Vault: War of Roses Christian, Autumn

Summary

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The Bert Show — Vault: War of Roses: Christian, Autumn

Date: October 28, 2025 | Host: Bert and The Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

This emotionally charged episode revives a classic “War of the Roses” segment, a signature of The Bert Show where suspected cheaters are exposed on air. Autumn suspects her boyfriend Christian of being unfaithful. The twist, and the confrontation that follows, delivers one of the series’ most shocking conclusions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Setup: The "War of the Roses" Test

• The episode opens with the show's familiar premise: a listener (here, Autumn) fears cheating and arranges to catch their significant other via a fake flower giveaway.
• Lindsay (posing as a florist) calls Christian to offer him a free bouquet of roses for someone special in his life.
  • Notable moment: Despite skepticism, Christian accepts the offer, asking to send the roses.

The Reveal: Christian’s Surprising Choice (00:46 – 01:31)

• When asked who the flowers should go to, Christian chooses “April” and adds, "Thinking of you," to the card.
  • Quote (Christian, 01:24): “Yeah, just thinking of you, Christian.”
• The hosts and Autumn are listening in the background, awaiting his decision.

The Confrontation: Live On-Air Drama (01:31 – 02:58)

• Bert reveals the ruse to Christian, bringing Autumn into the conversation live.
  • Quote (Autumn, 01:42): “Are you going to send my sister flowers? Hello, Christian. I know what you’ve been up to. Now you—”
  • The true twist lands: "April" is Autumn’s younger sister.
• The hosts express shock and concern, realizing the gravity of the situation.
  • Quote (Radio Host, 01:54): “That’s your sister.”
• Autumn confronts Christian about his actions and the betrayal, while Christian admits fault and fails to justify his actions.
  • Quote (Christian, 02:36): “I don’t know. I know. No, it’s over, Christian, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
• Autumn is clearly distraught but resolute.

Aftermath: Processing the Fallout (03:04 – 03:56)

• The hosts try to gather more context—how Christian met April, and the age differences.
  • They learn that April is just 18, while Christian is 34.
  • The group discusses family gatherings, and how Christian and April interacted as part of family occasions.
  • Quote (Christian, 03:06): “She’s a kid. We took her out with us. Got our fake ID and everything. It was really unbelievable.”
  • Quote (Radio Host, 03:21): “Oh man, that’s so not good.”
• Autumn reflects on her heartbreak and the value, harsh as it is, of knowing the truth.
  • Quote (Christian, 03:48): “It’s better to know. It’s better to know. You know. It’s better to know who you can trust and who you can’t. So it’s a hard lesson.”

Emotional Closure (03:56 – 04:13)

• The hosts offer Autumn some solace by promising to send her roses as an act of comfort.
  • Quote (Radio Host, 03:56): “We’re gonna send you the roses from Kroger. Okay?”
• Both Autumn and the hosts exchange words of sympathy. Autumn vows to remain strong and thanks the show.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Are you going to send my sister flowers? Hello, Christian. I know what you've been up to." — Autumn (01:42)
• "That is my 18 year old sister. A girl who's practically half your age. Christian, you know, you should have just told me about this." — Autumn (01:56)
• "She’s a kid. We took her out with us. Got our fake ID and everything. It was really unbelievable." — Christian (03:06)
• "He’s 34 years old." — Autumn (03:19)
• "It’s better to know. It’s better to know who you can trust and who you can’t. So it’s a hard lesson." — Autumn (03:48)
• "We’re gonna send you the roses from Kroger. Okay?" — Radio Host (03:56)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:26 | Lindsay calls Christian as a fake florist, sets up the test
• 01:08 | Christian chooses to send flowers to "April"
• 01:31 | The reveal: Bert and Autumn confront Christian on air
• 03:06 | Details about Christian’s meeting with April and their age difference
• 03:48 | Autumn reflects on the value of knowing the truth
• 03:56 | Hosts promise to send Autumn flowers for support

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Summary

This episode of The Bert Show’s "War of the Roses" is a rollercoaster of emotion and jaw-dropping revelations. Through their signature investigative segment, the cast helps listener Autumn confront her boyfriend Christian's infidelity, only to discover the betrayal cuts deeper—he's seeing her much younger sister. The conversation is raw and unfiltered, showcasing the devastating impact of betrayal but also the relief—and pain—of learning the truth. The hosts handle Autumn’s heartbreak with empathy, ending on a note of solidarity and support.

