Vault: They've Been Married for 3 Months And They Haven't Touched Each Other Once

Summary

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Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show centers on a listener, "Ann" (not her real name), who calls in to share the complex and emotional story of her three-month-old marriage that has yet to be consummated. The conversation covers the circumstances that led to her and her husband living apart immediately after their wedding, the anxieties that arose from this untraditional start, and the doubts Ann experiences about the relationship. The Bert Show cast and callers weigh in, offering empathy, tough love, and advice as Ann prepares to finally reunite with her husband.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ann’s Unusual Marital Situation

• Wedding Night Crisis: Ann and her husband married on April 25th, but never spent a night together due to a family emergency right after the reception.
  • [00:51] Ann: "The night of our wedding, following the reception, my sister got in a really bad car accident...we left the hotel, we went straight to the hospital."
• Interrupted Plans: Ann stayed by her sister’s side, while her husband left for their planned honeymoon in Italy alone, due to logistical and financial pressures.
  • [02:34] Ann: "If you don't go, then we're going to lose the vacation completely. So why don't you just go relax for a day or two...then I'll just come join you."
• Long-Distance Relationship Pattern: Ann and her husband had lived in separate cities/states throughout their relationship, maintaining their bond via frequent visits.
  • [04:23] Ann: "We had a long distance relationship, then you got married."

2. Continued Separation and Escalating Anxiety

• Emergency After Emergency: After her sister began to recover, Ann’s mother also fell ill, prompting Ann to delay moving to San Antonio.
  • [05:06] Ann: "Right after my sister starts to do better, my mother ends up having some health problems."
• Questioning the Relationship: Prolonged separation sparks doubts and anxiety in Ann, making her avoid moving and even seeing her husband.
  • [06:13] Ann: "I started to make me feel like maybe, I don't know, maybe I got married too soon."
• Admitting Avoidance: Ann confesses she's been inventing reasons not to reunite, which creates a feedback loop of avoidance and anxiety.
  • [06:41] Ann: "I just started having all this anxiety about it...I'm leaving to go to San Antonio today."

3. The Build-Up of Pressure and Doubt

• Dreams as Metaphor for Doubt: Ann shares a vivid dream reflecting her desire to escape.
  • [07:46] Ann: "I had this really weird dream...I just made a u-turn and drove up to Chicago and changed my name and never saw him."
• Cast and Caller Questions: The Bert Show team and listeners probe if Ann’s hesitation is more about the move and massive life changes, or if there’s underlying issues in the marriage.
  • [11:10] E: "Why do you think that you're reserved about it?...Do you feel like you shouldn't have married him?"

4. Reflections on Intimacy & Commitment

• Never Slept Together: Ann and her husband have never had sex, and she’s only slept with one person, long ago.
  • [02:19] Ann: "We never slept together."
  • [12:28] Ann: "I have once. A long time ago."
• Patience and Support: Ann’s husband is described as patient and understanding, not pushing her or making her feel guilty for the delays.
  • [08:47] Ann: "I think he's just trying so hard to be really patient with me, and this is...a crap way to start everything off."
• Self-Realization: Ann acknowledges that the longer she puts off seeing her husband, the bigger the situation looms in her mind.
  • [12:46] Ann: "You know when you sort of avoid something for a while, and then it just gets so built up...you're only avoiding it because you have been for so long?"

