Vault: What are the rules for friends with benefits?

Summary

The Bert Show - Vault: What are the rules for friends with benefits?

Date: June 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, the Bert Show cast takes a deep dive into the complexities, expectations, and "rules" surrounding friends with benefits (FWB) relationships. Using both personal insights and listener calls, the hosts explore emotional pitfalls, gender differences in attachment, and the concept of “limited benefits.” The conversation, full of humor and honesty, challenges common assumptions about whether these arrangements can ever truly remain simple and strings-free.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Friends With Benefits (FWB)

• The basics: FWB is described as “a guy friend that you have and you just sort of engage in fun activities on the side. But it's just a friend. There's no strings attached” (C, 01:03).
• Clarifying expectations: The group acknowledges that at some point, there must be an explicit discussion clarifying that it’s not about romantic dating, just the physical aspect (E/C, 01:29–01:37).

2. Emotional Complications: Who Gets Attached?

• Stereotypes challenged: The hosts debate who is more likely to develop feelings. While some suggest women get attached (E, 01:37), others assert that men also fall for their FWBs, perhaps even more so because “they're shocked… you don’t want to date me… other than just this one thing every now and then” (C, 02:01).
• Emotional honesty: “I don't think I could do it...I think you would become more and more attracted to that person” (C, 02:56).

3. Boundaries and Jealousy

• Exclusive benefits? There's disagreement over whether FWBs can see others: “If we had an agreement that we were friends with benefits, then you’re not allowed to get benefits from anybody else...” (E, 02:17).
• Reality check: The discussion points out that jealousy and possessiveness are common even without a formal romantic relationship.

4. The Concept of “Limited Benefits”

• What is it? Newly introduced, “friends with limited benefits” is defined as a physical relationship capped at things like making out or cuddling but not going “all the way.”
  • “Friends with limited benefits is just... making out, you cuddle, just hang out” (C, 04:02).
  • “You can hook up, but you can’t have a home run...double or triple, but not a home run” (D/C, 04:13–04:18).
• Skepticism and strategy: "Tell me, show me one guy that would agree to those stipulations." (E, 04:22)
  It’s debated whether men suggest this as a tactic, believing limited benefits inevitably lead to “all access.”
  • “He’s only doing that because he knows that limited eventually is going to give you free all. He’ll get one of those all access badges” (E, 05:50).
  • “It's a good tactic. Yeah, because she feels all safe and then he's like, 'Yeah, she won’t be able to resist my moves.'" (D, 06:14)

5. Listener Calls: Real Experiences

• Kim’s limited benefits arrangement:
  • “He hasn't tried anything further...Like a month...like general make out and a little bit more, but that’s it. He doesn’t, like he’s asked, but when I said no, he was like, okay, continued with what he was doing” (F, 06:27–07:08).
  • The panel speculates men can only hold out for so long without expecting more: “Within a month there’s no way the call sounds the way it sounds right now” (E, 07:18).
• Matt shares a FWB gone wrong:
  • “I had a girl...she was like, listen, man, I just want to get something...About a month later, she’s getting all attached and coming over and wanting to stay the night all the time. And it just freaked me out.” (G, 08:03–08:38)
• Patty’s “biological” take:
  • “Women can make out, women can have friends with limited benefits. Guys can’t. They have to have a release of some kind...Guys buying into this...they’re expecting...it’s only limited for a little while.” (F, 09:40–10:30)
• Kevin agrees with the “tactic” angle:
  • “If you’re good with limited benefits, you’re gonna get full benefits in no time...” (G, 11:02–11:14)

6. Final Thoughts & Recurring Themes

• “Limited” is rarely permanent: Most hosts and callers agree that limited benefits tend to escalate over time—usually to the advantage of the more persistent partner.
  • “If your test drive goes so well, that you’re probably going to end up driving.” (E/C, 09:24–09:32)
• Gender differences debated: While some maintain men detach more easily, others insist attachment is mutual. “I think it is about even.” (D, 08:44)
• Clarity and communication: “You have to set your limitations...sign like a contract,” (C, 07:08)
  Boundaries, transparency, and ongoing communication are emphasized, even though the “contract” might not be sustainable in reality.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I don’t think I could do it. I think I would get emotionally involved.”
  – C, 02:56

