Vault: This Is The Most Horrific Pick Up Line We've Ever Heard

Summary

The Bert Show Podcast Summary

Episode: Vault: This Is The Most Horrific Pick Up Line We've Ever Heard
Date: February 13, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode centers around a hilarious and shocking recounting of the most horrific pick-up line ever encountered by a member of the show. The discussion takes listeners through the wild world of Vegas nightlife, the boldness it brings out in people, and the epic fail of a jaw-dropping pick-up attempt made by a stranger. The cast analyzes, laughs, and tries to find creative (and radio-acceptable) ways to retell the story, while maintaining their signature blend of humor and realness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Vegas: Anything Goes Playground

• The show opens with the cast reflecting on the unique, uninhibited atmosphere of Las Vegas.
  • "[01:07] Bert: The attitude is just different in Vegas... all the rules are different... You're never gonna see that person again."
  • "[01:19] D: ...It's like an adult Disney World."
• The panel agrees that Vegas is a place where everyone is a tourist and anything can happen, which often leads to over-the-top partying and encounters.

2. Girls Weekend Out

• One cast member (referred to as "C") recounts a glamorous girls’ trip to Vegas, filled with luxury accommodations, spa days, shopping, fine dining, and trips to the city’s iconic clubs.
  • "[02:06] C: ...We had the... awesome girls weekend. We stayed at an amazing hotel, the Four Seasons... went to the spa... fancy dinners... gambling..."
• The sheer extravagance of Vegas clubs, including a mention of the Tris nightclub with its massive waterfall, is highlighted.
  • "[02:34] B: They just do it so over the top... a 30 foot waterfall... Disney ... imaginations where anything is possible..."

3. Encountering the Worst Pick-Up Line

• The main story begins as the group sits at a club, when a group of men approaches.
  • "[03:16] C: ...a group of guys approach us, of course. And everyone in Vegas has the you're so beautiful line when it starts..."
• The men, described as overly bold, include two Latin guys, prompting a side discussion about cultural confidence and boldness.
  • "[04:21] C: But I think the cultures... maybe a little more bold."
  • "[04:26] E: ...Latin men generally... a little bit cooler and hip hop..."

4. The Shocking Pick-Up Line

• The infamous question is posed, following standard flattery:
  • "[05:07] C: ...one of the guys approached one of my friends at the table and said this line... he started with, 'you're so exotic looking. You're so beautiful.' Which. Okay, that's normal, right? And then the next thing he said to her..."
• The cast is so stunned by the explicitness and brazenness of the next line that they struggle to even paraphrase it on-air due to its inappropriateness, leading to a hilarious, drawn-out attempt to find an acceptable euphemism.
  • "[05:53] B: ...is there any way we can. Innuendo... Our way around that."
  • "[06:07] B: This was his opening line."
  • "[07:00] C: I had to underline that one word... it was like..."

5. Utter Speechlessness and Laughter

• The cast can barely contain their shock. They repeatedly emphasize how unrepeatable and outrageous the line is, drawing boisterous laughter and incredulity from everyone present.
  • "[06:15] D: I can't believe this. I would have laughed out loud too. Are you kidding me?"
  • "[06:19] B: Even Jeff just looks like he did a shot at the troll."
  • "[10:00] C: Now do you see why we're laughing about it two days later?"

6. Aftermath & Reactions

• The boldness of the line leaves everyone at the table—including the guy’s friends—cracking up, and the group quickly moves away to escape the awkwardness.
  • "[10:14] C: We explode in laughter... Even his friends... started cracking up laughing."
  • "[10:29] B: It's so shocking that everybody just started laughing."
  • "[10:31] C: So shocking. Everybody laughed. We talked to them for maybe two minutes and then we got up from the table and went somewhere else."
• The cast (and even a listener who’s told the line off the air) remains speechless:
  • "[11:56] F: I wasn't expecting that."
  • "[12:00] B: Can you imagine somebody coming up to you in a bar and saying that."
  • "[12:03] F: Oh, wow, I'm speechless."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "[01:19] D: It's like an adult Disney World."
• "[03:57] B: And guys are moving around Vegas. I mean, it's like, it really is like sharks in a school. And they're looking for chum."
• [About the pick-up line]
  • "[05:22] E: You're so exotic looking."
  • "[06:08] C: This is opening line. This is walk over. 'You're so exotic. You're so beautiful.' Oh, my God."
• Confusion about paraphrasing:
  • "[05:53] B: Oh, at first. Look, is there any way we can. Innuendo."
  • "[06:12] D: Because I'm trying to find another way to say the verb. But you can't."
  • "[09:17] D: ...then we couldn't even try it right now."
• Listener Reaction:
  • "[11:56] F: I wasn't expecting that."
  • "[12:03] F: Oh, wow, I'm speechless."
• Show Cast’s Offended Reaction:
  • "[12:10] B: I just said that to a woman, and I'm offended."
• On the audacity of Vegas interactions:
  • "[12:25] B: Like, maybe the first phrase he ever learned was that."

