Vault: What Embarrassing Video Do You wish Didn't Exist?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: What Embarrassing Video Do You Wish Didn't Exist?

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Episode Air Date: December 29, 2025
Main Participants: Regular hosts (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy), various callers (Anne, Tia, Tracy, Matt), guest contributors
Episode Theme: Listeners call in to share their most embarrassing video moments they wish never saw the light of day.

---

Episode Overview

This episode revolves around the hilarious, cringeworthy, and sometimes heartfelt stories of listeners (and a few of the hosts) recalling embarrassing videos or photos of themselves that exist—and that they fervently wish would disappear forever. Each story, filled with frank honesty and the Bert Show’s trademark humor, invites empathy and laughter, resonating with anyone who’s ever had a moment they’d want erased from the internet (or their social circles).

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Question of the Hour

• The episode kicks off with the hosts discussing a recent story about a California man who was rescued from a mudslide—only to be filmed without pants, his bare butt immortalized on local news.
  • Host: “He didn’t have any pants on.” (01:36)
• From here, they launch into the central question:

  “What photo? What film of you do you wish doesn’t exist?” (01:48)

---

2. Caller Stories: Embarrassing Videos That Haunt Us

A. Anne & Tia – The College Party Gone Viral

• Anne and Tia spin a hilarious yet mortifying tale of their college party:
  • “We get so drunk the first Friday...start doing this Beyoncé dance...there’s a clip of me with my boob hanging out.” (02:19)
• The kicker: The video ends up online, and Anne cannot convince her friend to take it down:
  • “Till this day, I cannot get my friend to take it off. I hate it so much.” (02:24)

B. Anne – The Car Accident and Infamous Press Photos

• Anne recounts a traumatic high school incident:
  • Involved in a car accident, she was photographed by news crews after her clothes were torn during the rescue.
  • When she returns to school, students have covered her locker with copies of the embarrassing news photo:
    • “My locker was like decoupaged with pictures...my butt was hanging out, my thigh was hanging...one of those days you wish you maybe had just died.” (03:44)
• The hosts offer sympathy but can’t help but riff on the situation’s absurdity.
  • Host: “So you were half flashing the whole world half naked. And luckily the TV crew was right there.” (04:23)

C. Lil – Wedding Potluck & Unwanted Video Confession

• Lil describes a cringe-y wedding moment in the rural South:
  • At her then-fiancé’s cousin’s wedding, she and another future in-law are caught on tape talking smack about their future mother-in-law and how their own weddings wouldn’t be so... “country.”
    • “We were sort of in the background talking about how our wedding was going to be different...they were walking around with the camera...saying, say something nice about the couple...next day at brunch, they played the video.” (06:31)
  • The fallout? The video airs at brunch, with everyone (including the mother-in-law) present:
    • “Yeah, I actually was more...just saying about how my wedding was gonna be different… I sort of got off a little better because I didn’t say something directly about her.” (07:07)

D. Tracy – The Baptism-Sex Tape Mixup

• Tracy’s laugh-out-loud horror story:
  • She and her husband accidentally record a sex tape on a camcorder, then later use the same camera for her baptism (her father-in-law, a Southern Baptist preacher, does the ceremony).
  • The tape, labeled “Tracy’s Baptism,” is left with her father-in-law for a year—who is known to rewatch all tapes.
    • “[We] lose the video for about a year...his father was a Southern Baptist preacher...I go home and put it in. It was my baptism, but immediately afterward it was the sex video...So we know he saw it.” (08:05–08:31)
  • Host: “How do you forget this tape in the camera?” (09:17)
  • Tracy: “It was my fault. I think it was my husband’s fault. I was 18 years old.” (09:23)

E. Matt – The Drunken Car Wash Dare

• Matt tells his infamous “vacuum” story:
  • A drunken dare leads him to use a car wash vacuum on his genitals, and his friends capture the moment.
  • “My friend pulls out his camera phone...uploads all the pictures and puts them on all these websites...I was wearing a really ugly sweater, and now everyone associates me with this sweater. They look right past my whole penis in vacuum and straight to this ugly sweater.” (10:30–11:04)
  • Host: “So… did it work?” (11:04)
  • Matt: “It didn’t feel that good. No, it didn’t feel that bad. For being drunk, I’ve had worse.” (11:09–11:14)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Embarrassed, But Laughing

• “One of those days you wish you maybe had just died.”
  — Anne, on the aftermath of her locker decoupage incident (03:44)