• “Guys want what they can’t have.”
  – D, 02:13

• “If you keep us chasing all the time...”
  – E, 02:17

• “Friends with limited benefits is just...making out, you cuddle, you just hang out.”
  – C, 04:02

• “That dude is brilliant.”
  – E, 06:20 (discussing the “limited benefits” proposal as a strategic move)

• “He’ll get one of those all-access badges that he’s going to wear around his neck. Backstage pass.”
  – E, 05:50

• “He's only doing that because he knows that limited eventually is going to give you free all.”
  – E, 05:50

• “Women can make out, women can have friends with limited benefits. Guys can’t. They have to have a release of some kind.”
  – F, 09:40

• “If your test drive goes so well, you’re probably going to end up driving.”
  – E, 09:32

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Defining FWB: 01:03–01:25
• Who gets attached?: 01:37–02:13
• Exclusivity & boundaries: 02:17–02:34
• Limited Benefits introduced & debated: 04:00–06:22
• Listener Kim’s update: 06:27–07:41
• Matt’s “attachment” story: 08:03–08:38
• Patty’s gender perspective: 09:40–10:30
• Kevin’s strategic approach: 11:00–11:24

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Summary and Takeaways

This episode of The Bert Show unpacks the intricacies of friends with benefits relationships, highlighting how hard it is to separate physical intimacy from emotional attachment—regardless of gender. The “limited benefits” concept is discussed with a healthy dose of skepticism, humor, and real-world evidence. Ultimately, the consensus leans toward these arrangements being temporary and likely to evolve, with everyone urged to communicate their intentions honestly and check in frequently about boundaries.

The episode’s blend of humor, openness, and real listener experiences makes it both entertaining and insightful for anyone considering—or currently in—a friends with benefits situation.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

So we all know what friends with benefits are. And if you don't know what a friends with benefits is, it's a guy friend that you have and you just sort of engage in fun activities on the side. But it's just a friend. There's no strings attached. It's not your boyfriend. It's not someone you go out on dates with. It's just a friend. So if you need somebody and if you need to take care of some business, that's what they're there for.

[D]

And usually both people know that that's the scenario.

[E]

Is it ever spoken like this is the definition of our relationship? Cause at some point it has to be.

[C]

I think so, yeah.

[E]

And he's generally gonna be fine with that. But she's gonna be the one to go. I'm not all about that.

[C]

I think you'd be shocked really, at more guys.

[D]

I think it's. Yeah, I think it's sometimes harder for guys than they would like to admit. They think they're fine with the physical connection it not ever being emotional. It's like, oh yeah, we can still be friends. But I think gu their friends with benefits just as much as girls fall for the guys.

[C]

Yeah, I think so. Even more because guys are shocked. Like you don't want, like you're not blowing up my phone for a relationship. You don't want to. You don't want to date me. You don't want to be with me other than just this one. One thing every now and then.

[D]

It supports your theory that what, that guys want what they can't have.

[E]

Yeah. That you keep us chasing all the time. The thing that would drive me crazy about that is if we had an agreement that we were friends with benefits. Then you're not allowed to get benefits from anybody else while we're friends with benefits.

[D]

Well, but you're not dating.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Right.

[E]

Yeah, I just. Yeah, that.

[D]

See, the guys can't handle it very well. Because if you're dating and there's somebody you know or maybe several people that you're dating and maybe potentially romantically interested in, but you're not getting physical with those people.

[C]

Right.

[D]

You're still getting physical with your friend with benefits.

[E]

Do you have one of these dudes right now?

[C]

I don't have one.

[E]

I was looking for one.

[C]

No, I don't think I could do it.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

I don't think I could do it.

[D]

You think you would get emotionally involved?

