Vault: What actors should play Bert Show members?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – "What actors should play Bert Show members?"

Date: June 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively episode takes a playful detour as the Bert Show crew discuss which celebrities listeners think should portray each cast member in a fictional TV adaptation of their morning radio show. Inspired by co-host Jeff’s trip to LA to pitch TV show ideas—including one loosely based on the show itself—the conversation unpacks the emotional highs (and lows) of crowd-sourced celeb casting. The result is a funny, self-aware, and sometimes merciless look at how listeners perceive the Bert Show cast.

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Jeff’s LA TV Pitch (02:05 – 03:10)

• Jeff reveals he’s heading to LA to meet with industry contacts and brainstorm possible TV concepts, some of which are very loosely inspired by the Bert Show.
• “The way television moves—it’s very slowly. So just a few months ago, those ideas started to turn into reality.” (Jeff, 02:17)
• Idea: A sitcom built around a radio show “with five participants—three females, two males. Well, three females and one and a half males.” (Jeff, 03:15)

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The Listener Casting Game (03:10 – 04:18)

• Inspired by talk of a TV adaptation, Bert (Bird) asks listeners on Facebook and Twitter to choose which celebrities should play each Bert Show member.
• No explanations required—just names, limited by social media character counts.
• “Some you’ll be flattered by, others you’re gonna be oh no.” (Host (Bird), 01:53)

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The Big Reveal: Who Would Play Whom?

Bert (Host – Bird) (04:18 – 05:16)

• Most common suggestion: Steve Carell
  “Steve Carell was the one that came up more than any other.” (Bird, 04:18)
• Ben Stiller & Kevin Connolly (“E” from Entourage)—likely for personality and stature.
• Flattering comparisons drop off with:
  • “Any one of the Oompa Loompas. Oh, that was fun.” (Bird, 04:50)
  • “Verne Troyer was suggested more than once.” (Bird, 04:57)
• Other notables: Owen Wilson (“I would lobby for Owen Wilson…” – Jeff, 05:17), Jason Biggs, Rob Diedrich, Will Smith (in jest).

Jen (Co-host) (05:40 – 06:07)

• All positive, A-list suggestions:
  • Amy Smart
  • Jennifer Aniston
  • Kate Hudson
  • Portia de Rossi
  • Reese Witherspoon
  • Julia Roberts
  • “And the one that came up more than all others was Renee Zellweger.” (Bird, 05:40)
• “I get that sometimes, even in person because I have really tiny eyes and so does she. So when we smile, they kind of disappear. But I think that’s a compliment.” (Jen, 05:58)

Melissa (Co-host) (06:07 – 07:01)

• Wide range, from flattering to typecast:
  • Melissa Etheridge, Jodie Foster (“because of the lesbian tie in…”)
  • Anna Faris (“She’s got blonde hair. She’s one of those. Pretty, right?” — Bird/Jeff, 06:29)
  • Tina Fey, Ellen DeGeneres, Helen Hunt, Chelsea Handler, Janine Garofalo, Wanda Sykes.
• “The bar is set different for Melissa, who is not in here right now…” (Bird, 06:11)

Wendy (Another co-host) (07:01 – 07:40)

• Drew Barrymore, Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan, Audrina Patridge, Britney Spears, Keri Russell, Megan Fox.
• “And now that you’re feeling good about yourself—Snooki.” (Bird, 07:40)
  • Melissa’s reaction: “I would love her to play me because I think she’s hilarious.” (Melissa, 07:46)

Jeff (Co-host and LA Pitcher) (07:50 – 08:45)

• List starts with deceased beloved comedians:
  • Chris Farley, John Candy.
  • “That one’s gonna be a little difficult to take care of.” (Bird, 07:54)
• Other suggestions:
  • Ricky Gervais, Vince Vaughn, Seth Rogen, Zach Galifianakis, Jack Black, Kevin James.
• “Yeah, either Tom Cruise or Jeremy Piven.” (Jeff, 08:39, tongue-in-cheek)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If Owen Wilson played you in a movie and then people met you in real life, they would say, ‘Oh, my God, your nose hasn’t screwed up at all.’ The bar would be set...the illusion to be the nose doesn’t look like his.” (Jeff, 05:17–05:33, riffing with Bird over nose jokes)
• “There are none that are offensive on your list at all. All complimentary. … The bar is set different for Melissa.” (Bird, 05:40 & 06:11, comparing how cast members are perceived)
• “I would love [Snooki] to play me because I think she’s hilarious.” (Melissa, 07:46)
• When playing along with the less flattering roles: “Verne Troyer was suggested more than once also.” (Bird, 04:57)

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Reflections on Listener Choices and Celebrity Perception (08:45 – 09:31)

• Jeff jokes about “checking Facebook later” to see Tom Cruise or Jeremy Piven suggested for himself—possibly by himself.
• The segment circles back to the TV pitch, with Jeff musing that regardless of the outcome, “it’s still really cool that I’m gonna be sitting in a room with people who are writers and creative types.” (Jeff, 08:58)
• The exchange highlights how both public perception and humor are central to the Bert Show’s style.

