Vault: This Man Has An Insane World Record Quest

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode Summary: Vault: This Man Has An Insane World Record Quest

Release Date: April 9, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show centers on a fascinating and wild world record attempt: Comedian Mark Malkoff is nine days into his quest to break the Guinness World Record for continuous commercial flight. In a hilarious and candid interview, Mark shares the gritty (and sometimes gross) realities of living entirely on an AirTran airplane for 30 days—in hopes of conquering his longstanding fear of flying. The Bert Show hosts (Bert, Melissa, and others) offer their own perspectives on flight anxiety, peppering Mark with questions about life, hygiene, and sanity at 35,000 feet.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mark Malkoff’s Quest and Motivation

• Fear of Flying as Motivation:
  • Mark devised the project as exposure therapy to overcome his fear of flying.
    • “I should mention I'm doing this to get over my fear of flying.” (Mark, 02:57)
• Living on a Plane:
  • Mark hasn’t left the plane except to switch aircraft on the tarmac.
  • He eats, sleeps, and showers (sort of) on the plane.
    • “I live on the plane. I sleep on the plane at night. I wake up in the morning. I wash my hair in the airplane bathroom.” (Mark, 02:57)
• The Record Attempt:
  • The goal is 30 consecutive days; Mark is on day 9 with 21 left.
  • AirTran Airlines partnered with him, providing creative freedom and support.

2. Daily Life and Survival Tactics

• Lifestyle on Board:
  • Mark logs five to six flights daily, circling back to Atlanta most nights.
  • He jogs and does pushups in the aisle (“lunges, pushups, and jogging”) to stay healthy.
  • Showers are replaced by baby wipes and washing his hair in the bathroom sink.
    • “I wash my hair in the sink. I used baby wipes. And it's just been an amazing experience.” (Mark, 05:37)
• Nutrition:
  • Most food comes from airports and AirTran snacks.
  • Mark welcomes visitors bringing salads and fruit.
    • “If you guys come visit me in Atlanta, please bring me some salads, bring me some fruit. I'll take a Frappuccino, whatever you guys want to bring me.” (Mark, 07:34)

3. Community and Mental Health

• Support Systems:
  • Mark’s wife, Christine, joins him on weekends. AirTran threw them an anniversary dinner on a plane wing.
    • “My wife Christine flies with me on the weekends to see me. And AirTran actually had an anniversary dinner for me... on the wing of a plane.” (Mark, 04:15)
  • Engages with an online community for support and advice (Twitter: @mmalkoff).
  • Flight crews rotate, but Mark is becoming friendly with staff.
• Coping with Fear:
  • Mark’s fear of turbulence is persistent but improving; supportive passengers (even children) help.
    • “I actually had a kid that was sitting next to me see that I was afraid and started holding my hand.” (Mark, 07:53)
  • Mark frames his quest as proof for others who fear flying that it can be overcome:
    • “A lot of people say it's actually helped them, because if I can do a month with the fear of flying, they can get through a flight.” (Mark, 06:10)

4. Physical and Social Challenges of Nonstop Flying

• Health Concerns:
  • Some hosts ask about the risks of prolonged stays at altitude (mention of radiation, need for exercise).
    • “My doctor told me there was no problem. So I'm going to get a new doctor.” (Mark, 06:42; joking)
• Sleep and Privacy:
  • Mark sleeps in row 22; sometimes woken by cleaning crews.
  • No real privacy or alone time—leading to humor about “the mile high club.”
    • “If you come on the flight, I might ask you to hold me.” (Mark, 08:47, joking)
• Hygiene:
  • Joked several times about his smell; claims he smells “great,” invites anyone to check.
    • “I'm telling you, your listeners should fly with me and smell me. I smell amazing.” (Mark, 08:56)
• Interactions with Others:
  • Passengers are mostly curious or inspired, few complaints about odor or presence.

5. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Turbulence and Comfort:

  • “The thing with me is turbulence. I don't like turbulence and I don't like takeoffs.” (Mark, 06:10)

• On Airline Support:

  • “Most airlines would not let somebody clearly do this, but [AirTran's] given me complete creative control.” (Mark, 05:05)

• On Showers:

  • “Does this mean that you're not showering for a month straight?” (Host 1, 05:33)
  • “That's right. I mean, you can actually come here to the airplane and smell me.” (Mark, 05:37)

• On Health Risks:

  • “There has to be something. I mean, I talked to a bunch of other doctors. They said, Mark, you need to be exercising... if you're up in an airplane a lot, it's higher, traces of radiation.” (Mark, 06:42)

• On Completing the Challenge:

  • “If I get off the plane on June 30th and I'm entirely green, we know the radiation thing was a problem.” (Mark, 07:27)

• On First Thing After Finishing:

  • “The first thing I'm gonna do when I get off is kiss my wife. The second thing is shower. Yes, shower a lot.” (Mark, 09:20)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:57] — Mark describes starting the world record quest and his motivation
• [03:42] — On daily routine: sleeping, exercising, eating, connecting online
• [05:05] — How AirTran got involved & in-flight activities (bingo, Twister, hair wash)
• [05:37] — Hygiene confessions (washing hair, baby wipes, “smell me”)
• [06:10] — Managing fear and helping others
• [06:42] — Medical and health concerns of nonstop flying
• [07:27] — Joking about health risks (“entirely green”)
• [07:53] — Progress with fear, moments of regression (turbulence and a comforting child)
• [08:47] — The real sacrifice: missing privacy with his wife
• [09:20] — Mark’s “exit strategy”: reunite with his wife, then shower

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Conclusion & Host Reactions

• The hosts marvel at Mark’s endurance, with many reiterating how “nightmarish” the experience would be for them, given their own flying anxieties.
• Even those who hate flying admire Mark’s humor and resilience.
• Mark extends an open invite for any host or listeners to join him for part of his airborne odyssey.

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For more on Mark’s journey:
Visit markonairtran.com or follow him on Twitter (@mmalkoff) for daily updates and video diaries from 35,000 feet.

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This episode gives a hilarious yet surprisingly inspiring look at conquering fear, the oddities of 21st-century air travel, and what it takes to break a truly bizarre world record.

Transcript

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[Host 1]

I can tell you right now that Melissa and I are on such a different point of reference here, okay? For this Mark Malkoff dude, this is a guy we were talking about a couple days ago. Melissa and I don't like to fly oh, no.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Wow, she got a hell now.

[Melissa]

Yeah, because I just. I mean, I have been to LA twice in the past, what, two or three weeks? And it took so much energy out of me to just end the thinking that I'm flying four times across the country in a matter of a few weeks because I cannot stand a fly. I have to take medication in order to get through the flight.

[Host 1]

I don't like it either. So this guy Mark here that is trying to break the Guinness Book of World's Records for continuous commercial flight started in Atlanta, I think, last week, and he's still on that flight right now. Talk to him. Hey, Mark.

[Mark Malkoff]

Hey. Thanks for having me on.

[Host 1]

Sure, man. Good morning.

[Mark Malkoff]

Good morning.

[Host 1]

How many days are we into this ridiculous project now?

[Mark Malkoff]

Dear Goodness, today's day nine. I have 21 more days to go. And I should mention I'm doing this to get over my fear of flying. I came up with the idea about a year and a half ago and AirTran has been awesome to host me. I live on the plane. I sleep on the plane at night. I wake up in the morning. I wash my hair in the airplane bathroom in the morning. I jog to get some exercise in the aisles in the morning. This is my existence.

[Host 3]

Are you with the same flight crew all the time? Like, are you becoming BFFs with the flight attendants?

[Mark Malkoff]

I am getting to know a lot of the flight attendants, but they change over. We try to stay, keep me on the plane as much as possible. Once in a while, I do have to go on a tarmac to switch planes, but I never go into the airport. I sleep on the plane. My entire existence is pretty much in an airplane and we're going all over the country, but most nights I wind up back here in beautiful Atlanta, which I love.

