Vault: What Did You Do That You Knew You Should have Been Fired For?

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: What Did You Do That You Knew You Should Have Been Fired For?
Date: December 11, 2025
Podcast by Pionaire Podcasting

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Episode Overview

In this lively and confessional episode, the Bert Show takes a humorous and unfiltered look at workplace mishaps so risky or outrageous that the participant could—maybe should—have been fired. Listeners call in to share their own near-miss stories, ranging from accidental oversharing to wild company credit card abuse, while the hosts riff on each situation with their trademark banter. The theme is all about those moments we look back on and think, “How did I get away with that?”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Host Banter: Setting the Tone

• The episode kicks off with the hosts joking about office misconduct, notably referencing a colleague, Crash, and his not-so-subtle office antics.
• Notable Moment: The discussion of “flashing the boss” sets up the open, real, and often irreverent tone the show is famous for.

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Listener Stories: Escaping Consequences

Sleeping on the Job as a Lifeguard

[00:55 - 01:23]

• Caller: Jennifer
• Story: Jennifer admits she “used to go to sleep at work at a senior citizen pool” where she was the sole lifeguard.
• Despite repeatedly falling asleep and the employer discovering it, she kept her job.
• Bert (Host): “Oh, you’re kidding…And they found out and they didn’t fire you?”
• Jennifer: “Found out, didn’t fire me.”
• The hosts are stunned but amused, highlighting how some workplaces are more forgiving than others.
• Notable Quote:
  • Jennifer: “Just for a whole entire summer.” [01:13]

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Wild Expenses on the Company Credit Card

[01:26 - 02:31]

• Caller: Unnamed male
• Story: With potential clients, he spent $1,500 on lap dances one night at a club and feared he'd be fired when reviewing the receipts.
• The charge went through, and the next day, management only laughed about the incident rather than punishing him.
• Host: “It must have been a good client. You know, you obviously made the client happy.” [01:51]
• Discussion includes digging into how some businesses disguise these expenses on receipts.
• Notable Quote:
  • “Four in the morning, I’m counting up the receipts. I’m like, oh my God, we just spent fifteen hundred dollars.” [01:47]
  • Host joke: “More like Herpes books.” [02:36]

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Getting Caught with the Boss’s Daughter

[02:43 - 03:15]

• Caller: Emily
• Story: She was caught fooling around with her boss's daughter in the copy room. The twist: the boss didn't even know his daughter was gay.
• Despite all this, she kept her job. The hosts marvel at the story and question her luck.
• Memorable Moment:
  • “You should’ve saw the look on his face. It was priceless.” — Emily [03:10]
• The panel jokes about office romance and being "caught in the copy closet."
• Notable Host Exchange:
  • Host: “You couldn’t get axed for that, could you?”
  • Emily: “No, I don’t know why.”
  • Host: “Having sex in the office, yeah.” [03:06]

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Hot-Mic Mishap on a Conference Call

[03:28 - 04:26]

• Caller: Unnamed female
• Story: During an all-company conference call, she accidentally spoke derogatorily about a client, believing she was on mute, but everyone heard it.
• She describes the chaos as her phone and email “blew up” immediately after.
• The hosts relate, telling their own almost-fired-by-phone stories.
• Notable Quote:
  • Caller: “I click back, forget I’m not on mute and tell a coworker that this is the S-bomb that I got to deal with. The whole company was…” [03:49]
  • Host: “I've done that too—think I'm on hold, say something stupid about the person, and they're still listening.” [04:01]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host: “Crash has done this before. It’s not his first time flashing the boss.” [00:20]
• Jennifer (Caller): “I used to go to sleep at work at a senior citizen pool...Just for a whole entire summer.” [00:56, 01:13]
• Lap Dance Caller: “Four in the morning, I’m counting up the receipts. I’m like, oh my God, we just spent fifteen hundred dollars.” [01:47]
• Emily (Caller): “You should have seen the look on his face. It was priceless.” [03:10]
• Conference Call Caller: “I click back, forget I’m not on mute and tell a coworker that this is the S-bomb that I got to deal with.” [03:49]
• Host: “I've done that too—think I'm on hold, say something stupid about the person, and they're still listening.” [04:01]

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The Bert Show’s Signature Tone

• The episode is upbeat, fast-paced, and irreverent—hosts and callers alike share stories with candor and a sense of fun.
• The hosts poke fun, riff on workplace taboos, and connect with callers as peers, leading to some laugh-out-loud moments.
• The conversation is honest and relatable, with plenty of laughs and a sense of “we’ve all been there,” making listeners feel included.

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Episode Highlights with Timestamps

• 00:20 — Hosts joke about “Crash” and his repeat HR-worthy antics.
• 00:55-01:23 — Jennifer’s story: Lifeguard sleeping on the job, not fired.
• 01:26-02:31 — Caller admits spending $1,500 at a strip club on company card.
• 02:43-03:15 — Emily gets caught in the copy room with the boss’s daughter.
• 03:28-04:26 — Caller’s hot-mic disaster during a nationwide conference call.

