Vault: What Were You Late For Because Of Traffic?

Summary

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The Bert Show: “Vault: What Were You Late For Because Of Traffic?”

Date: December 10, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Episode Theme:
This lively and relatable episode dives into the daily struggles Atlanta residents (and listeners everywhere) face with traffic. The cast and their audience share stories of major events they were late for—all due to the city’s notoriously bad congestion. Both lighthearted and poignant, these calls and conversations showcase why navigating Atlanta’s roads is as much about patience as it is about directions.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Tone: Atlanta Traffic Woes

• Host 3 opens the discussion by emphasizing just how “awful” Atlanta traffic is, noting:
  “The traffic is awful. Awful this morning on 400.” (01:34)

2. Listeners’ Personal Stories: What Did You Miss Because Of Traffic?

a. Minor Mishaps: Running Late for Pet Fest

• Caller 1 shares being late to a dog show:

  “I got caught in traffic and…got there 15 minutes late…was losing my mind.” (01:39)

• The hosts and other callers quickly point out 20 minutes isn’t that bad in perspective:

  “20 minutes is nothing though, you know what I mean? It takes some people 20 minutes to get off their exit ramp.” (02:15, Caller 1)
  “Like you really have to kind of plan your life around Atlanta traffic.” (02:01, Host 3)

b. Momentous Occasions: Wedding Delays

• Caller 4 (Jessica) recounts a wedding saga:

  “I was late for my wedding…got there about 6:20, and my husband didn’t even get there until after 7.” (02:26)

• The drama: guests waiting, phones off, and traffic chaos from a car fire on top of rush hour:

  “The funny thing is we had to deal with regular traffic…then up in Cartersville there was a car fire, so we got stuck in that too. It was double trouble.” (03:11)

• Caller 3 adds her in-laws’ near-miss:

  “My husband's grandparents missed our wedding…we were walking out the door greeting people and they were walking in the door.” (03:28)

c. Heartbreak: Missing Final Moments

• Caller 3 (Sharon) delivers a powerful, emotional story—she missed her brother’s final moments because of traffic:

  “I had to be in the perimeter area…traffic was so bad that I didn’t make it there…that evening he passed… I felt so guilty.” (04:00–04:37)
  This moment hushes the tone, with hosts responding sympathetically:
  “You poor thing. There’s nothing at that point you can do about it.” (04:46, Host 3)

3. Navigating Atlanta: Who’s the Shortcut King?

• The crew jokes about certain friends who can “get anywhere” using back roads:

  “I have a friend who knows how to get anywhere. He can get from Marietta to Stone Mountain on the surface streets. And I don’t know how to do that.” (05:16, Caller 3)

• Playful banter erupts around jealousy and “highway snobs”:

  “And you know the freaking king of that is checkaway…like you can’t go anywhere without Nemesis Melissa.” (05:31, Caller 1)
  “Well, I just find it funny how Jeff has to drop his name in every conversation…” (05:38, Host 3)
  “I have a friend of mine who’s like that too…but he’ll get mad at you if you take the highway. ‘Why are you going this way? Don’t need it!’…starts screaming at you.” (05:52–06:04, Caller 2)

4. Radio Inside Jokes: The Station’s Traffic Go-To

• Host 3 jokes about always depending on “crash” at the station for directions:

  “No one has it worse here at the radio station than crash because whenever there’s traffic…I slam every 15 minutes going, dude, what’s the best way to get over to the airport?” (06:07–06:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Atlanta’s inevitability of delays:

  “Like you really have to kind of plan your life around Atlanta traffic. And sometimes there’s just nothing you can do about it. And the more important the event, the more stressed out you are obviously in traffic.” (02:01, Host 3)

• On wedding day chaos:

  “I missed…well, I was late for my wedding. For your own wed…my own wedding…my husband didn’t even get there until after 7.” (02:26, Caller 4)

• On friends who know all the shortcuts:

  “I have a friend who knows how to get anywhere. He can get from Marietta to Stone Mountain on the surface streets.” (05:16, Caller 3)

• The heartbreak of missing out:

  “Traffic was so bad that I didn’t make it there…that evening he passed… I felt so guilty.” (04:00–04:37, Caller 3 (Sharon))

• Every city has ‘that guy’:

  “He’ll get mad at you if you take the highway…starts screaming at you.” (05:52–06:04, Caller 2)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:34 – Opening discussion of notorious Atlanta traffic
• 01:39–02:15 – Caller shares being late for Pet Fest due to traffic
• 02:23–03:21 – Jessica recounts being late (with her husband) to their own wedding
• 03:28–03:48 – A caller’s in-laws miss her wedding
• 03:57–04:37 – Sharon shares missing her brother’s last moments due to gridlock
• 05:16–06:07 – Banter on shortcut masters and “that friend” who always knows the back roads
• 06:07–06:23 – On “crash,” the radio station’s go-to for traffic directions

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Tone & Takeaways

The Bert Show crew keeps things breezy and real, letting listeners vent while offering plenty of laughs, empathy, and Atlanta-specific banter. Whether it’s the comedic horror of missed weddings or the poignant weight of a family loss, the episode captures the high-stakes, everyday reality of being “late because of traffic”—with a distinctly communal feel.

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Ideal for:
Anyone who’s ever groaned at a snarl of brake lights—or wants to feel less alone in life’s time-lost moments on the road.

Transcript

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[Host 3]

The Birch show the traffic is awful. Awful this morning on 400.

