Vault: What did you leave at your ex's place?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – What Did You Leave at Your Ex’s Place?

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively and relatable episode, the Bert Show team digs into the universal—and universally awkward—dilemma of retrieving personal belongings from an ex’s place after a breakup. Listeners and hosts alike share hilarious, cringe-worthy, and sometimes expensive stories of items left behind, and discuss the emotional calculus of whether it’s really worth the hassle to get them back. The tone remains light and comedic, with creative business ideas floated for making the whole process less painful.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Awkward Retrieval: Initiating Contact

• Caller/Listener 1 sets the stage describing the discomfort of having to go back to an ex’s for something important—in this case, sentimental golf clubs gifted by her dad.
  • “I had to go to an ex boyfriend’s house to get some stuff that I had there. It wasn’t a bad breakup or anything like that. It’s just awkward, right?” (01:02)
• Discussion ensues about the best method to reach out—call, email, or text? Most agree on avoiding a phone call.
  • “I chickened on the phone call and I just emailed.” (02:11)
  • “Melissa only communicates with her thumbs.” (01:19)

The ‘Breakup Box’ and Avoiding Face Time

• Radio Co-host imagines a “law” where the ex is out of the house at pickup time to prevent awkward encounters.
  • “If I have to come over after the breakup and pick my stuff up...the law is that you just go.” (02:23)
• Playful suggestions for a “breakup box” or hiring a third party to retrieve belongings.
  • “Somebody that can go pick up your stuff for you.” (03:14)
  • “The breakup box...right next to your Red Box.” (03:20)

Most Valuable Things Left Behind

• Hosts open the phones, asking, “What’s the most expensive item you ever left at someone else’s house just because...you didn’t want to see them again?” (03:37)
• Caller/Listener 1 jokes about exceptional cases—“I wonder if somebody left, like, a car or, you know, major piece of jewelry or like a condo, like a house.” (03:57)
• A serious discussion about when enough time has passed that it’s too late to ask for your stuff back, illustrated by Caller/Listener 2’s painting lost 15 years ago.
  • "No, there’s no way that like years later, ‘hey, can I have my painting back?’" (04:23)

Sneaky Moves & Gradual Exfiltration

• Radio Co-host tells a story about stealthily removing his things from a partner’s apartment pre-breakup.
  • “Each day I would take another item out of her apartment and bring it back to my house.” (05:03)
  • “It was like one of the original, like, Nintendo games, you know?...So I’m just going to keep the Nintendo there.” (05:31)

Call-In Highlights: Listeners on What They Left Behind

• Elizabeth (Caller/Listener 5) reluctantly left behind her piano:
  • “I went through a breakup and left the piano. It was big and hard to get in the house and I was done with it and I just left it.” (06:17 - 06:28)
  • Turns out it was only a $200 used Casio; hosts joke about “dog noises” programmed on the keys (06:46 - 06:54)
• Another listener went nuclear:
  • “I left everything. Like my sofa, pictures on the wall, dishes, silverware…No, I took my dog, I took my clothes and got in my car and left and haven’t been back since.” (07:15 - 07:25)
  • Reason? “I moved to New Jersey to be with him and it didn’t work out and I was just over it...he was a jerk.” (07:34)
• Rick upped the ante:
  • “I left a ranger bass boat.” (07:59)
  • On its value: “About 25.” (meaning $25,000) (08:11)
  • Panel jokes about the extreme cost of avoiding that awkward moment.

Creative (But Half-Serious) Business Models

• Caller/Listener 2: “They should just have a company that comes and just grab the stuff and just have it on hold for like 90 days in case somebody wants to come and get it.” (08:31)
• Radio Co-host: “Like the eBay stores...they’re attached to every eBay store is the breakup box.” (08:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Radio Co-host (on awkward retrievals):
  “As the person that owns the apartment or the house...just go. I don’t want to be there. I want to see you as much as you want to see me.” (02:23)
• Caller/Listener 1:
  “Had it been a pair of shoes or, you know, something...who cares? But golf clubs are expensive. It was a gift from my dad. I wanted to use them again, so I had to, like, go through with it.” (03:57)
• Radio Co-host (on the art of the pre-breakup extraction):
  “When Chandra and I broke up...each day I would take another item out of her apartment and bring it back to my house.” (05:03)
• Caller/Listener 5 (on leaving everything):
  “I took my dog, I took my clothes and got in my car and left and haven’t been back since.” (07:25)
• Caller/Listener 4 (on the bass boat):
  “I left a ranger bass boat.” (07:59)
  • “How bad was this relationship that you’re like, you can have the boat?” – Radio Co-host (08:04)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:02 - Caller sets up the dilemma of retrieving stuff from an ex
• 02:23 - "Law" idea for ex to leave premises during pickup
• 03:20 - “Breakup box” and business ideas for pickup services
• 05:03 - Story of sneakily removing items pre-breakup
• 06:17–06:28 - Listener who left a piano (Elizabeth)
• 07:15–07:25 - Listener who left everything but her dog and clothes
• 07:59–08:11 - Listener who left a $25,000 bass boat
• 08:31 - Suggestions of a holding service/store for exes’ stuff

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Overall Tone & Conclusion

The episode is packed with laughs, self-deprecating stories, and moments of commiseration that anyone who’s lived through a breakup can relate to. The hosts’ camaraderie and the listeners’ candid admissions make for an energetic, engaging, and even cathartic discussion about the things—literal and emotional—we leave behind after love is lost.

