Vault: This Is The Most Dedicated Romantic Move We've Ever Heard

Summary

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The Bert Show

"Vault: This Is The Most Dedicated Romantic Move We've Ever Heard"

Release Date: April 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the Bert Show team hears from Alex, a listener whose dedication to pursuing his long-time crush has inspired him to change nearly every aspect of his life. Alex describes how he has spent a full year intentionally working to embody the qualities his dream girl listed as essential in a partner. The hosts have Alex break down this "magical list," discuss his motivations and methods, and riff about the fine line between devotion and over-the-top gestures in the pursuit of love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. How the Romance Started

• Alex and "the girl" have a unique relationship: their families both travel cross-country to Cape May, NJ, every 4th of July and only see each other during this annual event.
  • "I've known this girl for about five years. We meet just annually … our families have a tradition of going there to the city every Fourth of July… This is the only time we ever have any interaction with each other." (00:56, Alex)
• Alex shares that a late-night conversation over beers last year (when the girl was upset about a recent breakup) led to the creation of a "dream guy" list.

2. The Infamous List (03:58-05:46)

• The list, drafted on a cocktail napkin and later transcribed, includes the ten qualities the girl says are essential in a future husband.
• The 10 Qualities (as recounted by Alex):
  1. Puts family events and traditions first
  2. Desires a committed, exclusive relationship
  3. Has completed college and has a career plan
  4. Has good credit
  5. Loves to travel
  6. Appreciates other cultures
  7. Is spiritual (religious or serious about spirituality)
  8. Is charitable
  9. Has a sense of humor (is funny)
  10. Takes care of physical health

"We wrote it down on a cocktail napkin and later I put it onto a regular piece of paper just so I could capture all the... little details and what she meant by everything."
(03:33, Alex)

3. Alex's Transformation Efforts (05:51-07:01)

• Over the past year, Alex has systematically worked to improve himself in all ten areas, actively making life changes to fit the list.
• Dramatic Life Change Example:
  • Alex describes volunteering for a church trip to Guatemala, both to appreciate other cultures and to grow spiritually—a move that checks off travel, charity, and spirituality.

"Well, appreciate other cultures... through my church, I'm going to go down to Guatemala."
(06:12, Alex)

• The hosts joke about Alex accruing “points” for hitting multiple list items at once.

4. Reveal Strategies & Concerns (07:01-08:03)

• Alex is determined to let the girl realize on her own that he now meets her criteria, rather than presenting the list outright, which the hosts agree could backfire.
• They discuss whether she even remembers the list, but Alex reveals she wished him "good luck with the list" at their last parting—implying it's still on her mind.

"If you present this as a document... it's too obvious and she's gonna be totally turned off by it. So you're going to have to... subtly just tell her the things that are going on in your life."
(07:01, Host 1)

5. Hosts' Commentary & Takeaways (08:16-09:36)

• The hosts generally find Alex's story both romantic and ambitious.
• They speculate on whether this is too much effort for a potential romance and encourage Alex to make sure he isn't only doing this for her.
• They also consider turning the tables, joking that Alex should make his own list for her ("she's gotta earn your list").

"I think it's really cool... good things to aspire to, regardless of whether she's the one or not."
(08:45, Host 2)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the annual summer meetings:
  "We only see each other once a year at around 4th of July..."
  (00:56, Alex)

• On the list's origins:
  "And out of that came dun, dun, dun, dun. The list..."
  (02:58, Alex)

• On acting on the list:
  "I was in some areas okay before, but I've taken the effort over the past year to be very solid in all 10 areas.”
  (05:51, Alex)

• On letting her discover his efforts:
  "You're going to have to, I guess, subtly just tell her the things that are going on in your life, and she's going to have to be able to put it together herself."
  (07:01, Host 1)

• On personal growth for its own sake:
  "Good things to aspire to, regardless of whether she's the one or not."
  (08:45, Host 2)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:56 – Alex introduces the unique nature of his and the girl's annual July 4th relationship
• 03:58 – The 10 qualities on "the list" are detailed
• 05:51 – Alex discusses the work he's done over the past year to become a better version of himself
• 06:12 – Alex describes volunteering in Guatemala as a multi-list item check-off
• 07:01 – Host weighs in on strategy and the potential risk of being too obvious
• 07:23 – Alex reveals the girl referenced "the list" when they last parted
• 08:45 – Host 2 gives encouragement on personal growth, not just for romance

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Episode Tone

Fun, supportive, slightly teasing, and genuinely interested—the hosts riff on each other's takes, joke about classic romantic moves but are also impressed by Alex's dedication and the self-improvement journey. The vibe balances between light-hearted humor and sincere encouragement about intentional growth, romance, and the risks of grand gestures.