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Important Timestamps

• [01:07] – Introduction to the "Vegas mindset"
• [02:06–02:47] – Tale of the girls’ trip and description of Vegas nightlife
• [03:57] – Analogy of men prowling Vegas nightlife ("sharks in a school")
• [05:07–05:36] – Lead-up to, and delivery of, the infamous pick-up line
• [06:08–07:10] – Cast’s struggle to euphemize and react to the pick-up line
• [10:14–10:31] – Laughter and aftermath with the group’s reaction
• [11:56–12:14] – Listener's off-air reaction; cast reflects on the absurdity

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Tone & Language

The episode is lively, filled with friendly banter, wild laughter, unfiltered storytelling, and that uniquely "real" Bert Show energy. The cast never reveals the exact line on-air, expertly using innuendo and implication to maintain their comedic charm while respecting broadcast standards.

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Conclusion

Listeners are treated to a vivid and hilarious story of Vegas nightlife, culminating in a pick-up line so over-the-top that even seasoned radio hosts are left flabbergasted. Through wit, camaraderie, and just the right amount of scandal, the cast keeps listeners engaged and amused, making this episode a classic example of The Bert Show’s ability to turn awkward real-life moments into entertainment gold.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The attitude is just different in Vegas.

[C]

It's just.

[B]

I mean, it's all. All the rules are different in Las Vegas. You can become somebody you're not. You can say what you want. You're never gonna see that person again.

[D]

I mean, not to give offense, but it's like an adult Disney World.

[C]

Like, it is.

[D]

You go there and you feel like an adult kid because you know that, like you said, you cross the border into Vegas and it's. It is a whole different world, and you are not responsible for anything you do.

[C]

That's right. We also talked about how in Vegas, you don't have to feel bad about being a tourist because everybody is.

[A]

Right. Right.

[C]

Everybody is a tourist that's there. So it's like, you know, people walk up to you and they're like, hey, where are you from? Everybody knows you're not from there.

[B]

And it's the same mindset. You know, it's not like when you go out to East Andrews or whatever, that some are going to be there for some reasons, others are going to be there for other reasons. You're there to. You're just there to party. If you're in Vegas.

[C]

Oh, and gamble. I mean, you just can do all kinds of stuff you can't do anywhere else. It's really fun.

[B]

So Javi was in Vegas with a couple of her girlfriends.

[C]

Yes. So we, you know, we had the, you know, awesome girls weekend. We stayed at an amazing hotel, the Four Seasons. And we got pampered by the poolside for every day. And we went to the spa and we did shopping and we did fancy dinners and we did gambling. One of my friends is a big gambler, so she played lots and lots of blackjack. And then a couple of nights we went out to the clubs. We went to go dancing, go check them out or whatever. And Vegas has clubs like nobody. I mean, I have never seen clubs like that ever.

[B]

They just do it so over the top. Like there's a club there called Tris that has like this 30 foot waterfall in the middle of the club. It's like, like Melissa said with Disney.

[C]

I want to say it's like three stories or something crazy.

[B]

That's 30ft.

[C]

Is it? Yeah, each story is 10ft.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

How about that?

[C]

Really?

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

Blonde moment.

[C]

No worries.

[B]

So like Melissa said, yeah, it all adds up at the end.

[E]

It's not like a foot, it's like 12 inches.

[B]

You know, like with Disney, there is just no. They have these imaginations where anything is possible. And in Vegas it's the same idea except it's all with partying. Right. And it's all bigger and better in Vegas.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

And that's how every club is, Right.

