Vault: They catch Bert up on what he missed

Summary

The Bert Show Podcast Summary

Episode: Vault: They Catch Bert Up on What He Missed
Date: July 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around catching Bert up on notable events and ongoing discussions he’s missed recently. The cast blends personal updates, family anecdotes, and real-life challenges with plenty of humor. They particularly focus on vegetarianism, food industry practices, healthy eating struggles, and whether dietary choices should be personalized according to blood type. Listeners also call in to share their own experiences, adding further perspectives on wellness and nutrition.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hayden’s Movie Opportunity

• [01:43] The group discusses Bert’s son Hayden possibly being cast in a movie role, not through a typical audition but because he looks like a “kid version” of an adult actor.
  • Jen: “It's cool to watch a movie where you see flashbacks, and they cast someone who really looks like a young version.”
  • Bert (joking): “As long as daddy gets paid, I don’t care what his role is.”
  • The group shares stories of similar experiences and how incidental casting sometimes works in the film industry.

2. Personal Struggles with Dietary Changes

• [03:39] Melissa and Jen discuss attempts to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle after watching "Food Inc."
  • The documentary spurred consideration of animal welfare and the realities of meat production.
  • The transition is particularly tough as they describe typical Southern diets heavy in meat and potatoes.
  • Jen: “Like, there's no such thing as a meal if the meat’s not meat.” ([04:44])
  • Initial enthusiasm is followed by challenges with meal preparation and fallback habits when convenience or social situations arise.
  • Jen: “If you don’t have your food prepared at home… you’re going to end up going into a place that we have bad food rather than good food.” ([06:45])

3. The Challenge of Healthy, Convenient Food Options

• [07:11] The group discusses the lack of accessible, healthy fast-food restaurants, comparing places like Evos (which uses air baking rather than greasy grilling) to traditional fast food.
  • Bert: Challenges Jen and Katie on whether they're doing “convenient vegetarian” or going full vegetarian/vegan.

4. Falling Off the Vegetarian Wagon

• [07:52] Jen admits she didn’t stick with vegetarianism during her birthday week and with family visits as social eating pressures mount.
  • She describes how she started back with fish, then chicken, then red meat.
  • Katie: “And then you went to the tweener drug. Chicken.”
  • Bert: “Gateway drug.” ([08:35])

5. Vegan Stereotypes & Appearance

• [08:43] Bert jokes about stereotypes:
  • Bert: “If you could show me a vegan that looked like a 20-something-year-old Taylor Lautner, I'd be interested. But every vegan you meet looks like they just walked out of a concentration camp.”
  • The group discusses how some vegetarians end up eating more junk food or pasta.

6. The 'Eat Right for Your Type' Diet

• [10:06] Listener call-in from Dr. Michael, who runs a wellness clinic, steers the conversation to blood type diets.
  • “The blood type has an enormous factor in what’s going on with a person’s diet.”
  • O-positives may get migraines from bread/pasta; A-types supposedly fare better as vegetarians or vegans.
  • Reference to the book Eat Right for Your Type:
    • Bert: “People swear by this book. People that have been on this book and it’s been effective for, swear by this book.” ([11:17])
    • Jen: “I’ve never heard of that.” ([10:39])
    • Jessica (caller): “If you’re an O positive, you’re going to look like you just came out of a concentration camp.” ([10:50])

7. Ethical Food Production and Cost

• [11:24] Jen discusses distrust in large-scale food companies prioritizing profit over animal welfare:
  • “If you have a chicken farm… how are you going to get more chicken meat to your customers? You manipulate the chicken. And that’s what I don’t trust.” ([11:27])
• The team talks about the high cost of organic food, with Katie giving grocery store price comparisons for regular vs. organic chicken:
  • “A whole regular chicken was maybe $2.50 a pound… organic one, more like $6 a pound.” ([12:05])
  • Melissa: “The organic chicken lived in a penthouse at the Four Seasons…” ([12:41])

8. Health at Every Size & Visual Biases

• [13:07] Melissa introduces Jessica, a 24-year-old vegetarian who has been meat-free for 14 years and feels healthy, countering Bert's earlier visual stereotypes.
  • Jessica shares: “I just had a 10-pound baby and I do weigh 95 pounds, but I’m only five foot. I think I look healthy.” ([13:21])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (sarcastic response to getting value from his child’s acting job):
  “You know how much money I’ve invested into that kid already? It’s payback time.” ([03:21])

• Melissa, on Southern meal traditions:
  “You’re Southern girls, you’re both Southern girls, right? Meat and potatoes.” ([04:27])

• Bert, joking about vegetarian dietary struggles:
  “I would definitely not recommend this for you.” ([06:34]) (To Katie, who admits she loves meat.)

