Vault: What Would You Do If You Saw A Ghost?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: What Would You Do If You Saw A Ghost?"

Date: January 5, 2026
Cast: Crash, Co-hosts, Caller Laura
Theme: Exploring a real-life ghost encounter, sleep deprivation, and the blurred lines between reality and the supernatural.

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Episode Overview

In this vault episode, The Bert Show team dives into an intense and personal ghost story from Crash, one of the show's co-hosts, framed around the larger question: “What would you do if you saw a ghost?” The conversation weaves between the raw, sometimes hilarious, sometimes deeply authentic storytelling that’s a Bert Show hallmark, and genuine curiosity about paranormal activity, trauma, and the rational (and not-so-rational) ways we grapple with unexplained experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Crash’s Relationship Drama Sets the Stage ([01:34]–[02:44])

• Crash recounts ongoing tension with "Lady Crash," describing annual "trouble patches" that had reached a breaking point after a particularly bad week.

• He reveals the situation had gotten so severe he consulted a lawyer about potential separation:

  Crash (02:33): “I was faking the whole thing the whole time … we were almost on the verge of just seriously walking out of each other's lives.”

2. The Ghostly Encounter Unfolds ([02:44]–[07:22])

• After days of sleeplessness and back-to-back stress, Crash describes a chilling and vivid nighttime experience:

  • He sees what appears to be Lady Crash standing silently in the bedroom doorway.
  • As he approaches, the figure moves away, then down the stairs.
  • At this moment, he glimpses the real Lady Crash asleep in the guest room, realizing the figure is not her.

• Overcome with dread, he retrieves a loaded handgun and cautiously checks the house, heart pounding but “pulse strangely steady.”

• The confrontation leaves both Crash and Lady Crash rattled—as he wakes her up with a loaded gun, she’s “looking at me, breathing heavy. And the first thing I say to her is, ‘sh.’ She thinks I’m gonna plug her!” ([06:14])

  Crash (04:31–05:26): “I saw something, felt something, enough to make me frightened … I have never touched [the gun] since, and start patrolling my house. Something was there. So much to the point where I did not go back to sleep the next night. I broke down physically and emotionally and cried for an hour, screaming at the top of my lungs to Lee. I don’t know what I saw. What have I seen?”

  • The show navigates this tense retelling with moments of humor, speculation, and empathy.

3. Sleep Deprivation or the Supernatural? ([07:22]–[08:44])

• The team debates rational and supernatural explanations:

  • Was it the result of extreme sleep deprivation and emotional stress?
  • Could a traumatic recent event (the passing of Crash’s nephew) have sparked something paranormal?

• Crash insists he was truly awake and the experience was “real enough to grab the gun.”

  Crash (07:34): “I don’t sleepwalk. I’ve never slept-walked before. I stood up and approached this figure and was awake … Awake enough to where it made me get and load that gun.”

  • The group humorously suggests alternate explanations, from “brewery interns in the trunk” to “antifreeze in the beer,” before returning to the gravity of Crash’s distress.

4. Caller Laura’s Suggestion & Ghostly Speculation ([09:13]–[10:46])

• A caller, Laura, brings up the possibility that Crash’s late nephew was trying to reach him—a theory Crash admits had crossed his mind, especially given the timing.

• Further speculation arises: Was it a warning? A remnant soul? Or something tied to the land itself (his house was built where an old steel mill stood)?

• Every creak or shift now puts Crash on edge—he even starts arming his house alarm at night.

  Crash (10:01): “Now every single event that happens in my house … I think something is in the house. In fact, I didn’t have the alarm armed that night. … If I was sleepwalking … I was awake enough to arm the alarm, thinking whatever was walking down the stairs has to leave through a door. … The alarm never went off.”

5. Physical Details & Aftermath ([10:24]–[11:02])

• When pressed about what he actually saw, Crash gives a description:
  • “From the knees to the head, but the face was blurred because it was turning and walking down the stairs as I approached it.”
• Lady Crash, by contrast, barely remembered the event. But for Crash, the chills haven’t left.

6. Would You Investigate? ([11:02]–[11:42])

• The team discusses whether they should bring in paranormal investigators—with Crash half-seriously concerned about angering whatever might be present.

• He describes a peculiar calm: despite terror, his pulse stayed at 80—he was “frightened yet wasn’t frightened.”

