The Bert Show – "Vault: This Guy Sued A Hotel Over His Bedroom Activities!"

Date: January 12, 2026
Host: Bert Show Cast (Melissa, Crash, DJ, Art, Ken, and various listener callers)
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the wild and unexpectedly hazardous world of sexual injuries—kicked off by a wild news story about a man suing a hotel after a bedroom mishap left him injured. The cast and callers share jaw-dropping, cringe-worthy, and hilarious personal accounts of accidents and injuries related to intimacy. The segment’s tone is candid, playful, and sometimes outrageous, bringing together stories that range from medical emergencies to awkward hospital explanations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Lawsuit Born in the Bedroom (01:53)

• Melissa introduces the headline story: a couple in China is suing a hotel after the man fell out of bed mid-intercourse and broke his arm.
• The man admitted the embarrassing truth in court due to facing high medical costs (~$2,500), blaming "unsafe facilities."
  • Quote:
    • "There's a couple in China that is suing the hotel because the guy, during their interlude, fell out of the bed and broke his arm." (Melissa, 01:57)

2. Listeners Share Their Sexual Injury Stories

A. Testicular Torsion Tale (02:21)

• Ken recounts a hospital trip after “excruciating pain” during sex revealed a twisted testicle (torsion), leading to an ER visit.
  • Crash relates, saying he too has experienced it—explaining medically it’s not uncommon, but still intensely painful and dangerous.
  • Quote:
    • "Ended up in the emergency room to find out that one of my testicles had turned around backwards." (Ken, 02:28)
    • "It literally will just... your testicle will twist inside the sac, and it is extremely painful, and it can actually swell up." (Crash, 02:55)

B. Slippery Waterbed Catastrophe (03:16)

• Crash vividly recalls a 1980s incident:
  • He and his partner, after spreading baby oil on a waterbed, slide uncontrollably, leading his partner to hit her knees on the rail and her head on the floor.
  • Classic “wild story” with a comic spin.
  • Quote:
    • "We covered it with baby oil...we couldn't hold our footing...she slid forward so much, so fast, both her knees caught the railing...and she went over and hit her head on the floor." (Crash, 03:26)

C. Backseat Separation—Auto Edition (04:29)

• Ken chimes in with a high school story:
  • While “warming her up” in his 1976 Chevy Nova, his shoulder chronically dislocates.
  • Gripping pain and embarrassment ensue—attempts to play it off fail, and the relationship doesn't progress.
  • Quote:
    • "It was getting good. I kind of moved and my arm popped out." (Ken, 05:10)

D. Shower Door Disaster (05:32)

• Listener "Shannon" describes a “tour” of a model home escalating into intimacy—then suddenly, the shower door collapses, requiring an ER trip for glass removal from an awkward place.
  • Quote:
    • "The shower door collapses and breaks. He takes me to the emergency room to have the shower glass door pieces removed from my buttocks." (Shannon, 06:11)
  • Crash jokes:
    • "One glass in the ass. Room seven." (Crash, 06:14)

E. Creek-Side Consequences (06:23)

• Melissa admits a former penchant for public rendezvous:
  • An encounter by a polluted Georgia creek leaves her with a severe gynecological infection—her doctor is stunned.
  • Quote:
    • "She said, 'Never seen so much bacteria in one person in all my life.'" (Melissa, 06:54)
    • Crash quips: "You had creek in the crack." (Crash, 07:16)

F. Aneurysm in the Act (07:32)

• Ken calls in again:
  • His brother nearly suffers a ruptured aneurysm during sex, resulting in several days in the hospital and awkward explanations to their mom.
  • Quote:
    • "My brother, during the height of passion, actually had an aneurysm that fortunately didn't rupture..." (Ken, 07:36)

G. Self-Inflicted Swelling (08:15)

• Crash recounts a solo mishap:
  • He bursts a blood vessel during masturbation, leading to alarming swelling and a humorous father-son moment.
  • Quote:
    • "It looked like a zeppelin on a crayon. It was horrific." (Crash, 08:31)

H. Lockjaw—The Intimacy Edition (09:13)

• Listener Yvonne shares:
  • Experiences lockjaw during oral sex; too embarrassed for the ER, she has her husband punch her jaw back into place.
  • Quote:
    • "I was too embarrassed to go to the emergency room, so I made my husband...hit me with the top of his hand to, like, pop it back in place." (Yvonne, 09:16)

I. Bunk Bed Blunder (10:56)

• Another caller:
  • During couples’ bunk bed play, a man dislocates his shoulder mid-swing, trapping his partner and requiring an ambulance.
  • Quote:
    • "He had been swinging from the bottom of the bed into her and thrown his shoulder out of joints. And we had to call an ambulance in because she was pinned underneath him." (Caller, 11:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Crash: “I used to have to have women sign waivers.” (03:14)
• Art (Joking): “I thought Torture of the Testicle was a band that you guys played down there.” (02:47)
• Melissa (on her infection): “She said, never seen so much bacteria in one person in all my life.” (06:54)
• Crash (about waterbed disaster): “I was just kind of standing there, like I just pushed her on a sheet of ice.” (03:56)
• DJ (on men ‘comforting’ women after sex injuries): “While guys are trying to comfort you inside, they're going, yeah.” (04:05)
• Listener Yvonne: “Lockjaw is. Is real. Oh, my God, it is so real.” (09:16)
• Crash (bunk bed incident): “He had torsion of the shoulder.” (05:29)
• Host (on awkward discoveries): “I think the strangest thing is when you know they're having sex and you don't realize what's going on and they're screaming out your name in the house.” (11:33)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:53 — Episode's topic introduced: sexual injuries and hotel lawsuit.
• 02:21 — Ken recounts testicular torsion story.
• 03:16 — Crash’s waterbed slip-and-slide saga.
• 04:29 — Ken’s backseat separated shoulder disaster.
• 05:32 — Shannon’s shower door emergency room episode.
• 06:23 — Melissa reveals her creekside infection story.
• 07:32 — Ken’s near-fatal aneurysm family drama.
• 08:15 — Crash’s self-pleasure gone wrong.
• 09:13 — Yvonne’s lockjaw predicament.
• 10:56 — Bunk bed blunder and ambulance call.

Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Raw, humorous, and unfiltered.
• Vibe: A mix of “can you top this?” storytelling, medical curiosity, and playful banter.
• Theme: Sex can be unexpectedly dangerous—and everyone has a story. There’s camaraderie in the awkward aftermath, with laughter as the best medicine (besides, perhaps, an ER visit).

Summary for New Listeners:
This episode of The Bert Show is a riotous ride through the most embarrassing, painful, and absurd sexual mishaps, featuring true stories from both cast and listeners. While the candor borders on oversharing, it’s all balanced by knowing winks, memorable one-liners, and a welcoming, judgment-free space—making even the most cringe-worthy incidents hilarious. If you’ve ever thought you were alone in your awkward moments, this collection will prove you absolutely are not!