• Jen, on healthy fast food:
  “If you don’t have your food prepared at home… you’re going to end up going into a place that we have bad food rather than good food.” ([06:45])

• Katie, on organic food prices:
  “A whole regular chicken was like maybe $2.50 a pound… organic one was more like $6 a pound.” ([12:05])

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:43] — Bert’s son Hayden’s casting story
• [03:39] — Starting the discussion on life changes and vegetarianism
• [06:45] — The challenge of eating healthy on the go
• [07:52] — Jen discusses falling off the vegetarian wagon
• [10:06] — Listener/Dr. Michael introduces the "Eat Right for Your Type" diet
• [11:27] — Conversations on ethics and distrust in food industry practices
• [12:05] — Organic vs. regular chicken cost discussion
• [13:07] — Listener Jessica shares her long-term vegetarian perspective

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Tone & Style

The tone stays true to The Bert Show’s signature: comedic, quick-witted, and self-deprecating, while genuinely tackling real-life challenges. The cast members rib each other gently but stay supportive, turning mundane topics about food and parenting into laugh-out-loud, relatable discussions.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a snapshot of what The Bert Show does best: share slices of real life—messy attempts at healthier eating, poking fun at each other’s hangups, and blending informative insights with candid personal stories. If you’re curious about vegetarianism, skeptical about health fads, or just like hearing people riff on everyday struggles, this is an episode worth catching up on.

Transcript

[Jeff]

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[Bert]

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[Jessica]

here.

[Melissa]

Bert show so both Melissa and. How you doing back there, Bert? You okay?

[Bert]

Yeah. When do we start the show?

[Jen]

Do you know?

[Jeff]

You wore you.

[Jen]

How did I get here?

[Melissa]

Have you heard anything about Hayden yet?

[Bert]

Not yet, no. They haven't called. You know about this, Jen?

[Katie]

I heard a little bit yesterday on my way home. Yeah.

[Bert]

Okay. Nothing. Update. Really? Haven't heard anything yet.

[Jen]

Yeah, Hayden auditioning for a role in a movie and hadn't heard back yet.

[Bert]

It wasn't even so much an audition. They just brought him in really? And looked at him and said you look like the kid version of one of the adults that's in the movie.

[Jen]

Which makes me think he has A better shot. That's what we were thinking too.

[Bert]

I mean, if it's based only on looks, right?

[Dr. Michael]

Sure, yeah.

[Bert]

Why not? So we'll see.

[Jen]

Because it's cool. Because it's cool to watch a movie where you see the, you know, flashbacks of an actor and that they cast somebody. I mean, it's neat to see, like, wow, they really do look like a young version of Guap.

[Katie]

It could be the kid version of Luke Wilson.

[Bert]

Of Luke.

[Katie]

Ooh. Don't you think Hayden would look like

[Jen]

the kid version of him?

[Bert]

They're only filming, I think, like, another week here in town is what I heard. So we would get the call pretty quick. I think it was gonna happen.

[Melissa]

Or you know what it could be. I was reminded of this. A friend of mine who listens online sent an email to remind me that when he was a child, he was cast like that somebody knew his mom was like a caterer on a movie set, and he came with her one day and they said, oh, my God. And so they cast him. He did no live action acting scenes. What they did is they took pictures of him wearing clothes from the 60s, and the movie took place in the 80s and the star was 25 years old. So they took the move, the pictures, like, 50s and 60s of him, like on playgrounds and other kids. So he was in the movie, like

[Jen]

in the house with the.

