Vault: What's the Right Gift for Your Stage of Dating?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: What's the Right Gift for Your Stage of Dating?

Date: March 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show centers around the often-tricky subject of gift giving in romantic relationships—specifically how to pick the right type of gift depending on the stage you're at in your dating journey. The conversation is lively and candid, with plenty of humor, personal anecdotes, and real listener input. Hosts Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the rest of the crew explore what kind of present sends the right message so you don’t end up overwhelming (or underwhelming!) your significant other.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gift Giving by Relationship Stage

(01:01 - 05:29)

The crew breaks down a “gift formula” for different lengths of relationships:

• 1-2 Weeks (01:22):

  • Recommendation: Just a phone call on the holiday, maybe a card with a thoughtful (but not extravagant) note, or a small trinket like an ornament or lottery tickets.
  • "You could send the wrong message... Go too over the top on it, he’ll get freaked out." – Co-Host (01:12)

• 2-4 Weeks (03:03):

  • Suggestion: A romantic dinner (at home or out) or a small, simple gift tied to something you’ve talked about—like a favorite movie on DVD or a meaningful book.
  • "It’s a solid present that says nothing. That’s what you’re looking for, right? It doesn’t say I love you and it doesn’t say I’m not into you. It just says I’m being nice right now." – Co-Host (03:31)

• 1-4 Months (03:44):

  • Idea: It’s “definitely gift time.” Give something thoughtful but not expensive. Tickets for an experience together (concerts, sporting events, museum) or a sweater/dress they’ve mentioned.
  • "You're not trying to buy their love at this stage. It's about shared experiences." – Panelist 3 (03:44)

• 4-6 Months (04:22):

  • Upgrade: Consider more significant gifts, like a new golf club, an iPod, art, or even a romantic overnight hotel stay.
  • "You’re getting more romantic. This is up to six months of dating." – Panelist 3 (04:22)

• 6+ Months (05:29):

  • Long-term mode: Now you can go for bigger gestures—a weekend trip, booking a vacation, or sentimental items like a framed photo together.
  • "You're in a full-on relationship at that point. If you’re not saying boyfriend or girlfriend, this is probably the stage to do that..." – Panelist 3 (05:29)

• 3 Years+ (05:53):

  • Expectations rise: Time for diamonds or at least major romantic gestures.
  • "If you haven’t bought a diamond anything yet, do it. If you plan to get married, what are you waiting for? Because you know, like Beyoncé said..." – Panelist 3 (05:53)
  • "If you like it, then shoot up..." – Co-Host (06:04, riffing on Beyoncé’s lyrics)

2. Gift Alternatives and “Fast Forward” Rules

(06:11 - 07:42)

• If the relationship is unique—like you were friends for years before dating, or you’ve met each other’s parents—fast forward a step or two in the gift timeline.

• If you live together or have adopted a pet, you’re automatically at the “most serious” gift tier.

  • "If you've met the parents, then you should fast forward one step... If you live together, fast forward to the last step." – Panelist 3 (07:16, 07:33)

3. When To Get Gifts for the Parents

(07:42 - 08:20)

• General consensus: Not until engagement or marriage, unless you’re certain the relationship is heading that direction.

  • "I know in our relationship... I don't know if it was our first or second Christmas that we gave a general gift to the other family." – Panelist 1 (08:06)

• Jokes about dowries and “sausage rolls” lighten the mood.

4. Live Caller Scenario: What Counts After a Break?

(08:33 - 10:17)

• Caller Situation:

  • She dated a guy for four months, broke up for one month, then got back together. Should she get him a gift?
  • Advice: Go by the total time together, not just the most recent stint.
  • "If you guys are back, you don't take it from the one month period. Take it from the four-month period, you have history there." – Co-Host (08:55)

• Playful grill about break-up activities (cheating, hooking up with others) follows, with everyone keeping the tone cheeky and light.

5. Offbeat Gifting Questions

(10:18 - 11:01)

• When is lingerie appropriate?
  • Consensus: Six months is about right.
    • "Six months." – Panelist (10:28)
    • "There is going to be a fine line of creepy here..." – Co-Host (10:28)
  • Couple’s Massage?
    • Same tier as an overnight stay—after six months.
    • "Couple's massage will be the same time as the hotel stay." – Panelist 2 (10:55)

6. Philosophical & Playful Musings

(11:06 - 11:49)

• The group wonders, “What happened to just being in love and acting with abandon?” but quickly admits that in early dating, it’s mostly “game playing.”
  • "It’s all about game playing in the beginning." – Co-Host (11:11)
  • "What do you get after six years? — Sick of each other." – Panelist 2 (11:43)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On overdoing it early:
  "Tattoo's too much." – Co-Host (01:21)

• On relationship history and gifts:
  "You have history there. You just can’t erase it because you broke up for three hours so he could go hook up with somebody else." – Co-Host (09:03)

