Vault: This Mom's Behavior Is Going To Scar Her Kids Forever

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: This Mom's Behavior Is Going To Scar Her Kids Forever
Air date: January 5, 2026 | Host: Bert & Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Bert and the team take a call from Sandy, a mother who is separated from her husband and openly discusses having frequent male guests over while her children are present. The discussion evolves into a debate about parenting boundaries post-divorce, the impact of adult behavior on young children, and the responsibilities parents have when introducing new partners into their children's lives. Listeners and co-hosts alike express a range of strong reactions, challenging Sandy’s perspective and exploring the potential consequences for her kids.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sandy’s Situation and Justification

• Sandy, recently separated but not yet divorced, explains her arrangement: she brings different men over to her home every week, while her 5- and 7-year-old children are present. Occasionally, these men spend the night.
• She views her behavior as normal for an adult:

  "I'm 34 and obviously, you know, we get it on. I'm human, I have needs, for crying out loud." (Caller Sandy, 01:46)

• Sandy tells her kids the men are "mommy’s friends" and downplays the children’s exposure to any intimacy, describing hand-holding as the extent.

2. Bert and Co-Hosts’ Reaction

• Host Bert is upfront with his judgment:

  "I think that this is the kind of behavior that will scar your kids forever. How do you like that? I think it's that serious." (Host Bert, 04:37)

• Bert clarifies this isn’t a judgment about Sandy’s sex life, but about the impact on the children:

  "The problem I have is doing it in your house with the kids there and watching...that’s the part of this whole thing that bothers me. It's not the sex part. Do what you want. You're scarring your kids." (Host Bert, 05:13)

• Co-host Bert provides a nuanced perspective, acknowledging the logistical difficulties for single parents seeking companionship:

  "Does Sandy have to be celibate until the children are 18?" (Co-Host Bert, 04:55)
  "What is the alternative? Like, where can Sandy go?" (Co-Host Bert, 05:41)

3. Issues Raised: Stability, Safety, and Mixed Messages

• The hosts and callers agree the core issue is exposing kids to a rotating cast of overnight guests, confusing family stability and teaching questionable lessons on relationships.
• Bert voices specific concern about trivializing intimacy for the kids:

  "...doesn't it make sex trivial?" (Host Bert, 06:16)

• The conversation shifts to child safety, with caller Shareese making a forceful point:

  "You have all of these men coming in your house... What happens if he gets up in the middle of the night and visits one of your children? You don't know them." (Caller Shareese, 08:28)

4. Moral and Emotional Impacts

• Callers share personal stories and strong opinions, several expressing outrage and heartbreak.
  • Laura, herself a single mom, is especially emotional:

    "If you think you are not doing permanent damage to your children, you are so in denial and you are acting so selfishly." (Caller Laura, 10:17)

  • Co-Host Bert points out that kids are often more aware than parents realize:

    "They may not be asking you questions, but they've got their own questions and their own minds...probably really confused..." (Co-Host Bert, 11:37)

5. Judgments and Advice

• Host Bert is unequivocal in his stance:

  "You are flat out wrong, and your husband is right. There's no gray area." (Host Bert, 12:01)

• Multiple suggestions are made:
  • Arrange sleepovers at friends’ houses or with their father on nights Sandy wants company.
  • Keep children completely separate from adult relationships.
  • Recognize parental responsibility and the permanence of the co-parenting relationship:

    "As a parent, you're a role model...don't drag your kids into your own drama." (Co-Host Bert, 12:54) "You both are still these children's parents. And you will be until the day you die. Both of you." (Co-Host Bert, 13:37)

  • Last caller, TC, warns of legal consequences:

