Vault: What Do You Do If Your Friend Is A Social Bomber?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do If Your Friend Is A Social Bomber?

Original Air Date: March 19, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Main Theme: How to recognize, deal with, or help a “social bomber”—someone who unintentionally kills the vibe or dominates and derails group conversations—for better or (usually) worse.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show centers around the concept of the "social bomber"—a person who enters a social situation and, either through dominating or derailing conversation, brings the fun and energy to a halt. The hosts and callers share stories, identify the symptoms, and discuss whether there’s any hope for changing or confronting a social bomber, all while riffing with their trademark humor and insight.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is a Social Bomber?

• Definition & Dynamics
  • "A social bomber is a person that...enters and instantly is the buzz kill, starts to dominate the conversation and makes it so difficult for everybody around you that the fun's over at that point."
    — Bert (00:44)
  • Often, this person is a "fringer": not a total outsider, but not really part of the group’s core dynamic (03:13).

2. Example Story: The Whiskey Park Incident

• Memorable Moment
  • The hosts recall a story involving Randy Gerber at a bar opening.
    "And out of nowhere comes this social bomber...He pops right up and it's the three of us talking about Tucson, Arizona, and all of a sudden, boom."
    — Host (01:50)
  • "He has social bomber sense. Randy does." (02:17)
  • Gerber deftly escapes—"A little bit like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix"—while the co-hosts are "stuck in the wake." (02:41)

3. Social Bomber Behavior Traits

• Domination and Disruption
  • "They don't have the skills to hang around the conversation...They just come in and usually completely change the subject." (03:17)
  • "If you're sitting there...talking about how maybe you got some plane troubles...someone jumps in with their own unrelated or self-focused story..." (03:39)
  • "The problem is if you're the social bomber, you don't know you are." (04:08)

4. Caller Stories

• Sean’s Struggle with His Social Bomber Wife (04:20 - 06:15)

  • "I can honestly say my wife is a social bomber...I'll start telling a story and she'll say, 'No, you didn’t. No, you didn’t. This is what happens.'...Now she's trying to call me out on everything I'm saying."
  • Sean goes quiet or walks away, even telling stories to their children undermined by his wife: "It’s gotten so bad...my daughter got all upset and cried about it." (05:33)

• Doug’s Voice-Disguised Confession (07:14 - 08:21)

  • As an educator, Doug dishes on a co-worker:
    "If we're in the lounge, we're talking about something...She comes in...kills everything in every conversation...The kids don't even want to have a conversation with her anymore." (07:16)
  • "Once you're an established social bomber, I don't think your status can ever change." —Bert (08:01)

• Martha: The Self-Aware Social Bomber (08:34 - 10:55)

  • Host: "Martha says she knows she's a social bomber."
  • Martha: "I'm like the spoiled little girl now...all the attention...I just can't help it." (09:22, 09:43)
  • Hosts offer advice:
    • "Take the word 'me' and 'I' out of your vocabulary and then talk about what everybody else...is talking about." (10:00)
    • "Ask questions...then you’re interested in what the person is saying who’s talking." (10:20)

• Tamara’s Social Bomber Son (11:19)

  • "My son...is becoming a social bomber really fast...Everyone wants to walk off and he’s only 13."
  • Host: "There's still time...You have to cut her [grandmother] off immediately...burn the village in a case like this." (11:35-11:43) [jokingly]

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Symptoms & Signs of a Social Bomber

• Disjointed Group Dynamics:
  • "If the group's having a conversation and it's immediately silent, you are the social bomber." —Hosts (06:57)
  • "If you walk into a party and everyone breaks up...then you know you're the social bomber." (10:57)
• Unwanted Reaction:
  • "You can feel the energy...just deflate." (06:15)
  • "They generally don't ever pick up on it, that nobody wants to talk to them." (08:21)
• Me-Me-Me Syndrome:
  • "It's like me, me, me, me, me. You become the one upper." (10:20)

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Solutions and Can You Change a Social Bomber?

