Vault: War of Roses - Lisa & Bob

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: War of Roses – Lisa & Bob"

Podcast Host: Bert and Cast (featuring Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Lindsey, and others)
Episode Air Date: October 30, 2025
Summary by: Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a classic “War of the Roses” scenario—The Bert Show’s fan-favorite segment where partners test each other's fidelity via a bogus flower shop call. Today’s case centers on Lisa, who suspects her boyfriend Bob is cheating—again. While the whole cast weighs in with humor and skepticism, listeners get to eavesdrop on messy relationship drama, raw emotion, and the sometimes unhelpful advice of friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Lisa and Her Situation

[02:10–04:00]

• Bert introduces Lisa, whose emotional state is immediately apparent (“I can already hear the stress. What’s going on?”).
• Lisa reveals Bob previously cheated with a woman who works at a nearby restaurant, with Lisa at one point catching them together at her home.
• She is still in the relationship, despite past infidelity and clear lingering anger.

Memorable Quote:
Lisa: "I came home from work one day and, like, caught them in bed together. ... And my man just [messed] around on me when I’m at work, like, trying to make the dollar. Do you know what I mean?" [02:55]

2. Confronting the Cheating—Past and Present

[03:19–04:50]

• Bert notes Lisa’s anger; she admits to still feeling hurt.
• Lisa recounts retaliatory behavior (“I burned him with my curling iron”).
• Discussion leads to doubts and why Lisa chose to stay, with Lisa struggling between love and distrust.

Notable Exchange:
Bert: "This is so hell. Why are you even still with this guy? What is the matter with you?"
Lisa: "Because I love him." [04:09–04:15]

3. Current Suspicion & The ‘Evil Box’ Clue

[03:45–06:02]

• Lisa recently found a fresh takeout box from the restaurant where Bob’s alleged affair partner works—renewing her suspicions.
• Cast expresses skepticism about Bob’s commitment and Lisa’s decision to stay.

4. The War of the Roses Call

[06:04–08:14]

• Lindsey, posing as a flower shop rep, calls Bob offering free roses for a promotional giveaway.
• Bob sounds groggy and confused but ultimately decides to send the flowers to Lisa.
• The cast pushes Bob for a note to include; his message is underwhelming: "Got these free flowers and thought of you."
• He responds lukewarmly to questions about love ("Do you love her? -- I guess").
  [08:12]

Memorable Moment:
Lindsey: "Do you love her?"
Bob: "I guess." [08:13]

5. Lisa and Bob’s On-Air Confrontation

[08:17–09:50]

• The hosts reveal the ruse to Bob; Lisa confronts him on-air about his weak profession of love and the suspicious takeout bag.
• Tension escalates with Lisa questioning his faithfulness; Bob, disoriented, insists the flowers were for her.

Standout Quotes:
Lisa: "You had to think about it. You guess so?" [08:28]
Lindsey: "Lisa, do you think you’re being just a little hard on the guy? He sent them back to you." [09:27]
Lisa: "He guesses he loves me, the dumb. ... Why don’t you go to the evil plan and guess you, like, love someone over there?" [09:31]

6. Resolution & The Bert Show’s Take

[09:50–10:05]

• Bert attempts to calm things, noting the “good news” that Bob sent the roses to Lisa—a minor win that does little to solve their problems.
• Lisa’s lingering bitterness and the unresolved tension are palpable.
• The cast signs off, gently wishing the couple “good luck” with skepticism.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lisa’s Wrath:
  “You know what I did to him, too, when he was sleeping? I burned him with my curling iron.” [04:00]

• Cutting Honesty:
  Bert: "Why are you even still with this guy?" [04:09]

• Deflated Romance: Lindsey: "Do you love her?"
  Bob: "I guess." [08:13]

• Lisa’s Sarcasm & Frustration:
  "He guesses he loves me, the dumb." [09:31]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Lisa’s Backstory and Cheating Incident: [02:10–04:00]
• Retaliation and Staying Together: [04:00–04:50]
• Discovery of New Evidence: [03:45–06:02]
• ‘War of the Roses’ Flower Call: [06:39–08:14]
• On-Air Confrontation: [08:17–09:50]
• Show Wrap-Up and Final Thoughts: [09:50–10:05]

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Tone & Language

• Informal, comedic, blunt, occasionally profane.
• The hosts balance empathy with tough love, often injecting dry humor and sarcasm.
• Lisa’s tone ranges from vulnerable and frustrated to biting and sardonic; Bob is nonchalant, barely alert.