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Summary:
This episode uses Alex’s story to explore the lengths people go to for love, the difference between self-improvement for oneself and for someone else, and whether chasing an idealized partner is romantic or risky. The Bert Show hosts keep things lively and honest, making Alex’s journey both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

Transcript

[Alex]

Our nation has always counted on us to win, to fight for what better could be, to secure our future together. We are Marines. We were made for this. The bird Show.

[Host 1]

Hey, Alex.

[Alex]

Hey.

[Host 1]

What's going on, man?

[Alex]

Not much. Not much.

[Host 1]

Caught you a little off guard today.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

We want to know the story now. A year now, you've been planning on, like, molding yourself into the perfect dude for a girl.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah, you could say that. Yeah. So, yeah, it's kind of a. Kind of a long story. It's kind of a. I can't believe you guys got my number. I don't know. You just started this.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Glad you meet her.

[Alex]

Well, this is the thing. We. I've known this girl for about five years. We meet just annually. We only see each other, you know, once a year at around 4th of July in this little town, Cape May, New Jersey. We, our families have a tradition of going there to the city every Fourth of July with both of our family link rent houses. I mean, I live in Waterloo, Iowa, and I travel there to meet up with my family in Cape May. She travels all the way from Tacoma, Washington to be there. And this is the only time we ever have any interaction with each other. So this all started from last year. We had gotten together and we were just having a couple of beers, drinking, probably a little too much, but just, you know, killing time away from the family and just together. And I had asked her about why she didn't have her boyfriend with her. She had. She usually has a guy, you know, come to these family things with her, you know, our family event stuff, this annual thing, and she didn't have a guy with her this year. And she launched into this whole thing about she was seeing this guy, but she didn't know how serious it was going to be with him because he had decided to hang out with his friends on the 4th as opposed to come and do this family thing with us in Cape May. And she. She. She was. I don't know, she's pretty upset and was pretty much saying that that was going to be the end of the relationship. And. And so I was kind of. I kind of like, you know what? This is one thing, and that's enough for you to call off the. The whole relationship. And it started this whole thing about what was important to her about, like, guys, so. And about actually what her dream guy would be like. So out of that came dun, dun, dun, dun. The list and what's on the list. This is what you've heard about Is the magical list of the things that any man that she would ever be married to. I guess her dream guy would have these 10 qualities.

[Host 1]

So what's on the list?

[Host 2]

I feel like I'm about to read her game of MASH

[Host 1]

did.

[Host 3]

Is it an actual physical document?

[Alex]

Well, it's an actual physical document. It was. We wrote it down on a cocktail napkin and later I put it onto a regular piece of paper just so I could capture all the. I'm a writer, so it's like I just need to get all the little details and what she meant by everything because we were drinking at the time, so.

[Host 3]

So what's on that list? How many items are on the list?

[Alex]

Total 10 items.

[Host 1]

Okay, what's on that list? What do you think, Simon?

[Alex]

Well, here we go. Number one thing was family functions that, you know, like family holidays and events and plans could take precedent and in this man's life.

[Host 3]

Well, you already got that one covered because you hang out with her Fourth of July.

[Alex]

So done. Kate. Man, that was the reason why that was on the top and why she was ditching the guy that he was with.

[Host 3]

Check number two.

[Alex]

Number two is a committed relationship. So none of this just part time dating or anything like that. You know, he's clearly single and you know, clearly ready to clear the decks as far as having any other relationship ties to ex girlfriends or anything like that.

[Host 2]

Okay,

[Alex]

I haven't. What's that? Oh, number three, completed college and had a career plan and have a career plan.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Alex]

And I've done that and I've gotten myself a regular full time job.

[Host 1]

Did you get the full don't ask questions? Well, I want to know. We got 10 of these to roll through. Well, we're already third way through them.

[Alex]

I'm sorry, should I move through these faster? Am I taking too long?

[Host 1]

We'll save the questions for after. All right.

