Vault: Things women should do before 30

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: Things Women Should Do Before 30"

Date: July 9, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Team
Theme: A humorous and candid countdown of things every woman should quit before turning 30.

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Episode Overview

This "vault" episode is a light-hearted and funny roundtable with the Bert Show crew, focusing on "30 Things Every Woman Should Quit Doing By 30." The cast discusses each point with real-life anecdotes, playful teasing, and insights into adulting, relationships, self-worth, finances, and family dynamics. The conversation is upbeat, occasionally irreverent, and rooted in the show's signature blend of authenticity and humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Public Displays for Attention

[01:38]–[02:36]

• Making out with BFFs at bars for attention:
  The group laughs about their youthful bar antics, with Bert joking that this behavior should stop by 30.
  • Quote: “You've got four years to continue making out with your best friends at bars.” – Bert [02:08]
• Making out with your boyfriend at bars:
  A consensus emerges that this is a phase to move past, especially if done just for attention.
  • Quote: “You hit a point where you're like, no more being that girl that's making out at the bar.” – Joanna [02:28]

2. Outgrowing Childhood Habits

[02:36]–[03:11]

• Stuffed animals in bed:
  The group agrees it’s time to let go of this comfort item by 30, with some poking fun at the red flag it sends during dating.
  • Quote: “If he shows up to your apartment and you’ve got stuffed animals on your bed, that is instant U-turn right there.” – Bert [02:52]
• Skipping gyno exams:
  Quickly and unanimously, everyone agrees this is a health must.

3. Navigating Family Relationships

[03:24]–[03:48]

• Calling her father ‘Daddy’:
  Mixed feelings—some say it’s fine, others poke fun at lingering childhood names.
  • Quote: “I call him Poppy.” – Joanna [03:33]
• Engaging in sibling rivalry:
  The notion that sibling spats should end at 30 is dismissed—everyone agrees sibling rivalry is lifelong.
  • Quote: “That’ll happen the rest of your life. That doesn’t change.” – Melissa [03:45]

4. Getting Financially Responsible

[03:51]–[04:28]

• Living paycheck to paycheck:
  The cast debates whether this expectation is realistic today. They agree learning to save and plan for the future is important, sharing stories of early money lessons from parents.
  • Quote: “Before you’re 30, you need to learn how to start saving and how to put away for retirement... a cushion of some sort. I definitely think that's a goal for every woman.” – Joanna [04:02]

5. Outdated Social Media Habits

[04:28]–[04:47]

• Using MySpace to pick up guys:
  The cast jokes about obsolete platforms, suggesting Facebook (or none at all) is a more current option.
  • Quote: “Who uses MySpace right now? It's not a comedian or band.” – Cassie [04:40]

6. Letting Go of Body Image Pressures

[04:47]–[05:04]

• Measuring self-worth by the scale:
  Honest conversation about how weight concerns don’t necessarily disappear after 30—and may even intensify with age.
  • Quote: “That doesn’t change. I mean, it gets worse as you get older.” – Melissa [04:55]

7. Moving Past Blame

[05:04]–[05:11]

• Blaming her mother for all issues:
  Agreed: it's time to take responsibility for your life after 30.

8. Knowing the Difference Between Frugal & Cheap

[05:11]–[05:33]

• Playful banter about being cheap versus being a savvy saver, with jokes about Melissa's legendary thriftiness.
  • Quote: “Melissa will squeeze a dollar until George Washington screams.” – Cassie [05:28]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If you take stuffed animals with you to college, you got a problem." – Cassie [02:48]
• "No more being that girl that's making out at the bar." – Joanna [02:28]
• "Before you're 30, you need to learn how to start saving... have a cushion of some sort." – Joanna [04:02]
• "That never goes away." (About sibling rivalry) – Tommy [03:48]
• "Melissa will squeeze a dollar until George Washington screams." – Cassie [05:28]

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Episode Flow and Timestamps

• [01:31] – Start of main content: Bert introduces the "30 Things Every Woman Should Quit By 30" list.
• [01:38–02:36] – Discussion of bar behaviors and attention-seeking antics.
• [02:36–03:11] – Stuffed animals and regular health exams.
• [03:24–03:48] – Dynamics with dads and siblings.
• [03:51–04:28] – Money management and saving tips.
• [04:28–04:47] – Outdated pick-up platforms (MySpace).
• [04:47–05:04] – Body image and self-worth.
• [05:04–05:11] – Parental blame.
• [05:11–05:33] – Cheapness vs. frugality, closing with laughs.

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Tone & Style

The episode is conversational, irreverent, and supportive. The cast shares personal anecdotes and jokes, creating an inviting vibe for listeners to reflect (and laugh) about their own “pre-30” journeys.