5. Advice and Emotional Support from the Cast and Callers

• Empathy with Relocation Jitters: Listeners and the cast identify that relocation and separation from loved ones can contribute to pre-marital jitters and avoidance.
  • [09:24] Caller Lisa: "I think some of your jitters could be just a relocation—leaving everything that I'm comfortable with."
• Tough Love: Some advice is more direct, challenging Ann to consider her husband's feelings and urging her to face her fears.
  • [11:47] Caller Bob: "You ever stop to think about your husband's feelings?...I think he's being a good husband...letting you do what you need to do with your family and stuff, and now you're having all these second feelings."
• Encouragement to Reconnect: The hosts repeatedly emphasize the importance of facing the situation head on, reconnecting with her husband, and talking things out in person.
  • [13:36] B: "Once you're with them, talk about it. I think y'all avoiding each other...that's no way to start a marriage."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ann (on avoidance and anxiety):
  • "I think it's one of those things, like, you know, when you sort of avoid something for a while, and then it just gets so built up...you're only avoiding it because you have been for so long." (12:46)
• Ann (on support from her husband):
  • "He's just trying so hard to be really patient with me, and this is kind of, you know, a crap way to start everything off." (08:47)
• Caller Bob (on empathy for Ann's husband):
  • "You ever stop to think about your husband's feelings?...I think he's being a good husband, you know, just being concerned and letting you do what you need to do...now you're having all these second feelings and I think it's kind of a creepy thing to do to somebody." (11:47)
• Caller Lisa (on relocation anxiety):
  • "I think some of your jitters could be just a relocation—I’m leaving everything that I’m comfortable with and everybody that I know." (09:24)
• Host B (on taking action):
  • "But the way you get over it is you go and do it." (13:04)
• Ann (describing her dream of escape):
  • “I just made a ui and, like, drove up to Chicago and changed my name and never saw him.” (07:46)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:51 – 02:12: Ann recounts the series of family emergencies and explains why she and her husband were immediately separated after their wedding.
• 04:23 – 06:13: Ann reveals the long-distance nature of her relationship and how it contributed to further delays.
• 06:41 – 07:46: Ann describes her growing anxiety and dreams of running away.
• 08:47 – 09:24: Ann talks about her husband’s patience; listeners call in to share related experiences.
• 11:10 – 13:15: In-depth discussion and advice about Ann’s reluctance, avoidance, and how to move forward.
• 13:33 – 14:06: Final words of encouragement; consensus that seeing each other in person may resolve many of Ann’s doubts.

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Tone and Style

True to The Bert Show's tone, the dialogue is unfiltered, direct, and often humorous, with a blend of empathy, real talk, and laughter—even when the subject is heavy. The cast and callers treat Ann’s vulnerability with care but also don’t hesitate to challenge her on her avoidance, balancing support with honest feedback.

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Summary Takeaway

Ann’s story is a raw look at the anxieties that can surface with big life changes—marriage, family emergencies, moving—and how avoidance can turn a difficult situation into a near-paralyzing one. As Ann sets out to finally join her husband, the show leaves listeners rooting for her to face her fears, embrace her new life, and finally begin her marriage in earnest.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the bird show. All right, we got to talk to Ann is not her real name, so. Fake name, Ann. She also needs to be on the Voice disguiser. Sean and Ann. Ann, I've told your story, but you've got a lot of breaks, a lot of content that you need to fill in.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Hey, Anne?

[C]

Yeah, I'm here.

[A]

Okay. Can you speak up nice and loud for us?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Ann was married on April 25th.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Today is July 2nd. And I can't remember if it's tonight or tomorrow night will be the first night that she spends with her husband since being married.

[C]

What?

[B]

So you're consummating the marriage a few months after you got married?

[C]

Essentially, yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And is very nervous about it.

[B]

Okay. Why?

[C]

Well, okay. It's sort of a long story, but. Okay.

[D]

But the.

[C]

The night of our wedding, following the reception, my sister got in a really bad car accident.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And when my husband and I got to our honeymoon suite at the hotel, I guess my. My mom had called. They're going to leave a message for us. And we, you know, we left the hotel, we went straight to the hospital. And, you know, my sister lives in emergency surgery, and she was going to have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days, and they were running all these different tests, and, you know, I wanted to stay with her that night in the hospital. So my husband, he went back to the hotel to get, you know, all of our stuff together because we were going to leave our honeymoon the next day to Italy, and. And I figured I was just gonna maybe have to stay with her for like, two or three days, and he was gonna go ahead and go on to Italy, and then I was just gonna come up and meet with him a day or two later.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So he left. So you guys got married on Saturday. Then he leaves for your honeymoon, but you end up with your intention is going a couple days later.

[B]

And let me pause you for a second. So leading up to the wedding, had you all been together while you dated?

[C]

We never slept together.

[B]

So. Okay, so you've never slept together. Okay, gotcha. So now the plan. He in Italy, you with your sister.

[A]

And what was the. Just out of curiosity, why did he decide to go ahead to Italy rather than stay with you and your sister?

[C]

Well, you know, the thing is, like, we couldn't have that many people in the room anyway. And, you know, it's like a weird timeshare sort of thing. And we were like, okay, well, if you don't go, then we're going to lose the Vacation completely. So why don't you just go relax for a day or two because, you know, work was crazy for him leading up to the wedding and all this kind of stuff, and then I'll just come join you. Like, there wasn't. I didn't see any point in him, you know, hanging out in Atlanta for two or three days when I wasn't really going to be seeing him or talking to him anyway.

[A]

Okay. I think that's fair.

[C]

And he. He's from San Antonio. He doesn't actually live. I'm from Atlanta, so we, you know, had the wedding there. So, like, he would have just been, you know, hanging out, doing nothing. Like, all of his friends would have already gone back to Texas. The same. We would have already gone back to Texas.

