Vault: Were These Women Mean To Her Because Of Her Looks?

Summary

Podcast Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Were These Women Mean To Her Because Of Her Looks?

Date: January 26, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & Others

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode centers on a lively, sometimes contentious debate: Are highly attractive women treated differently—sometimes less kindly—when they confidently enter a new group of women? The cast discusses whether physical attractiveness requires a different social approach and solicits listener calls for real-world experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Social Dynamics of Attractiveness

• Setting the Scene: Host A recounts a recent group hangout where a particularly attractive woman confidently entered a circle of women, instantly joining conversations and joking with the group ([00:00]–[02:30]).

  • Jessica’s Take: Jessica, A's partner, observed that attractive women are expected to be "more humble" and let the group accept them; boldness from a very attractive woman was perceived as “too bold for her looks.”
  • Unwritten Rule Exposed: "If you are very physically attractive, you have to approach a group of other women differently than if you were not as attractive." – Host A ([01:58])

• Gender Group Reactions:

  • The idea is that less attractive women can more easily join and be accepted, while highly attractive women evoke more skepticism or defensiveness.
  • Host B: "So the formula is, the more attractive, the more humble you have to be... as to not threaten the other women at the table." ([02:20])

2. Does This Apply to Men?

• Host A believes similar dynamics exist for men—good looking, bold men may initially be regarded with suspicion but can quickly win over a male group if they demonstrate friendliness ([05:28]–[06:54]).
• Male Perspective: Host B disagrees, saying, "Guys look at another good looking guy as an asset... Whereas women don't look at another good looking woman as an asset to their group." ([05:41])

3. Is Relationship Status a Factor?

• Some cast members suggest that a woman’s relationship status (single vs married) might change her group reception—if she is married, her being bold and attractive is less threatening ([04:11], [10:11]).
  • "If she's a married woman coming into the group, I think all bets are off and she's still accepted." – C ([04:11])
  • Host A rebuts that in their scenario, status was unknown and did not matter to Jessica ([10:33]).

4. Listener Perspectives: "Pretty Privilege" or "Pretty Problems"?

• Kimberly Calls In ([07:31]):
  • Agrees with the theory: "When I go and I'm meeting a group of girls, I know ahead of time that... I've got to shut my mouth, be really, really friendly and wait for an opportunity to throw a funny comment in or something."
  • Explains that there is a stereotype that attractive women are arrogant, leading to a frosty initial reaction from other women ([08:22]).
• Erica Calls In ([10:37]):
  • Disputes the existence of this rule: “That's the most bogus rule I've ever heard of. ... If they're prettier, awesome. I want to hang out with pretty people.” ([10:39])
• Lita Calls In ([11:18]):
  • Shares that she notices a change in service or attitude—including at drive-thrus—once people see her looks: "It's intimidation or something... It's like, where does the cattiness come from?" ([11:21])
  • Notes even men confess they presumed she’d be “conceited,” but are surprised by her friendliness ([11:47]).

5. Celebrity Perspective

• The hosts recall how Jessica Alba complained that being very attractive made men too intimidated to approach her, leading to fewer dating opportunities than people assume ([12:11]–[12:43]).
  • "You just assume that beautiful women... have the pick of the bar. ... The truth is ... so many guys are so scared to go up to them that they're sitting there alone." – B ([12:31])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s kind of an unwritten rule with women: if you are very physically attractive, you have to approach a group of other women differently than if you were not as attractive.” – A ([01:58])
• “So the formula is, the more attractive, the more humble you have to be as to not threaten the other women at the table.” – B ([02:20])
• “I think that it depends on the personality of the person, regardless of how attractive they are...” – C ([04:03])
• “Guys look at another good looking guy as an asset... Whereas women don't look at another good looking woman as an asset to their group.” – B ([05:41])
• “I know that I can clean up... I've got certain attributes that are appealing. When I go and I'm meeting a group of girls, I know ahead of time that... I've got to shut my mouth, be really, really friendly and wait for an opportunity to throw a funny comment in.” – Kimberly, caller ([07:34], [08:13])
• “There's a general stereotype that prettier girls are...more arrogant, stuck up, snobby. And so the automatic reaction from other women is to give them a cold shoulder.” – Kimberly, caller ([08:22])
• “I want to hang out with pretty people.” – Erica, caller ([10:39])
• “As soon as I pull up and they see you, I don't know what it is. It's intimidation or something. ... It's almost as if they throw the food at you.” – Lita, caller ([11:21])
• “You just assume that beautiful women...have the pick of the bar...but so many guys are so scared to go up to them that they're sitting there alone.” – B ([12:31])