[C]

So that club that Bert was talking about, Tris, is one we went to. So there's this big pool and there's all these like club tables, like around the pool and then it goes into the nightclub or whatever and they've got like beautiful women go, go dancing on the, you know, on the platforms. And they've just got like the best DJs and everybody's, you know, partying, having a good time or what. And this is probably well into the night where people had lots of drinks, whatever. So we were sitting out at one of the little tables and it was just the three of us just like sitting around having our drinks, talking, people watching or whatever, having a good time. And this group of guys approach us, of course. And everybody in Vegas has the you're so beautiful line when it starts and you're like, yeah, whatever, move along.

[B]

And guys are moving around Vegas. I mean, it's like, it really is like sharks in a school. And they're looking for chum. I mean, they're looking for smaller fish to eat.

[C]

And so this group of guys looked like they were having a great time and came over to us. And one of no two of the guys in the group were Latin, so I think that Latin men are a little bit more aggressive anyway. Would you say that?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

I've never had one come on to me.

[C]

But I think the cultures. Yeah, just like, maybe a little more bold.

[E]

It might have to do with confidence too, because Latin men generally, the whole Latin culture, generally speaking, a little bit cooler and hip hop. Your average, you know, guy from.

[C]

I don't know so much about that with this group, but they were like.

[D]

This was the exception. Yeah, Exception to the rule.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

They kicked him out of Venezuela.

[D]

The Latin rejects.

[E]

They went.

[D]

Latin rejects it is.

[E]

They went to Rio and realized they just couldn't handle Carnival, so.

[B]

So they're like, yeah, let's go.

[E]

Let's go to the States.

[B]

The women will love us. Let's go to Rio in Vegas. Isn't there a hotel named Rio in Vegas?

[C]

Maybe so. Well, and then one of the guys approached one of my friends at the table and said this line, and he started with, you're so exotic looking. You're so beautiful. Which. Okay, that's normal, right? And then the next thing he said to her.

[E]

Did he say it with an accent?

[C]

Yeah, I think so.

[E]

You're so exotic looking.

[C]

Yeah, it was kind of like that. And so already we were like, okay, what's coming next? And then this is what he said. Who do you want me to give it to first? Because I wrote it down.

[B]

Give it to Melissa first. Give it to Melissa and Wendy first. The women will take a look at it and be more shocked than we will.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh, no, he didn't.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Oh, at first. Look, is there any way we can. Innuendo.

[A]

No.

[B]

Innuendo Our way around that.

[D]

No, no. I mean, there's way. I mean. Well, but it may confuse people because we. We can't say anything anywhere close to it. But we can try to use different.

[B]

This was his opening line.

[C]

This is opening line. This is walk over. You're so exotic. You're so beautiful. Oh, my God.

[D]

I can't believe this. I wouldn't have laughed. I would have laughed out loud too. Are you kidding me?

[B]

Even Jeff just looks like he did a shot at the troll.

[D]

Yeah, Jeff. You still think we can innuend around that?

[B]

Let me check it out.

[D]

Yell at Bert. Sudan, actually speechless. No, hold on.

[C]

I told you it's awful.

[E]

Here's what?

[D]

Golly. Unreal.

[E]

Well, no, I almost think, like, if we brainstorm the innuendo, we could use Bert as the test subject because he doesn't know.

[D]

Mm.

[C]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[E]

But there might not be any way. Wow.

[B]

That's gonna drive me crazy. I gotta see that line.

[C]

I had to underline that one word. Like, it was like.

[D]

It's just.

[C]

I mean, wow.

[E]

Emphatically.

[D]

I'm trying to figure out what else.

[C]

To use on that one word that I underlined. It was emphatic.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

There's no way this can be. Yeah.

[D]

Because I'm trying to find another way to say the verb. But you can't.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The first line again was, you're so exotic.

[C]

You're so beautiful. And then this.

[E]

What?

[B]

Oh, man.

[E]

There's no way.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah, we can't do that.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

You're gonna have to carry that paper around with you to every event that you do for the next six months.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You're gonna have to ask Jen in person.

[C]

I can't. I couldn't say that. I can't.

[E]

Don't even try. There's nothing.

[D]

You can't use the verb. You can't use the verb.

[B]

It can be done.

[E]

You can't do it.

[A]

You can't.

[C]

No, don't.

[B]

You can't.

[E]

You can't.

[D]

It was nice. Let me just say, it was nice to be here on the Bert show.

[B]

I enjoyed being on the Burt show.