  Crash (11:20): “I was frightened, but I wasn’t … I actually stopped for a second and took my pulse … it was almost as if I was frightened yet wasn’t frightened. Is that freaky?”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Crash (04:09): “I hear a knock on my door in the bedroom. … There’s Lady Crash standing there. … I look off to your right into the guest room. … There’s Lady Crash laying in the bed, sleeping. Oh, God, I have chill bumps everywhere.”
• Co-host (06:25): “If you’re gonna go after Lady Crash and you’re gonna kill her, it’s a spike through the heart, right? Or a silver bullet.”
• Crash (08:44): “I saw something because, I mean, when I first leaned up in the bed, I had to have woken up to approach this thing and talk and whatever. So by the time I got up, I was awake. … It scared me enough. … I felt its presence to make me go get a gun.”
• Crash (11:55): “Don’t make fun of me, man. This is traumatic.”

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Important Timestamps

• 01:34 – 02:44: Crash describes rocky relationship and emotional context
• 02:44 – 07:22: Detailed ghost encounter & aftermath
• 07:22 – 08:44: Rational vs paranormal explanations debated
• 09:13 – 10:46: Listener feedback and more speculation
• 10:24 – 11:02: Physical description, Lady Crash’s reaction
• 11:02 – 11:42: Debating ghost investigations and medical oddities (pulse)

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Tone and Style

The episode flows naturally between dark humor, empathetic listening, raw emotion, and wild speculation—classic Bert Show fare. The cast’s banter keeps the atmosphere light even as Crash recounts a “traumatic” and lingeringly haunting experience.

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Final Thoughts

For anyone interested in candid, weird, and strangely relatable ghost stories—especially those that blur between emotional breakdown and the supernatural—this episode hits a sweet spot. Whether you’re a skeptic or believer, Crash’s tale is told with authenticity, vulnerability, and the offbeat comedic timing The Bert Show is known for.

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Transcript

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[Crash]

The Birch Show Crash.

[Co-host]

Yo, take it away from here, my friend.

[Crash]

Oh, where should I begin? Well, I mean, you guys know that annually lady Crash and I have troubles probably a good six times a year.

[Co-host]

Six times a year?

[Crash]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, there's always.

[Co-host]

Are you rounding down a lot?

[Crash]

All right, 16 times a year.

[Co-host]

Do you define trouble as multiple nights at the same hotel or like are the single night?

[Crash]

No one weekend counts as one trouble patch. It comes in little groups, you know, like little vacations.

[Co-host]

So just the one night getaways, those are.

[Crash]

Those are just bumps in the road. Yeah, yeah. Those are just. Yeah. Where does leaving your wedding ring in a tip jar to strip club. Is that. Is that a trouble patch or is that just a bump in the road? It's one of the bigger bumps in the road. Yeah. Yeah. Other than that little trouble patches. Well, this all stemmed from that weekend that I was talking about in Fort Lauderdale when Lady Crash and I had a really rough time coming home and I was at a funeral. Well, we hosted an engagement party for her sister that weekend, that Saturday, and went off without a hitch because I was faking the whole thing the whole time. Lady Crash. And I knew we were almost on the verge of just seriously walking out of each other's lives. In fact, I went so far as to see my lawyer on the following Monday.

[Co-host]

Now, was there one thing that happened over the weekend that made you think, okay, this is it. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.

[Crash]

Just another one of those nights where we both got into one of those really violent, alcohol filled fights where we both just attack each other and then our family, and before you know it, we're attacking each other's gods. You know, it's just like. It's just the most obscure reasons to argue. And we figured it out. And I just got to the point where I'm like, you know what? It gets like this too much. What if. What if it all does fall apart? Here I am, you know, I'm a new homeowner, and things are getting a little bit better for me here at the station. I go, I got to protect myself financially. So I went and saw my lawyer. Well, while this is going on, Lady Crash and I have not slept. She's in the guest room, I'm in the master bedroom. But literally, we're tossing and turning, none of us are eating. We're both very upset. We realize that, oh, my God, this is like the. The worst it's ever been. So I kid you not, I slept for maybe one hour, two hours tops, for six days in a row. I mean, I was at the point where your head is aching, your muscles are sore, your eyes are so red you can't physically wake yourself up. Well, probably on, like, day seven, I'm laying in the master bedroom of our house, and I'm sleeping on my stomach, and I hear a knock on my door in the bedroom. And I lean myself up and I look to the left and there's Lady Crash standing there. And I said, hey, you know, come on in if you, you know, you want to just sit in the bed or you can't sleep or whatever, come on in the bed.

