Vault: What Made You Quit Drinking?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: What Made You Quit Drinking?" (Jan 15, 2026)

Main Theme:
The episode revolves around a candid and humorous exploration of the personal “wake-up calls” that inspired people to quit—or at least re-evaluate—their drinking. The hosts set the tone by sharing their own stories, then invite listeners to call in and share their most mortifying moments that pushed them to drink less, stop altogether, or just reconsider the party lifestyle.

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Episode Overview

• Host Panel: Led by principal Bert Show hosts, with callers from the listening community
• Purpose: Explore the “straw that broke the camel’s back” moments regarding drinking, told through cringeworthy, unvarnished anecdotes.
• Tone: Conversational, self-deprecating, and supportive—balancing humor and empathy in sharing embarrassing stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Host Story: Realization in New Orleans

[01:39 - 05:45]

• One host recounts his eye-opening weekend at a DJ convention in New Orleans. Initially open to having a few drinks, he ultimately realizes that drinking no longer holds the same appeal.
• He shares two recent incidents: being carried out of a club by his wife after getting hit with a beer bottle and vomiting in the shower at 3:30 am.
• Quote:
  • “I can't go to sleep, so I go in the shower and I end up throwing up on myself in the shower.” (Host, 02:46)
• He describes New Orleans’ party scene as ill-suited for “trying on a new attitude of drinking,” due to peer pressure and the city’s notorious nightlife.
• Recalls a chance encounter: a Boston DJ shares his own turning point—getting drunk and vomiting in a baby’s crib:
  • Quote:
    • “I just want to take a look at your cute baby one more time before I go to sleep. So he goes into the baby's room and is so drunk that he ends up throwing up in the crib.” (Host, 05:35)

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2. Callers’ Breaking Points

[06:11 - 12:48]

a. John’s “I Love Karina” Slip

[06:11 - 07:14]

• John calls in: recalls telling his girlfriend’s best friend that he loved her—while drunk—having consumed "about 22 Jaeger bombs."
• Quote:
  • “I looked at my girlfriend and said, I love Karina. And I got in a lot of trouble for that.” (John, 06:33)
• Hosts react with disbelief and humor; it’s a classic example of unfiltered feelings and regret surfacing under alcohol’s influence.

b. Alcohol Uncovers Deeper Issues

[07:14 - 07:43]

• The host reflects on his own drunken confessions, stating that alcohol can bring underlying feelings (about fatherhood, his own dad) to the surface.
• Quote:
  • “You never know what's buried inside until it's happening.” (Host, 07:20)

c. Mary’s Bathroom Monopoly

[07:49 - 09:01]

• Mary (5’2”, 130 lbs) details a wild night: multiple drinks, jello shots, 17 Smirnoff Ices.
• She “hogged the toilet for nine hours,” waking up naked, covered only in a towel, with fuzzy memories and concerning evidence of the night’s adventures.
• Quote:
  • “I wake up in the morning, I'm naked, I'm covered in a towel. There's a used condom on the counter, and my boyfriend's asleep behind me.” (Mary, 08:35)

d. French Fry “Gift” at the Mayor’s House

[09:26 - 10:03]

• Shannon shares a night in college: after drinking Southern Comfort, she and friends decide to bring Burger King fries to the mayor of San Diego’s house, culminating in her vomiting in his front yard.
• Quote:
  • “[I] delivered the French fries in the form of vomit in his front yard.” (Shannon, 09:41)
• Group muses about how these stories’ humor fades—or becomes pity—as one ages.
  • "If she’s 21, it’s funny. If she’s 41, it’s pathetic.” (Co-host, 10:03)

e. Maid-of-Honor Meltdown

[10:10 - 11:21]

• Audrey, two weeks sober, tells of projectile vomiting all over a bar—and wedding guests—while serving as maid of honor at her best friend’s wedding reception.
• Quote:
  • “It wasn’t just puke, it was projectile vomiting. And it went all over everybody. All over the bar.” (Audrey, 10:51)
• She missed delivering her speech and spent the rest of the night in the bathroom.

f. The Tequila & “Doo Doo” Story

[11:24 - 12:48]

