Vault: What Did You Do To Pass A Class?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: What Did You Do To Pass A Class?

Episode Date: January 9, 2026
Host: Bert (and cast, incl. Jan, Beth, Christy)
Theme:
This episode dives into the unforgettable, sometimes questionable, and often hilarious ways people have managed to pass a class without relying solely on studying. Through listener call-ins and cast anecdotes, the show exposes everything from strategic major changes and harmless manipulation to truly outrageous (and ethically dubious) stories of how students boosted their grades.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Finals Week Pressure & Prompt for Stories

• [01:49] Bert sets the stage, reminding listeners of the stress around college finals:
  • “Most do the right thing, study for your test… But let’s say you haven’t done that… what did you do to get a better grade?”

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2. Call-Ins: Unconventional (and Questionable) Methods for Passing

A. Group Degree “Collusion”

• Mark’s Story ([02:33])
  • Mark admits to switching majors with his fraternity brothers at Ball State University so they could all recycle projects and assignments:
    • “So 37 of us got history degrees from Ball State university.” — Mark [03:11]
  • Bert’s reaction:
    • “There were 37 of you guys that switched your majors to history so you could all cheat off each other.” — Bert [03:11]
  • Memorable Moment: The combination of fraternity camaraderie and collective academic laziness.

B. Flirting to Victory

• Tino’s Tale ([03:30])
  • Shared how he and a friend flirted with a female professor during a study abroad trip; they ended up with undeserved A’s, despite poor test performance.
    • “Why don't you just give me a hug and I'll give you an A.” — Tino relaying professor’s words [04:15]
    • Bert: “So that's for a hug.” [04:37]
    • Tino: “...some of the other kids who we knew did better than us on tests end up getting B's and stuff.” [04:23]
  • Discussion on double standards about male vs. female professors giving preferential treatment.

C. The Power of Tears

• Jacqueline Taylor’s Anecdote ([05:37])
  • Used crying as a strategy in a professor’s office to move from a D to a B:
    • “I pulled the girl card out and went to my professor, who was an older man, and sat in his office and cried.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:37]
    • “I was going to get a D and I got a B.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:50]
  • Discussion on the “best crier” from Beth, exploring the strategic use of emotion.

D. Casual Professor Relationships

• Unnamed Female Caller ([06:46], recounted briefly)
  • Missed call but referenced: Would regularly go for drinks with professors (no flirting) and saw her grades benefit as a result.

E. Doing Professors’ Errands—and Crossing the Line

• Jesse’s Story ([07:02])
  • Missed a lot of classes, convinced the professor to let her do “personal projects,” which escalated to cleaning his house…in a cheerleading uniform!
    • “He has a cheerleading uniform out for me...I just like to, you know, see you cleaning.” — Jesse [08:21-08:40]
    • “...what a wacky guy, you know, and what a perv. But I mean, hey, I got a B plus in the class.” — Jesse [08:59]
  • Shocking Twist: The class she did this for was “ethics.”
    • “Funny enough, it was ethics class.” — Jesse [09:55]
    • Bert: “No, it was not. No, it was not.” [09:58]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On mass cheating:
  “So 37 of us got history degrees from Ball State university.” — Mark [03:11]
• On flirt-for-grade strategy:
  “Why don't you just give me a hug and I'll give you an A.” — Tino (relaying professor’s words) [04:15]
• Host’s commentary:
  “So that's for a hug.” — Bert [04:37]
  “If she's an uglier teacher, she doesn't get a lot of attention from good looking guys?” — Anonymous [04:53]
• On the use of tears:
  “I pulled the girl card out and went to my professor…and sat in his office and cried.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:37] “I was going to get a D and I got a B.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:50]
• Crossing ethical lines:
  “He has a cheerleading uniform out for me...” — Jesse [08:21]
  “Funny enough, it was ethics class.” — Jesse [09:55] “No, it was not. No, it was not.” — Bert [09:58]

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Key Timestamps

• [01:49] – Bert sets up the episode’s premise about finals and unconventional grade-boosting.
• [02:33] – Mark describes switching majors and group cheating.
• [03:30] – Tino shares about flirting with a professor for grades.
• [05:37] – Jacqueline Taylor discusses crying to a professor to raise her grade.
• [06:46] – Brief mention of a caller who got good grades by drinking with professors.
• [07:02] – Jesse’s story about cleaning her professor’s house—then revealing it was for an ethics class [09:55].

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Tone & Atmosphere

The conversation is vivid, irreverent, and full of both light-hearted confession and disbelief at how far some people (and professors) are willing to go. The cast teases out every scandalous or ridiculous twist, with listeners and hosts riffing on double standards and the questionable boundaries between teachers and students.