[Co-host]

And didn't you just say she was lying there?

[Crash]

No, no, she was in the guest room. Oh, she was in the guest room. Yeah. We weren't sleeping together. We were, you know, separated in the bedrooms. So I see her standing in the doorway, and I'm like, come on in if you want. It's okay. Let's not fight, you know, Sit down. No response. So I get up. I'm standing up, and I start walking towards what I think is Lady Crash. And this figure moves around the side of the stairwell. I go to the top of the stairwell. Now I'm within inches to where maybe Melissa and I are of this figure. I'm in clear view of it. I can see it, but I can't make out the face because it's still a little dark. It starts to walk down the stairs, and I'm talking. Where are you going? What's the matter? Are you okay? Talk to me. And then from this top of the stairs, you can look off to your right into the guest room. And the door was open, and there's Lady Crash laying in the bed, sleeping. Oh, God, I have chill bumps everywhere. My first thought is, there's someone in the house. Now, I purchased a gun about a year ago. I've never touched it. I've never fired it. I've never even put it anywhere within my grasp. I have a procedure, though, that I have already made up. I ran into the closet. I slammed the door and lock it. So I'm safe in there for a second. Take the gun out of the holster. I load five bullets into it. It's one of those guns that doesn't have a hammer on it. It just automatically fires. There I am with a loaded handgun. My heart is racing. Something is in my house. And I kick the door open, and I start to patrol the house. Now, my first thought is to make sure that Lady Crash is okay. So I go by her bed. Now, granted, we're almost on the verge of a divorce here. We're hating each other. We're fighting. We're not sleeping. I'm like this. I lean down at the side of her bed with a loaded handgun. She wakes up looking at me, breathing heavy. And the first thing I say to her is, sh. She thinks I'm gonna plug her. Oh, my God. I'm like, someone's in the house now. I mean, I'm shaking. I have goosebumps. I'm freaking out.

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[Co-host]

Are you more. I think if you're gonna go after Lady Crash, you're more of a smotherer.

[Crash]

Instead of a gun, a pillow, or.

[Co-host]

A grocery store bag.

And I Think you also know that if you're gonna go after Lady Crash and you're gonna kill her, it's a spike through the heart, right? Or a silver bullet.

[Crash]

I gotta catch her when she's sleeping on the ceiling. Oh, my God. So what is she looking at you with, like, the fear of God in her eyes? Yeah, she's wigging out. But here's the weird thing about it, is when I give her the shush shine or whatever, I get back up. I'm afraid to go down the stairs because I don't know what I saw, where it came from, but I was as close to I am right now to Melissa, which for you listening, is no more than two feet. I saw something, felt something, enough to make me frightened, enough to go into my closet and load this gun, which I have never touched since, and start patrolling my house. Something was there. So much to the point where I did not go back to sleep the next night. I broke down physically and emotionally and cried for an hour, screaming at the top of my lungs to Lee. I don't know what I saw. What have I seen?

[Co-host]

Is it possible that you just were, like, so delirious from not getting enough sleep that there was nothing in the house at all? Or do you really think that there was something in there?

[Crash]

That's the only thing that I can rationalize is I was so sleep deprived and in the middle of maybe my first. Starting to get a good night's sleep and was in the middle of a dream and heard a noise or the air conditioner kicked on, and then just kind of reality and my dreams were mixing together. But when I stood up, I was awake. I don't sleepwalk. I've never slept, walked before. I stood up and approached this figure and was awake. Awake enough to where it made me get and load that gun. So at that point, I was already awake.

[Co-host]

Where were you the day before? Like, the day leading up to that? Like, what were you doing?

[Crash]

Did you have any events? Was it a weekend? I had a couple of Arab friends in town. We were sucking on a hookah pipe. But other than that.

[Co-host]

Were you at an event? Were there a station? Or were you at the station?

