The Bert Show: "Vault: What Would You Do If You Saw A Ghost?"

Date: January 5, 2026
Cast: Crash, Co-hosts, Caller Laura
Theme: Exploring a real-life ghost encounter, sleep deprivation, and the blurred lines between reality and the supernatural.

Episode Overview

In this vault episode, The Bert Show team dives into an intense and personal ghost story from Crash, one of the show's co-hosts, framed around the larger question: “What would you do if you saw a ghost?” The conversation weaves between the raw, sometimes hilarious, sometimes deeply authentic storytelling that’s a Bert Show hallmark, and genuine curiosity about paranormal activity, trauma, and the rational (and not-so-rational) ways we grapple with unexplained experiences.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Crash’s Relationship Drama Sets the Stage ([01:34]–[02:44])

• Crash recounts ongoing tension with "Lady Crash," describing annual "trouble patches" that had reached a breaking point after a particularly bad week.

• He reveals the situation had gotten so severe he consulted a lawyer about potential separation:

  Crash (02:33): “I was faking the whole thing the whole time … we were almost on the verge of just seriously walking out of each other's lives.”

2. The Ghostly Encounter Unfolds ([02:44]–[07:22])

• After days of sleeplessness and back-to-back stress, Crash describes a chilling and vivid nighttime experience:

  • He sees what appears to be Lady Crash standing silently in the bedroom doorway.
  • As he approaches, the figure moves away, then down the stairs.
  • At this moment, he glimpses the real Lady Crash asleep in the guest room, realizing the figure is not her.

• Overcome with dread, he retrieves a loaded handgun and cautiously checks the house, heart pounding but “pulse strangely steady.”

• The confrontation leaves both Crash and Lady Crash rattled—as he wakes her up with a loaded gun, she’s “looking at me, breathing heavy. And the first thing I say to her is, ‘sh.’ She thinks I’m gonna plug her!” ([06:14])

  Crash (04:31–05:26): “I saw something, felt something, enough to make me frightened … I have never touched [the gun] since, and start patrolling my house. Something was there. So much to the point where I did not go back to sleep the next night. I broke down physically and emotionally and cried for an hour, screaming at the top of my lungs to Lee. I don’t know what I saw. What have I seen?”

  • The show navigates this tense retelling with moments of humor, speculation, and empathy.

3. Sleep Deprivation or the Supernatural? ([07:22]–[08:44])

• The team debates rational and supernatural explanations:

  • Was it the result of extreme sleep deprivation and emotional stress?
  • Could a traumatic recent event (the passing of Crash’s nephew) have sparked something paranormal?

• Crash insists he was truly awake and the experience was “real enough to grab the gun.”

  Crash (07:34): “I don’t sleepwalk. I’ve never slept-walked before. I stood up and approached this figure and was awake … Awake enough to where it made me get and load that gun.”

  • The group humorously suggests alternate explanations, from “brewery interns in the trunk” to “antifreeze in the beer,” before returning to the gravity of Crash’s distress.

4. Caller Laura’s Suggestion & Ghostly Speculation ([09:13]–[10:46])

• A caller, Laura, brings up the possibility that Crash’s late nephew was trying to reach him—a theory Crash admits had crossed his mind, especially given the timing.

• Further speculation arises: Was it a warning? A remnant soul? Or something tied to the land itself (his house was built where an old steel mill stood)?

• Every creak or shift now puts Crash on edge—he even starts arming his house alarm at night.

  Crash (10:01): “Now every single event that happens in my house … I think something is in the house. In fact, I didn’t have the alarm armed that night. … If I was sleepwalking … I was awake enough to arm the alarm, thinking whatever was walking down the stairs has to leave through a door. … The alarm never went off.”

5. Physical Details & Aftermath ([10:24]–[11:02])

• When pressed about what he actually saw, Crash gives a description:
  • “From the knees to the head, but the face was blurred because it was turning and walking down the stairs as I approached it.”
• Lady Crash, by contrast, barely remembered the event. But for Crash, the chills haven’t left.

6. Would You Investigate? ([11:02]–[11:42])

• The team discusses whether they should bring in paranormal investigators—with Crash half-seriously concerned about angering whatever might be present.

• He describes a peculiar calm: despite terror, his pulse stayed at 80—he was “frightened yet wasn’t frightened.”

  Crash (11:20): “I was frightened, but I wasn’t … I actually stopped for a second and took my pulse … it was almost as if I was frightened yet wasn’t frightened. Is that freaky?”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Crash (04:09): “I hear a knock on my door in the bedroom. … There’s Lady Crash standing there. … I look off to your right into the guest room. … There’s Lady Crash laying in the bed, sleeping. Oh, God, I have chill bumps everywhere.”
• Co-host (06:25): “If you’re gonna go after Lady Crash and you’re gonna kill her, it’s a spike through the heart, right? Or a silver bullet.”
• Crash (08:44): “I saw something because, I mean, when I first leaned up in the bed, I had to have woken up to approach this thing and talk and whatever. So by the time I got up, I was awake. … It scared me enough. … I felt its presence to make me go get a gun.”
• Crash (11:55): “Don’t make fun of me, man. This is traumatic.”

Important Timestamps

• 01:34 – 02:44: Crash describes rocky relationship and emotional context
• 02:44 – 07:22: Detailed ghost encounter & aftermath
• 07:22 – 08:44: Rational vs paranormal explanations debated
• 09:13 – 10:46: Listener feedback and more speculation
• 10:24 – 11:02: Physical description, Lady Crash’s reaction
• 11:02 – 11:42: Debating ghost investigations and medical oddities (pulse)

Tone and Style

The episode flows naturally between dark humor, empathetic listening, raw emotion, and wild speculation—classic Bert Show fare. The cast’s banter keeps the atmosphere light even as Crash recounts a “traumatic” and lingeringly haunting experience.

Final Thoughts

For anyone interested in candid, weird, and strangely relatable ghost stories—especially those that blur between emotional breakdown and the supernatural—this episode hits a sweet spot. Whether you’re a skeptic or believer, Crash’s tale is told with authenticity, vulnerability, and the offbeat comedic timing The Bert Show is known for.