• Awareness is Rare:
  • "A social bomber would never recognize themselves as a social bomber." (06:21)
• Tips for Improvement:
  • "Take the word 'me' and 'I' out of your vocabulary." (10:00)
  • "Ask questions...about what they're talking about and that helps you..." (10:20)
• Realism and Humor:
  • Some feel it’s unchangeable: "Once you're an established social bomber, I don't think your status can ever change." (08:01)
  • The suggestion to assign “homework” to Martha to practice self-awareness. (10:49)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “A social bomber is a person that...enters and instantly is the buzz kill, starts to dominate the conversation...”
  — Bert (00:44)

• “It's like throwing a giant bucket of water on a little fire, because it immediately and instantly smothers the whole thing...”
  — Host (01:12)

• “You can feel the energy in the conversation or the room just deflate.”
  — Bert (06:15)

• “If the group's having a conversation and it's immediately silent, you are the social bomber.”
  — Hosts (06:57)

• "Once you're an established social bomber, I don't think your status can ever change."
  — Bert (08:01)

• “It's better to be a social bomber than a lurker.”
  — Host (09:57)

• “A good thing for social conversations that might help you, Martha, is ask questions...it helps you get into the conversation without seeming like a totally self-centered social work.”
  — Host (10:20)

• “If you come around the corner...the group of people breaks up. Like a football team coming out of the line...then you know, you're the social bomber.”
  — Host (10:57)

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Episode Flow & Structure

• 00:44 – Social bomber defined; initial examples
• 01:12 - 03:39 – Classic social bombing incident; “fringer” vs. outsider
• 04:20 - 06:15 – Caller Sean recounts social bomber spouse stories
• 06:15 - 07:04 – Social bombing “symptoms”; how to spot if it’s you
• 07:14 - 08:21 – Doug: workplace social bomber, status never changes
• 08:33 - 10:55 – Martha: self-aware social bomber, hosts offer advice
• 11:19 - 11:43 – Tamara: social bomber son; parents’ influence

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Tone and Takeaway

With equal parts empathy and sarcasm, the hosts create a hilarious, relatable dissection of social group mishaps. The takeaway: almost everyone knows a social bomber—and sometimes, with effort, self-awareness, and gentle correction, it’s possible to change. Most of the time, though, it comes down to group survival tactics and good-natured coping.

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Useful for anyone curious about group dynamics or eager to avoid becoming the “social bomber” themselves.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

all right, so let's try to define here, Jeff, what the social bomber is. A social bomber is a person that when you're out or what have you and you're amongst your group and you're having a great time, you're getting your buzzed on, you're in the middle of conversation. This is a person that enters the and instantly is the buzz kill, starts to dominate the conversation and makes it so difficult for everybody around you that the fun's over at that point.

[C]

I can think of the perfect example because this is a bomb. It's like the equivalent of throwing a giant bucket of fire on a bucket of water on a little fire, because it immediately and instantly smothers the whole thing and back. What was it like six or seven months ago when they opened that W in midtown and that one's Whiskey Park Right up on top. They had the grand opening party for Whiskey park and that dude Gerber, Randy Gerber was on our show that morning.

[D]

Yeah, he's really, really not attractive.

[C]

Right.

[D]

Really glad that he.

[B]

You're being sarcastic.

[D]

Totally sarcastic. All the women at. On Thursday night, we're like swooning. Sorry.

[C]

Well, he was selling bar. He was so not attractive that Jessica wanted to meet him at Whiskey Park. And because I was able to brown nose a little bit when he was here that morning, I saw him walking through the bar and I go, hey, Randy, thanks for coming on the radio this morning, blah, blah, blah. And I introduce him to Jessica and they actually have a little bit of a connection and are talking, I think, about Arizona. And out of nowhere comes this social bomber who is a well known social bomber in our circle. And he pops right up and it's the three of us talking about Tucson, Arizona, and all of a sudden, boom. Hey, great place you got here. Oh, and he. Because I mean, he's in the nightclub business. Right. So he has social bomber sense. Randy does.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

So Randy goes, yep, I gotta go. And that was the end of it.

[B]

It's a little bit like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, just kind of like Ben, you know, like the guys that know how to get around it, can get around it, but the rest of us are stuck there in the wake.

[C]

It took one second, boom, fire, everything out, gone.