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Episode Takeaways

• The Bert Show team approaches both praise and ribbing with self-deprecating humor and camaraderie.
• Listeners’ castings reflect both physical and personality-based perceptions of each member.
• Jeff’s real-life prospect of adapting the Bert Show to TV adds a fun meta layer to the segment.
• The cast muses on both celebrity likeness and the wider theme: How would their personalities be interpreted on screen?

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Jeff’s TV pitch details: 02:05–03:10
• Listener casting game explained: 03:10–04:18
• Celebrity suggestions for Bert: 04:18–05:16
• Celebrity suggestions for Jen: 05:40–06:07
• Celebrity suggestions for Melissa & Wendy: 06:07–07:40
• Celebrity suggestions for Jeff: 07:50–08:45
• Close & reflections on LA pitch: 08:45–09:31

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Conclusion

This episode is classic Bert Show: quick-witted, open to both compliments and gentle roasting, and engaging for listeners who love to peek behind the curtain at both the realities and the “what ifs” of their favorite morning crew.

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Transcript

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[Host (Bird)]

Hey, the Burch Show. So I posed the question yesterday on Facebook and on Twitter. If we were gonna get real celebrities to play us in Jeff's TV show that he is pitching this weekend in la, who would they be? It's an emotional roller coaster of answers.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I saw this yesterday and I. Why is it an emotional roller coaster of answers?

[Host (Bird)]

Some you'll be flattered, by others you're

[Co-host (Melissa)]

gonna be oh no.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Oh, so people told you who should play us?

[Host (Bird)]

Yes, that's funny. Reset what you're doing out in LA this weekend because this is a pretty cool thing that Jeff's doing.

[Jeff]

I just have a couple, well, one meeting with a couple people who years ago I had some ideas for TV shows. And it was a big list of ideas, and I sent it to some people who had connections in la. And the way television moves, it's very slowly. So just a few months ago, those ideas started to turn into reality. And then this weekend, on Friday, actually, I'll be spending some time with people in Los Angeles, and it's gonna be brainstorming a couple of those ideas that they have selected that may actually have legs to see if they could eventually turn into scripts and then pilots and then TV shows.

[Host (Bird)]

It's pretty cool.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I mean, really cool.

[Host (Bird)]

So by the end of the weekend, you know, Jeff may be like a creator of a TV show.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

That's rad.

[Host (Bird)]

Pretty cool.

[Jeff]

I'm a creator, and if not, I'm going to make myself a fancy blog.

[Host (Bird)]

So one of the shows that Jeff was considering pitching loosely. Loosely would be based on things that happen here at Q100 on the morning show, right?

[Jeff]

Yeah, probably. You just said too much. So let's.

[Host (Bird)]

Okay, this is what you told us yesterday, though. You said one was based on radio.

[Jeff]

Very loosely based on, let's say, a fictional radio show that has five participants on it. Three females, two males. Well, three females and one and a half males.

[Host (Bird)]

But we have to run one of those scrollers at the end that say if these characters in any way resemble real life, it's bs, right?

[Jeff]

Like they do at the end of every episode of Law and Order or

[Co-host (Jen)]

at the beginning of every book.

[Jeff]

Yeah, so I mentioned that yesterday. I said one of them's radio based. And I think Burr was the one who said, or somebody shouted out, you know, like, I want George Clooney to play me. That was actually me who shouted that out.

[Host (Bird)]

I'm sure it might have just been in your head.

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[Jeff]

But like, as soon as I said that there might be a radio association with it, somebody said, yelled out who? They wanted to play them in the show. So I think that's what gave you the idea to let the listeners cast all of us is fascinating.

[Host (Bird)]

So here would be some of the potential celebrities in Hollywood that could be cast in our TV show or as us in. In the TV show.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Did they explain why or just send names?

[Host (Bird)]

I didn't ask for an explanation.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Okay.

[Host (Bird)]

And it's a little tough to do when you've got 140 characters. So for me, Steve Carell was the one that came up more than any other

[Jeff]

physical resemblance there didn't bother me.

[Host (Bird)]

Ben Stiller, I was okay with that. That's cool.

[Jeff]

That's a good one.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That's a really good one.

[Host (Bird)]

Kevin Connolly from Entourage.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

E, I'm trying to.

[Host (Bird)]

I think. Yeah. E. I think it's a stature thing more than anything else. You're looking for actors that are short, small and stuff. So you got Kevin Connelly there. So I was feeling pretty good about things. Right. Rob Diedrich was in there, but all

[Jeff]

Hollywood people are shorts. He'd be fine. Anybody could play Tom Cruise.

[Host (Bird)]

Then came the real complimenting ones, like any one of the Oompa Loompas. Oh, that was fun.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Oh, no.

[Host (Bird)]

Verne Troyer was suggested more than once also.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That's nice.

[Host (Bird)]

But Owen Wilson and Jason Biggs were thrown in there as well.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That's good.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Those ones are awesome.

[Host (Bird)]

And this one made sense to me. Will Smith was suggested.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I could definitely see the resemblance there.

[Host (Bird)]

I get that all the time when I'm in la.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Don't people stop you in the mall?

