Vault: We Answer The Questions Our Listeners Are DYING To Know

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault - We Answer The Questions Our Listeners Are DYING To Know

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Episode Date: December 15, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a fan-favorite Bert Show segment: honest, unfiltered listener Q&A. Blending two formats—“Let’s Be Honest” (where cast members answer anonymously submitted, revealing questions) and “Ask Us Anything” (where listeners call in)—the Bert Show cast delivers spontaneous, candid, and often hilarious responses. The episode provides a behind-the-scenes peek at the personalities of Bert, Jen Hobby, Melissa Carter, Jeff, and callers, as they navigate personal revelations, embarrassing confessions, and the chemistry that defines morning radio.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Setting the Stage

• Interactive Format: The team alternates between answering random, anonymously submitted questions from a "terracotta pot" (02:05) and listener call-ins. Nothing is off-limits—personal, professional, and borderline outrageous questions are welcome.
• Promise of Honesty: The cast commits to answering everything truthfully, regardless of discomfort, continuing the show’s tradition of candid, relatable entertainment (02:33).

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Noteworthy Q&A Segments

1. Virginity—If You Could Do It Over

• Question: “If you could have lost your virginity to someone you’ve met since, who would it be?” (02:43)
• Jen Hobby’s Response:
  • Chooses “Pink,” the singer, noting she’s actually met her:

    “Oh, yeah. Pink.”
    — Jen Hobby (03:09)

  • Cast jokes about Pink’s personality:

    “She’d be rough.”
    — Melissa Carter (03:10)
    “Yeah, I like it like that. Do you?”
    — Bert (03:13)

• Discussion: Playful banter on celebrity crushes that are also real-life acquaintances.

2. Keeping Pictures of Exes

• Question: “Do you still have a picture of an ex? Who is it and where do you keep the photo?” (03:24)
• Jeff’s Response:
  • Has a photo with “Tina,” a college girlfriend, in the attic.
  • Wife Jessica found it, but Jeff insists, “That's the only one I know of.” (03:54)
  • Admits to having had topless photos of another girlfriend, but says they’re now gone (04:15).
• Jen jokes:

  “In his mind when he fantasizes.”
  — Jen Hobby (03:32)

• Honesty & Discomfort: The cast dives into the awkward repercussions of such discoveries in marriages.

3. Revisiting On-Air Conflict

• Listener Asks: About Bert and Jeff’s previous explosive on-air argument and if the anger was real (04:29).
• Jen Hobby’s Detailed Account:
  • Confirms Bert was furious and describes it as “the most uncomfortable moment in the studio off the air that I've ever experienced.” (04:52-05:03)
  • Vivid atmosphere:

    “You could cut the air with a knife. It scared me.”
    — Jen Hobby (05:03)

• Listener’s Perspective:

  “I felt like I was in a room with my parents fighting. …Are they getting divorced?”
  — Caller (05:35)

• Resolution: Melissa attributes the harshness to bad timing around Valentine’s Day (06:08).

4. Radio Names—Real or Stage?

• Listener Q: Do radio DJs use real names or pseudonyms? (06:24)
• Cast Explains:
  • Bert uses his real name; Jen Hobby opts for her maiden name for simplicity and familiarity.
  • Noted that name changes in radio are more old-school, often for anonymity or simplicity (06:45-07:59).

  • “If it's a really complicated name…for now if someone changes their name, it's just to make it easy on the ear for the listener.”
    — Melissa Carter (07:17)

  • “I started the show as Jen Hobby and it's easy to remember.”
    — Jen Hobby (08:01)

5. Private Oddities – At Home vs. On-Air

• Question for Bert: “What do you do in the privacy of your own home that you would never do in front of us for fear of eternal ridicule?” (08:14)
• Hilarious Confessions:
  • Bert openly discusses body grooming:

    “Yeah, I shave, sure. I trim…my twigs and berries.”
    — Bert (08:54)

  • The cast spirals into speculation about other odd behaviors (biting toenails, eating on the toilet, dancing with a hairbrush).