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Summary Takeaway

Listeners get front-row seats to a soap-opera-worthy relationship crisis, with plenty of drama and dark humor. The Bert Show’s irreverent “War of the Roses” formula exposes raw emotions, unfiltered reactions, and uncomfortable truths—while the cast’s playful disbelief highlights just how messy love can be.

If you love real (and really messy) relationship drama, harsh truths, and the occasional offbeat joke—this episode delivers.

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Transcript

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[Lindsay]

The Birch Show.

[Burt]

We've done War of the Roses now for a year and a half, two years, and each week, it always seems to be a little different than the last. This one we're dubbing the Osborne's version of War of the Roses. Hey, Lisa.

[Lisa]

Hi.

[Burt]

How are you? I can already hear the stress. What's going on?

[Lisa]

I have issues. Okay. My boyfriend, we were together for, like, about a year, and the first. Maybe about four or five months we were together, he was like. He was messing around. He was like, basically this, like, that works at this restaurant down the street from where we live.

[Burt]

Is that her real name?

[Lisa]

Yeah, that's her name. No, actually, I think her first name is Genki because that's exactly who she is.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Lisa]

And, you know, she works at, like, I don't know, like, the Evil Box or some, like, you know, down the street. And I don't. I, like, came home from work one day and, like, caught them in bed together. It's like. It was so bad. I don't even know. Like. And my man just around on me when I'm at work, like, trying to make the dollar. Do you know what I mean? It's just.

[Burt]

Lisa, I'm no psychologist, but I am sensing that there's still some anger.

[Lisa]

A little bit. A little bit. And I'll tell you why. So up. So up. He needs to keep it in his pants, too. But I saw in his car, like, a box from. Okay, yeah, like, it's a go. Like, it's a go bag. And it wasn't old. It was, like, pretty fresh. It was, like, you know.

[Hannah Burner]

How long.

[Burt]

How long ago was this?

[Lisa]

Yesterday.

[Burt]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Lisa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

So if I'm hearing you right, he goes out when you guys first start dating, he has sex with a woman that works over at See you, boy.

[Hannah Burner]

Pat.

[Lisa]

Yeah. You know what I did to him, too, when he was sleeping? I burned him with my curling iron.

[Burt]

This is so hell. Why are you even still with this guy? What is the matter with you?

[Lisa]

Because I love him.

[Burt]

Oh, come on, now. You don't.

[Lisa]

Yes, I do. He's just. But I do love him.

[Burt]

So this guy messes around on you, you burn him with a curling iron, you stay together, he comes home with an evil bag in his car, and now you want to get out of the relationship?

[Lisa]

I just. I don't necessarily want to get out. I just want to find out what's going on. I want to find out if he's around with the. That lives, you know, that works down the street.

[Lindsey]

Now, maybe if you broke up with him, you wouldn't have so much bitterness.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Why are you with this guy? He's never going to treat you right anyway. Why are we even making this call?

[Lisa]

I just want to know. Because you know, he does love me. Even though he can't keep it in his pants. He has. He says he's been faithful. I just want to. I just want to find out.

[Burt]

I'm just curious because I've never talked to anybody that actually caught somebody else in bed. What is that whole scenario? Like, you open up the door, there he is literally having sex with somebody else. And what does he say?

[Lisa]

Well, basically they didn't say much because I was too busy hitting them and screaming and like, you know, kicking them out of the bedroom. But yeah, like, I went in there and it totally smelled like sex. It was so bad asses and, you know, whatever.

[Burt]

This is not gonna go well. Will you make a promise to me once we find out if this guy is sleeping with Siebel? That you don't stab or shoot him?

[Lisa]

Yeah, okay.

[Burt]

Or burn him with a curling iron?

[Lisa]

Yeah, I can't promise that.

[Burt]

I just know I can already tell where this thing is going. I mean, this guy is messing around. You're aware of that, right?

[Lisa]

I don't know. I'm not sure. You know, he couldn't even around with the. That works at a decent restaurant, you know, not even like the Olive Garden be. We'll find.

[Burt]

All right, what's dude's name that we're calling.

[Lisa]

His name is Bob.

[Burt]

You know, we're gonna give Bob a call here, okay? You just stay on the line. I know as hard as this is gonna be for you, don't say anything until Lindsay finds out who he's gonna turn around and send the flowers to. And also what he's gonna write on the card. Okay. And as soon as we find out what he's gonna write on the card, then you can go ahead and you can pretty much say anything you want. All right.

[Lindsey]

Hello, Is Bob in, please?

[Lindsay]

Speaking.

[Lindsey]

Hey, Bob, this is Lindsey from the Rose Bunker. How are you?

[Lindsay]

Lindsay.