[Alex]

Okay, so complete college career plan. Number four, good credit. Number five, love to travel. Number six, appreciate other cultures.

[Host 1]

Okay? That goes along with traveling.

[Alex]

Number seven, to be religious or I think that means to be spiritual and serious about your spirituality. Number eight is charitable. Number nine is funny. And number ten is to be in good physical well being, to take good physical care of yourself.

[Host 1]

Okay, so you changed everything in your life and you think you're strong in all 10 of those areas now?

[Alex]

I think I'm very strong in those 10 areas now. I think I was in some areas okay before, but I've taken the effort over the past year to be very solid in all 10 areas.

[Host 3]

Now what Specific life change have you made? Just to.

[Host 2]

What's like, the most dramatic?

[Host 3]

Yeah, just to adjust to One of

[Alex]

these 10 most dramatic probably would have to be the most. Boy, the most dramatic would probably have to be. Well, appreciate other cultures. I thought I was. You know, I had already. You know, I don't really have any prejudices or, you know, strong favoritism towards any particular one culture or anything, but through my church, I'm going to go down to Guatemala.

[Host 2]

Oh, nice.

[Alex]

There you go.

[Host 1]

And specifically, you would do this because you want this to be one of the 10 things.

[Host 2]

No, he got two there. If he's doing it through religion and traveling, too.

[Alex]

And travel, bam.

[Host 2]

Are you gonna be running down there? That's.

[Host 1]

I mean, you're athletic.

[Alex]

Fitness.

[Host 1]

How are you gonna. How are you gonna subtly tell her that you meet all 10 criteria? Because if you present this as a document and you. I mean, it's too obvious and she's gonna be totally turned off by it. So you're going to have to, I guess, subtly just tell her the things that are going on in your life, and she's going to have to be able to put it together herself.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 3]

And last, she was. Was she aware that you were making a list?

[Alex]

Well, she was aware that we were making the list because that was the joke while we were. While we were talking. And I didn't think anything about it last year, but on the day that we left. We usually leave cape May on July 5. When we parted company on the 5th, saying goodbye and see you next year and stuff, she brought up, said, good luck with the list. So I don't know if it's still in her mind or not.

[Host 2]

That changes everything. It does change everything, because that means she wanted him to. Maybe.

[Host 1]

Maybe she was subtly trying to say

[Host 2]

to him, next time we'll see each other in Cape May, okay? There's interest there.

[Host 1]

Well, Alex, what the morning zoo here will do is we will check back with you when we get back from vacation.

[Host 3]

One joint sound effect does not make us a zoo.

[Host 1]

We're a zoo in training. We're zit.

[Host 2]

Oh,

[Host 1]

Alex, we gotta talk to you when we get back from vacation and find out if your plan worked and you truly have become the dude of her dreams.

[Alex]

We'll see.

[Host 3]

I wouldn't jump right into it. I would make her make a list and go, look, you got one more year to work on this.

[Alex]

She's gotta earn your list.

[Host 3]

Yeah, let's go over some things that I want. Look, I'm going to freaking Guatemala, okay?

[Host 2]

I think it's really cool.

[Host 1]

It's a good idea. It's a cool idea.

[Host 2]

Good things to aspire to, regardless of whether she's the one or not.

[Host 1]

Alex, we'll talk to you when we get back from vacation.

[Alex]

Okie doke.

[Host 1]

Okay, Bye.

[Alex]

Bye.

[Host 1]

I think we're gonna have to do some kind of, like. He's gonna have to tell you the story when we get back, and then you'll have to interpret what happened.

[Host 3]

I didn't think it was that bad.

[Host 2]

I didn't either.

[Host 3]

Like, I thought he.

[Host 1]

It was hurting my ears.

[Host 3]

I didn't think.

[Host 1]

Because I haven't eaten or had caffeine or anything this morning.

[Host 3]

Yeah, I thought it was actually kind of a romantic story. I'm surprised you got off the phone

[Alex]

with him that quickly.

[Host 2]

I think he got into his. His vibe. I was giving. I was giving him away because he didn't know he was coming on today. You need to eat a carb there with Captain Destiny.

[Host 1]

It was painful. So we'll talk to him when we get back, and either he can tell us a story or you can interpret it.

[Host 2]

Well, he can start telling us his story on Monday and by the time we get back.

[Alex]

I didn't think it was. Yeah, the bird show.