Vault: What Counts as a Real Gift?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: What Counts as a Real Gift?

Date: May 27, 2026
Hosts: Jeff, Melissa, Lauren, Jen, Heather, Mary
Theme: Defining what makes a “real” gift versus a “filler” or “non-gift” during the holiday season

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show dives into a relatable holiday debate: What truly counts as a “real” gift? The cast and callers engage in a spirited, humorous discussion about types of presents, personal family traditions, and the sometimes questionable choices relatives make when it comes to wrapping up items for loved ones. The conversation is equal parts funny and heartfelt, with stories about cookies, popcorn tins, kitchen gadgets, and even used candles.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

1. The Lines Between Real Gifts and “Filler” Presents

[01:25] Jeff (Host) kicks off the conversation by acknowledging the peak holiday shopping season and asks, “What really is a present, and what is not a present?”

• Jeff sets the tone: “There are some things that constitute a real present, a legitimate presentation. And some things are just in the stocking or under the tree just for taking up space.”
• Hosts quickly agree this is a debate everyone can relate to, launching into family anecdotes.

2. Family Gifting Traditions and Odd Choices

[02:29] Melissa recalls her grandmother’s “non-gift gifts” like dryer sheets and everyday items, and how her parents continued the tradition by gifting Double Stuf Oreo cookies because they once mentioned liking them.

• Lauren: “Because at some point you said one was good.” [03:42]
• Jeff’s take: “That is a gift…That gift right there came from a place of love.” [03:50]
• Melissa pushes back: “But if they bought something with a 2 for 1 coupon and they kept one and gave me the other one. Not a gift.”

3. Debating Food as Gifts: Popcorn Tins and Beyond

[04:41] Lauren & Heather debate the legitimacy of giving popcorn tins.

• Heather: “One of those tin containers with the popcorn in it. I mean, what is that?” [04:41]
• Jeff sides with Heather: “That’s crap. She’s right.” [04:46]
• Jen says it depends on the giver: “If it’s somebody that doesn’t know me...it’s a sweet gesture...But that’s my sister, then I’m mad.” [04:54]-[05:03]
• Jeff: “That’s a business associate gift. It’s not a family gift. Not legit.” [05:08]

4. Misguided Recurring Gifts and Family Confessions

• Heather shares her grandmother’s tradition of gifting chocolate-covered cherries, even though she hated them.
• Lauren tells a story about her aunt faking excitement to such an extent that she received the unwanted treat for a decade until she broke down: “She just broke down crying on Christmas and was like, I have to confess… I don’t like these at all.” [05:36]

5. Underwear and Kitchen Gadgets: Gifts or Not?

• Jeff asserts, “Underwear for your men is not a legitimate present unless it’s something that you really dig…That’s not the daily underwear. That’s not a present.” [05:57]
• Lauren points out, “Guys only get underwear twice a year, your birthday and Christmas, so we got to buy it for you.” [06:19]
• The hosts chuckle about “novelty” underwear and when gifting it crosses the line.
• [06:52] Heather: “Kitchen gadgets are not gifts,” unless the recipient is genuinely interested.
• Lauren: “They are gifts for kitchen people, but not yet. I mean, I would love kitchen gadgets and all that kind of stuff.” [07:20]
• Jeff offers a rule: “If it’s generic and it can go to anybody, it’s not a gift. But if you told me that you’re a real kitchen person, then it’s a legit gift.” [07:28]

6. Used Items as Presents: Absolute Dealbreaker?

• [07:43] Mary: “Used items are not Christmas gifts.”
• Mary shares a story about an aunt rewrapping a used movie and gifting a partially burned candle, much to the group’s horror.
• Jen briefly defends it as a potential honest mistake, but the consensus is that gifting used items, especially disguised as new, is a violation: “That’s a violation. Yes, for sure. It’s a technical violation. It’s a foul.” [08:19]-[08:21]

7. “Testing” Gifts Before Giving

• Jen and Melissa joke about parents “testing” game systems and gifts before wrapping and placing them under the tree.
• Jen: “That’s what they’re doing is testing it out for Christmas, making sure it works right.” [09:15]
• Jeff: “Been testing it out for three weeks now. It’s working pretty well.” [09:21]

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Notable Quotes

• Jeff (Host) [01:25]: “Let me state the obvious here. These are the prime shopping days… what really is a present and what is not a present?”
• Melissa [02:55]: “Dryer sheets.”
• Jeff (Host) [03:47]: “That’s not a gift. Here’s where I disagree with you… that gift right there came from a place of love.”
• Heather [04:41]: “One of those tin containers with the popcorn in it. I mean, what is that?”
• Lauren [05:36]: “She just broke down crying on Christmas and was like, I have to confess to y’all something. She’s like, I don’t like these at all.”
• Jeff (Host) [05:57]: “Underwear for your men is not a legitimate present unless it’s something that you really dig…That’s not the daily underwear. That’s not a present.”
• Mary [07:43]: “Used items. Used items are not Christmas gifts.”
• Jen [08:19]: “That’s a violation. Yes, for sure. It’s a technical violation. It’s a foul.”