[B]

Okay. All right. So the plan was you're there for a couple days, he's in Italy. So what happened next?

[C]

Okay, so then after that, okay, he gets there to Atlanta. I mean, to. Sorry, to Italy. I'm in Atlanta, and it's taking a little bit longer than I think it's going to. And we start to realize, okay, I might not be making it there at all. And if I do, it might just be, like, for a day. And he's been having a lot of sort of work issues. There's been a lot of layoffs and stuff at his job. So he decides, you know what, I'm just gonna go back to San Antonio and I'm gonna work. And then, you know, when everything's okay with your sister, you just, you know, come down to San Antonio and everything will be fine. And we decided, you know, wait, wait, wait. Honeymoon another day. Were y' all living in two different states before you got married? We were for a majority of the time, yeah.

[B]

So you had a long distance relationship, then you got married. Okay, so he just explains.

[A]

So if we're taking all this, assuming that a honeymoon is going to be like a week long or two weeks long or whatever, so he goes out to Italy, then he goes back to San Antonio. So now we're still at the beginning of May.

[C]

And then I met up with him and saw him, like at the airport for like a couple hours during his layover before he flew to San Antonio.

[B]

And y' all didn't go to the bathroom. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Airport loving.

[A]

I was just gonna say. So we've got two months then between all of May and all of June.

[B]

So your sister's in really serious condition, and so she's recovering during this time. And that's why you can't really leave. And.

[C]

Right. And right after my sister starts to do better, my mother ends up having some health problems.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

So, you know, I wanted to stay with her and make sure she was okay first, because the deal was, the plan was that, you know, after our wedding, we were going to move to San Antonio. So I was going to definitely be, you know, away from my family, at least, you know, pretty considerable distance for, you know, a pretty long time. And it's not like I couldn't have just gone back, but it was easier for me to just stay a little while longer than to be coming back and forth or for there to have been an emergency.

[B]

Right, of course. And I'm curious. So, you know, you said that he went back to San Antonio to work. So he didn't. He didn't come back to see on weekends or anything, or.

[C]

Or we tried to. Tried to get together a couple times. And the thing about it that was strange is, like, with my, you know, with my sister, you know, thinking she's gonna. She could have died. And then my mom having sort of her health starting to fail. I don't know, it started to make me feel like maybe, I don't know, maybe I got married too soon. Maybe I hadn't lived enough of my life. I don't know. And I started. All these sort of strange feelings started to build up, and it got to the point where I kind of started to avoid meeting him.

[B]

Really?

[E]

That's not good.

[A]

So how long have you. Is it safe to assume that your sister and mother are now healthy enough that you could have gone to San Antonio weeks ago?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Why are you avoiding them? That makes no sense. I just started having all this anxiety about it, and I'm. Okay. I'm leaving to go to San Antonio today.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I'm driving down there with the last of our things and my stuff that I've had here, and I'm driving down there.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And I don't know if part of this anxiety has been because we have never, you know, consummated our marriage. And I don't know, I just. I totally think now that I did meet the right person. I did marry the right person. You know, those were just feelings I had a couple weeks ago.

[B]

So I'm confused, I guess, because this should be a really exciting time. Like, you. You would think that most people who just got married and you haven't been able to be together and yes, you had family issues, and fortunately, they worked out for the best. But, I mean, I'd be driving 100 miles an hour to San Antonio to see my husband. And you seem very reluctant.

[C]

I know. It's so strange. And I have this really weird dream the other night that I was, like, on my way to San Antonio and just made a ui and, like, drove up to Chicago and changed my name and never saw him.

[D]

Wow.

[E]

I think there is something strange about you guys not seeing each other. There is some sort of avoidance going on because even though your sister was sick and I admire the fact that you wanted to be close there for the family. You could have gotten away for a couple of days at some point in the last couple months.

[C]

I mean, we tried to. Like, there was a point where I was going to come down there, and then.

[B]

No, I mean, I hear. I hear what you're saying. I don't mean to interrupt, but you're trying. Trying to, like.

[E]

I agree with Jim.

[B]

That's why I asked about him coming up for the weekend. Like, even, like, oh, honey, you're so excited with your family. Let me just take you. Let me just take you away from the hospital for a little bit or take away from the home and let's just spend some. I mean, even if you didn't consummate, at least spend time together.

[A]

Have you.

[B]

Didn't do that.

[A]

Have you got. Has he brought this up to you? Because I would imagine that it's at least been addressed.