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–02:30 – Story setup: The bar, social split, and the entrance of the bold, attractive woman
• 02:30–04:02 – Explaining the “unwritten rule” and group reactions
• 05:28–06:58 – Applying the idea to men and debating gender differences
• 07:31–08:49 – Kimberly calls in to confirm the phenomenon
• 10:39–10:52 – Erica calls in to dispute the rule
• 11:18–12:01 – Lita shares experiences of “pretty problems” even in non-social settings
• 12:11–12:43 – Recalling Jessica Alba’s comments about beauty and intimidation

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Tone & Style

The tone is candid, humorous, occasionally teasing, and often playful. Listeners and hosts alike poke fun at the absurdities of social conventions, while also exposing genuine annoyances and anxieties about attractiveness and acceptance.

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Conclusion

The episode ultimately surfaces an array of perspectives:

• Some, like Jessica and Kimberly, strongly believe that high attractiveness requires greater humility for social acceptance among women.
• Others (Erica) see these “rules” as dated or nonsensical.
• The male hosts debate how similar dynamics might—or might not—play out between men. The conversation is left open-ended, with the sense that, while many women do feel pressured to “tone down” their personalities in new groups, others cherish confidence regardless of looks.

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For listeners, this episode offers a relatable, sometimes funny window into group dynamics and the unspoken “rules” of socializing—especially when beauty is part of the equation.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show. So a couple weeks ago, Jessica and I were out with a whole group of friends. And, I mean, it was nothing formal. Like, we were just kind of hanging out at a bar, and it wasn't crowded, so it was a cool time, you know, like, wasn't too loud. Everybody could talk. Everybody's hanging out. So as the natural progression of socializing goes, the men had all made their way up and were hanging around the bar, and the women had made their way to a table, and they were all kind of sitting around a table.

[B]

It always goes back to the eighth grade, doesn't it? Like the eighth grade dance. Guys on one side, girls on the other.

[A]

Everybody's got to get separated, right? So it splits up like that, and people are in their, you know, their own group. And then another group like that we. That every. That knew everybody, you know, pretty much within the same group, makes their way into the bar. So we see them, and we're, you know, happy to see these people that we hadn't seen. And among this added group was a girl that some of us knew and some of us didn't. So that group naturally follows the same progression and splits up into, you know, two. Two separate groups and gender groups. Gender groups, yeah. And so now there's a bigger group of guys and a bigger group of girls, and everything seems to be fine until the next day when, you know, Jessica and I are doing the recon that happens after a night out. We're like, what'd you guys talk about at your table? I don't know. What'd you guys talk about at the bar? And you're filling each other in on the gossip that you learn, and then finding out what the true story is when you piece the guy's version to the girl's version. And the thing that she said to me that stood out is one of the girls who came in with the second party was one of the new girls who didn't know anyone was extremely attractive and too bold for her looks.

[B]

Too bold for her looks?

[A]

Too bold for her looks. And I asked what that meant, and Jessica said, there's kind of an unwritten rule with women that the more physically attractive you are, the different. If you are very physically attractive, you have to approach a group of other women differently than if you were not as attractive.

[B]

So the formula is, the more attractive, the. The more humble that you have to be kind of as to not threaten the other women at the table.

[A]

Yes. And she didn't really realize that until we started talking through it. And she just Explained that this girl who was very hot came in and was like, hi, hey everybody, my name's. Went around, introduced herself to everybody, sat down at the table, made herself comfortable, and then immediately started talking in the conversation and joking and everything and was a part of it. And Jessica's like number one. That's weird to begin with because you have to. You can't just sit down at a table and start joking. But the fact that she was on a scale of 1 to 10, she was on closer to a 10 then that made it. Jessica explained that it's just known that if you're that attractive, you have to almost be humble and let the group accept you. Whereas if you are not as great looking, then it's okay to come in and. Because you're not a threat. And even though like most of the guys were paired off either in long term relationships or.

[B]

And this hottie was approaching the girl group, not the guy group.

[A]

Yeah. And you know, so it wasn't like a threat situation, like, oh, who's this girl here, you know, invading our group. Like it was pretty well separated. And Jessica was just like, yeah, like if you are not as physically attractive, it's easier for you to be accepted by a group of women. If you are very attractive, then you should know that there's a way to approach. And I got the impression from her that she had talked about this. Like, this is something that was fairly well known and accepted.

[B]

Y' all buy it?

[C]

See, I think that it depends on the personality of the person, regardless of how attractive they are. Because, because like, I'm trying to imagine.

[B]

Are you being PC now or do you really believe that?