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:25] Start of real vs. filler gifts debate
• [02:29] Family traditions: “non-gift gifts”
• [04:41] Popcorn tins discussion
• [05:36] Recurring unwanted gifts stories
• [05:57] Underwear as a present – jokes and rules
• [06:52] Kitchen gadgets and “if it’s generic” rule
• [07:43] Used gifts horror stories
• [09:15] “Testing” gifts before Christmas

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Tone and Takeaways

The conversation is light, authentic, and filled with both laughter and brutal honesty. The Bert Show crew shows how holiday gifting can be a minefield of unspoken expectations and family traditions—some sweet, some absurd. They ultimately suggest the “legitimacy” of a gift depends heavily on intent, personal connection, and effort—if it’s generic and could go to anyone, it’s usually not a “real” gift; if it’s personal, it counts, even if it’s something as simple as a favorite cookie.

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Perfect episode for anyone second-guessing their holiday gift list—and those who just need a laugh about family holiday fails.

Transcript

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[Jeff (Host)]

play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. The Birch Show Let me state the obvious here. These are the prime shopping days. Probably this weekend, like next weekend, you're in a panic. But if you do the seasons right, you know, probably this weekend you're gonna head out at some point you're gonna start getting presents for Christmas, right? So let's have an open discussion here. 404-741-Q100 what really is a present and what is not a present?

[Melissa]

Thank you.

[Jeff (Host)]

Okay, you want to start because there are, there are some people. Like my wife, she just wants to open something. She just enjoys the tradition and the just loves opening packages. Like I could put spoons. Just one spoon. She loves just

[Jen]

a spoon.

[Jeff (Host)]

You shouldn't have but there are some things that constitute a real present, a legitimate presentation. And some things are just in the stocking or under the tree just for taking up space. And I think we need to define what is a present and what is not a present.

[Melissa]

And I think, and I know people are gonna get mad at me. Cause this is a grandmotherly thing. But among other things, my grandmother would give. Well, the ones I remember, like after I moved out of the house, would give a small little box and in it would be non gift gifts.

[Jen]

But those are. Grandmothers get immunity for them. Yeah.

[Lauren]

What's a non gift gift? What are you even talking about?

[Melissa]

Dryer sheets.

[Jeff (Host)]

That's not a gift.

[Jen]

That's hilarious.

[Jeff (Host)]

That's not a gift. I don't care how old you are, Melissa. I don't care how old you are.

[Jen]

I know.

[Melissa]

A dryer sheet. If I might.

[Jen]

You gotta choose your battles. I'm not gonna battle grandma.

[Melissa]

Okay, well, take grandma out of it. Because the tradition has been continued. Like, and they're like, we will get a box for whatever reason. And what time is it? Okay. They're not listening. For whatever reason. My parents, if you mention it one time that you like something or they even see you eat something or whatever, they get this weird thing in their mind that that's like your favorite food. Right. So every year we will get a gift wrapped bag of Oreo Double Stuf cookies.

[Lauren]

Because at some point you said one was good.

[Melissa]

We must have had them like we were. I think we were.

[Jeff (Host)]

That's not a gift. Here's where I disagree with you.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Jeff (Host)]

That is a gift.

[Melissa]

No, it's not.

[Jeff (Host)]

It is a gift. Here's my line of delineation, my definition. See, that gift right there came from a place of love.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Jeff (Host)]

The ones that are just random and can be given to anybody and they're just filler ones, like coasters or.

[Melissa]

That is a filler one.

[Jeff (Host)]

That's a filler one, but not the Oreo one. There's a connection. They think you love that food, so that's a legitimate gift.

[Melissa]

But it's not like there's no challenge to it. Guess what if I really was a huge double stuffed fan? Just go to Kroger and buy them.

[Lauren]

They're special and they think they're special.

[Melissa]

Homemade. You know what if they gift wrapped me homemade cookies. Bring it. Now you're telling a tale. But if they bought something with a 2 for 1 coupon and they kept one and gave me the other one. Not a gift. Nag.

[Jeff (Host)]

Lauren, what goes on the Not a gift list.

[Heather]

One of those tin containers with the popcorn in it. I mean, what is that?

[Lauren]

I love that.

[Mary]

No way.

[Jeff (Host)]

That's crap. She's right.

[Heather]

They are a nightmare.

[Jeff (Host)]

That's not a real gift.

[Jen]

It depends.

[Lauren]

The cheese popcorn is so yummy.

[Jen]

It depends on who's giving it to me. If it's somebody that doesn't know me and they don't know what to get me, and they got me the tin of popcorn. I mean, it's a sweet gesture.

[Lauren]

It's a sweet gesture.