• Lighthearted humor:
  "Where would you put a waxy sausage log?" – Panelist 2 (05:02)

• Philosophy of relationship pacing:
  "If you've met the parents... they will ask what you gave or received and you have to have an answer for that." – Panelist 3 (07:16)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:01 – Introduction to gift-giving at different dating stages
• 03:03 – Moving into 2-4 week and 1-4 month gift ideas
• 04:22 – Gifts for 4-6 months dating
• 05:29 – Serious gifts after 6 months
• 05:53 – Major gestures after 3+ years
• 07:16 – Fast-forwarding gift steps in accelerated relationships
• 08:33 – Caller with break-up/make-up gift question
• 10:18 – When is lingerie or a couple’s massage appropriate?
• 11:06 – The hosts’ take on romance vs. “playing the game”

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Conclusion

This episode is a lively, funny, and practical guide to navigating the gift minefield in new (and not-so-new) relationships. The Bert Show crew offer crowd-sourced wisdom, poke fun at their own histories, and aren't afraid to say what everyone is thinking—making this episode as helpful as it is entertaining. Whether you’re in week one or year six, they’ve got a gift idea (or a joke) for your romantic predicament.

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Transcript

[Radio Host]

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[Weight Watchers Representative]

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[Co-Host]

Jen is dating right now, and she found herself in this tweener stage here. Because you can. The present that you give makes it. It's a tremendous symbol for your relationship.

[Panelist 1]

Yes.

[Co-Host]

And you could send the wrong message. If you've just been dating the first couple of months or a couple of weeks. You go too over the top on it. He'll get freaked out. Oh, my gosh.

[Panelist 2]

He loves me like a tattoo.

[Co-Host]

Tattoo's too much.

[Panelist 3]

Yeah. Yeah. And I think this goes both way for men and for women. I think men can over give, too. I mean, if you're just starting out dating, you don't need to be giving her diamonds right off the bat if you just started dating because it's like, whoa, buddy. Yeah. So, yeah. So we started this a couple of days ago, this gift formula for the newly dating. And we put together a couple things. You want me to review, like the beginning of what we already covered, and then we'll go to longer relationships. Because we started with like one to two weeks. We said like a phone call on that day, whether that's Christmas or Hanukkah or New Year's or whatever the holiday is that you celebr on that day. Quan's honomus, Quant Hanomus, Boxing Day, Chinese New Year, whatever it is, a phone call on that day would be nice. And then we said a card with a thoughtful note, but not to go overboard. Like you guys had said, maybe an ornament or like lottery tickets or something. This is like a week to two weeks before you just went out on your first or second date, like scratch off tickets. Yeah, I think that's cool. That's what we're.

[Panelist 2]

Grandma.

[Co-Host]

Right before you eat your fish Filet over at McDonald's. Jeff. Yes, you can go ahead.

[Panelist 2]

It's the filet of fish because it's clearly an Irish dish, right?

[Co-Host]

I could just see Jeff now with his McDonald's filet o fish right here. His lottery tickets on the left and his Publisher's Clearinghouse stuff on the right.

[Panelist 2]

Hi, can I have a filet o fish?

[Panelist 1]

No. And you have to be thumbing through your Reader's Digest in order large print

[Panelist 3]

glasses somewhere because you know you can

[Panelist 1]

make money if you send in an article.

[Panelist 3]

Go ahead, send in a joke, Jen. So then we said, really?

[Panelist 1]

Yeah.

[Co-Host]

Can we get back to the list, please?

[Panelist 3]

Two to four weeks. Like if you've been dating a couple of weeks, depending on how much you've seen each other in those weeks. We said like a romantic dinner at a restaurant or at home or a small gift, something like simple and sweet, showing your interest in being romantic. But it would be like say he told you what his all time favorite movie was on dvd getting him that. Or like her favorite book she read in college. Something that is significant from the conversations that you've had. But nothing that is like way too over the top because it's still only within that one month. Twine your stage.

[Co-Host]

It's a solid present that says nothing. That's what you're looking for, right? It doesn't say I love you and it doesn't say I'm not into you. It just says I'm being nice right now.

[Panelist 3]

The one to four months is the next stage. And we said definite gift time here. If it's been over a month and up to four, you definitely need to do the gift. And it should be thoughtful but not too expensive. You're not trying to buy their love at this stage. So we said a great idea would be tickets to an event together. Like a sporting gift. Know a sporting event, concerts, a museum exhibit, whatever it is that you guys are into or interests that you share. And then we had also said the sweater or dress that she had pointed out at some point, maybe get her that. Or for a guy, if he had pointed out like a shirt in the mall, like cool button down shirt or something like that. One to four months, right? Okay, she's still doing right here.