[Caller 1]

Painfully awful. And you know, we think we have it bad because, like, I got caught up. I was going down to the Pet Fest, you know, the dog show down at Phillips, and I had to get there a little bit early and I got caught in traffic and it probably caused my. I got there 15 minutes late. You know, I was gonna get there at 12:30, ended up getting there about 10 minutes at 1 and I was losing my mind.

[Host 1]

And.

[Caller 1]

And that's 20 minutes.

[Host 3]

Like you really have to kind of plan your life around Atlanta traffic. And sometimes there's just nothing you can do about it. And the more important the event, the more stressed out you are obviously in traffic. So there has to be times where you miss big.

[Host 2]

Huge.

[Caller 2]

There you go.

[Caller 1]

Like 20 minutes. 20 minutes is nothing though, you know what I mean? It takes some people 20 minutes to get off their exit ramp.

[Caller 3]

Right, right.

[Host 3]

Hey, Jessica, how did traffic ruin your life in Atlanta?

[Caller 4]

Hey, guys. I missed. Well, I was late for my wedding. For your own wed. My own wedding. And we even. Our wedding was at 6 in Marietta. And we, my husband and I, we left in separate cars, obviously. And I got there about 6, 20, and my husband didn't even get there until after 7.

[Caller 2]

Oh, my God. So everybody's just sitting there at your wedding waiting for you?

[Caller 4]

Yes, they're waiting and I'm trying to call them, but of course they're, you know, at the, at the church and they're all. I just couldn't reach them and their cell phones are off and I'm like, oh my God. And it was horrible.

[Host 3]

At least everybody knew it was due to traffic because if one of you shows up on time and nobody knows that there's really bad traffic and someone else is 45 minutes late, you're thinking you're getting stuck at the altar.

[Caller 3]

Well, you think.

[Caller 4]

The funny thing is we had to deal with regular traffic because we got married at 6 and then up in Cartersville there was a car fire, so we got stuck in that too. It was double trouble.

[Host 1]

It was horrible.

[Host 3]

Thank you for calling.

[Caller 4]

You're welcome.

[Host 3]

At least she made it to her wedding. Good morning, Christina.

[Caller 1]

Hi.

[Host 3]

Hi.

[Host 1]

How are you?

[Caller 3]

My husband's grandparents missed our wedding.

[Host 3]

No, that's. They were going to be late anyway. They were going to be driving 25 miles an hour to get there anyway.

[Caller 3]

No, they weren't driving. His uncle brought them and we, that, you know, the wedding had went and we were walking out the door greeting people and they were walking in the door.

[Host 3]

Oh no, that get to see their granddaughter sucks. Thank you for calling.

[Caller 4]

Thanks.

[Host 3]

Bye. Bye. Oh, here's a real pick me up. Hey, Sharon.

[Caller 3]

Hey, how are you guys?

[Host 3]

Good morning.

[Caller 3]

Oh, yes, I can top everybody. My brother was in the hospital.

Last year, last March, and was in there for about six or eight weeks and I had planned to go visit him. I had to be in the perimeter area one afternoon and I thought when I finished with this appointment that I would go see him at Northside Hospital, which was like two exits up from where I was. Traffic was so bad that I didn't make it there. I work in downtown Decatur and I had to be back in my office later on that afternoon for an appointment. Right. And I didn't make it. And that evening he passed.

Yeah. So, you know, I felt so guilty. You know, I felt so guilty. And I'm self employed, so it's not like I can just take a, you know, couple hours off of work.

[Host 3]

You poor thing. There's nothing at that point you can do about it.

[Caller 3]

Exactly, exactly. So that was terrible. I hate 285 yeah, I mean there.

[Host 3]

Are certain ways that you just have to stay out of at a certain time, you know, like. Yeah, I am like hibernating in my house between like 2 and 6 o'.

[Host 1]

Clock.

[Caller 3]

That's for sure. If you can do that.

[Caller 2]

Of any kind of traffic between like three and seven. I think after three it starts getting busy and then after seven it starts slowing down.

[Caller 3]

Well, see, and that's exactly what the problem is. I don't know. Like, I have a friend who knows how to get anywhere. He can get from Marietta to Stone Mountain on the surface streets. And I don't know how to do that.

[Caller 1]

Oh, Jessica can do that too. Jessica.

[Caller 3]

I have to be on the freeway.

[Caller 1]

And you know the freaking king of that is is checkaway. Like you can't go anywhere without Nemesis Melissa.

[Host 3]

Well, I just find it funny how Jeff has to drop his name in every conversation somehow. Everyday checkaways. Anyway, go ahead.

[Caller 1]

Never mind that. Didn't realize it was that much of a sore spot. He's good at back streets. Carry on.

[Caller 2]

I have a friend of mine who's like that too.

[Host 2]

And he'll.

[Caller 1]

Is his name check away? Cause be careful.

[Caller 2]

No, he's not. But he'll get mad at you if you take the highway. Why are you going this way? Don't eat it. You know, like if he's in the car with you, it starts screaming. Screaming at you.

[Host 3]

Send you.

[Caller 2]

No, come on, take. I'll take you. We're going this way.

[Host 3]

No one has it worse here at the radio station than crash because whenever there's traffic, I don't know if you get.

[Caller 1]

Oh my God.

[Host 3]

I slam every 15 minutes going, dude, what's the best way to get over to the airport? I know it's 5:30 on a Friday but I know you can get me there in 10 minutes. I don't get there. Yeah, exactly. The Bird show.

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