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Transcript

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[Radio Co-host]

Hey, the Bird show last week.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I had to have a little bit of an uncomfortable situation and I'm wondering if others have just avoided it altogether. Okay. Cause I would have preferred to avoid this situation completely just cause it's awkward, just uncomfortable. But I had to go to an ex boyfriend's house to get some stuff that I had there. And it wasn't a bad breakup or anything like that. It's just awkward, right?

[Caller/Listener 2]

It's just weird.

[Caller/Listener 1]

It's like hey, I don't know all of that.

[Caller/Listener 2]

That.

[Caller/Listener 1]

But it was because he had some of my golf clubs and my dad actually had given me those golf clubs for a gift. And when my dad came in town for the Masters, he was asking about golf. I'm all inspired to play golf again. I've got some lessons coming up and my dad had given me this one specific putter that I had left with the ex boyfriend. Hadn't used it, hadn't really thought about it until all the golf stuff came up. I've got lessons coming up so I'm like okay, I gotta go get that back. You know. So it's like, okay. Then you go through the whole thing like do you make the call or is it an email or is it a text message or like what's the most appropriate way or whatever. So I chickened on the phone call and I just emailed.

[Caller/Listener 2]

That's a good idea. Or 10. I would have emailed.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You would have emailed? Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Did you?

[Caller/Listener 2]

But I don't use the phone.

[Caller/Listener 1]

That's Right. Melissa only communicates with her thumbs.

[Caller/Listener 2]

I cannot communicate with my voice. There should be.

[Radio Co-host]

I've got a couple of thoughts on this. It could be law. You could write like a love law, that if I have to come over after the breakup and pick my stuff up, that as the person that owns the apartment or the house, the law is that you just go. If I. Because I don't want to be there. I want to see you as much as you want to see me. Right. So if I leave the house open, you come in, you must just get your stuff and take off.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Yeah, it's one of those things, like, I know he's moved on, I've moved on. It's fine. It wasn't like any. Something dramatic. It's fine.

[Caller/Listener 3]

You know, if the subject line of your email was, get my putter.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He.

[Caller/Listener 3]

He totally thought he was gonna hook up with you.

[Caller/Listener 1]

No, that wasn't it. But it was fine. So, you know, but it is that. It's that awkward five minutes of conversation, like, how have you been?

[Radio Co-host]

I'm like, I just wish you could, like, have somebody go and pick it up for you. Or there was a box.

[Caller/Listener 1]

So immature. Like, I can't. My friend's gonna come over and get my stuff.

[Caller/Listener 2]

But if it was a business. That's a business opportunity.

[Radio Co-host]

Drop off box or something. Or somebody that can go pick up your stuff for you.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Yes. You hire somebody to go pick up your stuff.

[Radio Co-host]

The breakup box or someplace where you just drop it off. It's right next to your red box.

[Caller/Listener 1]

That's right.

[Radio Co-host]

It's the breakup box.

[Caller/Listener 2]

That's right.

[Radio Co-host]

You put a label.

[Caller/Listener 2]

See what happens is you go to the breakup box and then you're all depressed about, oh, my God, that was so awkward. Then you go to the red box and read a nice romantic movie, and then you're all good again.

[Radio Co-host]

I want to know what's the most expensive item that you ever left at somebody else's house just because you're over the relationship. And rather than see them again and go through all that anxiety, we want to know what is the most expensive, like, most prized possession?

[Caller/Listener 4]

You.

[Radio Co-host]

You just said you just left. Yeah, just left it. Keep it. I don't wanna deal with it. 404-741. Q100.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Yeah. Cause had it been a pair of shoes or, you know, something, whatever, who cares? I would've just never, ever brought it up again. But golf clubs are expensive. It was a gift from my dad. I wanted to use them again, so I had to, like, go through with it. But I did think. I thought, I wonder if somebody left like a car or like a, you know, major piece of jewelry what looks

[Commercial Announcer]

like a condo, like a house.

[Radio Co-host]

I don't even want the house. Just take it. I don't want the deed.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Nothing.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Avoiding the awkward conversation. Cause it was so uncomfort.

[Caller/Listener 2]

And is there a time limit? Because there was one time where I, years ago, when I realized I didn't have something when I moved and I realized I must have left it in X's and I just. And it was a painting that my mother had done. And I mean, this. I'm talking this like 15 years ago. No, I didn't. Because I had been. It had been a couple years. And then I thought, well, that's where it has to be. But yeah, no, there's no way that like years later, hey, can I have my painting back?

[Radio Co-host]

Yeah, you can.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Because she probably knocked it over.

[Caller/Listener 1]

She probably had gotten rid of it. Had it been six months later, would you have gone?

[Caller/Listener 2]

Oh, probably. But yeah, years later, it was probably in a yard sale somewhere. Yeah.