• “That’s one of those moments you just want to like melt into the floor.”
  — Host, after Lil’s wedding video fiasco (07:31)

• “They look right past my whole penis in vacuum and straight to this ugly sweater.”
  — Matt, on being recognized for his fashion choices instead of the dare (11:04)

Pure Bert Show Banter

• “Did it work?” (11:04)
  — Host’s irrepressible curiosity after Matt’s car wash confession

• “Will somebody tell me what that is? Decoupage?”
  — Host learning a new word amidst the chaos (05:08)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:30 — Hosts introduce topic and hilarious catalyst (the pantsless man on TV)
• 02:01 — Anne’s Beyoncé party video story
• 02:44 — Anne’s car accident and infamous press coverage
• 05:26 — Lil’s “wedding day confession” faux pas caught on camera
• 07:42 — Tracy’s baptism/sex tape mix-up
• 09:52 — Matt’s car wash dare story
• 11:23 — Return to standard banter and wrap-up

---

Episode Tone

The episode keeps to The Bert Show’s signature style: authentically casual, fast-paced, humorous, and a little irreverent, yet always inclusive of empathy for anyone sharing a vulnerable story. Through laughter and shared embarrassment, hosts and callers create a lively space where everyone—even the cringiest moments—are met with connection and good-natured humor.

---

For New Listeners
This episode is a riotous listen for anyone needing a reminder that no one is immune from embarrassing blunders—and that it’s always better to laugh about them. The collection of “wish-that-didn’t-exist” stories offers both comic relief and a sense of solidarity in the grand, messy chaos of life.

Transcript

[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoey, this thing weighs a ton.

[Matt]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Santa.

[Caller or Guest]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[Matt]

I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Matt]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

[Drew Ski]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Matt]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Nice.

[Drew Ski]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[Commercial Announcer]

Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile, switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge. Credit balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement. 256Gigs. $830 eligible for in a new line. $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Visit t mobile.com new school year, new routines. And somehow your calendar is already full. When life gets hectic, cauliflower's got your back. We make the food you crave made better for you. Like thin and crispy cauliflower crust pizzas, all natural chicken tenders and nostalgic pizza snacks ready in minutes in something the whole family can agree on. Cauliflower is available in freezer aisles nationwide. Visit eatcolipower.com to find a store near you.

The Burt Show. Talking just a few minutes ago about this poor guy in California who was rescued, thankfully, luckily.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, that's not the poor part.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Praise God. Yeah, rescued from the raging rivers of the mudslides and the horrible. He didn't have any pants on.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, that's the lingering memory is the fact that he was bare.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Bare butt.

Which leads us to the question, what photo? What film of you do you wish doesn't exist? Hey, is this Anne?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You're up first. Okay, go ahead.

[Anne]

Oh.

[Tia]

Basically what happened was me and my friends, it was the beginning of our.

[Anne]

Junior year in college and we're all excited. So we get so drunk the first.

[Tia]

Friday and we're all like taking off our clothes and being ignorant in my friend's apartment.

[Anne]

And I have this one idiotic friend walking around with the camera. So we're all drunk. We get these bottles, we turn them up, and we start doing this Beyonce dance.

[Tia]

And of course, there's a clip of.

[Anne]

Me with my boob hanging out.

[Tia]

The next week, I show up and.

[Anne]

It'S on a website. And till this day, I cannot get my friend to take it off.

[Tia]

I hate it so much.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, no, what's the website?

[Caller or Guest]

Creepy, creepy Uncle Joel.

But she has this picture.

[Tia]

She's like, these are my friends. We have lots of fun. And there it is.

[Caller or Guest]

I'm violating our listeners.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right, thanks for the call, Anne. Hey, Tia. Yeah, go ahead.

[Anne]

Well, in my senior, the summer before my senior year in high school, we were three friends and I were going out for a party and we had a car accident on a stretch of highway in Maryland. And it had been one of those years where everybody that had been in an accident on that road died. And so we had a five car pile up. I was ejected from the car and landed in between a ditch in the road. Light turned green for the oncoming traffic and a car ran over my leg and my skirt and stuff went with it. I mean, I'm fine now, but. So there were all this media came and here I am laying on the ground and all these pictures were taken. And there was this big article and the news showed up and I was 18 years old. And when I went, that was in August, and school up there starts in September. When I went back to school in September, my locker was like decoupaged with pictures. It had with, you know, the black bar. My butt was hanging out, my thigh was hanging. It was one of those days where you go, I wish I maybe had just died.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

18 years old.