[C]

I mean, we haven't talked about it as far as it being, you know, a sexual thing that I'm nervous about. But, you know, he's. I think he's just trying so hard to be really patient with me, and this is. This is kind of, you know, a crap way to start everything off.

[B]

So he spent a week in Italy by himself.

[C]

Do it by, like, by himself. I don't know, making me feel guilty.

[A]

Hang on. Okay. Hey, Lisa. Welcome to the bird show. Hold on. Go ahead. Ann can hear you. Go ahead.

[C]

Okay. I'm curious how y' all met. My husband and I, I lived in Kansas City, Missouri, and he lived in Atlanta, Georgia area. And I'm the one that chose to relocate and leave my entire family. The only person I had down here was my husband. This was 13 years ago. I think some of your jitters could be just a relocation of I'm leaving everything that I'm comfortable with and everybody that I know. But how did y' all meet? We actually met at Finding us in San Antonio at another friend. Like, at a mutual friend's wedding. Okay. Yeah, we met there, hit it off. It was one of those week long weddings where there's all those like free party festivity things. And so we just.

[A]

Oh, those things are annoying and expensive.

[C]

Yeah. So we just sort of started hanging out and you know, when I came back to Atlanta after that wedding, you know, we wanted to see each other all the time and we did. And we used to be really good about going back and forth and him coming to Atlanta and me going down to San Antonio to see each other. But then, you know, after we got engaged and then the last two months, just because the economy's been so bad, things have been rude with his job. So it's also inhibited our meeting up with one another because he's had so many obligations at work. So I kind of also, I think took advantage of, of that saying to him, well, I know you kind of need to stay, it's okay, you don't have to come up and, you know, that kind of thing.

[E]

Why do you think, why do you think that you're reserved about it? Like if you really got in touch with what that feeling is. Do you feel like you shouldn't have married him?

[C]

No, I do think that I should have married him. I do think that was right and I hadn't thought about it, but what that woman had just said about relocating him and maybe that's part of it. Maybe I'm putting off something that's making me nervous and something that I'm, you know, some level scared of. It's not like I'm going to a different country, you know, it's not like, I don't know, I don't speak a different language there. It's not that I am a little

[B]

nervous about it is Texas. Well, Texas is a different country.

[A]

Hey, Bob. Welcome to the show, Bob.

[D]

Hey. Hey, I got a comment for that girl. Hey, you know, you ever stop to think about, you know, about your husband's feelings? You know, that, that guy, he's gone through a lot and you know, he's being a good guy just putting up with all this stuff. I mean, I don't mean to say putting up with it, but I mean, I think he's being a good husband, you know, just being concerned and you know, letting you do what you need to do with your family and stuff and, and now you're having all these second feelings and I think it's kind of a creepy thing to do to somebody, you know, I mean, it sounds like you sounds sort of self centered.

[B]

Do you mind asking if you've, have you been with any guy?

[C]

I have once A long time ago.

[B]

Okay. That's okay. Okay.

[C]

Does he know that? He does. Oh, well, then why are you so nervous? I feel like you don't even like him. No, I do. I love him. I think he's amazing.

[B]

Then go get your man. Do him.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I don't. I think it's one of those things, like, you know, when you. Okay. You know when you sort of avoid something for a while, and then it just gets so built up. Then it feels like you're only avoiding it because you have been for so long.

[A]

Or the drama of it becomes bigger than the actual issue.

[B]

But the way you get over it is you go and do it.

[C]

The SATs. And then all of a sudden, it comes to the Day of the saps, and you're just like, I cannot do this.

[A]

Understood. I mean, that makes sense, right?

[B]

But the way you can do it now you're doing it is you'd go and do it.

[A]

You can't literally.

[B]

But, yeah. I think.

[E]

I think you also have to listen to your intuitions in some ways, too. I mean, it is because you've been avoiding it. So you are further avoiding it. But why did you start avoiding the man you just married in the first place? That's the question you have to ask yourself. Because you got a long drive today.

[A]

You're gonna ask yourself a lot of questions on that drive.

[B]

I think it'll be easier, though, once you're with them. Once you're with them and then talk about it. I think y' all avoiding each other is not the. I mean, that's not no way to start a marriage.

[A]

Just don't disconnect your cell phone number. Cause we don't know what city you'll be in. And we wanna talk to you after this weekend.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Because you may change your name.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that cool?

[C]

Yeah. No, I won't. And that's true. Probably once I see him, all those kind of things will go away. And I haven't seen him. That's a big part of it, I think.

[A]

Well, you'll be fine.

[B]

Good luck.

[A]

Good luck with it. Okay.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

All right. We'll talk to you after this weekend. Hey, the bird show.