Vault: Two men threw up on their flight

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show — "Vault: Two men threw up on their flight"

Air Date: July 23, 2026
Cast: Melissa, Katie, and the extended Bert Show team

Episode Overview

This episode centers on Melissa and Katie's harrowing recent flight from Fort Myers to Atlanta, where severe turbulence turned the experience into a comedic, yet distressing ordeal. Their story highlights intense flight anxiety, coping mechanisms (such as prescription medication), and the chaos that ensues when multiple passengers become airsick. The discussion is humorous, relatable, and laced with classic Bert Show banter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Fear of Flying and Coping Mechanisms

[01:02]

• Melissa candidly shares her long-standing fear of flying and explains how she uses prescription Xanax to manage her anxiety:

  “I have prescription Xanax to help me through the flights because that's the only way I can fly.” —Melissa

• Katie, who is even more petrified, often needs a strong push just to board an airplane:

  “Katie will not get on a plane unless she's putting a cat in the sink.” —Melissa
  (Joking about how Katie needs major distractions even to manage boarding)

• They agree that, for those with severe flying fears, responsible medication can make the experience bearable.

• Pre-flight rituals include extensive weather checks, which Katie obsesses over days in advance.

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2. The Wedding Trip and Managing Nerves

[02:07]

• The pair travel to Fort Myers for a friend's wedding, with Melissa keeping Katie calm.
• The trip down is relatively uneventful, thanks to good weather and the effects of Xanax, allowing Melissa to reassure Katie:

  “Did you notice you didn't white knuckle it?…When you're on any kind of a medication like Xanax, it doesn't make you feel stoned…at the moment you think I should be freaking out now, but I'm not.” —Melissa

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3. The Turbulent Return Flight

[03:39]

• On the return flight to Atlanta, the pilot warns of 20 minutes of rough weather.

  “The pilot comes on and says…some rough weather coming up. It's probably going to be a rough ride. It's only going to last about 20 minutes.” —Melissa
  “I'd rather hear them say that than not say anything at all.” —Katie

• Instead, turbulence lasts the entire 1 hour and 20 minute flight, escalating the duo's anxiety despite their medication.

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4. In-Flight Chaos: The Vomit Epidemic

[04:31]

• Melissa and Katie describe in lurid detail how a man next to them scrambles for the air sickness bag but doesn’t make it:

  “The guy next to us…didn't get [the puke bag] in time…puked all over himself.” —Melissa

• The turbulence triggers a chain reaction:

  “Everybody was scrambling…SkyMall pages ripped up, newspapers being handed to him…” —Melissa
  “Somebody behind us started puking.” —Melissa

• Both women, already on edge, concentrate on breathing out of their mouths to avoid the smell and further queasiness.

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5. The Aftermath and Flight Crew Reaction

[05:49]

• Once landed, the ill passenger immediately flees to the bathroom with makeshift supplies.
• The flight attendants, unable to help during the turbulence, try to avoid passenger backlash at the gate:

  “The pilot did not…come out and greet everybody. The pilot didn't come out.” —Melissa
  “Flight attendants…were just kind of looking down, knowing they were about to get punched in the face.” —Melissa
  “As we walked out, Katie said, 'clean up on aisle 39' and walked out.” —Melissa

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6. Melissa and Katie’s Aftercare and Reflections

[06:35]

• Still shaken, Melissa and Katie skip baggage claim to go straight to the bar:

  “Let’s go straight to the bar, had a drink… And I sent tweets saying, you know what? F you. To anybody who makes fun of me flying again.” —Melissa

• The lone bag waits for them at the carousel after everyone else has left, emphasizing how long it took them to recover from the ordeal.

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7. Final Take and Humor

[07:03]

• The crew jokes about the rarity of sitting near two vomiting passengers:

  “You realize in the history of aviation, nobody has ever sat next to two pukers before.” —Katie

• Melissa wonders if she attracts misfortune:

  “I am bringing this upon myself. Like, I feel like I'm attracting this to me because, yeah, that's my flight yesterday.” —Melissa

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On anxiety meds:

  “There is no reason why you need to fly on a plane scared sober. No reason.” —Melissa [01:30]

• On turbulence:

  “Damn if that thing didn't last the rest of the flight. I mean, it was turbulence for an hour.” —Melissa [04:10]

• On unfortunate seatmates:

  “He had to sit there in his own misery for all that time. And you had to sit there next to him. Oh, Melissa, that's the worst, dude.” —Katie [05:43]

• Humor on deplaning:

  “Clean up on aisle 39!” —Katie [06:17]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:02] — Melissa and Katie discuss their flight anxieties and medication
• [02:38] — Recounting the wedding trip down to Fort Myers
• [03:39] — Return flight and pilot’s turbulence warning
• [04:31] — The in-flight vomiting ordeal begins
• [05:37] — Aftermath: Passenger cleanup, flight crew reactions
• [06:23] — Melissa and Katie’s recovery routine at the airport bar
• [07:03] — Reflection on the absurdity and rarity of their situation

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Tone and Style

The discussion is open, honest, and laced with humor, despite the stressful subject. Melissa and Katie’s candid storytelling delivers a blend of relatable anxiety, slapstick chaos, and sarcastic reflection, keeping the mood light even as they recount a “flight from hell.”

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By episode’s end, listeners will have laughed, cringed, and sympathized—and perhaps thought twice about what can really happen in the friendly skies.

Transcript

[Lady Luck]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Melissa]

I hate flying. And it's not. It's not anything that's new. And so I have prescription Xanax to help me through the flights because that's the only way I can fly. Katie will not get on a plane. Like she will not get on a plane unless she's putting a cat in the sink. Yes. Yeah. We get into the plane and she's got both hands and both feet up on the door, and I'm pushing her in. But her fear is far worse than mine. So I said, you're gonna be all right, honey, because I got, I got the pills, I got the happy pill. Because she has either resorted to having a cocktail before the plane or doing it sober. And I'm like, if you've, if you have a fear of flying, there's no reason in this age of prescription medication that if you take it, you know, as you should responsibly, there is no reason why you need to fly on a plane scared sober. No reason. So anyway, so I said, you're gonna be fine. So we had a wedding in Fort Myers to go to, and it's one of Katie's good friends. So we went down there and so she's like, okay, I'll go to this wedding. It's a once in a lifetime thing for this woman. So I've got to do this. She's been afraid all week. She was scared to fly. And I usually don't get nervous until I get to the airport.

[Katie]

She checks like the Weather Channel, like days before to make sure that the whole route down there is okay.

[Melissa]

Yes. So we actually lucked out with weather because Friday was a beautiful day to fly. Saturday, of course, here in Atlanta was crappy. And then Sunday was a beautiful day. So we flew down to, you know, I gave her her pills and we headed down to Fort Myers. And the flight was fine. The takeoff, you know, made her a little nervous, but everything was fine. And she. And I kept telling her, you did fine. Did you notice you didn't white knuckle it. Did you notice that? You didn't freak out? And I was explaining to her, because when you're on any kind of a medication like Xanax, it doesn't make you feel stoned. It's just at the moment you think I should be freaking out now, but I'm not freaking out.

[Katie]

Just kind of relax. Okay. With everything.

[Melissa]

Yeah. So it's not something like you. It's not like a cocktail. It's something that you don't think is working until you look back and think and realize it did work. So anyway, so we had the beach wedding. Is beautiful wedding, beautiful weekend. And so yesterday we were flying back to Atlanta and, and we checked the weather and of course the storms have moved out, you know, because we were a little nervous about that. And everything's going to be fine because my eye is a heights thing. It's also a turbulence thing. It just makes me uncomfortable. Katie's is worried about crashing. I could care less. I don't worry about the safety of the plane. It's just, I just don't want to be uncomfortable and I'm already freaked out. So we take. So. But for some reason yesterday I thought, you know what, you know, just something instinctually told me to take a little more medicine because I thought, yes, because I thought, well, we had these storms and, and the weather looks fine. But for some reason I told her at breakfast, I said, for some reason, I think I'm going to double it up today. She said, fine, I don't care. You know, and she said, I think you're overreacting, but fine, I don't care. So we doubled up, get on the plane, take off the flight, and again, this is a.

[Katie]

How long a flight is this?

[Melissa]

About an hour and 20 minutes.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Melissa]

And the takeoff was fine, and then the residual storms were still over Orlando. Now the flight down from Atlanta to Fort Myers goes over the Gulf and into Fort Myers. The flight from Fort Myers back to Atlanta is a different route over Orlando, back into Atlanta. So the pilot comes on and says, you know, just to let you know that there's. There's some rough weather coming up. It's probably going to be a rough ride. It's only going to last about 20 minutes. We're going to be fine.