[Caller or Guest]

But yeah, for those that missed the story because you kind of pass right over. But when you said the subsequent car hit you, it took with you, it, your skirt and some of your clothes. So when the camera crew showed up after the accident, you.

[Anne]

I was, yeah, half up in the air.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

What was still? Oh, you poured things and what was still? What was still left on you? Like, what clothes did you have on in the pictures?

[Anne]

Weird, because I went out and I kind of skid on the left side of my. On the right side of my body. So the left side of my shirt, which is like a tank, was still on. Like the top of the tank top came off of one side of my body and then on my underwear were torn off.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So you were half flashing the whole world half naked. And luckily the TV crew Was right there.

[Caller or Guest]

I'm sorry. Well, I'm glad you're good.

[Anne]

Well, there was a thing about this inner stretch of road because there weren't enough stoplights there. So there had been three accidents.

[Caller or Guest]

So that's why the camera crews were there.

[Anne]

Fatalities. And they were doing a story. And then here we come like on our way out to party.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Caller or Guest]

And your friend and I had on.

[Anne]

Clean underwear and then they went and got ripped off.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, the good one's gone.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah.

[Caller or Guest]

And shame on your friends. Like if this was. Are they. Was this in Atlanta or was it. No, you said this was. Yeah, she said it was in Maryland or something, didn't she?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah.

18 years old too.

And. Hi.

[Caller or Guest]

Now, come on now, you got some sense even at 18, to not put a decoupage of these pictures on her locker.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Will somebody tell me what that is?

[Caller or Guest]

Decoupage?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, A collage.

[Caller or Guest]

Yes, a barrage.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Why don't you just say decoupage?

[Caller or Guest]

Sounds like an ad.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The only thing that ends in age is just a bunch of pictures glued together.

[Caller or Guest]

It's just, it's just chaos.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Garage.

[Caller or Guest]

It's a chaos of pictures.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Lil.

[Anne]

Hi.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey. What decoupage do you wish does not exist?

[Caller or Guest]

I absolutely am not into crafts. But anyway, this is kind of a story I'm not too proud of. It was about 20 years ago when I was young in my 20s and I was with my then to be fiance, which I'll preface the story. I did not marry the man, but we were at his cousin's wedding which was in a very small town in the south. And it was kind of the pigs in the blanket kind of, you know, everybody brings something kind of country reception and potluck wedding. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, I was in my early 20s and me and one of my cousins wives to be, you know, so the two other fiance's there at the wedding. We were sort of in the background talking about how our wedding was going to be different and I hope our mother in law, you know, sort of keeps out of it and that we can have our own kind of wedding. Well, and you know, saying such nice things. Well, while this was going on, they were walking around with the camera and saying, you know, say something nice about the couple and wish them well and all of this kind of stuff. And it wasn't till the next day at the out of town brunch where they decided let's play the wedding and.

[Tia]

Let'S play the reception.

[Caller or Guest]

And it was, it was one of my prouder moments. So it Was not too good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So you're on there talking crap about the mother in law and she's sitting there watching it.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Anne]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caller or Guest]

You know, that was not the reason that we didn't get married, but, you know, it did not help.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, I was gonna say that it's not earning any coins.

Oh, my God.

Thanks for the call.

[Caller or Guest]

It was pretty tacky. And, you know, I actually was more just saying about how my wedding was gonna be different and how, you know, and I didn't want the country potluck dinner. I wanted, you know, all the nice things, but the other sister in law was saying more. You know, I sort of got off a little bit better because I didn't say something directly about her.

You screwed up.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, thanks for the call.

That's one of those moments you just want to like melt into the floor. That's let me just disappear into the floor right now.

[Caller or Guest]

My butt would go numb and fall off.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Tracy.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, you're on.

[Tia]

Hey. About eight years ago, I got married and my husband and I decided to make a fun little section video for his birthday, his 25th birthday. And so we lose the video. We had borrowed his parents camera and we lose the video for about a year. His father was a Southern Baptist preacher.

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, God.

[Tia]

So we, a year later, find the video and I take the video home because it's labeled Tracy's baptism. And I'm thinking, I'm taking my baptism video home because his father baptized me at the church. I go home and put it in. It was my baptism, but immediately afterward it was the sex video. And so his father had the video for a year. And his father periodically would watch all of the videos he had. So we know he saw it.