[Host (Bird)]

Constantly.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

That's what I thought.

[Jeff]

I would lobby for Owen Wilson, because if Owen Wilson played you in a movie and then people met you in real life, they would say, oh, my God, your news hasn't screwed up at all. The bar would be set if you set the illusion to be the nose

[Host (Bird)]

doesn't look like his.

[Jeff]

Yeah, this thing's like an Olympic ski course.

[Host (Bird)]

Jen, there are none that are offensive on your list at all. All complimentary. It goes from Amy Smart to Jennifer Aniston. Wow. Kate Hudson, Portia de Rossi, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts. And the one that came up more than all others was Renee Zellweger.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah, I get that sometimes, even in person because I have really tiny eyes and so does she. So when we smile, they kind of disappear. But I think that's a compliment.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

She's always great.

[Host (Bird)]

There's nothing on that list right there that you should be. There are no Oompa Loompa references on your list. The bar is set different for Melissa, who is not in here right now. She's on 11 Alive. Melissa Etheridge, I think, because of the lesbian tie in there. Jodie Foster.

[Jeff]

Again, because of the lesbian tie in.

[Host (Bird)]

Anna Faris.

[Jeff]

Who's Anna Faris?

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Oh, that's a good one. She was on all those movies that are like parody movies, and it was on the House Bunny. She's got blonde hair.

[Host (Bird)]

She's one of those.

[Jeff]

Pretty, right?

[Host (Bird)]

Yeah, she's pretty cute. She's really cute. Yeah. Tina Fey.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Host (Bird)]

Ellen DeGeneres.

[Jeff]

I think Owen Wilson could pay him.

[Host (Bird)]

Listen, Helen Hunt.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Helen Hunt's a good one.

[Host (Bird)]

Chelsea Handler. Janine Garofalo and Wanda Sykes.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I'm sure she gets that all the time.

[Host (Bird)]

The Wanda Sykes one.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

It's like you with Will Smith

[Host (Bird)]

for Wendy Drew Barrymore.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Like that one.

[Host (Bird)]

Amanda Bynes.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Oh, I love her. Yes, please.

[Co-host (Jen)]

She's really cute, actually. That's a great.

[Host (Bird)]

I thought that was the best one for you.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That is a great idea.

[Host (Bird)]

Lindsay Lohan. Audrina Patridge.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

That's a good one. She's on Hills.

[Host (Bird)]

Yeah. These are all pretty complimentary.

[Jeff]

The second incarnation of Heidi or the first incarnation of Heidi Montag.

[Host (Bird)]

Britney Spears.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Oh, that was awesome.

[Host (Bird)]

I mean, these are increasingly impressive. Keri Russell. Cutie. Megan Fox.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Really?

[Host (Bird)]

Megan Fox.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I'll take it.

[Host (Bird)]

And now that you're feeling good about yourself, Snooki.

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[Co-host (Melissa)]

I would love her to play me because I think she's hilarious.

[Jeff]

That's funny.

[Host (Bird)]

And Jeff. Chris Farley.

[Jeff]

Yeah, of course.

[Host (Bird)]

That one's gonna be a little difficult to take care of.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Host (Bird)]

John Candy would be another one. It's gonna be a little tough.

[Jeff]

Dead people.

[Host (Bird)]

Ricky Gervais.

[Jeff]

Ricky.

[Host (Bird)]

Yeah, I could see that. Vince Vaughn.

[Jeff]

It's probably the English accent.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah, yeah, because you're Ricky. You're really good at the British accent.

[Host (Bird)]

Seth Rogen.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Host (Bird)]

Zach Galifianakis. I wasn't sure if he let your beard grow out, if he'd be complimented by that or not because he's a really funny dude.

[Co-host (Jen)]

He's so funny.

[Jeff]

He's a funny guy, but he's got. He does have crazy man beard.

[Host (Bird)]

Yes.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I like him, though.

[Host (Bird)]

Jack Black, huh?

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Host (Bird)]

And Kevin James.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That's a good one.

[Host (Bird)]

Anything there that you can wrap your arms around? Really?

[Jeff]

Yeah. Either Tom Cruise or Jeremy Piven.

[Host (Bird)]

Yeah, they weren't suggested.

[Jeff]

Yeah, they were. You're not seeing them right now, but they were there.

[Host (Bird)]

I'll check back on Facebook later on today. And I have a feeling they will be suggested a couple times by one Jeff Dahl. All right, so the bottom line here really is Jeff is going out to la. This is really pretty exciting stuff. He's pitching a couple of TV shows that some producers are taking seriously.

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah. It's a slow moving process. And I told Bird a little more about it after the show yesterday that, you know, it's just to be. If nothing comes of this, nothing's gonna come of it immediately. But if nothing comes of it ever, it's still really cool that I'm gonna be sitting in a room with people who are writers and creative types and, you know, even if they laugh me out of there and go, oh, my God, what a waste of time. And what a waste of a plane ticket for this guy. It doesn't matter because you guys got the experience.

[Host (Bird)]

That's neat.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Absolutely.

[Host (Bird)]

So Monday, hopefully comes back with a couple of TV deals.

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