[Melissa]

He was the child version of that. But, like, it was for a montage at the beginning where they were looking through photo albums.

[Dr. Michael]

Very cool.

[Bert]

As long as daddy gets paid, I don't care what his role is.

[Melissa]

What do you mean, Daddy? It's Hayden's working.

[Jen]

What are you talking about?

[Bert]

You know, much money I've invested into that kid already. It's payback time. Seven years old.

[Melissa]

Hey, Hayden, if you're listening, the state that your father's in now, you could get whatever you want. If I were you, I would actually go to the bank as him today. So Melissa and Jen both are going through. They have their separate struggles.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Well, I had mentioned that making life changes, trying.

[Jen]

I mentioned a couple weeks ago how it's been a slow progression. But Katie and I saw the movie Food Inc. Last year, and it's a movie about the food industry and how you, you know, they kind of manipulate live animals in order to get more produce in the stores. And so it's just kind of gross. And so we. To have more product, to have more meat on the animals and that kind of thing. So it's. It's definitely worth saying. I mean, of course, some may think it's just a propaganda film, you know, by the, you know, left wing liberals. And you know, so if. But it's worth saying just to make your own judgment. But so Katie and I thought, well, you know, it's probably worth just. We don't have a lot of vegetables in our meals because we tend to always tend to be very heavy meat. Not as much vegetables and fruits like you're supposed to. So over the course of.

[Melissa]

You're Southern girls, you're both Southern girls, right? Meat and potatoes.

[Jen]

That's right. And so we slowly, over time, kept talking about, well, maybe we should try to be vegetarians. Maybe we should try to be vegetarians. And it was harder for her to think of the concept than me. And then we decided about a month or so that's like a meal.

[Katie]

Like there's no such thing as a meal if the meat's not meat.

[Jen]

Exactly. And I mean it is especially. Yes. If you're a typical Southern food junkie, then that is just, it's just very hard transition. And so Katie and I, about a month or so ago decided that we were going to do it, we're going to pull the trigger on it. And it's. What has happened is pretty much what I thought would happen is the food preparation part, you know, like for. Because Katie usually cooks dinner. And then I said my end of the bargain would be like with the raw vegetables and everything and the fruits that I would take care of those and I would chop those up and I would have those, you know, in the fridge for us to eat for lunch or what.

[Melissa]

So you'll bring home the big bag of fruit and then make a little fruit salad container for every day, do

[Jen]

all the vegetables and chop all the vegetables and that way you can make your salads or whatever. And so we were good about. We were successful with it the first week. You know what I mean?

[Katie]

That's good. But did you miss the meat that week?

[Bert]

Frankly, I'm a little surprised it's taken this long. I applaud you for going four minutes into this conversation.

[Melissa]

Marissa has been missing the meat for 40 years.

[Jen]

I am having an adult conversation with Jen and Wendy right now.

[Jeff]

Jeffrey.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Bert]

Way to show some restraint, Jeff. I was actually timing it. You started the break at 9:16 and it took you to 9:20.

[Jen]

Not so. No, not. Honestly, not so much if you are not hungry. I mean, the thing is, if you have a balanced meal and you're eating your food, then if there are portions that you're used to Eating that you don't have on your plate anymore, then you don't tend to miss it. Jeff. Anyway, if you've never had the meat,

[Bert]

then you don't miss meat is what she's saying.

[Katie]

But I really like meat, so I think I would miss it.

[Bert]

I would definitely not recommend this for you.

[Melissa]

You guys have no idea how hard it is for me not to say that's what she said 92 times in this whole conversation.

[Jen]

But I will say that something that I found. I'm just gonna move on. Something that I found frustrating when I was on dialysis and had food restrictions is the same as now, is that if you were trying to eat healthy, it is very difficult to find a place where you can get fast food healthy. You know what I mean? So, like, if you don't have your food prepared at home and then you're on your way home and you're starving, then you're going to end up going into a place that we have bad food rather than good food.

[Bert]

What's the name of that place now? Prado Shopping Center. That's supposed to be, like, really healthy fast food.

[Melissa]

Oh, there's Evos. Yeah, Evos.

[Katie]

And where's, like, healthy fast food, but they still have.