• Shay recalls a college night of tequila shots, blacking out, waking up to discover she’d soiled the bed (and herself), mistaking a bucket by her bed for the bathroom.
• Quote:
  • “I had to get carried to my bed. ...I wake up and I get out of the bed and I see a dump of doo doo on the side of my bed. ...I have it all in my sheets and my feet.” (Shay, 11:39)
• She avows not to touch tequila again, with hosts affirming: “You pooping on yourself in the house, it's a pretty good indication you need to look at what's going on.” (Host, 12:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On New Orleans:
  • “New Orleans just smells like feet…It’s worse than feet. ...When the street dries up and it gets humid again, it smells like you are in a prostate.” (Host, 03:50 – 04:01)
• On Peer Pressure:
  • “I’ve been this guy too. I’m guilty of beer pressure.” (Host, 04:20)
• On Alcohol & Honesty:
  • “Alcohol doesn’t create it. It just found it.” (Co-host, 07:43)
• On Wild Party Nights:
  • “You know, 36—pathetic.” (Co-host, 13:02)—Reflecting on how age changes the way drunk stories are perceived.
• Caller Gratitude:
  • “I'm so excited. I've never gotten. Actually gotten through to you guys.” (Shay, 11:33)

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Host’s New Orleans Realization: 01:39 – 05:45
• Boston DJ’s Baby Crib Story: 05:15 – 05:45
• John’s “I Love Karina” Moment: 06:11 – 07:14
• Mary’s Epic Night & Bathroom Story: 07:49 – 09:01
• Shannon’s Mayoral Mishap: 09:26 – 10:03
• Audrey’s Maid of Honor Disaster: 10:10 – 11:21
• Shay’s Tequila & “Doo Doo” Moment: 11:24 – 12:48

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Episode Takeaways

• Drinking “breaking points” are both hilarious and sobering: The show strikes a balance between laughter and reflection, emphasizing the power of these moments to prompt real change—at least for a while.
• Alcohol can unearth hidden feelings or vulnerabilities: Several stories highlight how suppressed emotions, regrets, or unconscious truths emerge under the influence.
• Peer pressure, party environments, and personal accountability: The hosts acknowledge how social settings either hasten or hinder efforts to cut back, and how everyone—hosts included—has played both sides of the peer pressure dynamic.
• Age and maturity affect how such stories are received: The podcast repeatedly contrasts the comedy of youthful mistakes with the embarrassment (or concern) of repeating them later in life.

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Final Thoughts

The Bert Show’s “What Made You Quit Drinking?” special provides listeners with an engaging blend of honesty and humor. It celebrates self-discovery through embarrassment and gently invites the audience to examine their own boundaries—all in the comforting, no-judgment zone that fans expect. Whether you’re laughing at the stories or wincing with recognition, this episode underlines that many people’s most memorable drinking moments are, well...the last ones.

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Transcript

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[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

The Bird show so I am in New Orleans over the weekend. I was out on Thursday and Friday because I was at a DJ convention, which is almost a parody in itself. That there's a convention for this industry to teach you how to do this is funny to me.

[Co-host or Producer]

In itself, we're trying to be sophisticated.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

It's not even that. Just either way, it's just a whole bunch of DJs kind of like one up in each other and yak yakking at each other. Do you wear name tags? Yes, you do. So there's like, you know, Slammin Stevie and Shotgun Sammy. Absolutely, absolutely like that. So I'm out on, on Bourbon street on Saturday night and I went into the weekend with the intention of, look, you know what, maybe I'll have a couple of beers, maybe I'll get a little bitty buzz on. But I, you know what, I'm just getting to the point now where I really kind of feel like I'm over it. Like I'm just over it. And I had those two things happen over the last six months which have really slapped me in the face and have just said, look, dude, it's time. It's time to retire and get out of the drinking industry. Okay?

[Verizon Announcer]

Wow.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

I was at Vision months ago for the closing, you know, before they did the renovation.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Is that when you got hit with the beer bottle.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller or Guest]

And then you were there for the opening.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Yeah. And they took you out on a trey. Well, Stacy, I look like a wounded soldier. I mean, Stacy, literally my wife carrying me out a vision. And then I get home, it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm, you know, I smell like cigarettes and I. I can't go to sleep, so I go in the shower and I end up throwing up on myself in the shower.

[Miracle Made Sheets Advertiser]

So where.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Where do you want to give up then? What, what's, what's. You're just taking over it.

[Caller or Guest]

You're just taking a look in the mirror from a perspective, looking at yourself drunk, going, you know, I'm not sure I like that guy anymore.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Right. And I mean, to be honest with you, like the last couple of times it's happened, I just don't en the feeling of being drunk as much as I used to.

[Caller or Guest]

That's good.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

So I'm just starting to curve it a little bit. And New Orleans is just a really bad place to try to try on a new attitude of drinking, right? Yeah.

[Caller or Guest]

Cause you gotta put up with a lot. I mean, that's why, you know, at clubs like that or in place party places like that, that's why people party. Cause you gotta put up with stuff like long lines and, you know, crappy sugary drinks like New Orleans with all those hand grenades and those, you know, yards of fruity bleh.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

And not to mention, New Orleans just smells like feet.

