Vault: They can't be apart from their baby too long.

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: They Can't Be Apart from Their Baby Too Long

Date: June 29, 2026
Hosts: Bertzky, Jeff, Tracy, Katie, Melissa
Episode Topic: The emotional challenges of new parents being away from their babies, the anxieties and guilt involved, and the broader dialogue around parenting choices and mom guilt.

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Episode Overview

This episode delves into the emotional complexities experienced by new parents—particularly mothers—when it comes to spending time away from their infants. The hosts share personal experiences and invite listeners to contribute their own stories. The conversation explores parental anxiety, societal pressures, working mom guilt, and how differing parenting styles spark debate, especially among women.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tracy’s Story: Reluctance to Leave Baby Ella

• [01:10–02:28] Tracy shares that her eight-month-old daughter, Ella, has only been in the care of someone other than her parents (Tracy and Scott) for a total of three hours since birth, across two separate occasions, both with Tracy’s mother.

  • "How many total hours has Ella not been in the care of either you or Scott? ... Three." —Bretzky & Tracy ([01:40–01:52])

• Tracy admits her reluctance isn’t about distrust in her mother’s abilities, but stems from anxiety about Ella feeling abandoned and a strong desire to be present.

  • "If I was gonna leave her with anybody, it would be my parents. ... I'm just afraid if we leave her for too long, she's gonna think we're not coming back." —Tracy ([02:26–02:55])

• She emphasizes a deep fear of making mistakes:

  • "I've never wanted to not screw something up so badly in my whole life. ... I want her to have the best parents in the whole world, not because I want to be the best parents, but because she deserves it." —Tracy ([03:05–03:23])

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Parenting Styles: Protective vs. Inclusive

• [04:10–04:26] Jeff contrasts Tracy’s protective style with his preference for broadening his child’s exposure:

  • "I want my baby to be cared by a whole bunch of different people ... I want him to feel comfortable in those settings." —Jeff ([04:11–04:18])

• Tracy acknowledges her approach is different and links her protectiveness to working mom guilt:

  • "I think I'm fortunate because I'm probably away from her less than most working moms are. When you get home, I kind of feel like ... I want to spend as much time with you as possible." —Tracy ([04:26–05:02])

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Balancing Marriage and Parenthood

• [05:02–05:23] Jeff raises the topic of relationship health, asking about time alone with her husband.
• Tracy notes they are often home together due to their work schedules, but Jeff challenges whether proximity equals true quality time.

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Listener Stories: Different Choices, Same Emotions

• [05:34–06:45] Melissa, a listener, calls in to share her experience of never leaving her three- and two-year-olds with anyone else until recently. She says it's not about lack of support, but personal choice and responsibility.

  • "It's just, they're mine. I'm supposed to take care of them. ... I didn't want to be like the other young moms who just kind of pawn their kids off on everyone." —Melissa ([05:57–06:07])

• Tracy reflects that early motherhood insecurity made her more willing to hand Ella over to grandparents, which now causes some guilt.

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Security Blankets and Healthy Dependence

• [06:45–07:03] Jeff questions if having parents as a security blanket might make children overly dependent. Tracy posits that parenting has no single right way and defends following her instincts.
  • "If your mommy is your security blanket, is that such a bad thing?" —Tracy ([06:55–07:03])

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The Motherhood Guilt Spectrum

• [07:34–09:33]
  • Katie voices concern about women pitting themselves against each other (e.g., “pawn their kids off”):
    • "I wish the language was more inclusive where women were not so competitive with each other when it comes to motherhood" —Katie ([07:34–08:12])
  • Jeff recognizes cultural shifts: previous generations relied more on communal support, not individual competition or judgment.
  • Tracy and Katie agree it's about personal choice, not judgment:
    • "It's just. I just feel guilty for leaving her, you know?" —Tracy ([09:08–09:33])
    • Katie summarizes that working moms often feel they're not “good enough” at either work or motherhood. ([09:33])

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The Ongoing Tension—Career Sacrifice & Emotional Struggle

• [10:08–11:46] Another caller, Melissa, shares that she has never left her children with others, despite being a nurse and having family support at a distance. Her story highlights sacrifice and the hard choices mothers make about their careers and kids.

