Vault: We got an update from a listener in an abusive relationship.

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Update from a Listener in an Abusive Relationship

Episode Date: May 13, 2026
Core Theme:
A deeply emotional exploration of domestic abuse, featuring live updates on a listener named Glenda who is trying to escape an abusive relationship. The episode highlights the courage it takes to leave, the immense obstacles faced, real stories from survivors, resources available, and the crucial support of family and friends.

---

Main Discussion Points & Insights

Glenda’s Situation & Listener Reaction

• Glenda shares her struggle being trapped in an abusive relationship, candidly detailing the cycle of leaving and returning, and the hope that things might change.
  • Quote:

    “I can't tell you how many times that I've actually left and come back...I tell myself, you know, that he's going to change, things are going to get better, but, you know, they don't get better and he doesn't change.”
    — Glenda [00:10]

• Bert acknowledges the impact of Glenda’s story on listeners, noting the outpouring of concern via emails and calls [00:45].

---

Support from Jaden’s Ladder

• Introduction of Oneida, founder of Jaden’s Ladder, a domestic violence survivor, discussing the assistance her organization can provide.

  • They provided Glenda with an immediate exit plan and committed to ongoing support, both financial and emotional [01:20].
  • Quote:

    “We're going to financially support her and get her some emotional help so that she...can be healthy and realize that she doesn't have to go back.”
    — Oneida [01:24]

  • Thanks to fundraising efforts by the Bert Show, Jaden’s Ladder can move quickly to help women like Glenda with unrestricted funds for housing, therapy, and necessities [01:50].

• Challenges of Leaving:

  • Bert asks why taking the first step is so hard; Oneida responds with a practical, empathetic perspective:

    “We try to tell our survivors...not to look at the picture and to take baby steps because it becomes overwhelming...It's these little baby journeys that make that big journey.”
    — Oneida [02:33]

---

Recidivism & "One Time Only" Support

• Oneida explains that about 70% of women initially seeking help don’t follow through, mostly due to fear; many need to reach “rock bottom” to finally leave [03:20].
  • Candidly shares her personal story, revealing she went back seven times before finally leaving [03:40].
  • Discussed Jaden’s Ladder’s approach — one-time only program, emphasizing seriousness:

    “They realize what they're getting, and if they don't do the work, it's just one time only, and then, you know, that's it.”
    — Oneida [04:16]

---

Family Members & Secondary Victims

• Maria, a listener, calls in, emotionally describing her sister’s repeated returns to an abusive partner and the trauma experienced by her sister’s children.

  • Quote:

    “He always threatens that he's going to kill himself...the kids see him, they're trembling in fear.”
    — Maria [05:01]

  • Oneida urges Maria to remain supportive and steadfast:

    “I'm begging you to stay with her and to...be that friend, be that...relative that doesn't let go because she really...is going to need your support.”
    — Oneida [05:37]

• Bert and Oneida discuss the difficulty family members face when they see loved ones stay in abuse, and how sometimes losing the support of family is the final push a survivor needs [06:13].

  • “For Glenda's son to bail on her, it's probably a great push for her because...that's going to motivate her a little bit more so that she can get that trust back from her son.”
    — Oneida [06:27]

---

When Survivors Aren’t Ready

• Ashley calls to ask how to help someone who doesn’t want help [07:07].
  • Direct, hard truth from Oneida:

    “If they don’t want it, I can’t do much about it...I can’t seek the people that want the help.”
    — Oneida [07:16]

• Advice for those waiting:
  • Always be there, provide resources and information, even if unused (books, pamphlets, brochures)—when the survivor is ready, these tools can be critical [08:11].
  • Oneida shares a success story of a woman who kept a brochure for a year before reaching out and later graduated from the program [08:11].

---

Resources & Call to Action

• Jaden's Ladder’s contact information shared for those needing help ([05:37], [08:53]).
• Website: jadensladder.org for support, info, and resources [08:53], [09:14].

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the difficulty of leaving:
  “It must seem like such a huge mountain when you're in that situation that taking the very first step seems almost impossible.”
  — Bert [02:15]

• On emotional struggle and family impact:
  “Sometimes we value other people’s lives more than we value our own.”
  — Oneida [03:44]

• On offering support even when it’s rejected:
  “Leave codependency books. Leave these books on their desk in their homes, and they'll pick it up and they'll read it...that they know that they can make the call when they’re ready.”
  — Oneida [08:11]

---

Important Timestamps

• [00:10] Glenda’s candid statement about her abusive relationship
• [01:20] Jaden’s Ladder plans an exit for Glenda
• [02:33] Why “baby steps” matter in escaping abuse
• [03:20] Oneida on high rates of return and reaching “rock bottom”
• [05:01] Maria’s emotional call about her sister and children witnessing abuse
• [05:37] Oneida’s advice for supporting loved ones
• [07:16] “You can’t help those not ready for help” — the honest reality for friends and family
• [08:11] Story of a survivor who held onto hope (and a brochure) for a year before calling

---

Tone and Approach

The episode is genuine, serious, and supportive, with moments of optimism as survivors and advocates offer both tough love and unconditional support. The hosts and guests speak plainly and with compassion, creating a real sense of community for listeners facing (or supporting those facing) domestic violence.

