The Bert Show: "Vault: What Made You Quit Drinking?" (Jan 15, 2026)
Main Theme:
The episode revolves around a candid and humorous exploration of the personal “wake-up calls” that inspired people to quit—or at least re-evaluate—their drinking. The hosts set the tone by sharing their own stories, then invite listeners to call in and share their most mortifying moments that pushed them to drink less, stop altogether, or just reconsider the party lifestyle.
Episode Overview
- Host Panel: Led by principal Bert Show hosts, with callers from the listening community
- Purpose: Explore the “straw that broke the camel’s back” moments regarding drinking, told through cringeworthy, unvarnished anecdotes.
- Tone: Conversational, self-deprecating, and supportive—balancing humor and empathy in sharing embarrassing stories.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Host Story: Realization in New Orleans
[01:39 - 05:45]
- One host recounts his eye-opening weekend at a DJ convention in New Orleans. Initially open to having a few drinks, he ultimately realizes that drinking no longer holds the same appeal.
- He shares two recent incidents: being carried out of a club by his wife after getting hit with a beer bottle and vomiting in the shower at 3:30 am.
- Quote:
- “I can't go to sleep, so I go in the shower and I end up throwing up on myself in the shower.” (Host, 02:46)
- He describes New Orleans’ party scene as ill-suited for “trying on a new attitude of drinking,” due to peer pressure and the city’s notorious nightlife.
- Recalls a chance encounter: a Boston DJ shares his own turning point—getting drunk and vomiting in a baby’s crib:
- Quote:
- “I just want to take a look at your cute baby one more time before I go to sleep. So he goes into the baby's room and is so drunk that he ends up throwing up in the crib.” (Host, 05:35)
- Quote:
2. Callers’ Breaking Points
[06:11 - 12:48]
a. John’s “I Love Karina” Slip
[06:11 - 07:14]
- John calls in: recalls telling his girlfriend’s best friend that he loved her—while drunk—having consumed "about 22 Jaeger bombs."
- Quote:
- “I looked at my girlfriend and said, I love Karina. And I got in a lot of trouble for that.” (John, 06:33)
- Hosts react with disbelief and humor; it’s a classic example of unfiltered feelings and regret surfacing under alcohol’s influence.
b. Alcohol Uncovers Deeper Issues
[07:14 - 07:43]
- The host reflects on his own drunken confessions, stating that alcohol can bring underlying feelings (about fatherhood, his own dad) to the surface.
- Quote:
- “You never know what's buried inside until it's happening.” (Host, 07:20)
c. Mary’s Bathroom Monopoly
[07:49 - 09:01]
- Mary (5’2”, 130 lbs) details a wild night: multiple drinks, jello shots, 17 Smirnoff Ices.
- She “hogged the toilet for nine hours,” waking up naked, covered only in a towel, with fuzzy memories and concerning evidence of the night’s adventures.
- Quote:
- “I wake up in the morning, I'm naked, I'm covered in a towel. There's a used condom on the counter, and my boyfriend's asleep behind me.” (Mary, 08:35)
d. French Fry “Gift” at the Mayor’s House
[09:26 - 10:03]
- Shannon shares a night in college: after drinking Southern Comfort, she and friends decide to bring Burger King fries to the mayor of San Diego’s house, culminating in her vomiting in his front yard.
- Quote:
- “[I] delivered the French fries in the form of vomit in his front yard.” (Shannon, 09:41)
- Group muses about how these stories’ humor fades—or becomes pity—as one ages.
- "If she’s 21, it’s funny. If she’s 41, it’s pathetic.” (Co-host, 10:03)
e. Maid-of-Honor Meltdown
[10:10 - 11:21]
- Audrey, two weeks sober, tells of projectile vomiting all over a bar—and wedding guests—while serving as maid of honor at her best friend’s wedding reception.
- Quote:
- “It wasn’t just puke, it was projectile vomiting. And it went all over everybody. All over the bar.” (Audrey, 10:51)
- She missed delivering her speech and spent the rest of the night in the bathroom.
f. The Tequila & “Doo Doo” Story
[11:24 - 12:48]
- Shay recalls a college night of tequila shots, blacking out, waking up to discover she’d soiled the bed (and herself), mistaking a bucket by her bed for the bathroom.
- Quote:
- “I had to get carried to my bed. ...I wake up and I get out of the bed and I see a dump of doo doo on the side of my bed. ...I have it all in my sheets and my feet.” (Shay, 11:39)
- She avows not to touch tequila again, with hosts affirming: “You pooping on yourself in the house, it's a pretty good indication you need to look at what's going on.” (Host, 12:48)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On New Orleans:
- “New Orleans just smells like feet…It’s worse than feet. ...When the street dries up and it gets humid again, it smells like you are in a prostate.” (Host, 03:50 – 04:01)
- On Peer Pressure:
- “I’ve been this guy too. I’m guilty of beer pressure.” (Host, 04:20)
- On Alcohol & Honesty:
- “Alcohol doesn’t create it. It just found it.” (Co-host, 07:43)
- On Wild Party Nights:
- “You know, 36—pathetic.” (Co-host, 13:02)—Reflecting on how age changes the way drunk stories are perceived.
- Caller Gratitude:
- “I'm so excited. I've never gotten. Actually gotten through to you guys.” (Shay, 11:33)
Timestamps for Notable Segments
- Host’s New Orleans Realization: 01:39 – 05:45
- Boston DJ’s Baby Crib Story: 05:15 – 05:45
- John’s “I Love Karina” Moment: 06:11 – 07:14
- Mary’s Epic Night & Bathroom Story: 07:49 – 09:01
- Shannon’s Mayoral Mishap: 09:26 – 10:03
- Audrey’s Maid of Honor Disaster: 10:10 – 11:21
- Shay’s Tequila & “Doo Doo” Moment: 11:24 – 12:48
Episode Takeaways
- Drinking “breaking points” are both hilarious and sobering: The show strikes a balance between laughter and reflection, emphasizing the power of these moments to prompt real change—at least for a while.
- Alcohol can unearth hidden feelings or vulnerabilities: Several stories highlight how suppressed emotions, regrets, or unconscious truths emerge under the influence.
- Peer pressure, party environments, and personal accountability: The hosts acknowledge how social settings either hasten or hinder efforts to cut back, and how everyone—hosts included—has played both sides of the peer pressure dynamic.
- Age and maturity affect how such stories are received: The podcast repeatedly contrasts the comedy of youthful mistakes with the embarrassment (or concern) of repeating them later in life.
Final Thoughts
The Bert Show’s “What Made You Quit Drinking?” special provides listeners with an engaging blend of honesty and humor. It celebrates self-discovery through embarrassment and gently invites the audience to examine their own boundaries—all in the comforting, no-judgment zone that fans expect. Whether you’re laughing at the stories or wincing with recognition, this episode underlines that many people’s most memorable drinking moments are, well...the last ones.