[Host 1]

So when, like at nighttime, I got so many questions at nighttime, do you still crash? I shouldn't say crash. Do you sleep? That was bad, but not intentional. Do you sleep on the plane or do you go into the terminal and sleep there?

[Mark Malkoff]

No, I sleep on the plane in row 22, of course. And what I do is there's about three lines of chairs and I'll just lay on those. And about 2 o' clock in the morning, I usually wake up when the cleaning crew is vacuuming around me.

[Melissa]

So how many hours during a day are you in the air?

[Mark Malkoff]

We do, like, usually five, six flights a day. Last week we logged, I believe, around 67, 68 hours. If you add up all the distance we went around the world, 1.2, four times. Yeah. We're trying to just do as much as possible. And I have to say, flying on AirTran around has really, really helped me deal with the fear, because I have no other choice but to deal with it. And the pilots have really counseled me, and AirTran has Wi Fi. So I'm up in the sky 35,000ft. And just with Twitter and MySpace, the whole community has been very supportive, giving me tips on how to get over my fear. I'm able to stay connected to my wife, Christine, and I should mention, my wife Christine flies with me on the weekends to see me. And AirTran actually had an anniversary dinner for me. My anniversary was this week on the wing of a plane. Luckily, it wasn't moving at the time.

[Host 3]

Now, when you first approached AirTran with this idea, did they think you were crazy? How did that conversation go?

[Mark Malkoff]

AirTran was a huge fan of my previous work. I've done a bunch of big videos, and it just seemed like a really good fit. I mean, I really wanted to do this. They have an awesome sense of humor. Most airlines would not let somebody clearly do this, but they've given me complete creative control. I'm shooting tons of video content. If you go to markonairtran.com, you can see all the videos. You can see me playing bingo with passengers on a flight. We did Twister the other day. We actually had a flight attendant wash my hair mid flight.

[Host 1]

So does this mean that you're not showering for a month straight?

[Mark Malkoff]

That's right. I mean, you can actually come here to the airplane and smell me. I smell great. I wash my hair in the sink. I used baby wipes. And it's just been an amazing experience. And please, to your listeners, I'm on Twitter. Please, during my flights. Twitter me. I'm mmalkoff. It's M, M, A L, K, O, F, F. Yeah, it's really. The online community is helping me get through these next 21 days.

[Host 2]

Are there people sitting next to you on the plane?

[Mark Malkoff]

Absolutely, 100%.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's gotta be rough.

[Host 1]

Has anybody complained? Has anybody said, this dude reeks. I need to be in row 19, not 22 with this dude.

[Mark Malkoff]

Yeah. If anything, people want to meet me and ask why. And so many people have fears of flying. I mean, the thing with me is turbulence. I don't like turbulence and I don't like takeoffs. So a lot of people have been talking to me, and a lot of people say it's actually helped them because if I can do a month with the fear of flying. They can get through a flight. So it's really, really been great on a bunch of different levels.

[Melissa]

Now is it healthy for you to be on this plane this long? Because we've heard so many stories about how you need to.

[Host 4]

Melissa's just looking for excuses, not doing it.

[Melissa]

I mean, talking about flights like overseas and stuff. People are worried about. If you're in a plane too long, the effects have on your body.

[Mark Malkoff]

Here's the deal. I talked to my doctor in New York. My doctor told me there was no problem. So I'm going to get a new doctor. Here's the deal. There has to be something. I mean, I talked to a bunch of other doctors. They said, mark, you need to be exercising. So I'm doing a lot of jogging in between flights in the aisle. I'm doing lunges, I'm doing push ups. The one thing that people have told me is that if you're up in an airplane a lot, it's higher, traces of radiation. So maybe that's it. But I mean, I'm taking a lot of vitamins. My food is coming primarily from the airports, so I'm trying to get as much fruit and vegetables as possible. But I have to say, surprisingly, I feel really good.

[Host 1]

You, you understand the words just came out of your mouth, right? Just now you said outside of the radiation, this has been, this has been a great experience.