[B]

It generally happens to somebody. Yes, it generally is somebody that's from outside of your group and you're having either a one on one or your group is just hanging out and you're all vibing off of each other and then some outside person comes in and starts to dominate the conversation. And then when they're done, they continue to hang out.

[C]

And it's not, it's not a complete outsider, it's a fringer.

[D]

A fringer. But the social bomber also doesn't have the skills to hang around the conversation long enough to listen to maybe what's going on and then maybe start participating slowly. They just come in and usually completely change the subject.

[B]

Totally, totally. And they can't get in in a sly way. Right. They come in again, just ease. It's like throwing a big boulder in the water. It's just, it's done. Yeah.

[C]

Then there's, then there's the me, me, me variety, which is like you're sitting there and you're talking about how like maybe you're having a conversation or something about maybe you got some plane troubles down to Florida and you had to connect to two flights and everything, blah, blah, and everybody's like, oh, man, that sucks. Would you get there in time? How was the convention? I got connected wrong once. I had to go to Charlotte. I was going to Chicago and they connected me through Charlotte. Why isn't anyone paying attention to me?

[B]

Yeah. The problem is if you're the social bomber, you don't know you are. And as Jeff said before, even though we're describing you right now, you still probably have zero idea that you're that person. Hey, Sean, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hey, how's it going, Bert?

[B]

Okay. How are you?

[E]

I'm doing all right. Yeah. I can honestly say my wife is a social bomber. I mean, no matter whether I'm talking to the kids, we're at her parties with her coworkers, I can get along with anybody, talk to anybody, get a conversation going with them, and I mean, she comes right in and kills it. I'll start telling a story and she'll say, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. This is what happens. I'm thinking, okay, I had a whole complete conversation going on here, and now she's trying to call me out on everything I'm saying. So finally I just have to walk away from the whole situation.

[B]

You're a little bit nervous when you go out with your wife in public, aren't you? Like when you're hanging out. Yeah.

[E]

It's almost to the point where when she says she has a social event for her job, kind of thinking, okay, I'll just kind of mingle with the people that she's not talking to, and hopefully she won't come over there and interrupt the conversation.

[D]

Oh, that said, you need to help train her on not being a social bomber.

[B]

You have to somehow, some way educate her. And I don't even know how to do it, man. Because the first thing you have to say is, I have to let you know something.

[D]

Can you tell a social bomber that

[A]

they are the social bomber?

[F]

Or do you just got to let it go?

[E]

You gotta let it go, because they wouldn't know. I've been with her for 19 years, and believe me, I. I've gotten to the point where as soon as she starts getting into the conversation, I just get quiet or I just walk away. It's with the kids. It's got so bad. It's with the kids. One story I was telling the kids About M&Ms, they melt in your mouth, not in your hands. And. And we were making up a theme song for my daughter's class. And she comes right in and says, oh, that's not true. I've had M and M's melt my hands and everything else before. I said, any piece of chocolate melt in your hand if you hold it long enough. It's just their catchphrase. And she started arguing back and forth how easy it is and everything else. My daughter got all upset and cried about it.

[B]

You can feel the energy in the conversation or the room just deflate.

[D]

They suck it.

[B]

Suck it right out.

[C]

You know what maybe we should do? Because a social bomber would never recognize themselves as a social bomber. Like, here are some symptoms of the bomb. Like, if you have called. If I call Jen, Wendy, and Bert, all separately, to find out what's going on tonight. Because Friday night we're all going. I know everybody goes out. They all like to go out. There's something going on. And Jen pulls the. I'm not really sure. And Wendy's like, I don't think I'm going out, and Burt doesn't answer his phone. But then I walk into Dantana's or whatever, and the three of you are there together. That is a sign that I might be the social bomber.

[F]

Or if the.

[D]

If you're like, the group's having a

[A]

conversation and it's immediately silent, you are the social bomber.

[B]

As soon as everyone.

[D]

You can feel it flees.

[A]

If everyone flees.

[B]

Now, I'm gonna put Doug on the voice disguiser here, and then we have a virtual listener that doesn't want to be on the voice disguiser that claims she knows she's a social bomber.

[C]

Maybe we can help her.

[B]

Hey, Doug, go ahead. You're on the voice disguiser.