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Emotional vs. Practical Barriers to Leaving

• [12:31–12:44] Tracy clarifies her issue is never about trust in her mother or her mothering skills—it's an emotional struggle, not rational concern:
  • "But it's more of an emotional thing on my end. It's not trusting." —Tracy ([12:44])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I've never wanted to not screw something up so badly in my whole life." —Tracy ([03:05])
• "They're mine. I'm supposed to take care of them." —Melissa, listener ([06:01])
• "I wish the language was more inclusive where women were not so competitive with each other when it comes to motherhood." —Katie ([07:34])
• “Working moms ... feel like they're never good enough, really, at anything.” —Katie ([09:33])
• “I have no problems with my mom taking care of Ella. ... It's more of an emotional thing on my end. It's not trusting.” —Tracy ([12:31–12:44])

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:07] – Tracy reveals how few hours her baby has spent without either parent present.
• [03:05] – Tracy expresses her immense anxiety about parenting.
• [04:10–04:18] – Contrasting parenting philosophies between hosts.
• [05:34] – Listener Melissa shares her never-leave-the-kids philosophy.
• [07:34] – Katie raises the issue of women pitting themselves against each other over parenting choices.
• [09:33] – Discussion of the guilt that working mothers face.
• [10:08] – Caller Melissa talks about sacrificing her nursing career for motherhood.
• [12:44] – Tracy clarifies her reluctance is emotional, not about trust.

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Conclusion & Tone

The episode is honest, warm, and supportive, with hosts sharing their vulnerabilities and validating each other's (and callers’) emotions. Through real stories and candid dialogue, the show highlights the universality of “mom guilt” and the many ways parents struggle with the balance between self, work, partnership, and parenting. The message: There’s no “right” way—just your family’s way—and that’s enough.

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Transcript

[Bretzky]

Hey everybody.

[Tracy]

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[Jeff]

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[Geico Advertiser]

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[Bretzky]

I have definitely already been here. Now was it left right or right left? Well, maybe I'll cut a path out and find my way back later.

[Geico Advertiser]

But it wasn't like that. I filed a claim in under two minutes on the Geico app and they handled it from there. It was taken care of almost as quickly as it happened.

[Bretzky]

It feels good to get help quick.

[Tracy]

It feels good to Geico.

[Bretzky]

The Birch Show.

[Jeff]

Jeff wants to pose a question.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Bretzky]

I want to play Tracy poker.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Bretzky]

I want to find the parent. How old is beautiful little Ella?

[Tracy]

She's eight months old.

[Bretzky]

Eight months old. So doing quick math, that would be 240 days. Right. So I can't. I gotta get a cock.

[Katie]

Yeah, But I. Yeah, 200. I don't know why I just agreed to. Because I have no idea.

[Jeff]

Well, like no, like 37, man.

[Katie]

Yeah, that's right.

[Tracy]

You are wrong.

[Bretzky]

So 240 days times 24 hours a day is 5760 hours that beautiful Ella Grace guinea has been on this earth. Uh huh. Tracy.

[Katie]

Uh huh.

[Bretzky]

How many total hours has Ella not been in the care of either you or Scott? In other words, how many hours have you and Scott been away from Ella together?

[Tracy]

Three.

[Jeff]

Three hours.

[Bretzky]

Three out of 5760.

[Tracy]

And was that in one time? No, for three hours. That was two different times.

[Katie]

Two different times.

[Jeff]

And they were for 90 minutes each.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Bretzky]

Now I know the second time and stop me if you don't want me telling the story, but I won't listen. The second time was, I think Tracy said her mom came in and was watching.

[Tracy]

Both times it was my mom.

[Bretzky]

Okay. Was watching ella. And the second time actually said do not come home for three hours and 90 minutes into it, Tracy's like, I gotta go home.

[Tracy]

I was tired.

[Jeff]

Seriously. You were freaked out that you weren't around her. That Long.

[Tracy]

Um. Well, here's the thing. I mean, I 100%. We've talked about this. I completely, 100% trust my parents with her. That's not the issue at all. If I was gonna leave her with anybody, it would be my parents. I don't know. I just. I guess it's because she's only eight months old, and she sees my parents, like, once a week for a couple of hours, and we're there. But to me, that's like, she's not around them enough to where she's. I guess I'm just afraid if we leave her for too long, she's gonna think we're not coming back.

[Jeff]

God.

[Tracy]

I know, honey.

[Bretzky]

All right, well, let's. You know what?

[Jeff]

I don't know that I've ever met a more insecure parent. You're so, so nervous.

[Tracy]

I don't want to screw this up. I've never. Not wanted. I've never wanted to not screw something up so badly in my whole life. I understand that.

[Jeff]

I understand that.

[Tracy]

You know, like, if this is the one thing that I want to succeed at more than anything else. Like, I want her to have the best parents in the whole world, not because I want to be the best parents, but because she deserves it, then

[Bretzky]

I would like to hear from parents who are better than Scott and Tracy. If you have a child that is older than 5,760 hours, which is eight months, and you've been. And they have been away from both parents for less than three hours, call me.

[Jeff]

Look, our former boss. I think you can. Our former boss, when she had their first baby, you remember, for six months, she wouldn't leave the house.

[Bretzky]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Who?

[Jeff]

Former boss? Yeah. Dylan's wife. Dylan's wife wouldn't leave the house. They didn't go out to dinner. She just wouldn't allow that child to be. Be in the care of anybody else for six months. They never left.