[Crash]

What day of the week was it? No, but I know it was a work day because I came to work the next day. So, I mean, it might have been like a Tuesday or Wednesday. I think it was Tuesday because I saw my lawyer, I think, on Monday. So it was that night. So it was like Monday night, Tuesday.

[Co-host]

Could you have brought an intern home with you? But Forgotten, like in your backpack or something?

[Crash]

No, I normally leave them either in the trunk or the basement.

[Co-host]

Now. I'm just crunchy enough to believe in this kind of stuff, you know? And I know, you know, your rational mind wants to say, okay, I must have been sleep deprived and I was in an emotional state. But, you know, you saw what you saw.

[Crash]

I saw something because, I mean, when I first leaned up in the bed, I had to have woken up to approach this thing and talk and whatever. So by the time I got up, I was awake. And it was enough. It scared me enough. I was close enough to it, I felt its presence to make me go get a gun. I mean, why else would I just run into the room and load a handgun that I've never touched before?

[Co-host]

That's crazy. Maybe the antifreeze that Lady Crash put in your beer didn't have the same.

[Crash]

Effect you thought it would.

[Co-host]

Just made you crazy.

Hey, Laura, you're on all the hits q100.

[Crash]

Good morning, guys.

[Co-host]

Hi.

[Crash]

Hey, Crash, have you ever thought that it might be your nephew reminding you that life is really short? Oh, my God. Somebody had mentioned that to me. Somebody had mentioned because my nephew recently passed away in a car crash a couple of weeks ago in Miami. And that's when we were returning from his funeral. Some people said it could have been that. I also talked to some lady who told me that it could have, actually. And that's why I came up with the soul part. It was the soul of Lady Crash reaching out to me, saying something like, you know, let's give this a shot. Let's not give up so easy, like. And then, of course, I really start going off on random thoughts. Where I live, you know, in downtown, is where the old steel mill used to be. You know, maybe why my house is built on, like, some sort of a site where somebody was killed or. So I don't know what it was. But now every single event that happens in my house, whether it's a board shifting or a plate move or something, I think something is in the house. In fact, I didn't have the alarm armed that night. And that was the other first thing that I did. If I was sleepwalking and if I was in this. Whatever state I was, I was awake enough to arm the alarm, thinking whatever was walking down the stairs has to leave through a door. Once it opens a door, it'll set off the alarm and I'll know something is there. The alarm never went off.

[Co-host]

Now, you said you were close enough to it. You're two Feet from Melissa Carter. So you were that close. What did you see? Was it a vision of your nephew?

[Crash]

No, I thought it was lady crowd Crash. She normally wears, like, these little tank tops and little nighty short types of things. So from the bottom half, I couldn't see, like, from the knees down. So, like, I got a vision from the knees to the head, but the face was blurred because it was turning and walking down the stairs as I approached it.

[Co-host]

That's wild, man.

[Crash]

That is wild. I'm still thinking about Lady Crash waking up with you and that gun. You know what? She barely remembers anything. When I woke her up the next day, she was like, yeah, I remember you coming in. Are you all right? With someone in that? Literally, as if nothing had happened. And I am to this day. Still. I can't tell this story without getting chills.

[Co-host]

I still have all the information because, remember, we were gonna broadcast from that haunted house out in Douglasville, and y' all chickened out. I still have, like. They are still. Like, would you want them to go to your house and do a thing? Like, see if there's ghosts and stuff there?

They can do real readings, and they bring in all the equipment and all that.

[Crash]

Yeah, but what if. See, I always thought about that, but what if that makes the ghost mad? Like, I didn't get hurt. I wasn't approached. I was. I mean, I was frightened, but I was. And, you know, here's what's another freaky thing. The whole time I was doing this. The. The breathing, the hair, standing on edge, the excitement, I actually stopped for a second and took my pulse, and it was no more than 80. It was almost as if I was frightened yet wasn't frightened. Is that freaky you have? I think it's freak.

[Co-host]

I think it's freaking. All of that pandemonium that you stop.

And take your breath.

[Crash]

Well, I was just so scared. I sat on the edge of the bed and there's. You know, you feel your heartbeat, whatever.

[Co-host]

And I'm saying, looks for. All right, you got a second hand there, ghosty? Tell me when 10 seconds is up.

[Crash]

Don't make fun of me, man. This is traumatic.

[Co-host]

Don't count out loud.

[Crash]

It screws me up. The bird show.

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