[Radio Co-host]

I told you guys, when Chandra and I broke up, you know, we're pretty much living together, and I didn't think she was all that bright. So each day I would take another item out of her apartment and bring it back to my house. So it would be like shorts and socks one day.

[Caller/Listener 4]

Yeah.

[Radio Co-host]

And then it would be like a little league trophy.

[Caller/Listener 1]

That's like when you're about to quit your job. People who know they're gonna quit their job, their desks have nothing on it.

[Radio Co-host]

You start weaning, right? You start weaning.

[Caller/Listener 2]

You open their drawers, there's nothing in there.

[Radio Co-host]

And the big catch was, I mean, it was like one of the original, like, Nintendo games, you know? And at the very end, I felt okay. I got everything, and she hasn't said a word about it. I got all my trophies. I got my electronic football game that goes vibrates and everything. She didn't get any of that. So I'm just going to keep the Nintendo there. And I did. I left. And so happy that I had my life and not my Nintendo. Because had I gone back one more time, I'm pretty sure she would have killed me.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Or you'd be back in a relationship with her.

[Caller/Listener 3]

She's a total keeper, though, for letting you keep that vibrating football game over at her house. What made you think I got to take this over to my girlfriend's place?

[Radio Co-host]

Well, I understand why she kept it. Hey, Elizabeth. Good morning. You're on Q100 what do you mean, good morning?

[Caller/Listener 3]

Hey.

[Caller/Listener 5]

I went through a breakup and left the piano.

[Caller/Listener 4]

It was so big.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Oh, man.

[Radio Co-host]

Oh, really?

[Caller/Listener 5]

I know.

[Caller/Listener 4]

Isn't that crazy?

[Caller/Listener 3]

Are you a pianist?

[Caller/Listener 5]

It was big and hard to get in the house and I was done

[Caller/Listener 4]

with it and I just left it.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You're like, I don't want to get in that conversation.

[Radio Co-host]

How much are we talking about that thing's worth?

[Caller/Listener 5]

Well, I bought it used and I bought it for like 200 bucks.

[Radio Co-host]

Oh, okay. It's not that bad.

[Caller/Listener 4]

It wasn't too bad if it's like

[Radio Co-host]

one of those classical, you know, the baby grands. Baby grands could cost you thousands of dollars.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I know.

[Caller/Listener 2]

It was a little Casio. It was fine on.

[Caller/Listener 1]

It was like the mall one.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Yeah, it's the one that was.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 2]

It was programmed to. To do dog noises every time you hit the key. So it's okay, right?

[Caller/Listener 3]

Right now,

[Radio Co-host]

Whenever I play my midi, I think of you, Lisa. The most expensive item that you left over at an exes just so you didn't have to go back and deal with it.

[Caller/Listener 5]

I left everything. Like my sofa, pictures on the wall, dishes, silverware.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Ooh.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Shouldn't he have gone?

[Commercial Voice]

Everything?

[Caller/Listener 1]

Everything. And you never went back for any of it?

[Caller/Listener 5]

No, I took my dog, I took my clothes and got in my car and left and haven't been back since.

[Radio Host]

Wow.

[Caller/Listener 1]

But why?

[Caller/Listener 2]

That's your stuff.

[Caller/Listener 5]

Well, I had like, I moved to New Jersey to be with him and it didn't work out and I was just over it like he was a jerk. And I was like, I don't want to be with you, so.

[Radio Co-host]

I can understand it. You're just gonna exhaust. You're fatigued and you don't even care.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Never mind. I just can't deal.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Right.

[Radio Co-host]

There's somebody called up with a big screen tv. They left that. But we're not going to get any better than this one right here. Good morning, rick. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller/Listener 4]

Hey.

[Radio Co-host]

Hey.

[Caller/Listener 4]

I left a ranger bass boat.

[Radio Co-host]

A boat?

[Caller/Listener 2]

Really?

[Radio Co-host]

How bad was this relationship that you're like, you can have the boat?

[Caller/Listener 4]

Bad. It was real bad.

[Radio Co-host]

How much is the boat worth?

[Caller/Listener 4]

About 25.

[Caller/Listener 1]

25, 2500. You know, you can just tow that thing. Just put your car back it on in and take it on out.

[Caller/Listener 2]

It would have taken too long from put the hitch on and she has

[Radio Co-host]

to stand outside there while they're hitching and all that.

[Caller/Listener 2]

They just want to get away.

[Radio Co-host]

Too much time to talk during the day.

[Caller/Listener 1]

How's it been going Good. How's your pets? How's your family?

[Caller/Listener 2]

Oh, but yeah, a business for a draw your ex. Because you know the people that have it and it was a bad. If it was a bad breakup, don't want that stuff in their house. So what are they gonna do with it? So they should just have a company that come and just grab the stuff and just have it on hold for like 90 days in case somebody wants to come and get it.

[Radio Co-host]

Or it's its own store. Like the ebay stores. Yeah, they're attached to every ebay store is the breakup box.

[Caller/Listener 2]

The breakup box.

[Radio Co-host]

You just go and drop yourself.

[Caller/Listener 1]

It's like the little annex.

[Radio Host]

The third show it is.

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