[Bretzky]

And that was just her. Like, she was around the baby for six consecutive months. So that that woman I would consider a better mother than Traci. Because you. Cause you leave your baby every single day for hours.

[Jeff]

We have such different attitudes about this. Like, my feeling on it is I want my baby to be cared by a whole bunch of different people.

[Tracy]

Right.

[Jeff]

I want him to be passed around because I want him to feel comfortable in those settings. Whereas your attitude's just different than mine. Yours is more protective.

[Tracy]

And I think if I was sitting on a therapist's couch, I would probably say that a lot of it most likely has a Lot of guilt. Like working mom guilt, you know, I am gone for so many hours a day, and I think I'm fortunate because I'm probably away from her less than most working moms are. But when you get home, I kind of feel like, all right, I've been gone for the last seven hours or eight hours or however long it's been. I want to spend as much time with you as possible. And on the weekends, if I've been gone all week, I want to spend as much time with you on the weekends as possible. I always, every time I leave her, I'm like, oh, she's thinking, gosh, Mommy's leaving me again. She doesn't think that I know she. Well, logically I know that.

[Jeff]

But where does Scott, where does your marriage fit into it, though? I mean, eventually, don't you have to spend one on one time with your husband in order for that relationship to stay healthy too?

[Tracy]

Yeah, I mean, yes. But at the same time, I mean, I think Scott and I probably spend more time together than most couples do. Also because I work early morning hours, so I'm home half the day and he works from home. So we spend a good amount of time together.

[Jeff]

If two people are in the home and they're in different offices and they're working, that's not really together time. That's just being in the house together.

[Tracy]

Well, you haven't been in our house. It's pretty small here.

[Bretzky]

Is that Jennifer?

[Jeff]

Hey, Jennifer. Good morning, Yellow.

[Melissa]

Hey.

[Jeff]

Hey.

[Melissa]

I have a three year old and a two year old and up until about last month, they had never been away from me. Never. My husband and I didn't have date nights by ourselves. If we went to dinner, the kids went with us. And that's just. It was normal for us.

[Jeff]

Is that because you had nobody else to take care of the baby or. That was by choice?

[Melissa]

No. I mean, I have a great mom and you know, we have great friends. It's just, they're mine. I'm supposed to take care of them.

[Bretzky]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

I didn't want to be like the other young moms who just kind of pawn their kids off on everyone. Everyone. I just didn't want that.

[Tracy]

I think too, for me, the first couple of months that she was here, I was so insecure about what I was able to do as a mom and I was so insecure about knowing what she needed when she needed it, that I felt like when we were around family, you know, the other, you know, my mom, my stepmom, I mean, I was there, but I was so willing to hand her off because I felt like she was in better hands with them because I didn't know what I was doing. So I think I have a little bit of guilt about that, that I was so able to pass her on to somebody else then.

[Jeff]

Are you a little bit nervous, though? Like, when you're not around or Scott's not around, she's just gonna freak. Like, she doesn't have. That's the only thing that she knows. Like, you basically have become her security blanket, I guess.

[Tracy]

But if your mommy is your security blanket, is that such a bad thing

[Jeff]

if you could be there 24, 7 until she's 25 years old and out of the house?

[Tracy]

And I think that every parent has different. There's different parenting styles. And I'm a firm believer that there's no right way or wrong way. You know, I mean, everybody does things differently because every child and every couple and every person is different totally. You know, and that's just the way that I've chosen to do things. And I've gotten so many emails from people when we've talked about the co sleeping thing or the fact that she sleeps in my room, you know, yes, people have opinions that it's the wrong thing to do, but I've gotten more emails from people saying, trust your instinct. And also I've done the same thing. And my children are more independent than other kids that are in school with them.

[Katie]

One thing you said that in this ended up being a conversation that Kati and I had a few weeks ago about just things that we are uncomfortable seeing women pit each against each other on. And you talk about the working mom guilt and the way you raise your kid guilt. And I guess the way that, you know, people may have a difference of opinion. But what I would really love to see more is women. Like, she just said, I don't want to be like those other women that pawn their kids off at other people. Like, I wish the language was more inclusive where women were not so competitive with each other when it comes to motherhood that they. You know what I mean? Like, that people aren't judging Tracy on what she's doing. They just say, hey, you know, it's just different. You know, Ella's still going to be fine regardless of what.

[Jeff]

Tracy, Stacey and I were just talking about this last night because we have a friend that's going through really, like, extreme postpartum depression right now. And it's so different than when our parents were first time parents or their parents were, because literally the mom stayed home, and she had the help of other moms in the neighborhood, and y' all were raising each other's children, and it was accepted. Nowadays, it's just not like that. Half the moms are at work, half the moms are staying home. And while it's not competitive, there's just not that support system that's as installed as it was back in the day.