[Panelist 1]

Yeah. And leave it at that.

[Panelist 3]

We said four to six months. At that stage it goes a little bit more. And then we had said like go for the new Golf club or the ipod or like an artistic piece or even like a hotel overnight stay because you're getting more romantic. This is up to six months of dating. Are we good here?

[Co-Host]

I'm solid on it.

[Panelist 3]

Because I'm leaning on you guys because I don't know.

[Co-Host]

And there are comments up online right now. This is all gonna be on q100atlanta.com and you guys can comment on them and adjust them if you want also.

[Panelist 3]

And it is up right now because that's what I'm going off of right now.

[Panelist 2]

So did you cover the Hickory Farms waxy sausage log yet?

[Panelist 3]

Where does that fit in? Is that like one to four months?

[Panelist 2]

Where would you put a waxy sausage log?

[Co-Host]

I think we know the answer.

[Panelist 3]

That was way too obvious. Jeff.

[Panelist 1]

Come on.

[Panelist 3]

I expect more out of you.

[Co-Host]

Not anymore you're not.

[Panelist 3]

You're not really laughing at that joke.

[Panelist 1]

Yeah, he is.

[Panelist 3]

He's. Punch yourself for that one.

[Panelist 2]

No, it's just memories because that was my high school band. No waxy sausage.

[Panelist 3]

Look. No, it wasn't.

[Panelist 1]

It's Friday.

[Panelist 3]

Yeah, I'm a little lost on the giving this.

[Co-Host]

Be strong.

[Panelist 3]

Okay. And then I said six months or more. You're in a full on relationship at that point. If you're not saying boyfriend or girlfriend, this is probably the stage to do that. Establish that situation. And then it could be more like going on a weekend or a week away together or maybe booking a trip like months in advance from now or things that are more sentimental like a framed photo and that kind of thing. Right?

[Co-Host]

That sounds okay.

[Panelist 3]

Okay. And I said three years or more. If you haven't bought a diamond, anything yet, do it. And if you plan to get married, what are you waiting for? Because you know, like Beyonce said, like

[Panelist 1]

Beyonce said, if you.

[Co-Host]

If you like it, then shoot up.

[Panelist 3]

Yeah. Three years or more and you haven't done diamonds, you gotta go.

[Co-Host]

Okay?

[Panelist 3]

You gotta go for it.

[Co-Host]

And what is a good. I mean, because the economy is so bad right now. What is a good alternative from diamonds? If you wanted to give jewelry a different stubborn.

[Panelist 3]

If you go to see my friends at the Shane Company, they have diamonds, rubies, sapphires and pearls.

[Co-Host]

Hey, so does Solomon Brothers jewelry. How about that?

[Panelist 2]

And just so you know, if you need a loan to get your diamond, you can go to Georgia's own credit union.

[Panelist 1]

But what you should do is you should call them with your Metro PCs fund to make sure that you're getting the greatest deal.

[Co-Host]

You could drive over there in your Team Nissan Laser.

[Panelist 1]

Hair removal does not relate to any of you.

[Panelist 3]

I got nothing.

[Panelist 2]

Neither does leverage. Tuesday nights, 10pm on TNT. But I'll still get it in somehow.

[Panelist 3]

Okay. Okay. So I was saying exceptions to these rules would be if you've been friends for a really long time, like six months to so, and you've just now become romantic, then you have to fast forward a step or two, wouldn't you say?

[Panelist 1]

Are we complicating it, though?

[Co-Host]

I would agree with that because there's obviously. You guys know each other, right? So it's accelerated.

[Panelist 1]

Do we go from six months to three years? Did we just jump or we.

[Co-Host]

Well, there was Jeff talking about his nut roll in between, but.

[Panelist 3]

Yeah, but there's a couple other exceptions. Let me get through this. Let me get through this. Sausage log. Okay. I said if you've met the parents, then you should fast forward one step because if you've met the parents, then they will ask what you gave or received. And you have to have an answer for that.

[Co-Host]

You know what I mean?

[Panelist 3]

Also said, if you live together, you should fast forward to the last step. And if you share pets that you adopted or purchased together, then fast forward to the last step because you already moved fast enough.

[Panelist 2]

Okay. And at what point in the chart do you have to buy gifts for the parents?

[Panelist 3]

Oh, that's marriage.

[Panelist 2]

Oh, not until then.

[Panelist 1]

Yeah.

[Panelist 2]

All right.

[Panelist 3]

I don't think.

[Co-Host]

And. And not before engaged.

[Panelist 1]

No.

[Panelist 2]

I think you need to do it before. I think.

[Panelist 1]

Well, I think it depends on if you. If you know that that's where it's leading to. I think if you know that. I mean, I. I just think sometimes.

[Panelist 3]

Yeah, maybe, maybe. Because I know.