---

Resources

• Jaden’s Ladder:
  • Website: jadensladder.org
  • Founder’s contact (as given live): 603-205-4746 [05:37]
• Strong emphasis throughout on seeking professional help and the power of supportive, patient family/friends.

---

For those touched by this episode, it’s a call to empathy, awareness, and action—reminding listeners that help exists, and leaving is possible, even if it takes time.

Transcript

[Bert]

Listen, it's the Vert Show. Things got really serious on the show yesterday, so let's take a step back because we got a whole bunch of people calling this morning and emailing about Glenda.

[Glenda]

I'm actually in a abusive relationship right now, and I can't tell you how many times that I've actually left and come back and lay up and come back and I tell myself, you know, that he's going to change, things are going to get better, but, you know, they don't get better and he doesn't change. And, you know, when you love somebody,

[Maria]

you just, you know, you want that

[Glenda]

person to change and things to be great because you do love that person.

[Bert]

Is he physically abusive with you?

[Glenda]

Yeah, he's physically and mentally abusive to me.

[Bert]

I think so many people connected with that yesterday, and that's why we received so many emails and calls this morning from people just checking in, going, hey, what's going on with Glenda? So yesterday it got heavy because we put her in touch with Jaden's Ladder.

[Jen]

Yes. And one is the founder of Jaden's Ladder, and she has been a survivor of domestic violence herself. So we know one, Bert and I helped out with a big fundraiser they had over the weekend. So it was top of mind to just call and get her on the phone.

[Oneida]

Hey, Oneida, how are you guys?

[Bert]

Good, how are you?

[Oneida]

We're tired. It's all good.

[Bert]

Did you hear from Glenda yesterday?

[Oneida]

I did, and we're helping her. You know, I gave her an exit plan for right now and I'm going to speak with her again today. I spoke with her twice yesterday. She's supposed to call me back today about 10. And we're going to get her out. We're going to financially support her and get her some emotional help so that she with some therapist and get her, you know, so that she can be healthy and realize that she doesn't have to go back.

[Jen]

How quickly can you execute that exit plan?

[Oneida]

You know, because of what? If she's ready to go, we're ready to go because of what we do in our program. We have, you know, because of what you guys did this weekend to help raise funds. Our funds are unrestricted for any needs that she has, whether it put her up in a hotel for a while, get her housing, and more importantly, get her that emotional support and financial support. We can do it.

[Bert]

It must seem like such a huge mountain when you're in that situation that taking the very first step seems like almost impossible because it's such a Long road ahead. Is that why people can't get out? Because they just feel like, yeah, I'll take the first step, but I mean, I just don't want to deal with it. It's such a long process.

[Oneida]

You know what, Bert? You hit it on the head. Because what we try to tell our survivors at this point is not to look at the picture and to take. To take baby steps because it becomes overwhelming and then they get afraid and then they back off and then they go back to the abuser to take baby steps and we're here along the way and if there's any friends that are there that can support them during that period and just make sure that they know that you're there to help them no matter what. They will make it through this process, but don't allow them to see this big journey ahead of them. It's these little baby journeys that, that make that big journey.

[Bert]

If we were using Glenda yesterday as like the example, how many women will call you for help and then not follow up the next day?

[Oneida]

You know, speaking with Glenda, she's, she's. That. I know just that's going to do it. I really believe after speaking with her for, you know, for about 30 minutes that she's going to do it. She. She has the strength to do it. The process, the calls that I get, probably about 70% will not make that leap because they're too afraid. And they go back, but the numbers go lower and lower because as many times as they go back, they realize they hit their rock bottom and they will make that turn, hopefully. You know, I went back seven times, like I said, and my family gave up on me. But it was rock bottom. When I saw that it affected a family member, my sister's husband, you know, he went after him with a gun and that's when I was like, I can't do this to them. Sometimes we value other people's lives more than we value our own.

[Jen]

And the women that work with Jaden's letter have to promise not to go back to their abuser.

