Vault: We Helped Her Find A Date To Make Her Ex Jealous

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: We Helped Her Find A Date To Make Her Ex Jealous"

Date: March 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show revisits a classic listener storyline: helping a woman orchestrate a dramatic reunion with her ex by bringing a hot date to a party. The team dives into the hilarious, awkward, and ultimately human outcomes of trying to spark jealousy—and how that plan can go off the rails. Bert and the crew chat live with Jan, the listener at the heart of this story, and dissect the fallout from her big night out at Bitterball.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting Up the Jealousy Plan (01:02–02:07)

• Jan calls in: She wanted to make her ex jealous at Bitterball.
• Backstory: Jan told the show that her ex would be at the event, so she wanted an attractive date to show off.
• The Team’s Involvement: "If you’re gonna do that, do it right and get, like, a model." (Bird Show Male Host, 01:26)
• A modeling agency even reached out to provide options.

2. The Night Unfolds (02:10–03:16)

• Jan describes her date: "He was hot. He looked exactly how his picture did." (Jan, 02:20)
• Initial excitement turns sour: Her model date goes overboard with affection, and Jan admits:

  "I just started to get really annoyed by the guy. I never thought I’d get annoyed with a guy that hot ever." (Jan, 02:57)

• Twist: Jan’s friend is into the model, so Jan hands him off to her.

3. Running Into the Ex (03:31–04:50)

• Jan finally bumps into her ex, who’s flirting with someone else.
• Colorful commentary by the hosts:

  "So he’s hitting on the ugliest girl in the room. Okay." (Bird Show Female Host 1, 04:18)

• Jan’s bold move: She pinches her ex's butt to get his attention.
• Her thoughts: "I have to admit, I looked really, really good. I just wish he’d see me with the other guy." (Jan, 04:39)

4. An Unexpected Outcome (05:14–06:28)

• Jan and her ex reconnect:

  "I went home with him... I am so not proud of it." (Jan, 05:14 & 05:20)

• Hosts tease Jan about her intentions, asking if she planned this all along.
• Jan clarifies: "No, I had no intention with getting back with him at all. In fact, even after the weekend, I’m completely disgusted with the fact that I did do that." (Jan, 06:01)
• No post-party communication: "Oh, we haven’t spoken since." (Jan, 06:15)

5. Reflections & Lessons (06:28–08:00)

• Hosts joke about the “walk of shame” and share clever observations:

  "The thing about breakup sex is that you’re still broken up." (Bird Show Female Host 2, 06:53)

• Positive side note: Jan’s friend and the model have exchanged numbers and are talking.
• Jan wraps up:

  "I guess I kind of made my own mess. But I really do appreciate you guys... just kind of blew up in my face." (Jan, 07:34)

• Final take from the hosts: "Congratulations on hooking up at Bitterball. At least someone did." (Bird Show Male Host, 07:47)

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• "He was hot. He looked exactly how his picture did."
  – Jan (02:20)
• "I never thought I’d get annoyed with a guy that hot ever."
  – Jan (02:57)
• "You just swapped the guy around like a piece of meat. That’s all he is to you, huh?"
  – Bird Show Male Host (03:31)
• "I looked really, really good. I just wish he’d see me with the other guy."
  – Jan (04:39)
• "I went home with him... I am so not proud of it."
  – Jan (05:14, 05:20)
• "The thing about breakup sex is that you’re still broken up."
  – Bird Show Female Host 2 (06:53)

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Segment Timestamps

• 01:02 – Jan joins the show on a voice disguiser
• 02:10 – Jan details the Bitterball night and model date
• 03:31 – Jan swaps the model to her friend, then encounters her ex
• 04:37 – The iconic butt-pinch moment
• 05:14 – Jan reveals she went home with her ex
• 06:28 – Walk of shame and emotional aftermath
• 07:23 – Unexpected romance: friend and model begin talking
• 07:34 – Jan reflects on her choices and thanks the show

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Tone & Style

Staying true to The Bert Show’s signature style, the discussion is candid, cheeky, and full of laughter, but always with an empathetic undertone toward Jan’s predicament. The hosts mix playful teasing with moments of real talk, creating an entertaining yet relatable recap of modern relationship chaos.

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For listeners new to this saga, this episode serves as both a comedic cautionary tale and a celebration of just rolling with the messiness of post-breakup life—with a little help (and a lot of commentary) from your favorite morning show crew.

Transcript

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[Bird Show Host]

This is the Bird Show.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Hey, Good morning, Jan. How are you?

[Jan]

Good. How are you guys?

[Bird Show Male Host]

Good. Can you speak up nice and loud for us? Because we're going to keep you on the voice disguiser.

[Jan]

Oh, okay.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Did you enjoy Bitterball on Saturday night?

[Jan]

Well, yes. There were some good parts and some not so good parts.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Oh, no.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Now, the only thing that I know is Jan came on with us on Friday morning, said that her ex was definitely going to Bitterball and that he would be there, and she wanted to get in front of him and have a guy totally be into her and all over her. And I think it was the ladies of the show, Jen and Melissa and Wendy, who said, if you're gonna do that, do it right and get, like, a model. Make sure the dude who is hanging all over you straight up is flawless. So Tracy actually did get a bunch of emails. We even got a call from a modeling agency, if I'm not mistaken, who said that they would be willing to help out. And TR. Tracy did indeed set up a. You had a model on standby, Correct.

