Vault: Tracey's Band Boy

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - Tracey's Band Boy

Date: October 28, 2025
Main Participants: The Bert Show Cast (with focus on Tracy, Friend 1, and Friend 2)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the long-harbored crush of intern Tracy, whose heart has been set on a certain “band boy” for over three years. The cast unpacks Tracy's unique relationship pattern—her devotion to musicians—and follows the anticipation, planning, and heartbreak that ensues as she finally gets a shot at her dream date. The conversation is filled with playful teasing, dating advice, and candid revelations about Tracy's love life, all wrapped in the show’s signature lighthearted humor.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Tracy's Unwavering Attraction to Musicians

• Tracy admits she’s only truly interested in men who are in bands, setting the stage for the cast’s lighthearted ribbing.
  • Friend 2 jokingly says: “Tracy will not look at a guy unless he has a guitar in his hand.” (03:07)
  • Tracy confirms: “Drumsticks... That’ll work too.” (03:10)

2. The Three-and-a-Half Year Crush

• Tracy reveals her longstanding crush on a local musician. She’s known him through mutual friends and used to date his roommate.
• What’s held her back? He always had a girlfriend—until now.
  • Tracy: “I’ve known him for three and a half years. I went out with his roommate, like, twice. And then I developed this huge crush on him. But he’s always had a girlfriend...” (02:42)

3. The Big Night and Missed Connection

• Tracy recounts going to see the musician perform, describing how he paid special attention to her.
• The cast has fun imagining exaggerated rock star behavior—fake “pick tosses,” dramatic hair flicks, and being the “first groupie” approached after a set.
  • Friend 1 jokes: “Did he give you the sweaty hair flick? The rock and roll hair flick?” (05:07)
• Tracy shares the electric moment: “I showed up Tuesday night, and he was all excited to see me. And… he paid more attention to me than he did anybody else… Soon as he got off stage, I was the first person he came and talked to.” (04:03)
• The two make plans to hang out—finally!
  • Tracy recalls: “He asked me what I was doing Monday night… ‘Would you want to hang out Monday night?’ And I was like, yeah!” (06:51)

4. The Last-Minute Letdown

• The anticipated Monday night date never happens: the musician emails that he’s sick with the flu and won’t make it.
  • Tracy, deflated, says: “I got an email yesterday saying he has the flu and he wasn’t coming to town afterwards.” (08:26)
• The cast empathizes but reminds her that after waiting years, a few more weeks might not be so bad.
  • Friend 2 encourages: “Well, I mean, you’ve given the guy three and a half years. You can certainly give him another couple of weeks.” (08:38)

5. Is He Really Interested?

• Tracy seeks the crew’s advice: Does the canceled date signal real interest or a brush-off?
  • Friend 2 reassures: “He’s so into you.” (08:45)
• The group debates how Tracy should handle next steps. Should she play “hard to get” or be direct?
  • Friend 2 offers dating strategy: “I think with a guy that’s in a rock band… totally keep him on his toes and make him chase you.” (09:25)
  • Tracy agrees: “Always play hard to get with the boys… I’m not going to call you back. Every time you call me, I don’t call guys. Usually, they have to call me back.” (10:16)

6. Playful Advice and Future Plans

• The cast jokes about Tracy leveraging her radio gig for attraction, promising to build her up when she finally gets her date.
  • Friend 2 jokes: “This is going to be the Tracy Show. We’re going to have jingles made and everything.” (09:10)
• Light-hearted threats about who Tracy might bring on her eventual date round out the conversation.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On her attraction type:
  • Tracy: “Most of the guys I have dated seriously weren’t in bands. It’s just the ones I—”
    Friend 1: “…Were roadies. And you were just hoping to get into a dressing room.” (03:04)
• On the big “green light” moment:
  • Friend 2: “Green light, big time green light right there.” (06:14)
• On dating musicians:
  • Friend 2: “With a guy that’s in a rock band, I think what you have to do is ignore him… make him chase you.” (09:25)
• On relationship games:
  • Tracy: “Always play hard to get with the boys. I’m totally into games… I’m not going to call you back. Every time you call me. I don’t call guys. Usually, they have to call me back.” (10:16)
• On the group’s support:
  • Friend 2: “Do whatever you got to do to get this guy. We totally condone that.” (10:32)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:14 – Segment starts: Tracy’s type (musician-only dating policy)
• 03:23 – Tracy reflects on her first encounters and three-year crush
• 04:03 – Tracy recounts the post-show encounter (“I was the first person he came and talked to.”)
• 06:51 – The musician asks Tracy to hang out (“Would you want to hang out Monday night?”)
• 08:26 – The letdown: musician cancels due to the flu
• 09:25 – Advice from the cast: strategies for dating musicians
• 10:16 – Tracy shares her philosophy on playing “hard to get”