[Panelist 1]

I know in our relationship, I don't know if it was our first or second Christmas that we gave a general gift to the other family. So it wasn't just specific members of that family, but like there was an exchange of gifts to the general family.

[Co-Host]

You gave them a signed picture of

[Panelist 1]

yourself, just like Tyra. What would Tyra do?

[Panelist 2]

It was like a dowry.

[Co-Host]

Yes.

[Panelist 2]

There's two goats and a chicken.

[Panelist 1]

And oddly enough, it was a sausage roll.

[Co-Host]

Hey, Tiffany. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning. How are you guys?

[Radio Host]

Good.

[Co-Host]

How are you today?

[Caller]

Pretty good. I have a Christmas question.

[Co-Host]

All right.

[Caller]

I've been dating somebody. We dated for about four months. We broke it off for about a month, and now we're back together. I think it's still kind of in that odd re dating time. We're not going to be spending Christmas together, and I really have no idea if I should Even get anything.

[Co-Host]

I think that the. Well, if you guys are back with each other, then I think it's. You don't take it from the one month period. I think you take it from the four month period.

[Panelist 3]

I agree.

[Caller]

Really?

[Co-Host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have history there. You just can't erase it. Because you broke up for three hours so he could go hook up with somebody else.

[Panelist 2]

Yeah. And I think it's also, you have to take into account what anniversary you'll be celebrating because most people who break up and then get back together, don't they stick with the first anniversary?

[Panelist 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Panelist 3]

Sometimes years in between.

[Co-Host]

But you, you actually sound like you're still not even all that into the relationship.

[Caller]

Well, I am. I'm just, you know, taking caution. So I'm a little held back with it now.

[Co-Host]

Cheat on you?

[Caller]

No, no, nothing like that.

[Panelist 2]

You cheat on him?

[Caller]

No.

[Panelist 2]

How come?

[Caller]

No cheating.

[Co-Host]

How come?

[Caller]

No.

[Co-Host]

Why are you looking at his brother the way you are?

[Caller]

Well, you know, that's a different story. I'll call you another day for that.

[Panelist 2]

Hey, just. You may not know this for a fact, but just like a guesstimate, how many girls do you think he had sex with while you guys were broken up?

[Panelist 1]

Oh my God.

[Panelist 3]

Why can't you ask her the same question?

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm. I'm pretty positive it was zero.

[Panelist 2]

But how about you? How many guys?

[Caller]

I hooked up with one guy. We didn't sleep together, but I hooked

[Panelist 2]

up with one guy.

[Co-Host]

Oh, come on. And Bill Clinton didn't inhale.

[Panelist 3]

That's what we all say, sweetie.

[Co-Host]

Aren't you glad you call?

[Panelist 3]

Oh, no.

[Co-Host]

Thanks for calling.

[Panelist 1]

Bye.

[Co-Host]

Bye.

[Panelist 3]

I want to know when is lingerie appropriate? Lingerie came up the other day. At what stage can guys give women lingerie?

[Weight Watchers Representative]

Six months.

[Co-Host]

There is going to be a fine line of creepy here.

[Weight Watchers Representative]

I say six months.

[Co-Host]

Six months. Yeah, maybe so.

[Panelist 3]

It depends on how much.

[Co-Host]

There's a different kind of lingerie. Also, like, I think the stuff that you got today is a lot different than that. Well, that's that skanky Fredericks of Hollywood jokey lingerie.

[Panelist 2]

Anytime.

[Panelist 3]

What about a couple's massage? Where does that fit in on the timeline?

[Co-Host]

I think you can go after six months on that one, can't you?

[Panelist 2]

Not before couples massage will be the same time as the hotel stay. So where was that in there?

[Panelist 3]

That was four to six months.

[Co-Host]

And again, if you're going to err, err on the side of caution here, of waiting too long.

[Panelist 3]

What happened about just being in love and acting with abandon? Bert. No, no.

[Co-Host]

It's all about game playing in the beginning.

[Panelist 1]

You know that.

[Panelist 2]

Okay, it's all about hand.

[Panelist 3]

What do you mean, you know that?

[Co-Host]

I don't know. But as soon as I said it, I regretted it. And I was hoping you weren't going

[Panelist 3]

to acknowledge it now that she acknowledged it.

[Panelist 1]

Now I understand what you're saying.

[Co-Host]

Hey, Good morning. Good morning, Jamie.

[Radio Host]

Oh, my God.

[Panelist 2]

The two of you are dating.

[Co-Host]

Nailed us.

[Panelist 1]

But now that they've been together for six years, that you know.

[Panelist 3]

What do you get after six years?

[Panelist 2]

Sick of each other.

[Co-Host]

I think we all know that.

[Radio Host]

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[Co-Host]

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[Co-Host]

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[Panelist 3]

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[Co-Host]

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