[Caller or Guest]

Now, which is grosser, the fact that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You put a sex tape on your.

[Caller or Guest]

Baptism or you wonder if he turned the tape off as soon as he saw what it was or if he.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Kept watching or if Southern Baptist daddy kept watching. And then he asked for forgiveness for.

[Caller or Guest]

His sins or that it inspired him to. I want to see his wife.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I want to know. I want to know what you were thinking putting a sex tape on the back end of your baptism.

[Tia]

No, the baptism came afterward.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, so how did that still.

[Caller or Guest]

How do they get on the same tape?

[Tia]

We accidentally returned the camera to him with the tape in it, with the second tape in it. And so then later I get baptized like six months later or whatever. You got to be drunk and records on it not knowing what it is.

[Caller or Guest]

How do you forget this tape? In the camera.

[Tia]

That sounds.

[Caller or Guest]

I mean, really well. Well, do that again.

[Tia]

It was my fault. I think it was my husband's fault.

[Caller or Guest]

Of course.

[Tia]

I was 18 years old when I got married, and so it was for my husband's birthday. And I was nervous. Anyway, I blamed him for looping the tape.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Is he. Is he still your husband?

[Tia]

I'm sorry?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Is he still your husband?

[Anne]

He is.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Okay, well, have fun at the next family reunion.

[Anne]

Yeah.

[Tia]

Yes.

[Caller or Guest]

Cuz. Cuz your father in law send you naked?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, not only naked. Hey, Matt. Getting baptized?

[Caller or Guest]

That's right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So to speak. How are you?

[Matt]

I'm pretty good. How's it going?

[Caller or Guest]

Good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Go ahead with your story.

[Matt]

All right. Well, me and some friends were drinking one night over at my friend's apartment complex. And when we get drunk, we like to just, like, walk around. And we were walking and we saw his car wash. And I looked in my pocket and I found 50 cents. And my friend was like, it's only 50 cents for the vacuum cleaner there. I was like, all right. He's like, well, I bet you won't stick your junk in it.

[Drew Ski]

Oh, geez.

[Matt]

Me being drunk, thinking, like, all right, whatever.

[Caller or Guest]

Sounds like a great idea.

[Matt]

It sounded good at the time. I was thinking, yeah, I'm gonna get some nothing.

[Caller or Guest]

And her name is Mrs. Hoover.

[Matt]

I turn on the vacuum, and my friend pulls out his camera phone. I'm not really paying attention. Takes a couple quick pictures with the camera phone while I'm standing there, like, holding the vacuum on. And then he decided to go back and upload all the pictures and put them on all these websites and tell everybody that it was me. And I think the worst part is that I was wearing a really ugly sweater. And now everyone associates me with this sweater. They look right past my whole penis in vacuum and straight to this ugly sweater. Use a Hoover.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So I know all the guys want to know, so I'll ask it for them. Did it work?

[Matt]

It didn't feel that good. No, it didn't feel that bad.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Well, I don't know.

[Matt]

For being drunk, I've had worse. God bless your honesty.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thanks for the call, Matt.

[Matt]

Thanks, man.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The Birch show.

[Zoey]

Guys. Thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

[Drew Ski]

This thing weighs a ton.

[Matt]

Brusky. Live with your legs, man.

[Caller or Guest]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you, Brittus. I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Matt]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drewski here. He handles the nice list.

[Drew Ski]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17. And at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right?

[Zoey]

Mrs. Claus I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister and at T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch so you can keep your old phone or.

[Matt]

Give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part? You can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Nice.

[Drew Ski]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[Commercial Announcer]

Kimber the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed and now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge. Credit sentinels due if you pay off earlier. Case financing agreements 256 gigs $830 eligible for in a new line $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Visit t mobile.com with JLL's Commercial Real Estate Intelligence. You see opportunities others miss with data driven insights to find, manage and invest in commercial real estate.

[Drew Ski]

Find out more by visiting JLL.com with Venmo Stache. A taco in one hand and ordering a ride in the other means you're stacking cash back. Nice. Get up to 5% cash back with Venmo Stash on your favorite brands when you pay with your Venmo debit card. From takeout to ride shares, entertainment and more, pick a bundle with your go tos and start earning cash back at those brands. Earn more cash when you do more with Stash. Venmo Stash terms and Exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at Venmo Me Terms.