Vault: This Guy Sued A Hotel Over His Bedroom Activities!

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: This Guy Sued A Hotel Over His Bedroom Activities!"

Date: January 12, 2026
Host: Bert Show Cast (Melissa, Crash, DJ, Art, Ken, and various listener callers)
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the wild and unexpectedly hazardous world of sexual injuries—kicked off by a wild news story about a man suing a hotel after a bedroom mishap left him injured. The cast and callers share jaw-dropping, cringe-worthy, and hilarious personal accounts of accidents and injuries related to intimacy. The segment’s tone is candid, playful, and sometimes outrageous, bringing together stories that range from medical emergencies to awkward hospital explanations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Lawsuit Born in the Bedroom (01:53)

• Melissa introduces the headline story: a couple in China is suing a hotel after the man fell out of bed mid-intercourse and broke his arm.
• The man admitted the embarrassing truth in court due to facing high medical costs (~$2,500), blaming "unsafe facilities."
  • Quote:
    • "There's a couple in China that is suing the hotel because the guy, during their interlude, fell out of the bed and broke his arm." (Melissa, 01:57)

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2. Listeners Share Their Sexual Injury Stories

A. Testicular Torsion Tale (02:21)

• Ken recounts a hospital trip after “excruciating pain” during sex revealed a twisted testicle (torsion), leading to an ER visit.
  • Crash relates, saying he too has experienced it—explaining medically it’s not uncommon, but still intensely painful and dangerous.
  • Quote:
    • "Ended up in the emergency room to find out that one of my testicles had turned around backwards." (Ken, 02:28)
    • "It literally will just... your testicle will twist inside the sac, and it is extremely painful, and it can actually swell up." (Crash, 02:55)

B. Slippery Waterbed Catastrophe (03:16)

• Crash vividly recalls a 1980s incident:
  • He and his partner, after spreading baby oil on a waterbed, slide uncontrollably, leading his partner to hit her knees on the rail and her head on the floor.
  • Classic “wild story” with a comic spin.
  • Quote:
    • "We covered it with baby oil...we couldn't hold our footing...she slid forward so much, so fast, both her knees caught the railing...and she went over and hit her head on the floor." (Crash, 03:26)

C. Backseat Separation—Auto Edition (04:29)

• Ken chimes in with a high school story:
  • While “warming her up” in his 1976 Chevy Nova, his shoulder chronically dislocates.
  • Gripping pain and embarrassment ensue—attempts to play it off fail, and the relationship doesn't progress.
  • Quote:
    • "It was getting good. I kind of moved and my arm popped out." (Ken, 05:10)

D. Shower Door Disaster (05:32)

• Listener "Shannon" describes a “tour” of a model home escalating into intimacy—then suddenly, the shower door collapses, requiring an ER trip for glass removal from an awkward place.
  • Quote:
    • "The shower door collapses and breaks. He takes me to the emergency room to have the shower glass door pieces removed from my buttocks." (Shannon, 06:11)
  • Crash jokes:
    • "One glass in the ass. Room seven." (Crash, 06:14)

E. Creek-Side Consequences (06:23)

• Melissa admits a former penchant for public rendezvous:
  • An encounter by a polluted Georgia creek leaves her with a severe gynecological infection—her doctor is stunned.
  • Quote:
    • "She said, 'Never seen so much bacteria in one person in all my life.'" (Melissa, 06:54)
    • Crash quips: "You had creek in the crack." (Crash, 07:16)

F. Aneurysm in the Act (07:32)

• Ken calls in again:
  • His brother nearly suffers a ruptured aneurysm during sex, resulting in several days in the hospital and awkward explanations to their mom.
  • Quote:
    • "My brother, during the height of passion, actually had an aneurysm that fortunately didn't rupture..." (Ken, 07:36)

G. Self-Inflicted Swelling (08:15)

• Crash recounts a solo mishap:
  • He bursts a blood vessel during masturbation, leading to alarming swelling and a humorous father-son moment.
  • Quote:
    • "It looked like a zeppelin on a crayon. It was horrific." (Crash, 08:31)

H. Lockjaw—The Intimacy Edition (09:13)

• Listener Yvonne shares:
  • Experiences lockjaw during oral sex; too embarrassed for the ER, she has her husband punch her jaw back into place.
  • Quote:
    • "I was too embarrassed to go to the emergency room, so I made my husband...hit me with the top of his hand to, like, pop it back in place." (Yvonne, 09:16)