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Summary

This episode of The Bert Show is full of jaw-dropping listener confessions and witty host commentary. Centered on one simple but dramatic question—“What did you do that you knew you should’ve been fired for?”—the show delivers stories that are as cringe-worthy as they are hilarious, all wrapped in the show's authentic, teasing, and supportive vibe. If you’ve ever wondered “How did I keep my job after that?”, you’ll feel right at home here.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt show. All the Hits Q100 and the Burt Show. Crash and I both know the meeting's right around the corner after the show today. Crash has done this before. I mean, where he's gotten so hammered that, you know, he's like flash the boss. So he's got a better shot at getting fired today than I do.

[B]

I don't. I mean, and what? I mean, maybe, actually, maybe less. Let's just stop and listen to what you just said.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Crash has done this before. It's not his first time flashing the boss.

[A]

Oh, and I bet it's not even his third time. I mean, exactly. I've seen it twice in the last four months.

[B]

I know everybody here that works here has seen Crash's jewels. Everybody. I have.

[A]

Not really.

[B]

Thank God. Oh, that Maybe photo at that photo shoot you did. No, I wasn't looking.

[A]

He's brought in pictures before.

[B]

Yeah, I'd have January. Well, it's a matter of time, honey. You're going to see.

[A]

Okay, so we're asking you guys to fill this out. I can't believe I did blank and didn't get fired. Good morning, Jennifer. You're on all the hits Q100.

[C]

Yeah, I used to go to sleep at work at a senior citizen pool.

And it was so hot in the room that it made me fall asleep, but. And I was lifeguarding the pool and nobody be watching the senior citizen.

[A]

Oh, you're kidding.

[C]

Just for a whole entire summer.

[A]

And they found out and they didn't fire you?

[C]

Found out, didn't fire me.

[A]

Well, that's real comforting.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

See you later.

[A]

Morning. All the hits Q100.

[D]

Hey, how you doing?

[A]

Good, how are you?

[D]

I'm fine. I can't believe I took out potential clients for our company and spent fifteen hundred dollars in lab dances in one night.

[B]

In lab dances.

[A]

And you didn't get fired when they went over the company credit card?

[D]

No, actually, when they started laughing the next morning. I was scared to death, though. Four in the morning, I'm counting up the receipts. I'm like, oh my God, we just spent fifteen hundred dollars.

[B]

It must have been a good client. You know, you made. Obviously made the client happy.

[D]

They were very happy.

[A]

Was this the old Gold Club days?

[D]

This was in Chicago at a Crazy Horse. The clients were out outside of Chicago, so they wanted to check out the girls.

[A]

Yeah, if you spend $1500 in about.

[D]

25 a pop for each dance, that's.

[B]

A lot of dances.

[D]

There's a shower dance in there too. That cost $250.

[B]

A what?

[D]

Dance shower.

[A]

Now when the receipt is on the credit card, does it say where you spent the money and what you spent it on?

[D]

It just says where you spent the money.

[A]

Okay. Because there are some places that will disguise your receipt.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, like if you're over at the Gold Club, it may come up as, you know, Herbie's books.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or whatever, you know, and you'll never know. Morning Emily. More like Herpes books. Emily, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[D]

Hi.

[C]

I actually worked for advertising company and one day I was fooling around with the boss's daughter in the copying room and he walked in on us and he didn't even know his daughter was gay.

[B]

Oh, hello.

[A]

And you didn't get axed for that?

[C]

No, I did not.

[B]

I guess you couldn't.

[A]

You couldn't get axed for that, could you?

[C]

No, I don't know why.

[B]

Having sex in the office.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Having sex in the office. Yeah.

[A]

You could probably get fired for.

[D]

Yeah, well I didn't.

[C]

So I guess, you know, she said something to him. But you should have saw the look on his face. It was priceless.

[A]

With the boss's daughter yet. Because I read about this stuff online all the time and I see the pictures, but I don't really believe it happened in real life. It's coming out.

[B]

Coming out of the copy closet.

Morning.

[A]

All the hits. Q100. Hello.

[D]

Hi, how you doing?

[A]

Good, how are you?

[D]

Good, good. So I was on a nationwide conference call, vice president giving a presentation and I'm on mute. My boss, my other line click is ringing. So I click over and it's a client giving me a hard time. I click back, forget I'm not on mute and tell a co worker that this is the S bomb that I gotta deal with.

[A]

Uh huh.

[D]

The whole company was go, my cell phone was ringing, emails were flying at me. It was pretty interesting.

[A]

You gotta be really careful on phone with stuff like that. Like I've done that too where I think I'm on hold and I say something stupid about the person that's supposed to put me on hold and they're still listening, right? Oh God, we gotta do that one day. Like how did the phone get you in trouble? Oh yeah, I'm sure there are people got busted to thinking they were doing the call waiting thing and they click over and they're really talking to the same person. I've got this more on Jen on the other phone. I gotta go. Hey, it's Jen.

[B]

It's like, oh, I knew it was you.

[A]

The bird show.