[Mark Malkoff]

If I get off the plane on June 30th, I'm entirely green. We know the radiation thing was a problem.

[Host 1]

Are you eating nothing but airline food?

[Mark Malkoff]

No, I mean, the air trans snacks are great and I'll eat them occasionally. But primarily my food is coming from airports. So if you guys come visit me in Atlanta, please bring me some salads, bring me some fruit. I'll take a Frappuccino, whatever you guys want to bring me.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Host 3]

I'm curious, if you're over the fear of flying at this point, why keep going another 21 days?

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm not, because it gets better. But then I hit some turbulence coming back from Seattle and I just start shaking. And I actually had a kid that was sitting next to me see that I was afraid and started holding my hand.

[Host 3]

That's so sweet.

[Mark Malkoff]

The deal is it's an irrational fear. It's not a real fear. I know that. And I really feel like just with the online support, talking to pilots and dealing with this and having no choice but to face my fear that by the end, by June 30, I'll be over it.

[Host 1]

Can I, can I ask this dude a guy question?

[Mark Malkoff]

You can ask me anything, okay.

[Host 1]

Without you guys getting offended. All right. So you're on this thing for how long? 30 days total?

[Mark Malkoff]

Yes.

[Host 1]

And your wife is visiting you on weekends?

[Mark Malkoff]

That's right. So.

[Host 1]

So when the plane clears out, there's

[Mark Malkoff]

no time without getting specific. Christine can't stay on the plane with me at night. So yeah, there's very alone time. So make your draw your own conclusions to that.

[Host 1]

So there's very, very few minutes that you're actually alone with her. So you guys haven't done it on a plane.

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm lonely. I'm lonely, put it that way. If you come on the flight, I might ask you to hold me.

[Host 1]

If you smell that bad. If you haven't had a shower in 17 days, no one's getting close to you.

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm telling you, your listeners should fly with me and smell me. I smell amazing.

[Host 4]

Are you now you're gonna be on the plane until the end of June? Are you concerned at all about the digital transition?

[Mark Malkoff]

No, I'm not concerned at all.

[Host 1]

I'm not concerned at all.

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm told that I have to get going, but you guys should come on a flight with me. You have an open invite and please look at my videos daily on Mark on AirTran. I love Atlanta. I'm here all the time, so I'd love to keep in touch with you guys.

[Host 1]

When is your last day in flight?

[Mark Malkoff]

June 30th is my last day. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get off is kiss my wife. The second thing is shower. Yes, shower a lot.

[Melissa]

Your wife would probably say shower.

[Mark Malkoff]

Yeah, the.

[Host 4]

Can we just call AirTran and request to be on your flight?

[Mark Malkoff]

Yeah, absolutely. Just do that. I'd love to see you guys. You guys have an open invite whenever.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Mark Malkoff]

Thank you so much.

[Host 1]

That would be kind of fun.

[Host 3]

That is your worst nightmare.

[Melissa]

Nightmare, Melissa? Absolutely my worst nightmare.

[Host 1]

I can't think anything fun about that.

[Melissa]

He's doing it sober. Like I, I can't get on a plane without my pill now.

[Host 3]

You never know.

[Host 4]

I said I'd fly with him somewhere

[Mark Malkoff]

I just be fun to be.

[Melissa]

I don't know.

[Host 4]

They have those little coffee part of that experience. I would like to do it the

[Mark Malkoff]

next day or two.

[Host 4]

Cuz by June 30th that'd be an issue.

[Host 1]

I miss what airline is helping him out with that.

[Host 3]

I did figure it out.

[Host 1]

Did you guys catch that? I have to call around to find out which airline all the information will be up online for that dude [e-mail]

[Host 3]

I say he should just jump out at 15,000ft. Oh, I don't know.

[Host 1]

If you face your fears, look at Javi's dentist. So he's like, everybody can do it.

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[Host 4]

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[Host 1]

Was it air training?

[Host 3]

I didn't know that.

[Host 1]

I think they have wi fi. You guys know that.

[Mark Malkoff]

Get it?

[Host 1]

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