[Katie]

But I have no problem with working moms. I will choose to be a working mother, and Katie will choose to be a working mother. And, you know, it's just, though, that the attitude. It doesn't matter that the women aren't in the neighborhood helping me out or I'm not in the neighborhood helping other women out. It's the fact that when they're at work and I'm at home, that I'm not judging the woman that's home, you know, home mom. And that she's not judging me because I'm guilty, too.

[Tracy]

I don't have working mom guilt because I think that it's. It's wrong to be a working mom. I don't certainly judge myself, nor am I judging somebody else. It's just. I just feel guilty for leaving her, you know? And I think that if you asked most working moms, I think that they would say the same thing. They enjoy their careers. They want to have a career. They want to be a person separate from being a mom. But at the same time, in the back of your mind, you're always wondering, would it be better for my child if I were home? And I think a lot of the

[Katie]

working moms, too, feel like they're never good enough, really, at anything. That they're not good enough as a mom or they're not good enough at work. They sort of feel halfway between both. That's typically what my friends that are working moms have said. Their struggle is. They don't feel like they're good enough anywhere.

[Tracy]

Because you think about all the things that you could be doing with her if you weren't working, you know, right now. If I weren't working, like, I could be taking her to those Mommy and Me music classes or those, you know,

[Bretzky]

like, well, Scott's taking her there, right?

[Tracy]

I could be taking her playgroups.

[Bretzky]

Isn't Scott doing the music class with her?

[Tracy]

He actually offered when I told him I felt guilty about it, but here's Varvel.

[Jeff]

Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Melissa]

Good morning, guys. Great show.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Melissa]

I am listening to you, and, oh, my God, you guys are touching upon so many subjects that I've experienced. I have three children myself with my husband, of course. That's one of them right there.

[Bretzky]

Put them in a closet.

[Melissa]

Three and a half year old and a nine month old. And talking about this, not leaving your children with anyone else that you don't trust. With my first, who's now five and a half, up until she was 18 months, only once did we leave her with someone, and that was for an hour.

[Katie]

Wow.

[Melissa]

Yeah. I mean, and it was, you know, and like I said, you guys are touching upon so many subjects. I remember doing it all alone. And still now we used to. This is when we used to live in Orlando and now we live here in Atlanta. And we've never had family around with us. I'm from Canada. Mine is up in Canada and my husband's from San Diego. And so we've been doing it all by ourselves. So we kind of almost had no choice. But even when they visited, I was very reluctant to leave my children with them because just the lack of experience of being around them. And I get what she's saying, but just she wasn't used to being around anybody else. So you have that guilt of, oh, my gosh, are they worried about whether or not you're going to come back? Also, we had children later in life. I mean, I'm not that old, but I was 32 and I wanted to have children quietly.

[Katie]

Yeah, thanks.

[Tracy]

I hate you.

[Bretzky]

It really hits hard to Melissa this week.

[Katie]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Jeff]

But I bet your attitude was different with the third than it was the first, right?

[Melissa]

No, no, I have not left her. No. And I had a career before. I am a nurse. I. What? I mean, I am a nurse. I was a nurse. I haven't worked in five years now. And it's a sacrifice that, you know, I've. I've chosen to make now whether or not my career will be waiting for me when I'm done with child rearing and childbearing, that's something we'll have to see. But that's a choice I've made. And, and it's kind of like, what. What am I willing to give up? Am I willing to take that chance and have them raised by someone else? And, you know, it's your future.

[Bretzky]

Tracy.

[Melissa]

Sorry.

[Bretzky]

No, go ahead. I mean, no, don't.

[Jeff]

I mean, I think we got it.

[Bretzky]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

I think we got it.

[Bretzky]

Thanks for calling.

[Jeff]

Thanks for calling. Anything that she said right there, strike at your heart?

[Tracy]

Well, I just know because I want to specify because this conversation always gets back to My mom. I have no problems with my mom taking care of Ella. I 100% trust my parents.

[Jeff]

You don't think your mom's a good grandparent?

[Tracy]

No, my mother is a wonderful mother, a wonderful grandparent. If I'm going to leave Ella with anybody, it's going to be my mother and. But it's more of an emotional thing on my end. It's not trusting.

[Bretzky]

You know what I think could be cool because this would shoot a couple. No, Melissa. Why are you gonna do that?

[Katie]

I'm sorry.

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[Bretzky]

What I think you should do is I think some morning you should bring Ella in here, have Scott bring Ella in here. We'll all watch her like teen parenting. And then you and Scott can go have breakfast together.

[Tracy]

You know what? Everybody else in the room but you.

[Jeff]

I love how Jeff volunteered everybody else for babysitting the Burt Show.

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[Bretzky]

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[Jeff]

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[Bretzky]

I have definitely already been here. Now was it left right or right left? Well, maybe I'll cut a path out and find my way back later.

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