    “Do you dance around with a hairbrush to old time Rock and Roll? Do you put your stuff in between your legs, look like a woman?”
    — Jeff (09:09)

• Bert shrugs off embarrassment, noting:

  “There’s just not a lot that I don’t tell you guys about.” (09:21)

6. Would You Do It For Money?

• Question: For $2 million, would you “go below the border” (have a sex act) with another man? If not, what's your price? (10:14, 10:27)
• Cast Reactions:
  • Jeff: An immediate “No” unless on the receiving end, then with resignation, “Sure, sure” (10:45).
  • Jen Hobby: Admits she’d do it for enough money to secure her children’s and grandchildren’s future (“it’d have to be a lot of money, but hell yeah, it would have to be…” 11:23, 11:27).
  • Bert: Skeptical that anyone would never do it “for a trillion dollars.”
  • Jeff adds humor: “Four whole margaritas!”
    — Jeff, joking about Jen’s threshold (11:30)
• Memorable Analysis:

  “My friend Chris says any guy that answers no...is a liar because he thinks every guy has his price to do something like that.”
  — Bert (11:55)

7. Radio Callbacks and Sex Education

• Question: “If you were to call Sue Johansson (sex educator), what would you ask?” (12:28)
• Cast Suggestive: Jen proposes “Let’s ask her about the back door” before the segment ends (12:53).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On On-Air Tension:

  “You could cut the air with a knife. It scared me.”
  — Jen Hobby (05:03)

• On Honesty:

  “There’s just not a lot that I don’t tell you guys about. There’s not a lot that really embarrasses me.”
  — Bert (09:21)

• On Money and Morals:

  “Any guy that answers no...there’s no amount of money...is a liar because he thinks every guy has his price.”
  — Bert (11:55)

• Cast's Banter:

  “My slappin tickles.”
  — Jeff (09:01)
  “Oh, she met Pink.”
  — Jeff (03:07)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:05] Starting Q&A and setting ground rules
• [02:43] First risqué question: who you’d pick to lose your virginity to
• [03:24] Pictures of exes—who still has them and where
• [04:29] Listener calls out on-air conflict; cast recounts explosive aftermath
• [06:24] Do radio personalities use their real names?
• [08:14] Private weird habits at home vs. what’s shared on-air
• [10:14] For $2 million, would you do it? Hilarious debate about money and sexual boundaries
• [12:28] What would you ask sex educator Sue Johansson?

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The Bert Show once again proves why it’s a staple in morning entertainment: totally authentic, slightly outrageous, always entertaining. The cast’s willingness to answer anything honestly results in a lively episode packed with laughter, confessions, and “did they really just say that?” moments. Their chemistry and sense of humor shine, making the episode a prime example of why listeners feel like part of the family.

If you missed it: Expect comedy, some blush-inducing honesty, and an entertaining “nothing is off-limits” energy throughout.

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Jeff]

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[Bert]

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[Jeff]

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[Jeff]

The Bird show so we can do.

[Bert]

One of a couple of things. All right, we could do. Let's be honest.

[Jen Hobby]

Do we have the questions ready?

[Bert]

We have a whole bunch of questions in a pot.

[Melissa Carter]

That is a terracotta pot.

[Bert]

Yeah. And they were all written by each. All of us anonymously. And we've promised to answer honestly. We can do that.

[Jen Hobby]

It's really more of an aqueduct.

[Melissa Carter]

She's trying to use another word that. See, that was forced.

[Bert]

See sat word. We could do a. Ask us anything. We could do a combination of both.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, yeah, ask us anything. Let's be honest.

[Bert]

Yeah. Where you guys call us up and you ask us anything. Could be personal questions, could be questions about the show. Could be questions about anything. Anything at all.

[Jeff]

Can we limit it, though, to only one question from Melissa? Because we only have to hear about her being gay once.

[Bert]

Because whenever we do it, everybody calls up and wants to ask questions about Melissa's sexuality when we're off air.

[Melissa Carter]

Jeff, you ask me things all the time.

[Jen Hobby]

But when we're on air, you're gonna.

[Melissa Carter]

Act like you don't want to talk to me.

[Caller/Listener]

Fine.

[Jeff]

Whatever.

[Melissa Carter]

We know you.

[Jen Hobby]

I know you.

[Bert]

All right. So we'll do a combination of both. Let's be honest and ask us anything. So again, it could be any question at all. Show related, personal questions. And we have to answer absolutely honestly.