[Caller or Guest]

Smells bad.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

It's worse than feet. Feet is the least of your concerns because literally the sewer runs right underneath Bourbon street and it rains every day. They had the same thunderstorm problem there that we have here. And when the street dries up and it gets humid again, it smells like you are in a prostate.

[Caller or Guest]

I mean, it's awful, dude, but it's a great town to go to if you're ready to throw down and party.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

I had my bachelor party there and I had a blast. That was years ago, but you know, I'm just slowing it down now. So as happens when you're slowing down, you're drinking and you're with a whole bunch of people that are drinking. And I've been this guy too. I'm guilty of beer pressure. Like if you're drinking a lot and the guy with you isn't, you feel like you have to find out why or start to get him drunk. So I run into a guy from Boston who's uncomfortable with my non drinking. And I told him why. I told him about the vision Nights, you know, the throwing up on myself in the shower and the bottle to the head and he goes, oh, you know, I went through a time like that also. I was visiting my family who just had a newborn in Boston, and the baby at this point was all of about, I don't know, four or five months old. Well, they get a sitter for the night, and he and the father of the baby and the mom all go out and they go and they get their drink on and they all come home and it's like 2:30 or 3 in the morning. And this Boston DJ is like, I just want to take a look at the baby one more time before I go to sleep. I just want to take a look at your cute baby one more time before I go to sleep. So he goes into the baby's room and is looking at the baby and is so drunk that he ends up throwing up in the crib.

[Caller or Guest]

No, no, he did not.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Throws up in the crib. And it's.

[Caller or Guest]

Are the parents standing there with him while he does it and.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Mortified, obviously. Mortified. Yeah, they're there because they're all checking out the baby. And there are just times where you just want to take look at the baby one last time because he's so cute. Yeah, he throws up in the crib and obviously panic. Everybody starts to panic after that. So that was his look, I'm gonna curb my drinking moment. Yeah, yeah, that's the one. So we wanna know for you guys, what is the straw that broke the camel's back with your drinking? Hey, John.

[Caller (John)]

I started drinking real young, and I've had my girlfriend, who is now my wife, for several years, but one night we were over at some friend's house out in Tucker, and I actually, I got real drunk for her for the first time ever, because she'd never seen me drunk, and I did, and I told her best friend that I loved her. To my girlfriend. Safe.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Oh, no, dude.

[Miracle Made Sheets Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Caller (John)]

I looked at my girlfriend and said, I love Karina. And I got in a lot of trouble for that.

[Co-host or Producer]

Oh, of course. Oh, my God.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Well, she's gonna be all sensitive about it and stuff.

[Caller (John)]

I had about 22 Jaeger bombs at this point.

[Caller or Guest]

22?

[Caller (John)]

Yeah, you know, just like a shot of Jaeger and a shot of, like, Red Bull or something.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Yeah, he should be dead.

[Co-host or Producer]

Where did that comment come from?

[Caller (John)]

Do what now?

[Co-host or Producer]

Where did the comment come from? I'm like, you focused on a friend. Where did the comment come from? Like, had you thought about that friend before?

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

No, not really.

[Caller (John)]

I Just went in her friend's bedroom. She was in there with her boyfriend, and it kind of just accidentally flipped out. I have no idea. I was just talking.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

When you're drunk, though, you don't know what's buried deep.

[Caller or Guest]

That's a whole different topic right there.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

I told these guys that last time, you know, when I threw up on myself in the shower. As I was. I'm crawling into bed, I start spewing out all this really dark stuff going on in my mind about being a father and my dad. And I didn't even remember saying anything about it. And I woke up the next morning and my wife Stacy's like, I really think you need to go see somebody about some of the things that you said last night. You never know what's buried inside until it's happening.

[Co-host or Producer]

Alcohol doesn't create it. It just found it.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Yeah, it's buried. Hey, Mary, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Hi, good morning.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Morning.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Okay, I have to preface my story with this. I'm five foot two, about 130 pounds. Alcohol tolerance when I was 21 was like one wine cooler. And I'm like, hey, it's bad. Okay, so we go out for a night of drinking and I have maybe four or five drinks at the club. We end up going to a friend's house. I make a tray of jello shooters and do them all by myself, like two cups of vodka. And then we were chugging beers and taking shots and playing strip poker. I ended up probably having 17 Smirnoff Ice and maybe like seven shots of peach.