[Melissa]

What they do is they have, like, burgers, but in fries. But instead of, like, cooking the burger on a grill with the grease, like it's an air. Air bake it or air fry it, I think it's called. The french fries are the same thing. It's acceptable.

[Bert]

Are you guys going, like, convenient vegetarian? Are you going full on? No fish, no meat, no chicken, no nothing?

[Jen]

No, we were doing full on vegetarian. Full on. And even with the consideration of vegan with the dairy thing, which is very difficult. I mean, it just to.

[Katie]

Because I know people that are. They call themselves pescatarians, which. They eat fish. Yeah.

[Jen]

There's different levels. You know, I. And I was cur. I was curious on a. Like, on a scientific level, because I go to Piedmont Hospital to get my labs done like, every month. Right. So I thought, well, if I do this and I go hardcore, I can see the results immediately because I go get my lab work done all the time. So. But yeah, I have to say that with the past week, with my birthday and family in town and everybody going to restaurants, everybody, I. I've fallen off the vegetarian bandwagon.

[Katie]

And what did you fall off with first? Red meat, Chicken or fish?

[Jen]

I think it was fish.

[Katie]

Fish?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

That's not bad.

[Bert]

I'll tell you why I'm not So,

[Katie]

and then you went to the tweener drug. Chicken.

[Jen]

Then I went to the twenter, Then

[Katie]

you went full blown red meat salon meat. A damn steak.

[Bert]

Gateway drug.

[Jen]

Yeah. And then the big old chocolate cake and this cake and that cake, you know, or whatever. So, yeah, I've not been eating very well the past week.

[Bert]

If you could show me like a vegan that looked like a 20 something year old version or a 30 year old version of Taylor Lautner, then I would be interested in it. But every vegan you ever meet looks

[Jen]

like, yeah, they just walked out of

[Bert]

a concentration camp or something like that. They never look healthy.

[Katie]

Well, and I think a lot of times vegetarians end up eating junk food because it's not meat, but, you know, it's still not, you know, See, that's

[Jen]

my thing is I don't.

[Katie]

Yeah, the thing is, like, there's more junk food options than you would imagine. If you're vegetarian and you're starving, that's what you go for and that's what's quick.

[Jen]

And a lot of vegetarians say, oh, well, pasta. I'm gonna do the pasta thing. I'm gonna eat pasta and rice all the time.

[Katie]

You know, blow up like a balloon. Exactly.

[Jen]

So we're trying to take it like seriously to where it's, you know, try to eat as naturally as possible and what you're meant to eat and not just. And we're not doing it just because, oh, this is no meat. So we're going to eat this. You know, we're trying to actually incorporate more fruits and vegetables in our diet and then, you know, giving ourselves leeway.

[Katie]

I commend you for trying it.

[Jen]

That's tough, but it is. You have to prepare. And I've gotten a lot of emails and a lot of Facebook messages from people talking about, you know, about this issue. But it is. I am a lazy cook. I don't cook. And so it is very difficult. If I don't spend a Sunday doing nothing but chopping vegetables, then I'm gonna. I can't do it, you know.

[Melissa]

Hey, Dr. Michael. Welcome to the Birch Show.

[Jessica]

Hey. Thank you. You're welcome.

[Jen]

Hi.

[Jessica]

How are you?

[Melissa]

Good. What's going on?

[Jessica]

Doing good. Just taking my daughter to preschool and headed in and heard your show and came to realize that one of the things that everybody seems to miss out on is the fact that having a wellness clinic up in Woodstock, we found that the blood type has an enormous. Plays an enormous factor in what's going on with a person's diet.

[Jen]

Huh. Wasn't there about this?

[Bert]

A couple of years ago, it was like a diet, as a diet that fits every blood type. Like, if you're O positive, then there are certain foods you're supposed to eat, etc. Etc. Etc.

[Jen]

Right. I've never heard of that.

[Jessica]

That is correct. And what we found is, like, for instance, if you're an O positive, there's a really good chance that if you eat breads and pastas, you're going to end up with a migraine.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Really?

[Jen]

I didn't know.