[C]

No, no, no. I'm saying I'm just trying to imagine me and my girlfriend sitting around and a new person approaching the group and a new person, regardless of what they look like, just all of a sudden acting like they were like in on our jokes or in on our conversation or just like making themselves the center of attention, I think would be rejected regardless of what they look like. But Jessica may have a point that if it were a less attractive person, maybe it's less threatening or it depends to me on that person's relationship status. Is it status if she's very attractive and she's a married woman coming into the group, I think all bets are off and she's still accepted. I think if she's a single woman who's that attractive coming in, trying to make herself whatever, even though it's just with the women, then maybe she's rejected. I think if you think, well, I.

[A]

Don'T know, I did, I thought. But finish your thought, Melissa, because I, I think, I don't necessarily agree with that, but I don't hear your take more.

[D]

I think it'd be different if the men weren't there. If she was somebody that, let's say her boyfriend's name's Mark. So she walks in and she recognizes Jessica and say, hey, I saw you over here, I'm so and so and Mark's girlfriend. And then she just introduces herself to the group and stuff. I think the attitude would be different if the men weren't in the room than being in the room because I think her attractiveness, whether she's shy or got a big personality for some women, it doesn't matter.

[A]

I thought about it and think that not only does it apply to women, but it applies to men as well.

[D]

You think?

[A]

Yep, yep.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Yes, it totally does.

[B]

I think guys look at another good looking guy as an asset to their group because he'll bring over good looking women. Whereas women don't look at another good looking woman as an asset to their group.

[A]

I think it, I think it's on a different level and I don't think it affects guys nearly as much and it's easier for guys to get past it. But I think the initial approach, if you are a 9 or a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of physical attractiveness, I think the initial approach puts the other people in the group off. For example, Bert, you're out with all your guys and another guy wanders up who knows one of you, and he's too bold and too comfortable. I'm sorry, he's bold and he's comfortable and he's too good looking. Like he's like a 10 and everybody knows it. And he's drawn, dressed perfect and his hair's perfect and he's like, this guy could be like a model, you know what I mean? Like, you guys would be a little put off. The difference is within five minutes if he's charming and nice and funny and buys a round of beers and the guys are over it. Whereas the girls, I think that initial thing sits in their brain for a while and they have to break it down like. And I think the guys will say, I might say to Burt, did you believe that guy came strutting up here? He turned out to be a cool guy, but for a minute I thought he was going to be like, well.

[B]

First we'd go, well, I wish he would have just said he was gay, right?

[A]

Clearly he's that good looking. He's that physically attractive. He clearly.

[B]

I would like to talk to some of these women, I mean really good looking women that really believe that that's either true or false.

[D]

Well, we're going to judge them just because they'll call up and say they're that good looking.

[B]

I guess so, maybe. But I mean, I wonder if there are women that are like, okay, I know I'm pretty and I know that there's a certain that I have to act differently because people are almost put off by my good looks. Like it doesn't work in my favor, it works against me. I don't know if Kimberly is one of those. Hey Kimberly, good morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hey you guys, good morning.

[D]

Good morning.

[E]

I gotta tell ya, it is absolutely true. Now I know that I probably wouldn't go ahead and rate myself a 10 out of 10, but I know that I can clean up. I know that I've got certain attributes that are appealing. Bottom line is when I go and I'm meeting a group of girls, I know ahead of time that in order to get kind of like, I don't know, the advantage, I've got to shut my mouth, be really, really friendly and wait for an opportunity to throw a funny comment in or something like that.

[B]

So you say it's true. As a general rule, the prettier you are, the more humble you have to be at first impression.

[E]

I think there's a general stereotype that prettier girls are not nice, but they're a little bit more arrogant, stuck up, snobby. And so the automatic reaction from other women is to give them a cold.

[C]

Shoulder even if there's guys around or no guys around.

[E]

I don't think it has anything to do with guys.

[D]

I think it has everything to do with guys. I absolutely think it has everything to do with guys.

[A]

I don't think it has anything to do with guys either. I think it I. Because I mean, the one that I saw was completely separate and I even.

[D]

Asked Jessica, but the guys were in the room though.

[A]

It doesn't matter. Jessica said it didn't matter if the girl was married. I think one of the explanations Jessica offered, not as like she couldn't explain why she felt that way, but one of the explanations that she offered was that if somebody walked in who's like a 10 out of 10, is super hot and looks great and is dressed nice and has the whole package, Jessica's like, oh, look at this girl. She's already got everything going for her. So it might just be the cattiness of women who automatically want to dislike her. And then when she comes in and she's like bold and confident, she's like, hi, my name's Melissa. And she's shaking everybody's hand and everybody's like, nice. And then she sits down and asks something intelligent to add to the conversation. And Jessica said it's just in the nature of women to be annoyed by that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the prettier woman has to work differently. Not hard, not necessarily harder, but differently to belong to that group. And on the converse, if you're on the low end of that scale, you need to come in and be smart and funny and shake everyone's hand and make yourself.