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Summary & Takeaways

• The episode is a humorous and heartfelt exploration of Tracy’s persistent crush on a “band boy.”
• Listeners get a relatable glimpse into the anticipation, excitement, and disappointment of chasing a long-held romantic interest.
• The cast expertly mixes playful teasing with genuinely supportive advice, showcasing their dynamic chemistry and offering listeners both laughs and insight into modern dating dilemmas.

Missed connections, heartfelt hopes, and plenty of rock ‘n’ roll ribbing—this is classic Bert Show, making everyday drama wildly entertaining and oddly reassuring for anyone who’s played the long dating game.

Transcript

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[Radio Host]

Listen, it's the vert show. You know how when you're dating, you look for Mr. Or Mrs. Right. Everybody has characteristics that you're looking for in somebody else. Well, our intern Tracy is attracted to one type of guy and one type of guy only. You have to be in a band. Tracy. The Internet.

[Tracy]

Yep.

[Radio Host]

Yesterday told us that she has been kind. She has been watching A guy for about three and a half years.

[Tracy]

I'm not stalking him.

[Radio Host]

Not stalking, but just from afar.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I've known him for three and a half years. I went out with his roommate, like, twice. And then I developed this huge crush on him. But he's always had a girlfriend, so we're not gonna mention any names. He doesn't anymore. But just in case, can you tell.

[Friend 1]

Us what band he's in?

[Radio Host]

Well, that would give it away, wouldn't it?

[Tracy]

Yeah, that would probably give it away too. But he is in a band, so.

[Radio Host]

Of course he is.

[Tracy]

Of course.

[Friend 1]

Oh, really? There was a chance he dated somebody who's not in a band.

[Tracy]

Most of the guys I have dated seriously weren't in bands. It's just the ones I.

[Friend 1]

Well, they were roadies. And you were just hoping to get into a dressing room.

[Tracy]

Okay, Tracy will not look at a.

[Radio Host]

Guy unless he has a guitar in his hand.

[Tracy]

Drumsticks.

[Radio Host]

Drumsticks, whatever.

[Tracy]

That'll work too.

[Friend 1]

But if you carry speakers for a big enough band, she'll look at you, too.

[Radio Host]

So for three years you've been watching this guy. You're thinking, oh, he's so hot. He's so cute.

[Tracy]

I mean, I didn't see him all the time. Like, I would see him every couple of months and then hope that, you know, a couple of months had passed and they had broken up, but they never had. So I saw him Tuesday night. I hung out with him because he played. So I went down there and I was supposed to hang out with him last night. But instead of having a story, I need advice.

[Radio Host]

Okay. It was supposed to be a big deal yesterday because she came in here and she said how excited she was. This is like the super bowl of dating for her. Yeah. She's been waiting for this guy for three and a half years and it.

[Tracy]

Was finally gonna happen.

[Radio Host]

And I couldn't wait to hear about the date.

[Hers Advertisement Voice]

This is it.

[Tracy]

It was gonna be huge.

[Radio Host]

Kickoff. Last night was supposed to be at 8 o' clock and it never even happened.

[Tracy]

Well, here's what happened, okay?

[Radio Host]

It all comes down to a sports analogy for a guy. I know it. You know that, right? I love it.