[Katie]

I'd rather hear them say that than not say anything at all. At least it gives you time to break.

[Melissa]

No, I give him credit, but damn if that thing didn't last the rest of the flight. I mean, it was turbulence for an hour on this flight. To the point that. To the point that I was almost about to lose it. But I'm cool to. Katie's almost about to lose. But she's cool because again, God bless Xanax. I had doubled it up and we were fine.

[Katie]

And you took it early enough to where the effects had hit you before you got on the plane.

[Melissa]

Okay, yes, but the guy next to us who was scrambling for his puke bag. Oh, no, no.

[McDonald's Promoter]

He puke on you.

[Commercial Announcer]

Did it.

[Melissa]

Didn't get it in time.

[McDonald's Promoter]

Oh, no, he puke on you.

[Melissa]

Puked all over himself.

[Katie]

Might as well have puked on you. There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

[Melissa]

Everybody was scrambling to get him. SkyMall pages ripped up, you know, ripped out newspapers. People were reading newspapers. They were handing it to him. Everybody around him was scrambling to get him something to throw up in. And then we were approaching Atlanta, thank God. And then we were still. I mean, it was so turbulent the whole time. And then somebody behind us started puking.

[Katie]

No, I didn't really think that happened.

[Melissa]

Two adults puked on our flight around us. And so I started. You were sitting in the house. I was breathing out my nose. I mean, out my mouth. I did not allow anything because if we had been on that plane 20 more minutes, I would have to grab my bag. And so that poor guy, when we got down, I mean, he got up immediately, as soon as we touched down and went to the bathroom with His Wad of SkyMall pages and newspaper and bag and odor.

[Katie]

I feel bad for you.

[Melissa]

I just couldn't help him. It was so rough. The flight attendants weren't allowed out of their seats, so he had to sit

[Katie]

there in his own misery for all that time. And you had to sit there next to him. Oh, Melissa, that's the worst, dude.

[Melissa]

And he went back to the bathroom. Bl. So I felt so bad for this guy. And so he. Anyway, so he was in the bathroom, and then we walked out. And the pilot did not. You know how the pilot usually comes out and greets everybody? The pilot didn't come out.

[McDonald's Promoter]

The door's still closed.

[Melissa]

Door's still closed. Flight attendants were not. They Were just kind of looking down, knowing they were about to get punched in the face. And then as we walked out, Katie said, clean up on aisle 39 and walked out. And I mean, she was. So as soon as she started becoming, I had to tell her to be quiet because she started becoming. Might as well fly ourselves. I mean, what the hell? What the hell? Yeah. I mean, like she was getting so mad as soon as we landed.

[McDonald's Promoter]

Oh, yeah, she talks a big game when the plane's on the ground up in the air. Please, Mr. Pilot man, please, please, please make everything okay.

[Melissa]

I love you, Mr.

[Commercial Announcer]

Pilot.

[Katie]

That's the worst. Because there's nothing you can do. You are sitting there and you obsessed.

[Melissa]

That's why I don't like to fly. So we landed in Hartsfield and we went straight to the bar. I said, I don't give a crap about our bag. Let's go straight to the bar. Went to the bar, had a drink, and then. Yeah, and I sent tweets saying, you know what? F you. To anybody who makes fun of me flying again. F you. And so then we got our bag. It was the only one. It was on the. Had already stopped. Everybody had already gone. And there was my bag just sitting by itself by the time we left because it took us that long just to keep from shaking.

[Katie]

You realize in the history of aviation, nobody has ever sat next to two pukers before.

[Melissa]

I told Jeff, I said, I am bringing this upon myself. Like, I feel like I'm attracting this to me because, yeah, that's my flight yesterday. So. Oh, my God, it was. It was horrible.

[Katie]

I feel bad for that dude too.

[Melissa]

He had to be so embarrassed.

[Katie]

So much hate on that plane.

[Melissa]

Yeah. And when he got out, not only did he have his wand, I mean, when he. When he stood up, he had to wi. He was taking a napkin and wiping his shirt, his pants. Two grown people puked on the flight.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hey, the bird show.

[Lady Luck]

Hey, everybody, lady luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now all summer long, I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over 1000 slot games and live blackjack. Live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest. Com. Get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Commercial Announcer]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.