The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?
Date: March 23, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into a hilarious and unexpected story from the Bert Show cast: what happens when a handyman confesses his son might have stolen “weed” from the host's home—only for the real culprit to be catnip. The discussion is peppered with wit, self-deprecating humor, and the group’s signature banter about misunderstandings, family dynamics, and what you’d actually do in such a bizarre situation.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Caller Curiosity and Listener Engagement
- [01:01-01:45] The episode kicks off with a caller asking if the show ever followed up on a previously teased story about “the weed being taken out the house.” The caller reveals she's a new listener but hooked already.
- Quote: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” (Caller, 01:41)
- Tone: Warm, casual, and eager.
2. The Confession: Handyman’s Call
- [01:49-04:41] The host (Jeff) shares the meat of the story: he got a strange email from a handyman who’d worked in his home nearly four months prior. The handyman insists on a conversation, hinting it’s somewhat urgent and personal.
- Jeff assumes it’s a setup for a personal ask, maybe a family favor. Instead, the handyman reveals he discovered a vial of “weed” in his teenage son’s room, and after interrogating his son, learns the son swiped it while on a job at Jeff’s house.
- Quote: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” (Host/Jeff, 04:11)
- The handyman doesn’t want to get the police involved and hopes for a quiet resolution.
3. Host’s (and Co-host’s) Flabbergasted Reaction
- [04:41-05:52] A parade of denials and confusion:
- Jeff flat out denies owning any weed.
- The team jokes about how out of character this would be for him or Jessica (“We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” (Host/Jeff, 04:42)).
- The conversation gets comedically convoluted with everyone denying possession (“It’s not mine.”—[Co-host, 04:53]).
4. Catnip and the Big Reveal
- [06:00-07:11] The punchline lands.
- The “weed” vial actually turns out to be catnip, packaged in little clear tubes—leftover from Jessica’s purchase of cat scratchers.
- Jeff only realizes after stumbling upon the vials while searching for a flashlight, putting the pieces together.
- Quote: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” (Co-host, 06:38)
- The group bursts into laughter, imagining a teenager “smoking” catnip and trying to impress friends.
5. Comic Aftermath & Imagined Scenarios
- [07:11-07:44] Spiraling into jokes about the “side effects” of the fake weed:
- “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” (Bubba Wallace, 07:44)
- Mocking the idea of teens getting high and running into walls, feeling nothing but headaches or the urge to chase mice.
Memorable Quotes
- Caller: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” [01:41]
- Host/Jeff: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” [04:11]
- Host/Jeff: “We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” [04:42]
- Co-host: “It’s not mine.” [04:53]
- Co-host: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” [06:38]
- Bubba Wallace: “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” [07:44]
Timestamps for Major Segments
- [01:01] – Caller asks about the missing story
- [01:49] – Story introduction: “Handyman’s call”
- [04:11] – The son’s confession and request to return the “weed”
- [06:00] – Discovery: it was catnip all along
- [07:11] – The aftermath and group joke-spiral
Overall Tone & Takeaways
The episode is brimming with the show’s trademark blend of absurdity, quick wit, and friendly ribbing. The cast turns a potentially awkward confrontation into a full-on comedy of errors, highlighting the importance of clear communication—and double-checking your junk drawers.
If you missed the episode:
- It’s all about mistaken identity—of both substances and intentions.
- No weed was present, only catnip, but the confusion spurred a parade of laughs and good-natured chaos.
Perfect for fans of:
- Relatable home-life mishaps
- Silly but true stories
- Jocular morning banter and group chemistry