[Tracy]

So I showed up Tuesday night and he was all excited to see me. And, I mean, all of his friends were there, but he paid more attention to me than he did anybody else. Came up, gave me a huge hug, was standing there, talking to me, got on stage, played. Soon as he got off stage, I was the first person he came and talked to. Stood there, went around, said Hi to everybody else, felt great and came right. Came right. What, are you making fun of me?

[Friend 1]

He's still stage sweaty, and he's talking to me.

[Radio Host]

That was the first one.

[Tracy]

It's stage sweat. It's different than normal sweat.

[Friend 1]

Did he give you his pick? Hey, baby. Thank you for coming out to the show. Excuse me one minute.

[Tracy]

I need to go towel on.

[Radio Host]

I was on tonight, wasn't I, darling?

[Tracy]

And I'll tell you why I do this.

[Radio Host]

Cause I played a little extra hard. Cause I saw you in the front row.

[Tracy]

Okay, I'm done with my story now.

[Friend 1]

Did you go to this concert alone?

[Tracy]

No, my friend Tara went with you.

[Radio Host]

She had a wingman with her.

[Friend 1]

Did you do the.

[Tracy]

You can't go by herself?

[Friend 1]

He came down off stage, and he was toweling himself off, and he flicked his pics out to the audience. Here you go. And then you saw him coming at you, and you say, tara, go away.

[Knox]

Go, go.

[Radio Host]

Go.

[Tracy]

Go away.

[Radio Host]

Go away. Go away. Go, go. Did he give you that? The. The sweaty hair flick? The rock and roll hair flick?

[Tracy]

Okay, you guys, it's not 1986. You guys are the biggest nerds. She's not dating someone from Kiss. Yeah, he's got a hairband. Okay, Hurt.

[Friend 1]

At any point during the show, did he say, I wrote this one for you? Any point? Down to the, you know, the gaggle of groupy women down in the front corner of the stage, I wrote this one just for you. And you guys saw at the same.

[Tracy]

Time I broke into a Journey cover.

[Friend 1]

Every rose has its doubts.

[Radio Host]

No. So he comes off stage, and you're the first group he comes to.

[Tracy]

Does he know?

[Radio Host]

I mean, first girl he comes to, right?

[Tracy]

He says hi to everybody else, and he comes right back to me. And my friend Tara's like, yeah, he likes you. And like I said, three years ago, I went out with his roommate twice. And then he mentioned to me that this person is now getting married, which was really shocking to all of us. And he said, yeah, we all just assumed I would be the first one to get married. So I was like, well, yeah, because, you know, you have a girlfriend. You always have. And he's like, well, you haven't talked to me in a while. So then I was all excited.

[Radio Host]

Green light, big time green light right there.

[Tracy]

Doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. Tracy rips off her shirt, starts rubbing her chest.

[Friend 1]

She elbows the floor, four other groupies off him, and she's like, I'm ready to go.

[Tracy]

No. And then he starts asking me. He's like, well, what about you? Who are you seeing?

[Knox]

You.

[Radio Host]

I have seen you, and I have been for three years. You just don't know it.

[Tracy]

We have no lives. We're all like, hey, tell this morning.

[Radio Host]

Here I've been dating you. Look at all the pictures that I've altered digitally.

[Tracy]

Look. And I've already set the wedding date.

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[Radio Host]

Okay, go on.

[Tracy]

Oh. So, yeah, so then he starts asking me who I was dating, and I was like, nobody. And then, so, yeah, so he got a little bit more flirty, and he asked me what I was doing Monday night. And I said, I don't know why? He's like, well, do you want to hang out Monday night? And I was like, yeah. He's like, really? You want to.

[Radio Host]

Was he playing a gig or was it just, like, you and him going out?

[Tracy]

He was just gonna. He was just coming to town.

[Friend 1]

Me and the guys are getting together to work out a new sound. And I was thinking maybe you'd want to combine. Just hang out.

[Radio Host]

You want to sit in on a jam sess. Okay, so you made plans to go out last night. I'm sure he's gonna take you to Fuddruckers or whatever.

[Friend 1]

You have to pick him up after he finishes waitering at Chili's.