[C]

I think so. I mean, a random hookup is a random hookup, but to have, like, one steady person, like, all the time, I think you would become more and more attracted to that person because you're. I think you have to be sort of attracted to them anyways to be friends with benefits. Somewhat.

[E]

Let's take this guy that you were, like, having. That you had drinks with last night. Okay. So you go over to this guy's apartment. He invites you over. He says that we're going to watch football. Whatever. By the way, did he go to Iowa or Georgia Tech?

[C]

No.

[E]

Okay, so he just invites you on over to watch a random football game. I watched it, too.

[D]

I didn't go to either school.

[C]

I was watching. I didn't.

[E]

It was an excuse for him to get you over to his house, which is fine. So he's just a friend of yours. The wine starts flowing last night.

[C]

Right.

[E]

And once you walked in the door, he thought that it was on.

[C]

Maybe he was hoping.

[E]

He was hoping for sure that it was on. Right. So the fact that you say that it didn't happen last night has already started to establish with him that we're just friends.

[C]

Maybe. But then this is where the new term comes in, which is friends with limited benefits.

[E]

You can't define it.

[C]

Hold on.

[E]

You can't do that.

[C]

Yes, you can. You can. Friends with limited benefits is just. No, it's everything. It's like making out. You cuddle, you just hang out.

[D]

I mean, you can hook up, but you can't have a home run. So you can, you can have a triple or a double.

[C]

You probably do a triple.

[D]

It's a double or a triple, but not a home run.

[C]

You gotta set your limitations.

[E]

Tell me, show me one guy that would agree to those stipulations.

[C]

A guy suggested this to me.

[D]

The only way, limited benefits.

[E]

I so wish Jeff was here especially for this because I can't believe you can't see this. Because a guy knows that if he agrees to this limited benefits thing that women, once you get to a certain point, you can't turn around either.

[C]

Right.

[E]

So if we say, look, we're just going to go to third base. We know once you round third, it's only another 60ft.

[D]

That's what he's probably banking on, right. To agree to the limited benefits. But if she sets it out there at the outset, then he can't be mad if they're not going fully around the bases.

[C]

And it doesn't have to necessarily be third. Your limitations could be second, could be first or second. You just want to have a makeout partner. I mean, that's it.

[E]

You well.

[D]

And Wendy's in her 20s. She's fine with just making out. I'm not sure in her 30s that if you're round in third, you can stop.

[C]

Limitations increase as you get older.

[E]

Somehow your brake pads at 30 years old are too worn and they just don't work anymore.

[D]

Yeah, I mean you're much more of a well oiled machine at that stage in the game.

[C]

But this was suggested to me by a guy and.

[E]

Yeah, well, I think if it comes

[D]

from a guy who wants limited benefits from you.

[C]

Now this is what I didn't want. Like, it's a guy that I could potentially like would fall for. So I don't want to like be friends with benefits. But if you give him limited benefits,

[E]

it just, it really is a brilliant plan on the, on the guy's part if he could get you to agree to that. He's only doing that because he knows that limited eventually is going to give you free all. He'll get one of those all access badges that he's going to wear around his neck. Backstage pass.

[D]

Yeah, like a lanyard.

[E]

He knows he's gonna get all access, but to propose that, look, just limited benefits is fine with me. Is really, really very smart.

[D]

It is a good tactic. Yeah. Because she feels all safe and then he's like, yeah, she won't be able to resist my moves.

[E]

That dude is brilliant.

[C]

Maybe, maybe.

[E]

Hey, Kim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[F]

Hey, hey, I'm on that whole limited benefits train. And he hasn't tried anything further.

[C]

See.

[E]

And how long have you guys been on this train?

[F]

Like a month, I guess.

[E]

And you've, you've both been on the train, you've just stopped before you got to the final destination.

[F]

I mean we actually haven't even gone very much further than the original destination. So it's just that I guess like, like general make out and a little bit more, but I mean that's it. He doesn't like he's asked but when I said no, he was like, okay, continued with what he was doing.

[C]

That's your limitations. You have to sign like a contract.

[D]

He's just getting it warmed up though. One month in, I mean six months in, he's not going to be around. If you're still bumping setting, he's going to be ready to spike.