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For listeners:
If you’ve ever cringed at youthful behaviors or debated whether you’re too old for certain habits, this episode offers a perfect mix of relatability and comic relief—with the occasional bit of genuine advice tucked in.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

The first show.

[D]

I don't know if you guys will find it. There's anything in here that's meaty or not, but it's the 30 things every woman should quit doing by 30.

[E]

Huh?

[D]

Okay, see if there's anything here for you guys. Making out with her. BFFs at bars for attention.

[F]

Oh, yeah. Never do that.

[D]

Guilty.

[F]

No, never. Never.

[D]

Jen?

[E]

No, never. Well, not in my 30s. Okay. Why didn't you ask me? Just kidding.

[C]

Well, you have to quit doing it by your 30s. So it happened before then?

[F]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Okay. Joanna, how old are you?

[F]

I am 20. I'll be 26 on Monday.

[D]

26.

[C]

Happy birthday happy early birthday.

[D]

All right, you've got four years to continue making out with your best friends at bars.

[F]

All right, great.

[D]

Making out with your boyfriend at bars for attention.

[F]

Yeah, I stopped doing that a couple years ago. For attention or just for fun?

[D]

Attention.

[F]

I think you should stop. Yeah. For attention.

[E]

I think it's the same thing.

[D]

I could never see Jason being one of those guys.

[F]

He. He tried to on our first date, and I said, no, But I think it's definitely. You hit a point where you're like, no more being that girl that's making out at the bar.

[D]

Mm. 30 things every woman should quit doing by 30. Filling her bed with stuffed animals.

[F]

Oh, gross.

[A]

Oh,

[E]

12.

[C]

If you take stuffed animals with you to college, you got a problem.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

That's such a red flag for a dude. If he shows up to your apartment and you've got stuff. Stuffed animals on your bed. That is instant U turn right there.

[F]

Yeah, that's gotta be about, like. What does it say about the girl?

[D]

It's almost in the crazy cat category.

[C]

Yes.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

She's gonna be psycho or grow up too much of a little girl.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Skipping regular gyno exams.

[F]

Oh, you can't do that. Oh, no.

[D]

All right. That's one thing that every woman should quit doing by 30.

[A]

Um.

[D]

Calling her father daddy.

[F]

Oh, I still do that.

[D]

Do you?

[C]

Yeah, I think that's fine. Forever.

[D]

Joanna. I bet you call your dad daddy.

[F]

No, I call him Poppy.

[D]

Poppy.

[F]

So I call my dad dad.

[D]

Dad.

[G]

Mm.

[D]

Engaging in sibling rivalry. Should be done by the time you hit 30 years old, Melissa Carter.

[E]

That'll happen the rest of your life. That doesn't change.

[G]

That never goes away.

[D]

Living paycheck to paycheck. By the time you're 30, you should be past that. Right?

[E]

If you can. I mean, I guess it's an odd time right now, but I think by the time you're 30, should have a little bit together.

[F]

I do think.

[A]

Absolutely.

[F]

Before you're 30, you need to learn how to start saving and how to put away for retirement and how to have something. A cushion of some sort. I definitely think that that's a goal for every woman.

[D]

You said your dad, like, started teaching you that way earlier.

[F]

I remember as a kid, like, 3

[D]

years old, your dad's like, you need to learn how to write a check. Go to the money machine.

[F]

My dad opened my bank account for me when I was 14. You know, I had a bank account at 14. I knew how to use a debit card. Am I good at it now? Not so much.

[D]

But he did teach me that one thing that every woman should quit doing by 30 is using MySpace to pick up guys.

[F]

Yeah, well, MySpace. Well, Facebook now. I mean, just go to Facebook. MySpace is dead.

[C]

Well, I think it applies to Facebook. This just might be an older list. Who uses MySpace right now. It's not a comedian or band.

[D]

Measuring her self worth by a number on the scale.

[F]

Oh, man.

[D]

We've talked to you guys enough to say I don't know that any woman had ever.

[E]

That doesn't change. I mean, it gets worse as you get older. Because I think for a lot of women, it's harder to keep weight off the older they get. Yeah. So it gets worse.

[D]

Blaming her mother for all of her issues. Gotta stop doing that by the time you're 30 years old.

[E]

Definitely.

[D]

And being cheap.

[F]

What does that mean?

[E]

Why are you looking at me? No, let me tell you, Bert Weiss,

[D]

I just happen to smell.

[F]

No, no, no.

[E]

Let me tell you. If you want me to be a saver on that list, then I gotta be cheap.

[C]

Melissa will squeeze a dollar until George Washington screams.

[F]

I swear.

[C]

Get it?

[D]

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[C]

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[A]

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[F]

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[C]

10 bucks for 30. I'm headed over to spinquest.com right now.

[G]

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[C]

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[G]

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[F]

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[G]

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