    "A judge will take your kids away from you for this irresponsible act that you're doing." (Caller TC, 14:22)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I'm 34 and obviously, you know, we get it on. I'm human, I have needs, for crying out loud." — Sandy (01:46)
• "I think that this is the kind of behavior that will scar your kids forever. How do you like that?" — Host Bert (04:37)
• "Do you know how much childcare is these days?" — Sandy, justifying not leaving the house (05:53)
• "Do you know how much psychologists are these days?" — Host Bert, retorting about future costs (05:57)
• "Is it that important for you to get laid that you'll actually risk your children?" — Shareese, listener call (09:02)
• "You may not be asking you questions, but they've got their own questions and their own minds about it, and they're probably really confused..." — Co-Host Bert (11:37)
• "You are flat out wrong, and your husband is right. There's no gray area." — Host Bert (12:01)
• "A judge will take your kids away from you for this irresponsible act that you're doing." — Caller TC (14:22)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:36] — Sandy enters the show and describes her situation
• [03:05] — Discussion of children's ages and details of Sandy’s behavior
• [04:37] — Bert’s initial, strong objection to Sandy’s choices
• [05:41] — Co-host raises practical alternatives for Sandy
• [06:44] — Discussion of the father’s possible similar behavior
• [07:11] — First listener calls; strong negative reactions begin
• [08:22] — Caller Shareese raises child safety concerns
• [10:17] — Caller Laura’s powerful emotional response
• [11:22] — Co-host shares personal story and balanced judgment
• [12:01] — Bert’s unequivocal condemnation and end of debate
• [12:54] — Co-host emphasizes parental responsibility and maturity
• [13:37] — Navigating parenting post-divorce; need for cooperation
• [14:22] — Caller TC’s warning on potential legal ramifications

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Tone and Takeaways

The Bert Show’s trademark casual, honest tone permeates the segment, blending humor with raw honesty and audience candor. The episode is, at heart, a real-life moral dilemma, with the hosts siding almost universally against Sandy’s choices. The message is clear: parents must prioritize their children's needs over personal desires, especially during a time as sensitive as a separation or divorce. The hosts and listeners urge Sandy—and by extension, any parent in a similar situation—to seek private outlets for their social and romantic lives, keeping young children removed from adult relationship dynamics and potential confusion or harm.

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A can’t-miss episode for anyone grappling with the challenges of post-divorce parenting, relationship boundaries, and the tough conversations about modeling healthy behavior for kids.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[Co-Host Bert]

Just saying.

[Podcast Host]

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[Host Bird]

The Bird show all right, let's get Sandy on the phone here now. Hey, Sandy.

[Caller Sandy]

Hey.

[Host Bird]

I have a feeling, and I want to warn you going into this, I think you're going to get beat up pretty badly here and I frankly can't understand why you can't see your husband's position.

[Caller Sandy]

No, I don't get it at all. I really don't. We've been separated over a year now. Of course we haven't gone through the divorce. We were married eight years and we do have two kids. But I mean, my goodness, you know, I live at home with the kids. He's got his own apartment. We have separate lives. We are in counseling, but still I'm 34. I'm a female, you know, and I obviously have needs I've got to satisfy. And I'm sure he's getting his needs satisfied too. So, you know, I don't see the big deal with having somebody come over a few times a week and have a few drinks and talk and wait until the kids go to bed. I mean, my God, I'm 34 and obviously, you know, we get it on. I'm human, I have needs, for crying out loud.

[Co-Host Bert]

So what's your husband's problem with the whole situation?

[Caller Sandy]

Well, in a nutshell, what happens is occasionally we might have a few too many. And every so often, and not very often, somebody may fall asleep here. And the kids see it the next morning. And I just tell him it's one of mommy's friends. And obviously it got back to the ex and he's raising a big stink about it. And I just, I think he should get over it. He's being a real jerk and a control freak.

[Host Bird]

All right, let me ask you just a little history of the family here. How old are the kids?

[Caller Sandy]

I have a five year old and a seven year old.

[Host Bird]

Five and seven. And you were married how long we.

[Caller Sandy]

Were together eight years.

[Co-Host Bert]

Eight years.

