The Bert Show – Vault: What Did You Do To Pass A Class?

Episode Date: January 9, 2026
Host: Bert (and cast, incl. Jan, Beth, Christy)
Theme:
This episode dives into the unforgettable, sometimes questionable, and often hilarious ways people have managed to pass a class without relying solely on studying. Through listener call-ins and cast anecdotes, the show exposes everything from strategic major changes and harmless manipulation to truly outrageous (and ethically dubious) stories of how students boosted their grades.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Finals Week Pressure & Prompt for Stories

• [01:49] Bert sets the stage, reminding listeners of the stress around college finals:
  • “Most do the right thing, study for your test… But let’s say you haven’t done that… what did you do to get a better grade?”

2. Call-Ins: Unconventional (and Questionable) Methods for Passing

A. Group Degree “Collusion”

• Mark’s Story ([02:33])
  • Mark admits to switching majors with his fraternity brothers at Ball State University so they could all recycle projects and assignments:
    • “So 37 of us got history degrees from Ball State university.” — Mark [03:11]
  • Bert’s reaction:
    • “There were 37 of you guys that switched your majors to history so you could all cheat off each other.” — Bert [03:11]
  • Memorable Moment: The combination of fraternity camaraderie and collective academic laziness.

B. Flirting to Victory

• Tino’s Tale ([03:30])
  • Shared how he and a friend flirted with a female professor during a study abroad trip; they ended up with undeserved A’s, despite poor test performance.
    • “Why don't you just give me a hug and I'll give you an A.” — Tino relaying professor’s words [04:15]
    • Bert: “So that's for a hug.” [04:37]
    • Tino: “...some of the other kids who we knew did better than us on tests end up getting B's and stuff.” [04:23]
  • Discussion on double standards about male vs. female professors giving preferential treatment.

C. The Power of Tears

• Jacqueline Taylor’s Anecdote ([05:37])
  • Used crying as a strategy in a professor’s office to move from a D to a B:
    • “I pulled the girl card out and went to my professor, who was an older man, and sat in his office and cried.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:37]
    • “I was going to get a D and I got a B.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:50]
  • Discussion on the “best crier” from Beth, exploring the strategic use of emotion.

D. Casual Professor Relationships

• Unnamed Female Caller ([06:46], recounted briefly)
  • Missed call but referenced: Would regularly go for drinks with professors (no flirting) and saw her grades benefit as a result.

E. Doing Professors’ Errands—and Crossing the Line

• Jesse’s Story ([07:02])
  • Missed a lot of classes, convinced the professor to let her do “personal projects,” which escalated to cleaning his house…in a cheerleading uniform!
    • “He has a cheerleading uniform out for me...I just like to, you know, see you cleaning.” — Jesse [08:21-08:40]
    • “...what a wacky guy, you know, and what a perv. But I mean, hey, I got a B plus in the class.” — Jesse [08:59]
  • Shocking Twist: The class she did this for was “ethics.”
    • “Funny enough, it was ethics class.” — Jesse [09:55]
    • Bert: “No, it was not. No, it was not.” [09:58]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On mass cheating:
  “So 37 of us got history degrees from Ball State university.” — Mark [03:11]
• On flirt-for-grade strategy:
  “Why don't you just give me a hug and I'll give you an A.” — Tino (relaying professor’s words) [04:15]
• Host’s commentary:
  “So that's for a hug.” — Bert [04:37]
  “If she's an uglier teacher, she doesn't get a lot of attention from good looking guys?” — Anonymous [04:53]
• On the use of tears:
  “I pulled the girl card out and went to my professor…and sat in his office and cried.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:37] “I was going to get a D and I got a B.” — Jacqueline Taylor [05:50]
• Crossing ethical lines:
  “He has a cheerleading uniform out for me...” — Jesse [08:21]
  “Funny enough, it was ethics class.” — Jesse [09:55] “No, it was not. No, it was not.” — Bert [09:58]

Key Timestamps

• [01:49] – Bert sets up the episode’s premise about finals and unconventional grade-boosting.
• [02:33] – Mark describes switching majors and group cheating.
• [03:30] – Tino shares about flirting with a professor for grades.
• [05:37] – Jacqueline Taylor discusses crying to a professor to raise her grade.
• [06:46] – Brief mention of a caller who got good grades by drinking with professors.
• [07:02] – Jesse’s story about cleaning her professor’s house—then revealing it was for an ethics class [09:55].

Tone & Atmosphere

The conversation is vivid, irreverent, and full of both light-hearted confession and disbelief at how far some people (and professors) are willing to go. The cast teases out every scandalous or ridiculous twist, with listeners and hosts riffing on double standards and the questionable boundaries between teachers and students.

Summary Takeaways

• The episode reveals the unusual, often ethically ambiguous, methods some students have used to pass classes—ranging from harmless group efforts and emotional manipulation to uncomfortable (and at times inappropriate) favors for professors.
• The tone remains comedic but also veers into thought-provoking territory, especially with stories that raise questions about gender, power, and professional boundaries in education.
• Listeners leave entertained, wide-eyed, and probably a bit shocked at both the creativity and the audacity on display.

Note: Ads, intro/outro, and sponsorships were omitted from this summary to focus on the core content discussed by the hosts and callers.