[Jeff]

This is a great question.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Kata. If you could have lost your virginity to someone you have met since you have lost your virginity, who would it be?

[Jen Hobby]

Good question.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, wow. Well, I mean.

[Jen Hobby]

It can't be a celebrity either because it's someone she has met. Somebody I met.

[Jeff]

Oh, she met pink.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, that's true. Oh, yeah. Okay. Pink.

[Jeff]

Pink.

[Melissa Carter]

There's a. There's an honest answer. She'd be rough and.

[Bert]

Yeah, I like it like that. Do you?

[Melissa Carter]

A little bit.

[Caller/Listener]

Pink.

[Jeff]

That's your answer, right?

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah.

[Bert]

All right, hold on a second because.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, I'd have to before pink.

[Jeff]

That's what I want to know.

[Melissa Carter]

Nobody ready.

[Jen Hobby]

This is for Jeff. Do you still have a picture of an ex? Who is it and where do you keep the photo?

[Melissa Carter]

There you go.

[Jen Hobby]

In his mind when he fantasizes.

[Bert]

We found that out a couple weeks ago. What were the repercussions of that conversation, by the way?

[Jeff]

Still feeling them. I'll let you know when they're all done. I don't. Yeah, I do have a picture. And the only reason I know it is because it's sitting in our attic area.

[Jen Hobby]

Who is it?

[Jeff]

Right on top. Her name's Tina. I went to Syracuse with her. And it's a picture of me. And I was a sophomore in college and I looked like I was all of 13. And I think Jessica actually found it and took it out because I look so young. That's the only one I know of.

[Jen Hobby]

So it's in the attic?

[Jeff]

Yeah. There's none, like, hidden, like. I don't.

[Jen Hobby]

Lying.

[Jeff]

I did have topless pictures of a girlfriend.

[Bert]

You did?

[Caller/Listener]

Yep.

[Melissa Carter]

While you've been married to Jessica or dating Jessica, Living with Jessica.

[Jeff]

Jessica has seen them.

[Melissa Carter]

She's seen them?

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Yep.

[Jen Hobby]

And burned them?

[Jeff]

Nah, they're gone now. One of us threw them out.

[Bert]

Yeah, one of us won. Hey, Jennifer, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, guys.

[Bert]

Hi.

[Caller/Listener]

I have a question about the Valentine's thing with Jeff.

[Bert]

Yeah, bring it.

[Caller/Listener]

Were you guys really upset with him or was it because all these listeners were calling and they were all upset and you guys wanted to, like, play it cool, like. Oh, Jeff, you were really wrong because I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

[Bert]

All right, Jeff.

[Caller/Listener]

I thought you guys kind of overreacted a little bit.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Okay. Jen Hobby could probably answer that. Question if I was mad or not.

[Jen Hobby]

Yes, he was furious because it was probably because he's a boy.

[Jeff]

Since I.

[Jen Hobby]

Honestly, since I had joined the Burt show, probably the most uncomfortable moment in the studio off the air that I've ever experienced. I mean, the microphones normally turn off, and all of us are yapping up and laughing and chatting, and some of the best conversations in this room go on when we're off the air. But at that moment, when that argument stopped and Burt said, I'm done, and he hit the button, and you could hear a pin drop in this room. It was. It was. You could have. I mean, cut the air with a knife. It was thick in here. It scared. It really scared me. And then Melissa and I run out of here, and I run to her office, and I'm like, oh, my God, what, are we breaking up? What's going on? Well, you know what?

[Caller/Listener]

Cause I heard you guys fighting. I'm in my car, and I felt like I was in a room with my parents fighting. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, Are they getting divorced? What's going on? I know.

[Jen Hobby]

And then I walk by the boss's office down the hall, and they are behind closed doors. But see, in our office, like, the walls are with glass, so you can see inside the walls even when the doors are shut. So I saw Bert and Jeff and Dylan, all three standing up and shouting and moving their arms in the air.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

That was a pretty ugly 24.

[Caller/Listener]

You guys are a little harsh on Jeff. And Jeff, I want you to keep it up because it was hilarious.

