The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?

Date: March 23, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into a hilarious and unexpected story from the Bert Show cast: what happens when a handyman confesses his son might have stolen “weed” from the host's home—only for the real culprit to be catnip. The discussion is peppered with wit, self-deprecating humor, and the group’s signature banter about misunderstandings, family dynamics, and what you’d actually do in such a bizarre situation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Curiosity and Listener Engagement

[01:01-01:45] The episode kicks off with a caller asking if the show ever followed up on a previously teased story about “the weed being taken out the house.” The caller reveals she's a new listener but hooked already.
- Quote: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” (Caller, 01:41)
- Tone: Warm, casual, and eager.

2. The Confession: Handyman’s Call

[01:49-04:41] The host (Jeff) shares the meat of the story: he got a strange email from a handyman who’d worked in his home nearly four months prior. The handyman insists on a conversation, hinting it’s somewhat urgent and personal.
Jeff assumes it’s a setup for a personal ask, maybe a family favor. Instead, the handyman reveals he discovered a vial of “weed” in his teenage son’s room, and after interrogating his son, learns the son swiped it while on a job at Jeff’s house.
- Quote: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” (Host/Jeff, 04:11)
- The handyman doesn’t want to get the police involved and hopes for a quiet resolution.

3. Host’s (and Co-host’s) Flabbergasted Reaction

[04:41-05:52] A parade of denials and confusion:
- Jeff flat out denies owning any weed.
- The team jokes about how out of character this would be for him or Jessica (“We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” (Host/Jeff, 04:42)).
- The conversation gets comedically convoluted with everyone denying possession (“It’s not mine.”—[Co-host, 04:53]).

4. Catnip and the Big Reveal

[06:00-07:11] The punchline lands.
- The “weed” vial actually turns out to be catnip, packaged in little clear tubes—leftover from Jessica’s purchase of cat scratchers.
- Jeff only realizes after stumbling upon the vials while searching for a flashlight, putting the pieces together.
- Quote: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” (Co-host, 06:38)
- The group bursts into laughter, imagining a teenager “smoking” catnip and trying to impress friends.

5. Comic Aftermath & Imagined Scenarios

[07:11-07:44] Spiraling into jokes about the “side effects” of the fake weed:
- “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” (Bubba Wallace, 07:44)
- Mocking the idea of teens getting high and running into walls, feeling nothing but headaches or the urge to chase mice.

Memorable Quotes

Caller: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” [01:41]
Host/Jeff: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” [04:11]
Host/Jeff: “We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” [04:42]
Co-host: “It’s not mine.” [04:53]
Co-host: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” [06:38]
Bubba Wallace: “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” [07:44]

Timestamps for Major Segments

[01:01] – Caller asks about the missing story
[01:49] – Story introduction: “Handyman’s call”
[04:11] – The son’s confession and request to return the “weed”
[06:00] – Discovery: it was catnip all along
[07:11] – The aftermath and group joke-spiral

Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is brimming with the show’s trademark blend of absurdity, quick wit, and friendly ribbing. The cast turns a potentially awkward confrontation into a full-on comedy of errors, highlighting the importance of clear communication—and double-checking your junk drawers.

If you missed the episode:

It’s all about mistaken identity—of both substances and intentions.
No weed was present, only catnip, but the confusion spurred a parade of laughs and good-natured chaos.

Perfect for fans of:

Relatable home-life mishaps
Silly but true stories
Jocular morning banter and group chemistry

The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Curiosity and Listener Engagement

[01:01-01:45] The episode kicks off with a caller asking if the show ever followed up on a previously teased story about “the weed being taken out the house.” The caller reveals she's a new listener but hooked already.
- Quote: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” (Caller, 01:41)
- Tone: Warm, casual, and eager.

2. The Confession: Handyman’s Call

[01:49-04:41] The host (Jeff) shares the meat of the story: he got a strange email from a handyman who’d worked in his home nearly four months prior. The handyman insists on a conversation, hinting it’s somewhat urgent and personal.
Jeff assumes it’s a setup for a personal ask, maybe a family favor. Instead, the handyman reveals he discovered a vial of “weed” in his teenage son’s room, and after interrogating his son, learns the son swiped it while on a job at Jeff’s house.
- Quote: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” (Host/Jeff, 04:11)
- The handyman doesn’t want to get the police involved and hopes for a quiet resolution.

3. Host’s (and Co-host’s) Flabbergasted Reaction

[04:41-05:52] A parade of denials and confusion:
- Jeff flat out denies owning any weed.
- The team jokes about how out of character this would be for him or Jessica (“We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” (Host/Jeff, 04:42)).
- The conversation gets comedically convoluted with everyone denying possession (“It’s not mine.”—[Co-host, 04:53]).

4. Catnip and the Big Reveal

[06:00-07:11] The punchline lands.
- The “weed” vial actually turns out to be catnip, packaged in little clear tubes—leftover from Jessica’s purchase of cat scratchers.
- Jeff only realizes after stumbling upon the vials while searching for a flashlight, putting the pieces together.
- Quote: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” (Co-host, 06:38)
- The group bursts into laughter, imagining a teenager “smoking” catnip and trying to impress friends.

5. Comic Aftermath & Imagined Scenarios

[07:11-07:44] Spiraling into jokes about the “side effects” of the fake weed:
- “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” (Bubba Wallace, 07:44)
- Mocking the idea of teens getting high and running into walls, feeling nothing but headaches or the urge to chase mice.

Memorable Quotes

Caller: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” [01:41]
Host/Jeff: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” [04:11]
Host/Jeff: “We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” [04:42]
Co-host: “It’s not mine.” [04:53]
Co-host: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” [06:38]
Bubba Wallace: “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” [07:44]

Timestamps for Major Segments

[01:01] – Caller asks about the missing story
[01:49] – Story introduction: “Handyman’s call”
[04:11] – The son’s confession and request to return the “weed”
[06:00] – Discovery: it was catnip all along
[07:11] – The aftermath and group joke-spiral

Overall Tone & Takeaways

If you missed the episode:

It’s all about mistaken identity—of both substances and intentions.
No weed was present, only catnip, but the confusion spurred a parade of laughs and good-natured chaos.

Perfect for fans of:

Relatable home-life mishaps
Silly but true stories
Jocular morning banter and group chemistry

wavePod

Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Curiosity and Listener Engagement

2. The Confession: Handyman’s Call

3. Host’s (and Co-host’s) Flabbergasted Reaction

4. Catnip and the Big Reveal

5. Comic Aftermath & Imagined Scenarios

Memorable Quotes

Timestamps for Major Segments

Overall Tone & Takeaways

Transcript

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Curiosity and Listener Engagement

2. The Confession: Handyman’s Call

3. Host’s (and Co-host’s) Flabbergasted Reaction

4. Catnip and the Big Reveal

5. Comic Aftermath & Imagined Scenarios

Memorable Quotes

Timestamps for Major Segments

Overall Tone & Takeaways