[Co-host or Producer]

And you're five two, and I'm five two.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

About 130 people should be dead, man.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

I know. And so we're in a one bedroom, one bath apartment. So I hear somebody start to throw up. And that's it for me. I run to the bathroom and I'm told that I hog the toilet for nine hours. I wouldn't let anybody go to the bathroom. I wouldn't let anybody else throw up. So I wake up in the morning, I'm naked, I'm covered in a towel. There's a used condom on the counter, and my boyfriend's asleep behind me. After that, for next two days, I don't remember a thing.

[Co-host or Producer]

At least there's your boyfriend. I said, this is your boyfriend in the bathroom with you?

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

That's a wake up moment, though. That's a wake up moment right there, man. I have known guys that have decided they in the fraternity. I mean, when you're like at the Height of your drinking that have done like the group throw up thing in the same toilet. That stopped drinking after. About after that for a couple of months. But back then you bounced back from it pretty quickly.

[Miracle Made Sheets Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Morning, Shannon. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Good morning.

[Caller (John)]

Hi.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

I, of course, stopped drinking, then started drinking again after this incident. But my friends and I decided, for some odd reason to, after drinking a bottle of Southern Comfort, bring Burger King French fries to the mayor of San Diego's house. At which point I delivered the French fries in the form of vomit in his front yard.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

You threw up in the mayor's front yard?

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Yes. It was Roger Hedgecock, if that tells you how long ago this was.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Roger Hedgecock was the mayor back in like the mid-80s in San Diego.

[Co-host or Producer]

Now, see, that story changes depending on.

[Miracle Made Sheets Advertiser]

How old she is.

[Co-host or Producer]

If she's 21, it's funny. If she's 41, it's pathetic.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Not so funny, right? Audrey, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Hi. Good morning. How are you doing?

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Good.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Good. Okay. Well, this was two weeks ago, and I was at my best friend's wedding. I was the maid of honor. And this was in Macon. It was a huge wedding, about 500 people at the reception. And the wedding got over about 2 o'. Clock. So the wedding party decided to go drinking at the bar across the street. And it was all good. Then we come back to the reception, start doing shots, and by seven o', clock, I am completely trashed. So I was sitting there, I was smoking a cigarette, and all of a sudden I had to throw up. And I'm in the middle of the bar. It was a huge open area and I puked everywhere. And it wasn't just puke, it was projectile vomiting. And it went all over everybody. All over the bar.

[Co-host or Producer]

Exorcist, like.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Exactly.

[Co-host or Producer]

Head spinning.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

I mean, I was in the bathroom. I couldn't give my speech. I was in the bathroom all night.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

So this, this and this is your best friend that was getting married?

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Yes, and I was the maid of honor. Family was there. No, he's only a girl for 13 years. I know her whole.

[Caller or Guest]

How long did you stop drinking after that?

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Well, it's been two weeks and I haven't drank. So it's two weeks. Yeah. We're going to see how we can do it.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

You said it was two weeks ago. We'll see how you do.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Yeah, we'll see how next weekend goes. You know how it is.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

All right.

[Co-host or Producer]

Thank you.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Talk about stealing the spotlight out of the Way, man. Good morning, Shay. You'll be the last call. What's going on?

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Good morning, you guys. How are y' all doing today?

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Good, thank you.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

I'm so excited. I've never gotten. Actually gotten through to you guys.

[Co-host or Producer]

And now you get through to telling an embarrassing story.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Perfect. Yes. Well, this actually happened about five or six years ago. I was in college and we decided to go get some tequila and take tequila shots. So, you know, I'm drinking my shots, I'm drunk as a skunk by this time, and I had to get carried to my bed. And I wake up and I get out of the bed and I see a dump of doo doo on the side of my bed. And I look down, I'm like, what's going on? I have it all in my sheets and my feet.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Oh, no.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

And obviously I have mistaken the pail for that was laying beside my bed for the bathroom. And I'd take that dump.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

I was so happy nobody else was in the house. Cause I was in the dorm and I had it everywhere.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

How long was it before you had your next drink?

[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

Oh, it was weeks. I would not. And to this day, I do not touch my quo. Tequila. I would not touch it.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Yeah, you pooping on yourself in the house, it's a pretty good indication. Maybe you're. You need to look at. Look at what's going on. Oh, you're squishing poo between your toes.

[Co-host or Producer]

And your sheets again. Six months.

[Miracle Made Sheets Advertiser]

Cute.

[Co-host or Producer]

You know, 36. Pathetic.

[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

Yeah, Shay, you can't hide sexy. Thank you for calling. Bye bye bye. The bird show.

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[Caller (Various Female Callers)]

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[Host (Possibly Bird Show Host)]

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