The Bert Show – Vault: What Do You Do When Your Handyman Steals From You?

Date: March 23, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into a hilarious and unexpected story from the Bert Show cast: what happens when a handyman confesses his son might have stolen “weed” from the host's home—only for the real culprit to be catnip. The discussion is peppered with wit, self-deprecating humor, and the group’s signature banter about misunderstandings, family dynamics, and what you’d actually do in such a bizarre situation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Curiosity and Listener Engagement

• [01:01-01:45] The episode kicks off with a caller asking if the show ever followed up on a previously teased story about “the weed being taken out the house.” The caller reveals she's a new listener but hooked already.
  • Quote: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” (Caller, 01:41)
  • Tone: Warm, casual, and eager.

2. The Confession: Handyman’s Call

• [01:49-04:41] The host (Jeff) shares the meat of the story: he got a strange email from a handyman who’d worked in his home nearly four months prior. The handyman insists on a conversation, hinting it’s somewhat urgent and personal.
• Jeff assumes it’s a setup for a personal ask, maybe a family favor. Instead, the handyman reveals he discovered a vial of “weed” in his teenage son’s room, and after interrogating his son, learns the son swiped it while on a job at Jeff’s house.
  • Quote: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” (Host/Jeff, 04:11)
  • The handyman doesn’t want to get the police involved and hopes for a quiet resolution.

3. Host’s (and Co-host’s) Flabbergasted Reaction

• [04:41-05:52] A parade of denials and confusion:
  • Jeff flat out denies owning any weed.
  • The team jokes about how out of character this would be for him or Jessica (“We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” (Host/Jeff, 04:42)).
  • The conversation gets comedically convoluted with everyone denying possession (“It’s not mine.”—[Co-host, 04:53]).

4. Catnip and the Big Reveal

• [06:00-07:11] The punchline lands.
  • The “weed” vial actually turns out to be catnip, packaged in little clear tubes—leftover from Jessica’s purchase of cat scratchers.
  • Jeff only realizes after stumbling upon the vials while searching for a flashlight, putting the pieces together.
  • Quote: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” (Co-host, 06:38)
  • The group bursts into laughter, imagining a teenager “smoking” catnip and trying to impress friends.

5. Comic Aftermath & Imagined Scenarios

• [07:11-07:44] Spiraling into jokes about the “side effects” of the fake weed:
  • “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” (Bubba Wallace, 07:44)
  • Mocking the idea of teens getting high and running into walls, feeling nothing but headaches or the urge to chase mice.

Memorable Quotes

• Caller: “Y’all doing an awesome job. Yesterday was my first day, and I thoroughly enjoyed y’all.” [01:41]
• Host/Jeff: “He wanted the son to bring it back to me, but he did not want me to involve the police.” [04:11]
• Host/Jeff: “We don’t smoke weed. We certainly wouldn’t own any. And we don’t. I mean, we really don’t.” [04:42]
• Co-host: “It’s not mine.” [04:53]
• Co-host: “The teenager was smoking catnip.” [06:38]
• Bubba Wallace: “I can’t stop licking myself clean. Let’s go get some mice, bro.” [07:44]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:01] – Caller asks about the missing story
• [01:49] – Story introduction: “Handyman’s call”
• [04:11] – The son’s confession and request to return the “weed”
• [06:00] – Discovery: it was catnip all along
• [07:11] – The aftermath and group joke-spiral

Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is brimming with the show’s trademark blend of absurdity, quick wit, and friendly ribbing. The cast turns a potentially awkward confrontation into a full-on comedy of errors, highlighting the importance of clear communication—and double-checking your junk drawers.

If you missed the episode:

• It’s all about mistaken identity—of both substances and intentions.
• No weed was present, only catnip, but the confusion spurred a parade of laughs and good-natured chaos.

Perfect for fans of:

• Relatable home-life mishaps
• Silly but true stories
• Jocular morning banter and group chemistry