[Host Bird]

Okay. And you've been separated by a year. And how often is this happening where you bring a new bet, a new guy back into the house and he ends up leaving the next morning in front of your five and seven year old?

[Caller Sandy]

Well, I have someone over every week, but it's not like that person spends the night every week.

[Host Bird]

Same person or different people?

[Caller Sandy]

Well, different people. I don't want to get too tight with anybody.

[Host Bird]

So you're bringing a different guy in every week. And how often do your kids know that there's somebody in the house?

[Caller Sandy]

Well, they see it every week. They know Mommy's got to have friends. Like I said, I don't want to hook up with just one person again. I'm past that.

[Host Bird]

Is there any hand holding, kissing, any kind of intimacy at all in front of the kids?

[Caller Sandy]

Well, just a little bit. Not that much. I mean, you know, I'm pretty good about that. We may hold hands or something, but that's about as far as it goes. And they know they're just friends.

[Host Bird]

And you can't understand that your husband's position on this is that you're sending some pretty nasty messages to your kids.

[Caller Sandy]

I disagree. What I feel like I'm doing is I'm showing them that you can have more, you know, more than one friend. And I don't want them to get too attached to just one person, you know, in the event that person decides to just go away. So I'm just trying to be flexible.

[Host Bird]

I think that this is the kind of behavior that will scar your kids forever. How do you like that? I think it's that serious.

[Caller Sandy]

I agree. I think you're being a male chauvinist pig. I don't understand.

[Host Bird]

Hello? If your husband was on the phone and he was doing the exact same thing, I'd say the same thing to him. So I don't know how that makes me a male chauvinist pig.

[Caller Sandy]

It sounded like a male point of view.

[Co-Host Bert]

No, I'm just, you know, I have mixed feelings about it because, you know, the. I don't know, maybe it's the frequency of it. Maybe that is bothersome to me. But then again, does Sandy have to be celibate until the children are 18?

[Host Bird]

I have no problem with the sex part of this. Look, if that's what you want to do and you want to have sex with a different guy every week and that's the way that you want to live your life, that's how you roll. That's how you roll. That's fine. I just. The problem I have is doing it in your house with the kids there and watching these. The kids watching different guys every week or every other week coming out of your bedroom. That's the part of this whole thing that bothers me. It's not the sex part. Do what you want. You're scarring your kids.

[Co-Host Bert]

And I'm just. And I totally agree. I do think that what you expose to your kid, it's tough. It's tough. But I'm wondering, what is the alternative? Like, where can Sandy go?

[Host Bird]

I don't know. Go to a hotel for an hour.

[Caller Sandy]

Yeah, but do you know how much childcare is these days?

[Host Bird]

Do you know how much psychologists are these days?

[Co-Host Bert]

What do you think that it is scarring on them? Like, as a dad, like, what would that say to your kid?

[Host Bird]

Like, what is it? Think of the mixed messages.

[Co-Host Bert]

What is it teaching your kid? Like, what are they gonna be? What's the impression left on them? I'm kind of confused on that.

[Host Bird]

Well, it seems to me that if you're parading a different guy out of your bedroom every other week and your kids know that Mommy is sleeping with a different guy every couple of weeks, that there's. Every week, every week. They're still pretty attached to dad. They're really attached to dad at this point. How do you explain that to a five year old? That mommy's holding hands and kissing somebody that's not my dad and she's doing it every week with a different guy. They're 5 and 7. And doesn't it make sex trivial?

[Co-Host Bert]

I guess for me though, it's like it's, you know, again, I have mixed feelings. But I also think though that their father's probably doing the same thing, but he just doesn't have the burden of having the children right there in front of him.

[Host Bird]

The sex part of this again, doesn't bother me. Doesn't bother me at all. The showing the kids the sexual part of it, that's bothering me. I'm livid. I'm so pissed. I'm really livid. You're steamed. I'm steamed.

[Co-Host Bert]

Coming out of his ears.