[Lindsey]

Yeah, from the Rose Bunker. New flower shop in the area. How you doing?

[Lindsay]

Cool.

[Lindsey]

Yeah. Did I wake you up?

[Lindsay]

Um, yeah.

[Lindsey]

I'm so sorry, Bob. I apologize. I started calling people a couple hours ago, so I figured that you'd be up. I apologize. But I have good news for you.

[Lindsay]

Cool.

[Lindsey]

As part of a promotional offer, we are gonna send you a dozen long stem red roses. And you can send the roses to whomever you want. So you basically get to send someone free flowers. Do you want to send someone free flowers?

[Lindsay]

Free flowers?

[Lindsey]

Yeah. Totally free flowers.

[Lisa]

Wow.

[Lindsay]

Yeah.

[Lindsey]

Bob, what have you been doing this morning?

[Lindsay]

What?

[Lindsey]

What are you doing right now?

[Lindsay]

Sleep.

[Lindsey]

Oh, okay. Anyway, so I just have to fill out a card. Who would you like to send your roses to?

[Lindsay]

Let me see. Lisa.

[Lindsey]

To Lisa. Okay. And what would you like the card to say, Bob? You with me?

[Lindsay]

Yeah. Got these free flowers and thought of you.

[Lindsey]

Got these free flowers and thought of you. Is this your girlfriend?

[Lisa]

Yep.

[Lindsey]

Okay, maybe you want to do something more romantic.

[Lindsay]

That's cool.

[Lindsey]

Do you love her?

[Lindsay]

I guess.

[Lindsey]

You guess? Is she, like, the one and only for you?

[Burt]

Let me go ahead and interrupt here. This is Burt, and that's Lindsey, and We're calling from Q100 radio. Okay. And we actually have Lisa on the other line right now.

[Lisa]

Hey, Lisa, you want to say you guess, though? Like you don't know.

[Burt]

Like you have to think about it.

[Lisa]

Like, you guess. What the Is that?

[Lindsay]

Lisa, you know I love you.

[Burt]

Hey, Bob, let me tell you what's going on here.

[Lisa]

You don't know you love me. You had to think about it. You guess so?

[Burt]

Oh, come on, now. You got to give him a break.

[Lisa]

No, dumb. I'm just making up. And let me ask you a question, since we're on the subject anyway. What are you doing eating that evil bat?

[Burt]

Hey, Bob.

[Lindsay]

Yeah?

[Burt]

Here's what's going on. Lisa thought maybe that you were getting back together with that girl over at.

[Lisa]

I found a bag, Bob. In your car.

[Burt]

That's what I was gonna say. And she thought maybe that there's something going on between you and that girl that works over Zebel, Becky. And that's why she placed this, to make sure that there was nothing.

[Lindsay]

Free flowers.

[Hannah Burner]

You are.

[Lindsey]

But.

[Lisa]

But the free flowers. It's always about free, isn't it?

[Lindsay]

Oh.

[Lisa]

Oh. Has nothing to say.

[Burt]

Lisa, do you think you're being just a little hard on the guy? He sent him back to you.

[Lisa]

He guesses he loves me, the dumb. What is that? Why don't you go to the evil plan and guess you, like, love someone over there or some.

[Lindsay]

Lisa, you getting some flowers? Getting some flowers.

[Lisa]

What are you doing eating evil pine?

[Lindsay]

I'm hungry.

[Lisa]

I don't even want hungry.

[Burt]

I don't even know we're gonna let you guys go. The good news here, Lisa, is Bob turned around and he sent the roses to you. I mean, you gotta give him a little bit of a break here.

[Lisa]

Yeah, I'll give him a Break later.

[Burt]

See you guys.

[Lindsey]

Good luck guys.

[Burt]

Bye.

[Lindsay]

What the Birch show.

[Hannah Burner]

This is Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad. Opill is the first over the counter daily birth control pill available in. Let's be real. Getting a birth control prescription is not always easy and it's so much admin. In fact, about a third of women face barriers to access prescription birth control. Between scheduling appointments, missing work class or just trying to exist, it's a lot. But now Opill is putting birth control in our control. Opill is a daily birth control that's FDA approved, full prescription, strength and estrogen free and 98 effective when used as directed. Grab it online or at most major retailers. No prescription or doctor's appointment needed. So if you're thinking about birth control control, check out OPILL to see if it's right for you. Use code giggly for 25 off your first month of opill at o-p I l l.com that's code gigglY-P-I-L-L.com birth control in your control. We love to see it.

[Lindsay]

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[Lindsey]

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[Lindsey]

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[Burt]

Thanks.

[Jeff Bridges]

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