[Melissa Carter]

And I just want to. And I just want to address that. I think in any other week, any other situation, we probably would not have reacted as severely as we did. I think it was just the timing, too, because it was the last thing we did right before Valentine's Day. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bert]

I mean, we could launch back into that. I'd rather not relive it. Hey, Chris, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Hey, listen, years ago, I worked with a guy who was. Said he was in radio, and I was wondering. He said that when you. When you become a dj, you change your name for your. On your personality. Is that true or false?

[Bert]

Not for us in this room.

[Melissa Carter]

Change your name.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

I think it depends on what your original name is. I think that in the case, my.

[Jeff]

Real name's AJ Stardust.

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It used to.

[Bert]

Be more of an old school radio thing where everybody was changing their name. Like, I've worked with a guy whose Real name was Harvey Fox Fisher and he named it to Jack Diamond. There used to be a lot of Sunny Foxes. It's more of an old school thing, I think.

[Melissa Carter]

But I think also, though it depends on your original name, if it's a really complicated name, that when I first got the job at our sister station, and it was. It was discussed, one of the things that was said was that my name was easy to say. So we can just keep it with Melissa Carter, which is my real name. Where There are other DJs that I know that their names are just like really long and, you know, really complicated. And it just is for. I think now if someone changes their name is for. Just to make it easy on the ear for the listener.

[Caller/Listener]

Right. The simplicity of it all.

[Melissa Carter]

Exactly.

[Bert]

I have heard. I have heard, though, that Steve McCoy has stolen Phil Turan, his real name.

[Jeff]

No.

[Bert]

Yeah. He has stolen our stunt guy Phil Tyranna's name and has been using it around town.

[Jen Hobby]

You know, I think also they changed their name for anonymity a little bit, too, because I still go by Jen Hobby and that's my maiden name and my married name is what I use in the rest of my life. But on the air I just.

[Jeff]

And you can't find out her real married name by going to sisterhazel.com so don't even think of buying a Sister Hazel album and looking at Ryan's last name because it's not gonna be the.

[Caller/Listener]

Same as Jen's last name.

[Jen Hobby]

It's not that. It just was easier because I started the show as Jen Hobby and it's easy to remember. So that's.

[Jeff]

Anyway, I've drawn a. Let's be honest question. This one's for Sonny Fox, aka Bert.

[Bert]

Okay, break a Dodge, 10 o'.

[Jeff]

Clock. Bert, what do you do in the privacy of your own home that you would never ever do in front of us for fear of eternal ridicule?

[Jen Hobby]

I got this one last time.

[Jeff]

Yep. And I think. What was yours? Yours was.

[Jen Hobby]

I'm not. We're not going to relieve it.

[Jeff]

Zip it.

[Bert]

I don't even remember you getting this question.

[Jeff]

Good.

[Caller/Listener]

Zip it.

[Jeff]

Her face for blackheads for hours on end and expunging with great.

[Jen Hobby]

No, it wasn't blackheads.

[Jeff]

What was it then?

[Jen Hobby]

We're not reliving mine, but it wasn't Blackheads.

[Jeff]

Come on, Bert, you gotta shave somewhere.

[Bert]

Oh, yeah, I've brought that up before. Yeah, I shave, sure. I trim.

[Jeff]

What else?

[Bert]

My twigs and berries.

[Jen Hobby]

That is a funny, funny mental picture.

[Jeff]

I gotta tell you, my slappin Tickles.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Bert]

I mean, if that. Yeah, I'll get. Yeah, that's true.

[Jeff]

But that's not. I mean, we've talked about that.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, I think that's something you need to do.

[Jeff]

I mean, you dance around with a hairbrush to old time Rock and Rol. Do you put your stuff in between your legs, look like a woman? What goes on?

[Bert]

I've done that, but not recently.

[Jen Hobby]

You do the eyeball thing where you try to catch one eye looking at the other in the mirror.

[Bert]

I told you guys, I've done that. There's just not a lot that I don't tell you guys about. There's not a lot that really embarrasses me.

[Jeff]

Photoshop pictures of yourself.

[Bert]

I don't even know how to use it, buddy. You do that?

[Jeff]

No.

[Bert]

Liar.

[Jeff]

Do you eat on the toilet?

[Bert]

No.

[Caller/Listener]

What?

[Melissa Carter]

You say eat on the toilet?

[Jeff]

Like taking a plate of manicure.