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Summary Takeaways

• The episode reveals the unusual, often ethically ambiguous, methods some students have used to pass classes—ranging from harmless group efforts and emotional manipulation to uncomfortable (and at times inappropriate) favors for professors.
• The tone remains comedic but also veers into thought-provoking territory, especially with stories that raise questions about gender, power, and professional boundaries in education.
• Listeners leave entertained, wide-eyed, and probably a bit shocked at both the creativity and the audacity on display.

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Note: Ads, intro/outro, and sponsorships were omitted from this summary to focus on the core content discussed by the hosts and callers.

Transcript

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[Host (Bert)]

Get it the Bird show we were just talking yesterday about UGA having their finals. This is a really stressful time if you're in college right now because your finals this week.

[Jan]

I know. And then they always seem to line them up where you'll have like one on Tuesday and then five on Friday.

[Host (Bert)]

And most do the right thing study for your test even if it's cramming in order to get that good grade. But let's say you haven't done that and you know you're going into the final, and it just doesn't matter. I mean, you are. You're. You're screwed. You're totally screwed. We want to know, other than studying, what did you do to get a better grade? And the phone lines are lit up with people. And Mark here would like to use the voice disguiser. Good morning, Mark. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Mark]

Hey, Bert. How are you?

[Host (Bert)]

Good, sir. And you?

[Mark]

I'm doing all right.

[Christy]

All right.

[Host (Bert)]

What'd you do other than study and to assure that you're gonna get a good grade?

[Mark]

Well, I went to school in Indiana, and I was in a fraternity, and we basically like to party a lot. Penny pitcher night. Go out pretty much every night of the week. So we got to a point where we realized that we were all not really going anywhere fast with our majors. So we all switched our major to history, and we started realizing that if we did the projects, we could pass them around because you have pretty much the same history courses. So 37 of us got history degrees from Ball State university.

[Host (Bert)]

There were 37 of you guys that switched your majors to history so you could all cheat off each other.

[Mark]

That's correct.

[Beth]

And keep partying. That is fun.

[Host (Bert)]

God bless the Hoosiers. Thank you, sir, and good morning. Tino. We don't need the voice disguiser for this. Jeff. You're on all the hits Q100. Tino.

[Tino]

Yes, yes.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's up, man?

[Tino]

Not much, man. How you doing? I love your show.

[Host (Bert)]

Thank you, sir.

[Tino]

Appreciate it.

[Mark]

Well, when I was.

[Tino]

I graduated last year from college, I went to a small private school up in Rome, Georgia. And my buddy and I, we used to just flirt a lot with our female professors. And I think it very much paid.

[Host (Bert)]

Off because you ended up getting a what?

[Tino]

Well, there was this one professor, and we went on a study abroad trip with her, and it was really, really laid back. There was not a whole lot of work to be done in that class. And when we got back, she just happened to be our human sexuality professor. And we ended up not doing too well on tests. We got, you know, C's and B's, and somehow we pulled an A in the class.

[Host (Bert)]

What a struggle.

[Tino]

Yeah. I don't know what. I mean. People can say what they want, but my one friend, actually, he went to ask her what his final grade was, and she's like, well, you know, I don't know what it is right now. Why don't you just give me a hug and I'll give you An A. And he did. And, I mean, I had an A, and we both had A's. And some of the other kids who we knew did better than us on tests end up getting B's and stuff.

[Host (Bert)]

So that's for a hug.

[Jan]

Was she an attractive female professor?

[Tino]

Um, yeah. I mean, she was. Okay. Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

Yeah.

[Tino]

I mean, she was.

[Host (Bert)]

What are you inferring, Jan? What are you inferring?

[Jan]

I don't know. I just was asking.

[Host (Bert)]

I don't know. I do know, but I don't want to say. What are you saying?

[Caller/Commentator]

If she's an uglier teacher, she doesn't get a lot of attention from good looking guys?

[Tino]

Well, no, she wasn't ugly, but I mean, she was definitely much older than the girls I dated.

[Jesse]

So, I mean, what are you thinking?

[Host (Bert)]

What were you thinking? That's what I thought you were saying also.

[Jan]

I just was asking, what were you thinking? I wasn't thinking anything.

[Host (Bert)]

Tina, what school was that?

[Tino]

Well, it was Barry College up in Rome, Georgia.

[Host (Bert)]

Okay, thank you, sir. All right, so just a hug. You get an A for a hug up there.

[Beth]

Now, if that was a male, I'm just, you know, when it's a female, is he funny? But I'm just thinking, man, if it was a sorority girl and a male, you know, say, hey, just come here and give me a hug.

[Christy]

It's creepy.

[Beth]

I don't know why there's a double.

[Host (Bert)]

Standard, other way around. It's okay.

[Beth]

Yeah, well, it shouldn't be okay, but it doesn't seem as offensive. I don't know why.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Beth?

[Jacqueline Taylor]

Yes?

[Host (Bert)]

Other than studying, what did you do to get a good grade?

[Jesse]

I cried.