[G]

You gotta put me on the voice disguiser because I'm an educator, and we all listen to the bird show in the break room and everything. So I don't want anybody knowing but one of the teachers there. Oh, my God. We just cannot have a conversation with her. If we're in the lounge, we're talking about something that's very personal, like the two people are connecting. And she comes in, if I have to hear another story about her kids again, the same stories that we've already heard, and we don't want to hear them again. She just kills everything in every conversation. It's so bad that when the kids are having fun in her class, I've been in there. They're having fun. She comes over and they're like, instantly don't want to talk anymore. The kids don't even want to have a conversation with her anymore.

[B]

The problem here also is that once you're an established social bomber, I don't think your status can ever change.

[D]

It's difficult.

[G]

So she's, like, had a lot of practice at it, too.

[D]

And it's like, yeah, because you spot her from a mile away. You're like, oh, no, she's on her way. And they never bomb the conversation. Whatever good conversation is going on is about to end.

[B]

They generally don't ever pick up on it, that nobody wants to talk to them because they've just established this. That's it. Socially, it's over. When you come into the circle, it's all done.

[E]

That's it.

[D]

Dead sad.

[B]

Martha says she knows she's a social bomber.

[C]

Oh, no. Really?

[B]

Hey, Martha.

[E]

Hi.

[H]

How are you guys doing?

[B]

It's about to get sad, isn't it?

[H]

Well, yeah, I think it's kind of bad at times.

[C]

Is it something that, you know, you do, like when you're drinking or something, or how do you know?

[H]

Well, the reason I know is just because you know. Well, like you guys said, you're having a conversation and then you're the, oh, this happened to me. Well, I always do the it's me or something like that.

[D]

So you can't help but share your own story.

[H]

Yeah, like I always have to include myself in it and it just gets all quiet.

[B]

Aw, sweetie.

[D]

So if you know that, why don't you maybe change that and just listen to what other people are talking about and participate maybe more slowly or it doesn't have to be about you.

[H]

It's kind of hard because I'm like the spoiled little girl now, like such a daddy girl that all the attention I have my other two brothers, but it's always been about me. So I've tried to just like stay quiet and not say anything, but

[E]

I

[H]

just can't help it.

[B]

It's almost as awkward if you have somebody that comes in to the conversation and doesn't say anything. That's as awkward as being the social bummer. I'd rather you try to say something than just stalky, on the periphery person.

[D]

Well, there's nerves staying there.

[C]

It's better to be a social bomber than a lurker.

[B]

Yeah. I don't even know how to correct it except to say, like Jen said, you know, take the word me and I out of your vocabulary and then talk about what everybody else in the circle is talking about. Because generally, like Jim said, the social bomber, instantly talk turns the corner and there's no relatable story. It's just completely separate.

[D]

It's like me, me, me, me, me. You become the one upper. And I think a good thing for social conversations that might help you, Martha, is ask questions, you know what I'm saying? Because then you're interested in what the person is saying who's talking. So ask them further questions about what they're talking about and then that helps you get into the conversation without seeming like a totally self centered social work.

[C]

Maybe you should take Martha out with your friends this weekend.

[D]

I think she can practice on her own.

[B]

This is an assignment. This could be your own private homework assignment. Thank you.

[H]

All right, thank you, guys.

[C]

Here's another way to tell that you're the social bomber. If you come around the corner, Right. Even at a party you were invited to, they had to invite you because it's your mom's birthday and you come around the corner and the group of people breaks up. Like a football team coming out of the line. Yeah. Like then you know, you're the social bomber.

[A]

Sad.

[B]

Tamara, just really quickly here.

[H]

Yeah. My son hangs with my mom and he's becoming a social bomber really fast. It happened at Christmas and unfortunately he wanted to put 2 cents into everything and everyone wants to walk off and he's only 13.

[B]

There's still time. There's still time for you to train him not to be the social bomber.

[H]

I'm trying, but he likes hanging with my mother and she's the worst social bomber ever.

[B]

You have to cut her off immediately. Cut her off immediately. And don't ever allow her around your children ever again. You have to burn the village in a case like this.

[C]

The Burt Show.

[I]

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[J]

Hi, this is Alex Kanchrowitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

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