The Bert Show – "Vault: We Helped Her Find A Date To Make Her Ex Jealous"

Date: March 23, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show revisits a classic listener storyline: helping a woman orchestrate a dramatic reunion with her ex by bringing a hot date to a party. The team dives into the hilarious, awkward, and ultimately human outcomes of trying to spark jealousy—and how that plan can go off the rails. Bert and the crew chat live with Jan, the listener at the heart of this story, and dissect the fallout from her big night out at Bitterball.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting Up the Jealousy Plan (01:02–02:07)

• Jan calls in: She wanted to make her ex jealous at Bitterball.
• Backstory: Jan told the show that her ex would be at the event, so she wanted an attractive date to show off.
• The Team’s Involvement: "If you’re gonna do that, do it right and get, like, a model." (Bird Show Male Host, 01:26)
• A modeling agency even reached out to provide options.

2. The Night Unfolds (02:10–03:16)

• Jan describes her date: "He was hot. He looked exactly how his picture did." (Jan, 02:20)
• Initial excitement turns sour: Her model date goes overboard with affection, and Jan admits:

  "I just started to get really annoyed by the guy. I never thought I’d get annoyed with a guy that hot ever." (Jan, 02:57)

• Twist: Jan’s friend is into the model, so Jan hands him off to her.

3. Running Into the Ex (03:31–04:50)

• Jan finally bumps into her ex, who’s flirting with someone else.
• Colorful commentary by the hosts:

  "So he’s hitting on the ugliest girl in the room. Okay." (Bird Show Female Host 1, 04:18)

• Jan’s bold move: She pinches her ex's butt to get his attention.
• Her thoughts: "I have to admit, I looked really, really good. I just wish he’d see me with the other guy." (Jan, 04:39)

4. An Unexpected Outcome (05:14–06:28)

• Jan and her ex reconnect:

  "I went home with him... I am so not proud of it." (Jan, 05:14 & 05:20)

• Hosts tease Jan about her intentions, asking if she planned this all along.
• Jan clarifies: "No, I had no intention with getting back with him at all. In fact, even after the weekend, I’m completely disgusted with the fact that I did do that." (Jan, 06:01)
• No post-party communication: "Oh, we haven’t spoken since." (Jan, 06:15)

5. Reflections & Lessons (06:28–08:00)

• Hosts joke about the “walk of shame” and share clever observations:

  "The thing about breakup sex is that you’re still broken up." (Bird Show Female Host 2, 06:53)

• Positive side note: Jan’s friend and the model have exchanged numbers and are talking.
• Jan wraps up:

  "I guess I kind of made my own mess. But I really do appreciate you guys... just kind of blew up in my face." (Jan, 07:34)

• Final take from the hosts: "Congratulations on hooking up at Bitterball. At least someone did." (Bird Show Male Host, 07:47)

Notable Quotes and Moments

• "He was hot. He looked exactly how his picture did."
  – Jan (02:20)
• "I never thought I’d get annoyed with a guy that hot ever."
  – Jan (02:57)
• "You just swapped the guy around like a piece of meat. That’s all he is to you, huh?"
  – Bird Show Male Host (03:31)
• "I looked really, really good. I just wish he’d see me with the other guy."
  – Jan (04:39)
• "I went home with him... I am so not proud of it."
  – Jan (05:14, 05:20)
• "The thing about breakup sex is that you’re still broken up."
  – Bird Show Female Host 2 (06:53)

Segment Timestamps

• 01:02 – Jan joins the show on a voice disguiser
• 02:10 – Jan details the Bitterball night and model date
• 03:31 – Jan swaps the model to her friend, then encounters her ex
• 04:37 – The iconic butt-pinch moment
• 05:14 – Jan reveals she went home with her ex
• 06:28 – Walk of shame and emotional aftermath
• 07:23 – Unexpected romance: friend and model begin talking
• 07:34 – Jan reflects on her choices and thanks the show

Tone & Style

Staying true to The Bert Show’s signature style, the discussion is candid, cheeky, and full of laughter, but always with an empathetic undertone toward Jan’s predicament. The hosts mix playful teasing with moments of real talk, creating an entertaining yet relatable recap of modern relationship chaos.

For listeners new to this saga, this episode serves as both a comedic cautionary tale and a celebration of just rolling with the messiness of post-breakup life—with a little help (and a lot of commentary) from your favorite morning show crew.