[E]

Will you do us a favor? You have to make a commitment to us. Will you call us every two weeks and give us an update? Because I think he may hold out for another two weeks. But within a month there's no way the call sounds the way it sounds right now.

[F]

Right.

[E]

Okay, good. Did you propose that or did he propose that?

[F]

It was kind of a mutual thing.

[E]

You proposed it because it wasn't his idea.

[D]

You proposed that, he agreed. It's limited benefits.

[C]

I guess you could always squirm your way in even further. But I mean, you could also have another friends with benefits, just not a friends with limited benefits. So I mean it works out for him. So he can go have his benefits full on benefits. But with you it's just limited.

[E]

And you'd be okay with that?

[C]

I'd be okay with that.

[E]

Hey, Matt, good morning.

[G]

Good morning.

[F]

How you doing?

[E]

All right, what's going on?

[C]

I think.

[G]

All right, now I agree with you, Bert, on the whole limited benefits. And I believe that women fall more so than guys. I had a girl that me and her were really good friends in high school, nothing more. And then she approached me one night, her and one of her cousins come over to my apartment and she was like, listen, listen, man, I just want to get something. I just want to have some fun. And I'm like, okay, sounds good to me. And about a month later, she's getting all attached and coming over and wanting to stay the night all the time. And it just freaked me out. I mean really freaked me out.

[E]

I think if we're talking generalities, I think dudes would be able to handle it better. But the women here are saying, no, it's about even.

[D]

I think it is about even.

[C]

I think it is the same. I think more so on guys. That's why you have the limited friend and not the full on benefits. Because if they get attached to you, then you can always go all the way. So you have a little bit left to give. But you haven't given it all up yet.

[E]

It really is. I mean, if there are guys listening this morning, it really is a very unique, fantastic plan. And I hope there aren't a whole bunch of women listening because this could really work really, really well. If you're the one that suggested as a guy you get so many points. But you know, eventually limited is going to be full on.

[C]

Maybe, maybe it depends on how emotionally attached a woman will get.

[E]

Let me ask you this. If you're good in your limited.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[E]

Then it will end up. You'll be able to buy the car.

[D]

You could.

[E]

If your test drive goes so well that you're probably going to end up driving.

[C]

Maybe, actually probably.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

And it depends on how good looking you are too.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, yes, it always does. Hey, Patty, Good morning.

[F]

Good morning. Okay. You know, these young and I'm thinking these are young people proposing this. I think they're forgetting that men and women just physically, mentally are completely different. Women can make out, women can have friends with limited benefits. Guys can't. They have to have a release of some kind. And I mean, you know, that's just the way that it is. And I think that, you know, guys buying into this, it's just like you said, they're expecting it's not going to be limited or if it's limited, it's only limited for a little while. They're going to get their release at some point. But I think girls are teasing themselves or are just not admitting or realizing the fact that guys can't make out. I mean, they really can't.

[E]

I say go ahead, women propose it to guys. Do it. Go ahead and propose it.

[F]

Sure.

[E]

Yeah, go ahead and propose it. I think it's a great idea for guys because I think if you know what you're doing, then the limited idea will become maybe, maybe.

[C]

Because I think guys then would set themselves up for disappointment because I think some women are stronger about saying no, this is it than guys are. And then guys will be so disappointed when they hear that, no, we're not doing any more than this. See ya.

[E]

Hey, Kevin, good morning.

[G]

Hey, good morning. How are you?

[E]

Okay, man.

[G]

Hey, this limited benefits thing sounds really great. But let's be honest here. It's a great move for the guy because if you good with limited benefits, you're gonna get full benefits in no time.

[E]

Exactly my point. I say if a woman proposes it to you as a guy, if you think you know what you're doing, absolutely, go for it.

[G]

Yeah, there's not too far from that's a major score.

[D]

Yeah, there's not too too far to go from the shallow end to the deep end. Little gray area in the middle where

[E]

you can't get a floating area for the most part. There really isn't a lot.

[A]

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