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Transcript

[Radio Host]

Hey, the bird show in this war of the Roses again. She's trying to catch her man cheating on her so she calls him on the air. Frankly, I don't know why you guys do this, but I sure am glad you do. And the conclusion to this one, we never saw coming.

[Lindsay]

Hello, may I please speak with Christian?

[Christian]

Speaking.

[Lindsay]

Christian. Hi, this is Lindsay from the Petal Posse. How are you?

[Christian]

Hey, how are you?

[Lindsay]

I'm good. Actually. We're a new flower shop in the area and your name came up in our database.

[Christian]

Okay.

[Lindsay]

So we are giving you free flowers and you can send them to someone. Are you interested in receiving free flowers?

[Christian]

Oh, that's free.

[Lindsay]

Yeah, totally free. It's actually a dozen long stem red roses. And like I said, we're a brand new shop in the area. We're just looking for more business. So hopefully, you know, you might recommend if you do. If you don't, it's no big deal. We're just trying to get our name out there.

[Christian]

Hey, sure, why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay]

Wonderful. Okay, first I need to fill out a card. Christian, first of all, who would you like to send the roses to?

[Christian]

Oh, okay. Yeah, let me send it to April.

[Lindsay]

April, okay. And Christian, what would you like the card to say?

[Christian]

Thoughts of you. Thinking of you.

[Lindsay]

Thoughts of you.

[Christian]

Thinking.

[Lindsay]

Thinking of you. Okay.

[Christian]

Yeah, just thinking of you, Christian.

[Lindsay]

Thinking of you, Christian.

[Christian]

Yeah.

[Lindsay]

Gotcha.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Christian.

[Christian]

Yeah.

[Radio Host]

Hi, this is bert calling from Q100 radio.

[Christian]

Okay.

[Radio Host]

Hey, how you doing?

[Christian]

Good. How you doing?

[Radio Host]

Good, man. We have Autumn on the line with us. You.

[Christian]

Are you going to send my sister flowers? Hello, Christian. I know what you've been up to. Now you.

[Radio Host]

That's your sister.

[Christian]

That is my 18 year old sister. A girl who's practically half your age. Christian, you know, you should have just told me about this. You didn't have to go by my back. And my sister.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Chris. Hey, Christian. Yeah, Autumn kind of thought that there was something going on with you and somebody else. She didn't know who it was and she sent you these roses hoping that you would send them back to her. And you just sent them to her sister and she's been listening to the whole thing.

[Christian]

I can't believe you.

[Radio Host]

There a reason why you're sending them to her sister?

[Christian]

I don't know. I know. No, it's over, Christian, in case you hadn't noticed.

[Radio Host]

Autumn, are you there?

[Christian]

Yeah, I'm here. I've been better. But I tell you what.

[Radio Host]

You know, I am so sorry.

[Lindsay]

I'm so sorry, Autumn.

[Christian]

Me too. You know, What? My sister, she gonna have some explaining to do. I tell you what.

[Radio Host]

When has he met your sister?

[Christian]

Well, you know, we've been together for nine months. We went to Christmas dinner with everybody and New Year's Eve, we all went out. You know, she's a kid. We took her out with us. Got our fake ID and everything. It was really unbelievable.

[Radio Host]

How old is he?

[Christian]

He's 34 years old.

[Radio Host]

Oh, man, that's so not good.

[Christian]

I thought this was the one. Well, I guess it's good to know that.

[Radio Host]

I am so sorry. That really probably the worst news you can get.

[Christian]

Well, I tell you what, guys. You have really brightened my day. At least I know we're not to be going, so thanks very much.

[Radio Host]

Sometimes, you know, just you've had that feeling, so. God, maybe some. Somehow the closure, you know, will help you out.

[Christian]

It's better to know. It's better to know. You know. It's better to know who you can trust and who you can't. So it's a hard lesson.

[Radio Host]

But I'll tell you what we. I'll tell you what we are gonna do. I know this is. This is very small, but we're gonna go ahead and turn around and we're gonna send you the roses from Kroger. Okay?

[Christian]

Thanks. Thanks very much.

[Lindsay]

Adam. You stay strong, okay?

[Christian]

I will.

[Radio Host]

Sorry.

[Christian]

Okay, have a good one.

[Radio Host]

Talk to you later.

[Christian]

Bye.

[Radio Host]

Bye. Hey, the bird show.