[Host Bird]

Steam coming out of your ears. Good morning, Jacqueline. You're on all the hits. Q100 hi.

[Caller Sandy]

I just wanted to say that she has been very irresponsible and she's teaching her kids no responsibility at all by doing this. If she wants to sleep around, that is fine, but I'm sure that, you know, send the kids to her husband's house for a weekend, do it that weekend. Do it when your kids are spending the night with somebody in the family. Do it when your kids are not there seeing this. I mean, would you want your husband having woman after woman after woman coming in and your kids saying, oh, well, there was Susie and there was Deborah and there was all these different women. I mean, that is just has to be completely confusing your children, you tell.

[Host Bird]

Your kids that these are just different friends every week.

[Caller Sandy]

Right?

[Host Bird]

And they believe that when these guys are coming out of your bedroom, they believe it's just another friend that mommy had over.

[Caller Sandy]

Right. They never ask any questions.

[Host Bird]

The seven year old has asked you how come the friend doesn't spend the night on the couch?

[Caller Sandy]

Never? No.

[Host Bird]

I'm the only one that's upset about this. Maybe because I'm there, I'm upset.

[Caller Sandy]

It's just that you got steam coming.

[Host Bird]

Out of your ears and I like.

[Caller Sandy]

To mess with you.

[Co-Host Bert]

No, I mean, again, you don't have to have children to understand the problem with it. I'm just trying to think of the alternative to give her advice on how to change it, you know.

[Host Bird]

Good morning, Shareese. You're on all the hits.

[Caller Sandy]

Q100 Hey, I just want to say, first of all, I love this show.

[Co-Host Bert]

Thank you.

[Caller Sandy]

Second of all, this woman, I'm so mad listening to her. I mean, first of all. You have all of these men coming in your house. You go to sleep, you don't even know what's going on. You don't even know these men. And having them around your children. What happens if he gets up in the middle of the night and goes visits one of your children? You don't know them.

[Host Bird]

She's got a great point.

[Caller Sandy]

I mean, how dare you? You're actually putting them in harm's way. You don't see it like that.

[Host Bird]

Yeah, take the sexual part out of the whole thing. You're right.

[Caller Sandy]

I mean, you don't know them. You don't know what they've got. You're just exposing your children to a friend. Go out and have dinner. Do you. I mean, is it that important for you to get laid that you'll actually risk your children? Do you not watch the news? Yeah, I mean, I do. And they're not total strangers off the street. How long have you known them? Well, some of them, I've actually just through other people. Okay, do you know their background? Do you know if there's any abuse that they've had that they may try to take out on your children? I mean, you are. Oh my God.

[Host Bird]

So irresponsible. I hadn't thought of that angle.

[Co-Host Bert]

Sandy, one thing that you said that really bothers me, that I do think that you are taking out on your children, that you are feeling yourself like you made the comment how you want to teach your children not to get attached to one person for very long just because your marriage didn't work. I still think you should teach your children, you know, commitment and longevity. You know, I just. That kind of bothered me a little bit.

[Caller Sandy]

Okay, well.

[Host Bird]

Well, we're not done. Hey, Laura, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller Sandy]

I am on fire. I'm so mad, I'm shaking. I am a single mom. I was raised by a single mom. If you think you are not doing permanent damage to your children, you are so in denial and you are acting so selfishly. I can't believe that you think that what you're doing is fine. I just can't. I can't believe it. I'm appalled.

[Co-Host Bert]

One of my best friends in high school, growing up, she and her, she had a twin brother and they were, you know, two of my best friends. And their father was very abusive to their mother. They saw this as children and he left and went across the country and they were fine with that, you know, but still, when their mother started seeing someone, seriously, it bothered him a little bit. But the mother was very respectful on how it happened. Like, my best friend knew what was going on between the two of them, but they never showed anything in front of the kids, and he never spent the night over there. You know, it was. You know, they ended up getting married. You know, they ended up being together forever. But it's just. It's almost that there's a fine line because they wanted their mother to be happy, but they also, you know, like Bert said, you know, your parents are your parents, and even though the marriage doesn't work out, that's still their daddy. That's somewhere else.