[B]

I think it's just the opposite for guys. I think that if you're a good looking guy, you're accepted to the group almost immediately. That there's no threat to it at all. That guys want to be around other good looking guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they're going to attract hotties.

[C]

See, I think with, with the situation with Jessica, I think the, the relationship status of that good looking woman has everything to do with how she's accepted or not. If she's a married woman and she comes in that bold and that confidently, to me it's like all bets are off. But if she comes in as a single woman, I think it's different. And I do think that you reject her.

[A]

The girl we're talking about, Jessica, had no idea what her relationship, what her status was.

[B]

Hey, Erica, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[E]

Hi. I think that's the most bogus rule I've ever heard of. I do, I've never heard that. I appreciate somebody that comes up that's confident no matter what they look like. If they're prettier, awesome. I want to hang out with pretty people.

[D]

I think also I know that they're making the argument the men don't matter, but it's not often you're going to find a girl walking into a bar, walking into a club, or being somewhere where she's just going to walk up to a group of women and friends with them. A lot of women have been friends for a while and the way you meet is through other people in relationships. And in that scenario, every the couples were coupled off and she comes into the group of women whose men were somewhere else in that same arena. And I think that has everything to do with the attitude.

[B]

Hey, Lita, Good Morning. You're on Q100. What's up?

[E]

Hey, I was just calling. This has totally happened to me and it's crazy. I've even gone to a drive through window and obviously they can't see you there. As soon as I pull up and they see you, I don't know what it is. It's intimidation or something. And it's almost as if they throw the food at you. It's like, where does the gaddiness come from? I'm like, my God.

[B]

So you think you get discriminated against and this is a conversation we've had before. You think you get discriminated against because you're good looking?

[E]

Yeah, always. And even guys, they'll say, you know what, I just thought you would have been conceited. I was intimidated to even approach you. I'm like, what are you talking about? They're like, oh, you're so nice. And I'm thinking, I can't be nice because I. I'm attractive.

[B]

Yeah, I want that kind of problem. I love that kind of problem.

[D]

I could never say that about myself. What, you expected me because I'm attractive?

[A]

We talked about.

[D]

I can't. Yeah, I don't see myself that way.

[A]

We've talked about that before, like when we've had celebrities in studio, like super hot celebrities. I remember specifically it was Jessica Alba.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And Bert asked her something about her dating life or something like that. And she's like, I wish I had one. But guys just get so freaked out because, you know, she goes, I don't know if it's because I'm attractive or because I was in movies or whatever. Just guys won't even talk to me.

[B]

You just assume that beautiful women have. When they walk into a bar, as a guy, you just assume that they have the pick of the bar. And the truth is that in a lot of cases, so many guys are so scared to go up to them that they're sitting there alone.

[D]

I can believe that. I can believe beautiful women having not as much of a dating life as people think for that reason about going through a drive thru and somebody practically throwing your food at you. Well, they, you know what, everybody goes to a drive through and they're not the most friendly people in the world.

[A]

Here's your McNuggets, you skinny little.

[D]

Because I'm pretty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love the women that think they're just so hot.

[D]

Like, oh my gosh, she's throwing attitude in me because I'm so pretty.

[A]

Well, it's funny you bring that up, Bert, because we have one of those women sitting amongst us.

[B]

How's that?

[A]

Because when I originally told this story last week, when you were out off the air, like, we were just sitting around talking afterwards, the event we were at, Jen was there and comes up to me the next day and says, hey, I wasn't the one who was too bold, right?

[C]

No, I didn't think it was because. No, I didn't think it was because of that.

[B]

Did you approach me and go, am I that beautiful woman that you're talking about? No.

[C]

Jeff's calling me out, but it's only because there was a situation where I was introduced to, or I introduced myself to one of Jessica's friends, and it was a very awkward introduction.

[B]

Yeah, because you're pretty and you're too bold.

[C]

I was at a table full of people.

[A]

It was very different. It was really awkward when I had to explain to Javi, she's an a hole, that she's only like a six and a half or seven. I mean, it's really uncomfortable to tell someone that I wasn't doing it.

[E]

At that part of it, I really.

[C]

Thought I had ticked off the friend of mine.

[A]

Jessica, the Birch Show.