[Jessica]

Vegetarians and vegans do really, really well if they have an A blood type. But if you're an O positive, you're going to look like you just came out of a concentration camp.

[Jen]

Really. So it does make a difference.

[Jessica]

It's really quite fascinating. But the book is called Eat right for your Type. And we do it with all of our patients because we deal with a lot of serious health conditions. And it's amazing what will happen when you simply change diets because, you know, grilled chicken is good for everybody. Oh, not necessarily.

[Bert]

Yeah, People swear by this book. People that have been on this book and it's, it's been effective for. Swear by this book.

[Katie]

I'm gonna Google it.

[Jen]

Eat.

[Melissa]

Eat right for your type, he said.

[Jen]

And again, the main thing is just, I mean, like I said, I mean, it's just the way that it's processed. It's just the way that, you know, it's not that I'm gonna join. It's not that I'm gonna join PETA and I'm going to. And it's, you know, that is for animal rights. Even though, I mean, it's, it's, it's a part of that. But it is just, you know, if you are a big company and you want more people to buy your product, then you need more of the product. And it's easy if you're making a widget, but if you are, if you have a chicken farm, then how are you going to get more chicken meat to your customers while you manipulate the chicken? And that's what I don't trust.

[Jeff]

That's what she said.

[Katie]

Well, and as a consumer, I try to buy and eat organic a lot, but it's so much more expensive to do so. Like, I was literally just in the grocery store like two nights ago pulling out chicken, and they had like a sale on, like, regular, you know, a whole regular chicken was like maybe $2.50 a pound. So that's pretty affordable. When I went to go get the organic one, like it was more like $6 a pound.

[Jen]

And the reason is because I paid

[Katie]

$12 to get the organic chicken versus

[Melissa]

I would have paid but the organic

[Katie]

chicken or five bucks to get. And both of them were whole chickens. But.

[Melissa]

But the organic chicken lived in a penthouse at the Four Seasons in Winston.

[Jen]

The organic chicken is sitting there with maybe a dozen other chickens where you're looking at, I mean, a. A nasty environment for the one you'd get $2 for.

[Katie]

I know. So I paid the money for it. But still, a lot of people can't afford to go that route.

[Jen]

You know, just watch Food Inc. And then see what you know. Because there's even the issue with beef and corn fed and grass fed. Just saying. I mean, it's just, it will change the way you think about food.

[Melissa]

Bert, we're not going to get to the call, but Jessica has been a ve vegetarian for 14 years. She's 24 years old and she does not look too skinny.

[Bert]

Well, I'm creepy if I ask her to send a picture.

[Jen]

So will you ask her is she vegetarian or vegan?

[Melissa]

Hey, Jesse, are you vegetarian or vegan?

[Jeff]

Actually, I'm lactose intolerant and I just had a 10 pound baby and I do weigh 95 pounds, but I'm only 5 foot.

[Bert]

And you think you look healthy?

[Jeff]

I think I look healthy. If you want, I can send you a picture.

[Bert]

Send it to Jeff and he'll forward it to me.

[Jessica]

Awesome.

[Melissa]

Do you want her wearing anything in particular, Bert, or wearing a wig or holding anything special?

[Bert]

You're right. Whatever.

[Melissa]

Hey, Jessica, thank you for calling.

[Jessica]

Thank you.

[Melissa]

Hey, we've got an update coming up in just a couple minutes from Frankie. The townhouse situation is this close to being over. Frankie spoke to the owner of the house. She thinks she knows why there is a guy creeping around behind there. She doesn't know the guy really, but she was gonna look into it for Frankie. This close. He's got the update. Next bird show Q100.

[Bert]

The bird show Q100.

[Katie]

Get it?

[Bert]

The bird Show.

[Jeff]

Hey, guys, lady luck here. Are you going on any road trips this summer? I know I'm going to be going on a bunch of road trips. And being that I'm going to be passenger princess, I Love playing on Spinquest.com Spinquest has all of my favorite slot games. Live blackjack, live craps. Head on over to Spinquest right now and get yourself a 30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Bert]

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[Jessica]

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[Melissa]

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[Bert]

Refreshers contain caffeine.

[Dr. Michael]

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