I. Bunk Bed Blunder (10:56)

• Another caller:
  • During couples’ bunk bed play, a man dislocates his shoulder mid-swing, trapping his partner and requiring an ambulance.
  • Quote:
    • "He had been swinging from the bottom of the bed into her and thrown his shoulder out of joints. And we had to call an ambulance in because she was pinned underneath him." (Caller, 11:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Crash: “I used to have to have women sign waivers.” (03:14)
• Art (Joking): “I thought Torture of the Testicle was a band that you guys played down there.” (02:47)
• Melissa (on her infection): “She said, never seen so much bacteria in one person in all my life.” (06:54)
• Crash (about waterbed disaster): “I was just kind of standing there, like I just pushed her on a sheet of ice.” (03:56)
• DJ (on men ‘comforting’ women after sex injuries): “While guys are trying to comfort you inside, they're going, yeah.” (04:05)
• Listener Yvonne: “Lockjaw is. Is real. Oh, my God, it is so real.” (09:16)
• Crash (bunk bed incident): “He had torsion of the shoulder.” (05:29)
• Host (on awkward discoveries): “I think the strangest thing is when you know they're having sex and you don't realize what's going on and they're screaming out your name in the house.” (11:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:53 — Episode's topic introduced: sexual injuries and hotel lawsuit.
• 02:21 — Ken recounts testicular torsion story.
• 03:16 — Crash’s waterbed slip-and-slide saga.
• 04:29 — Ken’s backseat separated shoulder disaster.
• 05:32 — Shannon’s shower door emergency room episode.
• 06:23 — Melissa reveals her creekside infection story.
• 07:32 — Ken’s near-fatal aneurysm family drama.
• 08:15 — Crash’s self-pleasure gone wrong.
• 09:13 — Yvonne’s lockjaw predicament.
• 10:56 — Bunk bed blunder and ambulance call.

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Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Raw, humorous, and unfiltered.
• Vibe: A mix of “can you top this?” storytelling, medical curiosity, and playful banter.
• Theme: Sex can be unexpectedly dangerous—and everyone has a story. There’s camaraderie in the awkward aftermath, with laughter as the best medicine (besides, perhaps, an ER visit).

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Summary for New Listeners:
This episode of The Bert Show is a riotous ride through the most embarrassing, painful, and absurd sexual mishaps, featuring true stories from both cast and listeners. While the candor borders on oversharing, it’s all balanced by knowing winks, memorable one-liners, and a welcoming, judgment-free space—making even the most cringe-worthy incidents hilarious. If you’ve ever thought you were alone in your awkward moments, this collection will prove you absolutely are not!

Transcript

[Host]

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[Crash]

The Bird Show.

[DJ]

Melissa was telling us about this one couple that's getting ready to sue because of their sexual injuries.

[Melissa]

Yes. There's a couple in China that is suing the hotel because the guy, during their interlude, fell out of the bed and broke his arm.

[Crash]

And he admitted to this?

[Melissa]

Yes, because he. His surgery cost, like almost $2,500. So he's suing the hotel for this, saying that the hotel had provided unsafe facilities.

[DJ]

Hey, Ken. Ken, you want to start us off?

[Ken]

Yes, sir, go ahead. During intercourse, I had some excruciating pain. Couldn't figure out what it was. Ended up in the emergency room to find out that one of my testicles had turned around backwards.

[Crash]

That's actually not very uncommon. It's called torsion of the testicle. I Swear to God, it happened to me before.

[DJ]

No way.

[Ken]

Cuts off circulation and it is painful.

[Sports Announcer]

Yeah.

[Art]

I thought Torture of the Testicle was a band that you guys played down there.

[Crash]

They're opening up.

[Listener Caller]

Yeah.

[Crash]

For you too.

[DJ]

Wow, you've had this happen.

[Crash]

Yeah, I've actually had that happen before where it really. It literally will just. Your testicle will twist inside the sac, and it is extremely painful, and it can. And it can actually swell up. Yeah. It's not an uncommon problem for men.

[DJ]

Is that your only sexual injury story? Because I bet you have dozens.

[Crash]

Oh, please. I used to have.

[Art]

I bet you've got torsion of a lot of things.

[Crash]

I used to have to have women sign waivers.

[Host]

No.