[Tracy]

He doesn't know. Poor Tracy. Anyhow, okay, so that was Tuesday night. And he said that he would call me within the next few days just to make sure that, you know, that he was definitely coming to town. And we were gonna hang out Monday night.

[Radio Host]

I'll give you a jingle, baby. Ciao.

[Tracy]

So I'm thinking you guys are making this so much worse than today.

[Friend 1]

Any chance you had of actually having a date with him has now been completely crushed.

[Radio Host]

He didn't listen to us. He's far too hip for us.

[Tracy]

Yeah, exactly. So Saturday, he calls me, and I got a message, and he said, you know, hey, I'm coming to Atlanta. I'm gonna hang out with some friends. Just wanted to know what you're up to. So maybe I'll call you later. But either way, I just wanna say that Monday night's awesome for me. I hope it'll work for you. And then I didn't call him back that night. Cause I figured he's leaving, I'm not gonna be able to get in touch with him. So I called him the next day, and I was just like, hey, it's me. I'm calling you back. Give me a call. And then I got an email yesterday saying he has the flu and he wasn't coming to town afterwards. Oh, man. But he did give me rattle off a list of all these days he was gonna be here and hopefully sometime in between. And he still really wants to hang out.

[Radio Host]

Well, I mean, you've given the guy three and a half years. You can certainly give him another couple of weeks.

[Tracy]

I know, but it sounds like he must like me, right? Like, why would he go in okay now?

[Radio Host]

Oh, yeah, definitely. He's so into you now.

[Tracy]

He' seems pretty. Well, then why would. But why would he even bother saying let's hang out to begin with? And why would he have called me Saturday night?

[Radio Host]

Yes, he could very much. I think he likes you. So why don't you email him back today and go, you know, I'm working at Q100 and I'm a really big deal and I have a lot of events coming up, so why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't we try to, you know, pigeonhole a date right now?

[Tracy]

So you'll make me out to be a bigger deal when you meet him?

[Radio Host]

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. This is going to be the Tracy show. We're going to have jingles made and everything.

[Hers Advertisement Voice]

For real?

[Radio Host]

Yeah, sure, Tracy.

[Tracy]

We will. Obviously.

[Friend 1]

We'll get her in.

[Tracy]

That so good that you don't look good. We will make you look so flat. So if I pull the radio card, you'll totally back me up on it?

[Radio Host]

Oh, sure. Here's the thing. I think with a guy, because again, you know, I really believe that dating is a chess game. And as much as we say that we want pure honesty from the start, I think that's crap. I think there's a certain amount of head games that goes into every bit of dating, at least in the first couple of weeks. You know, I think with a guy that's in a rock band, I think what you have to do is ignore him. I think you have to totally keep him on his toes and make him chase you. So I think you call him back and you say something like, yeah, not a big deal. Just call me when you get around to it.

[Tracy]

Well, that's what I. Well, I didn't even call him. I just emailed him back and I'm like, okay, yeah, no problem. Just let me know when you're in town.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, that's cool. Play totally live. It's like, it's not a big deal.

[Friend 1]

I definitely think you're on the right track. When you had the business cards made up that said Executive Crown, I definitely think that's two steps in the right direction with him.

[Radio Host]

In fact, I think the next time you guys make a date, I think you call him and you go, I'm not gonna be able to make it.

[Hers Advertisement Voice]

I'm sorry. Yes.

[Verizon Commercial Voice]

Yes.

[Radio Host]

I mean, that's a great guess. Yes.

[Tracy]

Always play hard to get with the boys. I'm totally into games. That's so bad to say. But yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna call you back every time you call me. And I don't call guys, usually they have to call me.

[Radio Host]

Keep on his toast. Keep em running for you.

[Tracy]

So it's okay that like, I superimpose my head on y' all's headshots?

[Radio Host]

Do whatever you gotta do to get this guy. We totally condone that.

[Friend 1]

It'll be very interesting to see which one of the four of us you take off, though.

[Radio Host]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Friend 1]

Dude.

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[Radio Host]

You look the same.

[Verizon Spokesperson]

But with this camera, everything looks better. Especially me.

[Knox]

You haven't changed your hair in 15 years. Selfies check please.

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