[Oneida]

Is that right, Jen? You're right. It's a one time only program. And that's why we make it that way so that they realize it's very serious. The assistance we give them is, you know, we give them financial assistance to get them out, monthly stipends, helping with schools. We'll sit down and reassess them and see that if they need more schooling so that they can in two years be okay to be self sufficient. And so it's a. It's a major, major program that if they. They realize what they're getting, and if they don't do the work, it's just one time only, and then, you know, that's it. And so they realize the importance of it and do the best that they can.

[Bert]

Good morning, Maria. You are part of the Burt Show. Hi.

[Oneida]

Hi. Good morning.

[Maria]

I'm already emotional.

[Oneida]

God bless you.

[Maria]

My sister is in that same situation, but it's not only her, it's her three kids as well. And she's left. And then she comes back. He promises he's not going to do it again, but it's not only emotional and physical, it's also sexual. And he always threatens that he's going to kill himself. He'll put a gun to his head. I mean, when the kids see him, they're trembling in fear. And we don't know how to get her out of that situation.

[Oneida]

Can you have her call me?

[Maria]

Yes, I sure can.

[Oneida]

Okay. But they have my number, and I'll give it out again. 603-205-4746. You have her call me, and I will talk to her. I will. I will try to meet with her, you know, if you. I understand how emotional that is for you because it's so hard for the families to stand there and watch something like this happen. But I'm begging you to stay with her and to. And to stay positive with her and be that friend, be that. That relative that doesn't let go because she really. It really is going to need your support.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Oneida]

Glenda was telling us yesterday to stay with her.

[Bert]

Glenda was telling us yesterday that her son bailed on her, you know, at this point. But I can sort of understand it also, because at some point. Yeah, at some point, you can only watch the abuse so long before you're like, I can't be. How much more of this can I take? You won't let me help you, you know.

[Oneida]

You know, in actuality, for Glenda's son to bail on her, it's probably a great push for her because after talking to her, you know, I know that that's going to motivate her a little bit more so that she can get that trust back from her son. Like I said, a lot of these women, they don't come back. I mean, they don't make that move until it affects their children or affects another family member. It's just really, really amazing. They won't protect themselves, but they'll protect others. And so, you know, just have her Call me. I will try to talk. Talk her through this and see where she's at with this and see what we can do.

[Bert]

Here's Ashley. Good morning, Ashley. You're on Q100.

[Oneida]

Hi. I have a question for Anita.

[Bert]

Sure.

[Oneida]

Yes.

[Glenda]

How do you help someone that doesn't want the help?

[Oneida]

You don't. If they don't want it, I can't do much about it. It's the people that call in to the Bright show that are seeking the help. They don't know the direction that they want to go. They don't know what to do. They don't know what resources are out there. Those are the people that are ready for the help. What I've learned in this organization is I can't seek the people that want the help. And if you have a friend that is, you know, you're telling them that they're being abused and they're like, no, I'm not. You can't help them right now. And it's really sad. But, I mean, even if they've already

[Glenda]

been to the hospital with broken bones and they have three children and you

[Oneida]

just have to watch them, you know, I think the key thing for you is to always be there. I know that it's hard. You know, you see all this happening and always have some resources there. Give her. You know, it's interesting. I've had a survivor that just graduated and she didn't.

[Glenda]

She.

[Oneida]

Her mother gave her our brochure, and she had it on her desk for a year before she called me. And she was ready to make that change. And she just graduated this past June. So there is that hope out there. Give them resources. Leave things on their desks. Get books for them. Go to Barnes and Nobles. Find domestic violence books. There's a whole section on it. Leave codependency books. Leave these books on their desk in their homes, and they'll pick it up and they'll read it. Leave pamphlets of shelters or Jaden's Ladder. I can send you a bunch of brochures that they know that they can make the call when they're ready and

[Bert]

all this information, because we're getting a whole bunch of calls saying, how can people help? Right over to jadensladder.org all right, Anita, keep us posted on Glenda, because I know we're gonna get a ton of emails and a ton of calls from people that really sort of feel like they're living it with her and have been through the same situation. So let us know she's okay. Okay.

[Oneida]

We're gonna do the best we can. Thank you guys. You guys are amazing.

[Bert]

Thanks, Oneita.

[Oneida]

Okay, bye bye.

[Bert]

Bye bye. And again, that's jaidensladder.org this is the

[Commercial Announcer]

Bird show with Vrbal's last minute deals. You can save over $50 on your spring getaway. So whether it's a mountain escape with friends, a family week at the beach, or sightseeing in a new city, there's still time to get great discounts. Book your next day now. Average savings $72. Select homes only.