[Crash]

One time that really just came to mind when Bert just caught me and he's like, quick, think of a story. And I'm like, ah. Picture that. A year is 19, about 87. And I owned a waterbed. This is how cool I was.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Crash]

The girl I was dating at the time, we stripped off all the sheets, and of course, you've got that really smooth surface there. We covered it with baby oil. So literally, we couldn't hold our footing. I mean, we were sliding, slipping everywhere. We began the act. God, I won't be too disgusting. We began the act with her on her hands and knees. So you know what's going on. Literally, during the action, she slid forward so much, so fast, both her knees caught the railing of the edge of the bed, and she went over and hit her head on the floor. And I was just kind of standing there, like I just pushed her on a sheet of ice.

[Art]

Hey, just a heads up, Crash. Fat kid's outside the door, and I'm really hoping he doesn't have a story.

[DJ]

I wanna let women know that if you get hurt during sex and it's really bad, that while guys are trying to comfort you inside, they're going, yeah.

[Crash]

Oh, yeah, yeah, she's bleeding.

[Listener Caller]

Oh, Bert.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Crash]

From an external injury.

[Art]

I'd like to go on the record and say that's not true. Bert's just speaking for himself.

[DJ]

Hey, Art, you're on all the hits Q1.

[Ken]

Hey, guys.

[Art]

What's going on?

[DJ]

Hey.

[Ken]

Back in high school, I used to have 76 Nova. So.

[Crash]

Yeah, Bragger. Slant six, baby.

[Ken]

Front seat is like a couch, so you could move the front seat and do some things people typically do in the back seat.

[DJ]

Sure.

[Ken]

And so we weren't exactly having intercourse yet. I was warming her up, and I have a chronic separating shoulder.

[Melissa]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Ken]

So I'm Stuffed down in front of the seat and on the passenger side. And I just. It was getting good. I kind of moved and my arm popped out.

[Crash]

Well, better. Your arm popped out.

[Ken]

She thinks I'm, you know, screaming. I don't know, to make it better for her. But then she realized that there's a problem and just kind of totally freaked her out. Obviously we didn't finish. And I also never got any further with her.

[DJ]

No doubt, man. Well, if it's going to be a popped shoulder or a reversed testimony, I'm taking the pop shoulder.

[Crash]

He had torsion of the shoulder.

[DJ]

Shannon, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Listener Caller]

Hi. Well, my boyfriend and I were at a subdivision looking at brand new houses that we were looking at possibly buying. And we decided we were looking at the master bedroom and the master bathroom. And we're in the master bathroom and discussing different things we could possibly proceed to do in the bathroom. And one thing leads to another and we lean against the shower door and the shower door collapses and breaks. He takes me to the emergency room to have the shower glass door pieces removed from my buttocks.

[DJ]

Oh, how are you gonna explain that.

[Crash]

One glass in the ass. Room seven.

[Host]

Wow.

[Art]

Wow.

[DJ]

Melissa, you want to pitch in?

[Melissa]

Well, I don't. It's not a broken. Now that I hear the stories, it's not a broken bone or anything like that. But back a long time ago when I would have public interludes, there was a session I was having with someone near a creek. And somehow the creek water, you know, got somehow in certain places and the creek, you know, creeks in Georgia are not very clean. And so I ended up having this massive infection that I had to get taken care of. The gynecologist, how did she put it? No, I can't say.

[DJ]

Come on, how'd you say it?

[Crash]

How'd you say it?

[Melissa]

She said, never seen so much bacteria in one person in all my life is what she said. And that was because of. Yeah. When I used to have public sex.

[Art]

Don't they teach you stuff like that in medical school? Like you should never look at somebody's injury and goes, I have never seen something so big and disgusting. My.

[Melissa]

Especially when you're gone in college, it's the same. You don't feel very confident after that.

[Crash]

You had creek in the crack.

[Melissa]

I'm just surprised you sat down in the creek. Why? Well, I mean, I was a little. I wasn't. The creek was not the first thing that I was. That was not right.

[DJ]

Not on your mind. Hey, Pete, you're On all the hits. Q100.

[Host]

Hey.

[Ken]

Hey, how you doing?

[Host]

Hey.

[Ken]

My brother, during the height of passion, actually had an aneurysm that fortunately didn't rupture, but spent the next three to four days in the hospital having to explain how that happened.

[Melissa]

Damn. Wow.

[DJ]

You just get this massive, like, headache and then had to stop.

[Ken]

Yeah, yeah. And I had to pick my mom up from a trip she was on and bring her back and she's like, well, how'd it happen? And I'm like, well, let's just get you there and let's talk to the doctors.

[Melissa]

But then later on, you brag about it once your life is not on the line anymore, then you're like, guess what happened, dude?

