that's not part of my life anymore. So they bail. This guy's having a great time on vacation. Let's assume they're getting intimate. They're having a great time over and over and over again. As soon as the vacation's over, she's like, I'm pulling that part of the relationship out of it.

[Co-host 1]

It's fascinating that Amanda is attracted to men of such seemingly opposite characteristics as she has. You know, I mean, so that's why I keep saying that it's almost as if she's setting herself up for failure because she's not seeking out guys that she really has a lot in common with, or it's a control issue that when she does and she's settled into it, then all of a sudden she's putting in these strict parameters for them.

[Co-host 2]

I also think maybe she's attracted to these guys because they're more exciting than she is, and so she feels like, oh, you know, I'll do what they like to do, and I'll sort of, you know, change who I am to be with them. But then after time, she comes back to herself, which may be somebody that doesn't want to be intimate or doesn't

[Co-host 1]

want to go out and party, which is fine. It's just hard. Why? Trying to figure out why Amanda's not attracted to men that are like, you know, like that.

[Host]

Hey, Stephanie, Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Stephanie]

Hey, good morning, guys. I love your show.

[Host]

Thank you.

[Caller Stephanie]

Well, I just think that, I mean,

[Caller Christine]

maybe she just doesn't really doesn't want

[Caller Stephanie]

to be in a relationship because she keeps figuring out a way to torpedo these relationships.

[Caller Mike]

Right.

[Caller Stephanie]

I mean, with this last caller, it seemed like everything was just going along so well. They had this fabulous vacation. He said they were totally in sync, and when they got back home, she hits him with, I want to be a born again version. I mean, nothing's going to make a guy run faster in the other direction than to say something like that.

[Host]

And she's hitting them right at the things that are most important to them at the time. The drinking with the guys that were 21 was huge for them, and she pulls that away.

[Co-host 3]

She's almost like a torturous control freak. Exactly what the guy wants. She robs it from it.

[Commercial Announcer 3]

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