[Host Bird]

You know, I'm gonna be even way more judgmental than that. I think what you're doing is so irresponsible, and the fact that you can't see what you're doing is so wrong. I think your husband should have the kids.

[Caller Sandy]

Wow.

[Co-Host Bert]

I think they know a lot more of what's going on than what you're giving them credit for. Because you said they're ages 5 and 7. They know a lot more of what's going on. They may not be asking you questions because you said they don't ask about it. They may not be asking you questions, but they've got their own questions and their own minds about it, and they're probably really confused as to what in the world is happening.

[Caller Sandy]

Okay, well, you're just.

[Host Bird]

There's no argument here. You are flat out wrong, and your husband is right. There's no gray area. You are wrong. I'm sorry to sound that judgmental, but you are absolutely wrong. What do you mean by absolutely wrong? Completely.

[Caller Sandy]

Okay, you know, what are your suggestions?

[Host Bird]

You know what? If you want to go and have sex, like I said, do what you gotta do. I mean, I don't think that's so safe either if you're going with these random guys to different hotels and their apartments and stuff like that. Also, you don't know who these guys are. You have no idea. But, I mean, if that's what you want to do, at least keep it away from your kids. I don't have a problem with you going out and doing whatever you want. The problem I have is you are scaring your kids every time another man walks out of your bedroom or every time they see you holding hands or kissing somebody else on the couch. You're scarring your kids.

[Co-Host Bert]

Yeah. I think that, you know, as a parent, you're a role model, and whether you like it or not, it's your responsibility. And the thing is, like, you have to take extra Steps in order to protect those children. And yeah, I mean, it. It. I know that you obviously are trying to go out and you're doing it with a lot of frequency after your separation, but you know what? That's your thing. But, yeah, don't drag your kids into your own drama. You know, you're a mom now, so it's absolutely part of it. If it's absolutely something you have to do, give your kids to your husband.

[Caller Sandy]

I'm not giving up my kids.

[Host Bird]

I think she means, like, for the. I think she means, like, for the weekend or for the night.

[Caller Sandy]

Oh.

[Host Bird]

Or like at a neighbor or let them have a sleepover at friends or something.

[Co-Host Bert]

And the thing is, don't let this be something that. I'm right, he's wrong. He's right, I'm wrong. Like, I think the problem with divorced parents is they're so mad at each other and they're so much like you're fighting constantly to prove the other one wrong, that the kids are the ones that are victims in it. You know, you both are still these children's parents. And you will be until the day you die. Both of you. And you're gonna have to figure out a way to work together in order to raise these children.

[Caller Sandy]

Okay?

[Co-Host Bert]

And his. His. His concerns are valid. He's their father.

[Host Bird]

T.C. you'll be the last call. What's going on, man?

[Caller Sandy]

Hey. How's it going? Well, Melissa touched on what I was going to say, and you have to be a parent first, you know, over your sexual urges, over everything else.

[Host Bird]

Yeah, fine.

[Caller Sandy]

If you're going to do it, take it outside of the house. But you cannot bring stuff like that in front of a child. And a judge will take your kids away from you for this irresponsible act that you're doing. That's something you have to look at, too. Okay.

[Host Bird]

All right, Sandy, we gotta go.

[Caller Sandy]

All right.

[Host Bird]

All right. Bye. Bye.

[Caller Sandy]

Thanks.

[Host Bird]

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[Caller Sandy]

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[Co-Host Bert]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah, and we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[Caller Sandy]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[Co-Host Bert]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[Caller Sandy]

We'Ll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right, so the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[Co-Host Bert]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Host Bird]

And for the first time ever, we're.

[Caller Sandy]

Going to have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better. Love you.