[Jan]

Tracy hooked me up with this guy that was really. He was.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

He was hot.

[Jan]

He was really hot.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Okay, so tell us about the night.

[Jan]

Well, a girlfriend went with me, you know, just to kind of break the ice. But I talked to the guy that Tracy hooked me up with, right. And he seemed really cool. So we just all decided to, you know, meet up at Bitterball. And he was hot. He looked exactly how his picture did. So I was totally excited. And so we were just hanging out. Didn't see my ex at all. And this guy did exactly What I wanted. He hung all over me and went way over the top, though. I'm even like, I don't even think my ex saw us when we were

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

together, you know, when he was hanging all over me, which was pretty much the whole time. And, you know, I had a couple drinks and it stopped being funny, you know, And I just started to get really annoyed by the guy. I never thought I'd get annoyed with a guy that hot ever.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Really?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Aw.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Now, were you annoyed because you just mentioned that your ex boyfriend did not see you two?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Well, yeah, I mean, that was, I'm sure, a huge part of it, but, you know, he really was all over me. But my girlfriend, I could tell she was really, really into him. So I was like, hey, do you want to hang out with him? And she was totally all about it. So I left them alone.

[Bird Show Male Host]

You just swapped the guy around like a piece of meat. That's all he is to you, huh?

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

I'm sure he didn't mind.

[Bird Show Male Host]

I want to know what this guy

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

looks like, you know?

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

So does your ex boyfriend not see you because he wasn't there or because you guys just didn't bump into each other?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Well, he was there because we hadn't bumped into each other at that point. But I left them alone, and I was walking around and I ran into him, and he was totally hitting on this girl that was really, really, you know, skanky or whatever.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

So of course she was.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

She really, really was. I'm not just being like, you know, the jealous I know. Okay, gross.

[Bird Show Male Host]

So that's the ex girlfriend coming out.

[Jan]

Yeah.

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

So he's.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

He's hitting. He's hitting on the ugliest girl in the room. Okay.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

So I kind of had to break that up. You know, we started talking.

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

What'd you do? Did you just walk up and interrupt the conversation?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Well, I pinched his butt to get his attention.

[Bird Show Male Host]

While he's talking to the other girl.

[Jan]

Yeah.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

And then he turned around and there I was. And I have to admit, I looked really, really good. So I really didn't mind him seeing me. I just wish he'd see me with the other guy.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Right.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

I just want to make him jealous.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Now, just out of curiosity, when you saw him, why didn't he just run back and get the model dude and be like, all right, I got to borrow you real quick. I found him. And then go back to where he was?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

That's exactly what my friends asked. I don't know. I don't know. I'd had a couple drinks, and you Know, it just felt so comfortable talking to him.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

And so what happened?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

I went home with him.

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

You guys went back for the double dip.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Oh, I know. I am so not proud of it.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Are you two going to get back together?

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

But you intended to do that, though. You intended to do that this whole time.

[Bird Show Male Host]

By the time when you got to the point where you. Like when you saw him and you made the decision to get his attention by pinching his butt, at that point, you pretty much took the keys to his apartment out of his pocket.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

No, she intended to do this when she wanted to set herself up with somebody hot. So he'd be jealous.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Right. Because then he would fight for her. Is that you're thinking?

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Yeah. Her whole intention was to make him jealous, which, I mean, of course understood. Hello. Everybody would be in that situation. But you wanted to be sure and get with him again.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

No, I had no intention with getting back with him at all. In fact, even after the weekend, I'm completely disgusted with the fact that I. That I did do that, you know?

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

And how did yesterday end with you guys?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Oh, we haven't spoken since.

[Jan]

Okay.

[Bird Show Male Host]

So did you know, did you go back to his place or he go to yours?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

We went back to his place.

[Bird Show Male Host]

And how long after you opened your eyes in the morning did you leave?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

I left immediately. Okay.

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

Yeah. That's a walk of shame that you don't want to linger. You don't want to linger in that

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

when you're just out of a relationship and you have a couple drinks, you just kind of tend to gravitate towards what's comfortable.

[Bird Show Male Host]

Sure. And just so you know, anybody who saw you in the apartment complex parking lot, walk into your car or waiting for the taxi, carrying your shoes and wearing clothes that you clearly would be wearing to a bitterball type event, never once thought that you had hooked up.

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

Yeah, I love seeing those on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Those are really fun. But I will say, it reminds me of this ad from one of my gossip magazines or whatever for that movie. He's just not that into you. It says, the thing about breakup sex is that you're still broken up.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Yeah.

[Bird Show Male Host]

So is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

No, it's just reminding you things. Even when you go back for it, you're still broken up. Cause I think sometimes women are confused about this.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Exactly. Now, your friend and the model, how'd that work out?

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

Oh, yeah, well, actually, he gave her his number and they've been talking, so.

[Bird Show Female Host 1]

Oh, awesome.

[Bird Show Male Host]

All right. See, some good comment came of it.

[Bird Show Female Guest (Jan's Friend)]

I guess I kind of made my own mess. But I really do appreciate you guys going, especially Tracy trying to help me find somebody that would make him jealous to just kind of blew up in my face.

[Bird Show Male Host]

That's cool. Well, well done from all the guys out there. We appreciate your liberal form of thinking and it really is nice. So congratulations on hooking up at Betterball. At least someone did. Yeah.

[Bird Show Female Host 2]

Aw.

[Bird Show Host]

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