[Jen]

Yes, but that's my sister. Then I'm mad.

[Jeff (Host)]

Unless at one point or another, you have told her how much you love cheddar popcorn, then if you get a tin filled with cheddar popcorn, it's legit. But if it's random, like Jen said, that's a business associate gift. It's not a family gift. Not legit. Hey, Heather. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Heather]

Hey, guys.

[Jeff (Host)]

Hey.

[Heather]

I was listening to Jeff, and I have to agree. My grandmother would always give us a box of chocolate covered cherries, and I hate chocolate covered cherries.

[Lauren]

But she thinks you love them. That happened to my aunt for years. One year, somebody gave that to my aunt, my mom's younger sister, and she overreacted just to be polite to the gift. She got them for 10 years straight, and then one year, she just broke down crying on Christmas and was like, I have to confess to y' all something. She's like, I don't like these at all.

[Jeff (Host)]

They're horrible. And I am upset every year you get them for me. Underwear for your men is not a legitimate present unless it's something that you really dig. You know what I'm saying? Unless you're. If you're getting the underwear for a guy that is going to turn around into a present later on in the night for him. You know what I'm saying? That's not the daily underwear. That's not a present.

[Lauren]

Guys only get underwear twice a year, your birthday and Christmas, so we got to buy it for you.

[Melissa]

I buy my own underwear.

[Jeff (Host)]

Indeed.

[Lauren]

Some guy.

[Melissa]

What if you got as a gift that underwear from that catalog Jen Hobby had with the fake package in it? Your wife.

[Jen]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff (Host)]

You're not allowed to give that to your husband or your boyfriend or your.

[Melissa]

That's a deal breaker right there. Your grandson.

[Jen]

Whatever, dude. She's just trying to help you out.

[Melissa]

Good morning. I was 10.

[Jeff (Host)]

Hey, Mary, you're on Q100.

[Heather]

Hey.

[Jeff (Host)]

Hi.

[Heather]

All right. Kitchen gadgets are not gifts.

[Jeff (Host)]

What?

[Melissa]

Kitchen gadgets okay.

[Heather]

Kitchen gadgets. Okay. So like, for example, I don't cook. If my husband wants to eat, he does the cooking. Otherwise I call in for pizza or order takeout or whatever. And so it's kind of like the family joke that I don't cook. I started getting my kitchen gadgets and my mother in law got me a can opener. So kitchen gadgets are not gifts whatsoever.

[Lauren]

They are gifts, though, for kitchen people, but not yet. I mean, I would love kitchen gadgets and all that kind of stuff.

[Jeff (Host)]

I think this falls under the whole, if it's generic and it can go to anybody, it's not a gift. But if you told me that you're a real kitchen person, then it's a legit gift, right? Good morning, Stephen.

[Mary]

Good morning, guys. How are y'? All?

[Jeff (Host)]

Great, thank you.

[Mary]

Good. Used items. Used items are not Christmas gifts.

[Lauren]

Like what?

[Mary]

You know how everybody has that crazy relative? Well, mine's my aunt. She took a movie and instead of wrap, you know, she had already used it, so she took Saran Wrap and tried to wrap it back up and make it seem like it was a real, you know, unopened gift.

[Melissa]

She wrapped.

[Jen]

No, I gotta defend that.

[Melissa]

That's great.

[Jen]

I gotta defend that because it could have been new and it could have been tempting.

[Lauren]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Mary]

Because she also gave my sister a used candle.

[Melissa]

I didn't know it was used.

[Mary]

This is the rich aunt.

[Jen]

That's a violation. Yes, for sure.

[Mary]

It's a technical violation. It's a foul.

[Jen]

The reason I was talking about that is because I had to quickly wrap a gift for my brother that had to do with a gaming system that Katie saw that I had gotten for him and she eyed it like, well, he's not going to get it for another couple of weeks, so why don't we use it? So I had to wrap it quickly so that she wouldn't tear into the box and then try to reseal it and then rewrap it.

[Jeff (Host)]

But if it's a candle with the

[Lauren]

burnt wick on the top, do you think.

[Melissa]

Do you think there's anyone listening right now who will admit that they are currently using someone's Christmas gift and then on Christmas Eve they're going to pack it back up like they.

[Jeff (Host)]

Not a gift.

[Jen]

Yes, absolutely.

[Melissa]

Melissa just said Katie Jo did it.

[Jen]

If it's a gaming system, it's a video game. If it's. Absolutely.

[Melissa]

So it's like I'm looking for like a parents who've got their kids Xbox in the master bedroom, like hidden in Dad's dresser drawer.

[Jen]

Testing it out, Jeff. That's what they're doing is testing it

[Lauren]

out for Christmas, making sure it works right.

[Jen]

That's right.

[Jeff (Host)]

Been testing it out for three weeks now. It's working pretty well. Hey, the Bird Show.

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[Melissa]

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