[Jen Hobby]

Do you bite your toenails? Oh, God.

[Bert]

Do you guys do these things?

[Jen Hobby]

No, that's gross.

[Bert]

I made you eat on the toilet. $. I can see you in there with.

[Jeff]

Some KFC, me biting my toenails. Right. Can you dunk?

[Jen Hobby]

Okay, this is a good one for Jeff, but I have to figure out how to say, oh, I'm glad you.

[Jeff]

Thought of the underwear thing now. So we didn't get a phone call at like 1am.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, these questions are difficult because I'm sitting here, who would have lose my virginity to who would love, you know, and that was 15 minutes ago.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay, for $2 million, would you engage give or receive below the border? Isn't that what you called it earlier with a man?

[Jeff]

No.

[Jen Hobby]

If not, what's your price?

[Bert]

Wait, what was the question? Was it give or receive or was it a combination?

[Jen Hobby]

You could. You could pick one or the other.

[Bert]

Oh, that could have been phrased so much better.

[Jeff]

Okay, you phrase it.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay, phrase it.

[Bert]

I'm offering you a million dollars, and you got to take one. Would you go south of the border on a guy or would you have him go on you if it was.

[Jeff]

Like gun to your head? He had to. Yeah, obviously he would take care of me. Sure, sure. I got.

[Caller/Listener]

Hold on.

[Jeff]

I got one for Jen.

[Melissa Carter]

In theory.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, this.

[Melissa Carter]

In theory, this one does be only for a million. One million dollars.

[Jen Hobby]

The way this one was phrased though, Bert, it says, if not, what's your price?

[Jeff]

There's no price.

[Jen Hobby]

No price. $10 million. $22 billion. You would never have to work another day in your life. Your children's children's children. Children's children. Wouldn't have to work ever that much.

[Melissa Carter]

All right, well, Jen, let's ask you the question, like if.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Bert]

A peso is all it takes. My friend Chris and I have had this conversation.

[Jen Hobby]

It'd have to be a lot of money, but hell yeah, it would have.

[Jeff]

To be either a. A lot of money or four whole margaritas.

[Jen Hobby]

No, that's not true at all because I'm totally not. I'm totally unattracted to how much you got. Carter's hands. I think I don't border on the. I got 25. I don't border on the gay ish. You know, like the girls that think it's cool to like, pretend like they're lesbian. I'm not into that at all. But for, you know, for enough money that would take care of me, my kids, their kids and their kids and their kids.

[Bert]

My friend Chris says any guy that answers no, not there's no amount of money that I would ever take is a liar because he thinks every guy has his price to do something like that. And he only brought that up because I answered the same way you did. I said, there is no amount of money. Not for a trillion dollars.

[Caller/Listener]

No, no.

[Bert]

And he said, if any man is being honest, for a million dollars, you would do that to another dude.

[Jen Hobby]

Not for a million.

[Jeff]

If we got up to like into.

[Jen Hobby]

Hundreds of millions, hundreds of millions of dollars.

[Jeff]

And it depends on the guy too, because there's a lot of guys like Crash.

[Bert]

I mean, come on now.

[Jeff]

Crash would never happen.

[Caller/Listener]

But there's.

[Bert]

My career would be over.

[Jeff]

He'd hurt me. Some very clean, like, you know, guys that you can imagine smell good everywhere. And then there's Crash and you, like, that's like wet peanut butter smell. How about this one? If you were to call Sue Johansson, what question would you ask?

[Bert]

We know the answer. That was because you want, you know what you just said. You want to answer honestly.

[Melissa Carter]

So let's be honest.

[Jeff]

Go ahead.

[Jen Hobby]

Let's ask her about the back door.

[Caller/Listener]

Hit the button quick.

[Jeff]

The Birch Show.

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[Bert]

Psoriatic arthritis symptoms can be unpredictable.

[Jeff]

I had joint pain and I couldn't.

[Bert]

Move like I used to.

[Jeff]

I needed relief.

[Cosentyx Ad Voice]

I got Cosentyx.

[Bert]

It helped me move better.

[Cosentyx Ad Info]

Cosentyx Secukenumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or plan to or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com.

[Jeff]

Ask your dermatologist about Cosentyx.

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