[Jacqueline Taylor]

I pulled the girl card out and went to my professor, who was an older man, and sat in his office and cried.

[Host (Bert)]

What were you gonna get? And then after the cry, what did you end up getting?

[Jacqueline Taylor]

I was going to get a D and I got a B.

[Beth]

All right, I'm calling out Jacqueline Taylor, a girl I went to high school with. She was the best crier of anybody I knew. She could turn it on and off and she used it and I mean, she had it and she used it, and I'm sure she got away with a lot of stu.

[Jacqueline Taylor]

That's exactly what I did. I knew how to turn on the tears, and so I had them ready for about two minutes and went into his office and sat there and cried.

[Host (Bert)]

I want to hear this Academy Award performance. I want to hear a little bit of that. Come on, turn it on.

[Jacqueline Taylor]

I can't do it right now. I want to see it in person, for it to be as believable.

[Host (Bert)]

Why was that grade so important for you to have to go to such extreme measures?

[Jacqueline Taylor]

Well, I went to Georgia Tech, and a D meant that I was going to have to take the class over again. And so he just volunteered to be. I didn't even have to volunteer. I was, you know, willing to settle for a C in the class just so I wouldn't have to take it over.

[Host (Bert)]

Thank you. We just lost somebody on that wanted to go on the voice disguiser that was claiming she used to go out to have drinks with her professors all the time and she got a good grade just because she was having drinks with them.

[Caller/Commentator]

Because she was, you know, just. She wasn't flirting or anything.

[Host (Bert)]

She was just trying casual. Jesse, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Jesse]

Hey, how you doing?

[Host (Bert)]

Good. How are you doing?

[Jesse]

Great.

[Host (Bert)]

What college we talking about?

[Jesse]

Well, it was out of State college. I don't really want to say, though, because, I don't know, it was a while ago, but I mean, I just don't really want to say.

[Host (Bert)]

Can you tell us what state?

[Jesse]

Well, no, I just don't really want to say.

[Beth]

Well, there's a lot of colleges where I stay and we can't guess it by degree back.

[Host (Bert)]

Yeah, they can't take your grade away now.

[Jesse]

Well, it was really a weird situation. I never went to class to this one class. And I ended up missing like four pop quizzes. And there was just definitely no way to pass. And I went to my professor and I made up some really crazy excuse. And I've even forgotten what it was right now.

[Beth]

But.

[Jesse]

He said, well, you know, I'll let you do some personal projects for me. Some, you know, like running errands and cleaning for him and filing and things like that. So I got about two weeks into it. I was cleaning at his house. And this might sound like very movie ish or something.

[Caller/Commentator]

You were cleaning his house?

[Jesse]

But next thing I know, he has a cheerleading uniform out for me.

[Host (Bert)]

To.

[Jesse]

Wear while I'm cleaning.

[Host (Bert)]

Wait, we gotta back up here for a second. So you're cleaning his house and he breaks out a cheerleading uniform and hands it to you?

[Jesse]

Good question, right? Yeah. I really want you to wear this while you're cleaning.

[Beth]

Oh, no.

[Jan]

Which means you weren't the first one to wear it, honey.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I was a little freaked out about it, but he didn't try to lay a hand on me. He didn't touch me, he didn't say anything sexual to me.

[Beth]

But so you put it on.

[Caller/Commentator]

How did you.

[Beth]

Wait, hold on. So you put it on?

[Jesse]

I did.

[Mark]

I did.

[Jesse]

I just. And I was like, well, what's this about? And he was like, I just. I just like to, you know, see you cleaning. And so. So I put it down, and, yeah, I cleaned in it. He didn't ever do anything to me. And I thought, well, what a wacky guy, you know, and what a perv. But, I mean, hey, I got a B plus in the class.

[Caller/Commentator]

Did you have to spend. Did you have to spend any time thinking about. From the time that he, you know. Here. I'm gonna give you some extra credit, but it involves cleaning my house. Like, did you sleep on that, or did you just kind of go, okay, or.

[Jesse]

Well, I just kind of went okay on that. I didn't really feel threatened or anything at the time, so.

[Jan]

Just curious.

[Jesse]

I don't know. I guess I was young and naive, but I don't know. I didn't feel threatened by him at all. But the cheerleading uniform was really crazy when I look back now.

[Jan]

So what class was it?

[Jesse]

Funny enough, it was ethics class.

[Host (Bert)]

No, it was not. No, it was not.

[Jesse]

Yeah, it was.

[Beth]

You couldn't write that better.

[Host (Bert)]

Uh, you really couldn't. So, degrading enough that he wants you to clean the house, then ultra degrading that he wants you to put the cheerleading uniform on. And the top of the whole thing is an ethics class.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

Beautiful. Thank you.

[Jesse]

Thanks.

[Host (Bert)]

Bye.

[Mark]

Bye.

[Host (Bert)]

Get it? The Birch Show.