The Bert Show
Episode Summary: Vault: This Man Has An Insane World Record Quest
Release Date: April 9, 2026
Overview
This episode of The Bert Show centers on a fascinating and wild world record attempt: Comedian Mark Malkoff is nine days into his quest to break the Guinness World Record for continuous commercial flight. In a hilarious and candid interview, Mark shares the gritty (and sometimes gross) realities of living entirely on an AirTran airplane for 30 days—in hopes of conquering his longstanding fear of flying. The Bert Show hosts (Bert, Melissa, and others) offer their own perspectives on flight anxiety, peppering Mark with questions about life, hygiene, and sanity at 35,000 feet.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Mark Malkoff’s Quest and Motivation
- Fear of Flying as Motivation:
- Mark devised the project as exposure therapy to overcome his fear of flying.
- “I should mention I'm doing this to get over my fear of flying.” (Mark, 02:57)
- Living on a Plane:
- Mark hasn’t left the plane except to switch aircraft on the tarmac.
- He eats, sleeps, and showers (sort of) on the plane.
- “I live on the plane. I sleep on the plane at night. I wake up in the morning. I wash my hair in the airplane bathroom.” (Mark, 02:57)
- The Record Attempt:
- The goal is 30 consecutive days; Mark is on day 9 with 21 left.
- AirTran Airlines partnered with him, providing creative freedom and support.
2. Daily Life and Survival Tactics
- Lifestyle on Board:
- Mark logs five to six flights daily, circling back to Atlanta most nights.
- He jogs and does pushups in the aisle (“lunges, pushups, and jogging”) to stay healthy.
- Showers are replaced by baby wipes and washing his hair in the bathroom sink.
- “I wash my hair in the sink. I used baby wipes. And it's just been an amazing experience.” (Mark, 05:37)
- Nutrition:
- Most food comes from airports and AirTran snacks.
- Mark welcomes visitors bringing salads and fruit.
- “If you guys come visit me in Atlanta, please bring me some salads, bring me some fruit. I'll take a Frappuccino, whatever you guys want to bring me.” (Mark, 07:34)
3. Community and Mental Health
- Support Systems:
- Mark’s wife, Christine, joins him on weekends. AirTran threw them an anniversary dinner on a plane wing.
- “My wife Christine flies with me on the weekends to see me. And AirTran actually had an anniversary dinner for me... on the wing of a plane.” (Mark, 04:15)
- Engages with an online community for support and advice (Twitter: @mmalkoff).
- Flight crews rotate, but Mark is becoming friendly with staff.
- Coping with Fear:
- Mark’s fear of turbulence is persistent but improving; supportive passengers (even children) help.
- “I actually had a kid that was sitting next to me see that I was afraid and started holding my hand.” (Mark, 07:53)
- Mark frames his quest as proof for others who fear flying that it can be overcome:
- “A lot of people say it's actually helped them, because if I can do a month with the fear of flying, they can get through a flight.” (Mark, 06:10)
4. Physical and Social Challenges of Nonstop Flying
- Health Concerns:
- Some hosts ask about the risks of prolonged stays at altitude (mention of radiation, need for exercise).
- “My doctor told me there was no problem. So I'm going to get a new doctor.” (Mark, 06:42; joking)
- Sleep and Privacy:
- Mark sleeps in row 22; sometimes woken by cleaning crews.
- No real privacy or alone time—leading to humor about “the mile high club.”
- “If you come on the flight, I might ask you to hold me.” (Mark, 08:47, joking)
- Hygiene:
- Joked several times about his smell; claims he smells “great,” invites anyone to check.
- “I'm telling you, your listeners should fly with me and smell me. I smell amazing.” (Mark, 08:56)
- Interactions with Others:
- Passengers are mostly curious or inspired, few complaints about odor or presence.
5. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On Turbulence and Comfort:
- “The thing with me is turbulence. I don't like turbulence and I don't like takeoffs.” (Mark, 06:10)
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On Airline Support:
- “Most airlines would not let somebody clearly do this, but [AirTran's] given me complete creative control.” (Mark, 05:05)
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On Showers:
- “Does this mean that you're not showering for a month straight?” (Host 1, 05:33)
- “That's right. I mean, you can actually come here to the airplane and smell me.” (Mark, 05:37)
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On Health Risks:
- “There has to be something. I mean, I talked to a bunch of other doctors. They said, Mark, you need to be exercising... if you're up in an airplane a lot, it's higher, traces of radiation.” (Mark, 06:42)
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On Completing the Challenge:
- “If I get off the plane on June 30th and I'm entirely green, we know the radiation thing was a problem.” (Mark, 07:27)
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On First Thing After Finishing:
- “The first thing I'm gonna do when I get off is kiss my wife. The second thing is shower. Yes, shower a lot.” (Mark, 09:20)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [02:57] — Mark describes starting the world record quest and his motivation
- [03:42] — On daily routine: sleeping, exercising, eating, connecting online
- [05:05] — How AirTran got involved & in-flight activities (bingo, Twister, hair wash)
- [05:37] — Hygiene confessions (washing hair, baby wipes, “smell me”)
- [06:10] — Managing fear and helping others
- [06:42] — Medical and health concerns of nonstop flying
- [07:27] — Joking about health risks (“entirely green”)
- [07:53] — Progress with fear, moments of regression (turbulence and a comforting child)
- [08:47] — The real sacrifice: missing privacy with his wife
- [09:20] — Mark’s “exit strategy”: reunite with his wife, then shower
Conclusion & Host Reactions
- The hosts marvel at Mark’s endurance, with many reiterating how “nightmarish” the experience would be for them, given their own flying anxieties.
- Even those who hate flying admire Mark’s humor and resilience.
- Mark extends an open invite for any host or listeners to join him for part of his airborne odyssey.
For more on Mark’s journey:
Visit markonairtran.com or follow him on Twitter (@mmalkoff) for daily updates and video diaries from 35,000 feet.
This episode gives a hilarious yet surprisingly inspiring look at conquering fear, the oddities of 21st-century air travel, and what it takes to break a truly bizarre world record.