[Art]

I ruptured a blood vessel in my brain.

[Crash]

Speaking of that, I was once self pleasuring and ruptured a blood vessel there. And let me tell you something, it went to five times its size. I had to show my dad it looked like a zeppelin on a crayon. It was horrific. Seriously, I told your dad I ruptured a blood vessel somewhere within my thingy. Thingy. And it just literally, I mean, it went like five times its size. It was just like a giant bloated cantaloupe. And I freaked out.

[Melissa]

I bet.

[Crash]

And that's what it was. Of course. What does my dad do? He starts cracking up.

[DJ]

Of course he does.

[Crash]

Yeah, because he knew what it was.

[DJ]

A little rough on yourself, don't you think? There was.

[Crash]

Oh, I was getting it. Don't you. Don't you go. I'll give you something to cry about. Yelling at himself. Who's your daddy? Who's my daddy? You all right there, Jen?

[DJ]

So violent.

[Melissa]

Seriously, the imagery is just too much to handle.

[Crash]

Yeah, I think.

[Art]

Seriously. Fat kid was looking for you.

[DJ]

Hey, Evonne, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Listener Caller]

Yvonne, hello.

[Host]

Hello.

[Listener Caller]

I am here to tell you guys from firsthand experience that lockjaw is. Is real. Oh, my God, it is so real. And I was too embarrassed to go to the emergency room, so I made my husband make a fist and hit me with the top of his hand to, like, pop it back in place. Oh, God. I mean, what am I gonna do? I couldn't even talk. How am I gonna explain to him how it happened?

[DJ]

So your husband hits you in the head to unlock your jaw?

[Listener Caller]

No, actually the bottom. I couldn't close my mouth. It got locked. I couldn't close my mouth.

[Crash]

Oh, from the bottom.

[Melissa]

I think. Yeah. That a lot of women have felt close to that happening yeah, because you.

[Listener Caller]

Know, you're like, okay, yeah, that's a good thing. You think that the pain is just gonna eventually numb itself until you try to close your mouth. And you can't close your mouth.

[Melissa]

Oh, man.

[Crash]

Jen, demonstrate that again for me.

[Listener Caller]

I'm just saying it like that's okay. Pre vert.

[Melissa]

Yeah. The places, like where your jaw connects, you can definitely feel stressed.

[Listener Caller]

Totally. But I couldn't close in it, and I could feel it getting swollen more and more. And I just finally looked at him and took his fist and I just kind of gestured, you know, hit it. Not how you hit it.

[DJ]

Can I tell you how that story is gonna haunt so many women when you start to feel just that little twinge right there from now on?

[Crash]

Yeah, thanks a lot.

[Listener Caller]

They're gonna remember me having to have my husband go, hit it. And they're gonna stop before they get.

[Melissa]

At least it was her husband.

[Listener Caller]

Yeah, I've been married for 18 years. We've done it all, people.

[Melissa]

Right. So at least you were comfortable enough to one night. Can you imagine?

[Crash]

Well, here's some advice then, for all the men that are listening. From now on, when that happens, when your wife is finished, just give her an uppercut. Everything will be fine.

[DJ]

How about a pre, just to make sure it's not gonna happen. Here you go. Morning. All the hits. Q100.

[Listener Caller]

Hey, we had some friends over. They spent the night in the bunk beds. They were the metal framed. And later in the night, I heard them calling my name, which I thought was very strange. I had to unlock the door and go in. He had been swinging from the bottom of the bed into her and thrown his shoulder out of joints. And we had to call an ambulance in because she was pinned underneath him.

[DJ]

He's still laughing. How many years ago was that?

[Host]

5.

[DJ]

Still laughing about it.

[Ken]

That is good.

[DJ]

I think the strangest thing is when you know they're having sex and you don't realize what's going on and they're screaming out your name in the house. You're like, wait a minute. Yeah, too random.

[Host]

The bird show.

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[Listener Caller]

Knock, knock.

[Crash]

Ooh, who's there?

[Melissa]

A boost mobile expert here to deliver and set up your all new iPhone 17 Pro designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

[DJ]

You called that a knock knock joke.

[Melissa]

This isn't a joke. Boost mobile really sends experts to deliver and set up your phone at home or work.

[DJ]

Okay. It's just that when people say knock.

[Crash]

Knock, there's usually a joke to go with it.

[Melissa]

Like I said, this isn't a joke.

[DJ]

So the knock knock was just you knocking?

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's how doors work.

[DJ]

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