[C]

Why don't I bring it? Why don't I bring it to our next event? Yeah, there's our next 21 and over event. It's the.

[E]

And I could seriously. Don't try.

[B]

The first part is easier than the second part.

[E]

No, there's no. Because everyone knows right now that we're talking about a sex act. So if you describe something.

[B]

No, because I can. You can. You can use completely different words. I'll do it.

[C]

Don't do it.

[B]

You can't.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

There's no telling you anyway, so thank you so much for the opportunity.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Turn off his mic.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't.

[E]

I'm telling you.

[D]

Sleeping in.

[B]

I'm telling you. It can be done. The first part can be done.

[D]

I'm just going ahead and saying goodbye to Pete. I don't know. I'm just.

[E]

It's not us, it's Bert.

[C]

Oh. So we have to. Seriously, we still have to get up.

[D]

At three, even if he screws up.

[C]

Seriously, I'll just take it to our next 21 and over event. We got one coming up. All right, I'll bring it and show people. It'll be. It'll be a bonus for the price of their ticket.

[E]

There might Be a way to like set a time tomorrow and never address what we're talking about.

[D]

Oh, because people know.

[E]

Right. But the fact that we're talking like you can't find a way around.

[B]

Yeah, I can.

[E]

Describing it. No, you can't.

[D]

But not right now. Right now is because people know that we're about to.

[B]

Because there's the association with what? That people know it's sexual.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Then we couldn't even try it right now.

[C]

But what if we were to come.

[B]

On the air like at 9 o' clock tomorrow and just start brainstorming without even talking about what we're. What we're brainstorming on and people would just know then. It would make it more legit. But that first line is easy. The second line is going to be much more difficult.

[E]

Well, you could say in like clinical terms, but you're going to lose the passion. Like you can say what. No, you can say what the gentleman wants to do.

[D]

I haven't been to that kind of doctor, but I'm on.

[E]

You can say what the gentleman wants to do, but you can't do it in the way that he did.

[C]

Now do you see why we're laughing about it two days later?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And do you see why I told you yesterday there's no way we could say it?

[B]

You would have to be such a good looking guy to a usual mind like this.

[C]

He was just bold. He was just bold and confident. And so what happens?

[D]

So he says this. What happens after that?

[C]

We explode in laughter. Like the entire. I mean the whole table cracks up. Even his friends that were standing around. Cause he said it loud enough for other people to hear it. It wasn't like whispered in her ear, it was like loud. His friends that were standing with him started cracking up laughing.

[B]

It's so shocking that everybody just started laughing.

[C]

So shocking. Everybody laughed. We talked to them for maybe two minutes and then we got up from the table and went somewhere else.

[E]

Did she call him later?

[B]

Hey Joy, you're on Q100.

[E]

Hey.

[F]

I was just hoping she would tell me off air what it was. I don't want to be on air. I want to know what the line is.

[B]

Jeff, can you read the line to her off the air? And I just want to get your response on the air. So Jeff is going to tell you it and then I'm going to put you on the radio after Jeff says, hold on, but don't repeat it. You can't repeat it.

[F]

I won't repeat it, I promise.

[D]

You don't want to do that.

[E]

I'm not going to say this to a woman. It's going to have to be Melissa or Wendy.

[D]

No, I think it's better for Wendy.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

In this circumstance, I think it's best for you. Yeah.

[C]

I don't want to say it.

[B]

Joy, hold on. Hold on one second. Wendy's going to pick you up. All right, Wendy, off mic.

[C]

The underlined word you have to emphasize, like, say it longer.

[E]

Now turn off Melissa's mic and your mic, too.

[D]

I'll turn off.

[B]

Look at our intern. I. Do it softly, and then let me know when you're done so I can put her back up.

[E]

All right.

[B]

Just do it. Wow. Okay, joy.

[F]

I wasn't expecting that.

[C]

I feel a little dirtier now that I said that.

[B]

Can you imagine somebody coming up to you in a bar and saying that.

[F]

Oh, wow, I'm speechless.

[D]

I. I just said that to a.

[B]

Woman, and I'm offended.

[D]

It's almost as if. It's almost as if, like, he is learning the English language, and he purposely learned those words, and that's why he just boldly said it. Like, he's proud of the words he learned.

[B]

Like, maybe the first phrase he ever learned was that. Yes, the Birch Show.