Vault: Which celebrity will be arrested?

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Which celebrity will be arrested?
Date: June 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and humorous segment, The Bert Show cast revives one of their favorite games: the Celebrity Incarceration Draft. The hosts and contributors take turns predicting which celebrity will be the next to be arrested (not just accused or pulled over, but actually arrested). As they pick their 'rosters' of likely candidates, they explain the rules, discuss notorious celebrity arrests, and share a few theories on fame, scandal, and public downfall—all while delivering their signature blend of real talk and wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Format Walkthrough

1. Reintroducing the Celebrity Incarceration Draft

[01:27-02:33]

• The hosts recall the origins and rules of the Celebrity Incarceration Draft:
  • Each participant predicts one celebrity likely to be arrested next.
  • If your pick is the next celebrity arrested, you win the accumulated jackpot.
  • Picks remain “active” until the next celebrity arrest; jackpots can grow for months.
  • Only celebrities where "you know their name" are eligible.
• The latest game is triggered by Michael Lohan’s recent arrest, serving as the perfect launchpad.

“When a celebrity gets busted and gets arrested… then each one of us try to predict who the next celebrity is that’s going to be arrested.”
—[C, 01:37]

2. The Launch of the 2026 Draft & First Picks

[02:33-05:26]

• The cast sets the picking order: Melissa, Jen, Burt, and Wendy.
• Each participant makes a case for their first-round pick, explaining their choices with plenty of banter.

The Picks:

• Melissa: R. Kelly
  • Justifies: “My boy R. Kelly, because he’s dodged a lot of bullets and eventually he’s not going to be able to dodge... you know, the silver one.”
  • [E, 03:23]
• Jen: Tila Tequila
  • Rationale: “She is desperate to stay relevant and in the headlines and will do anything possible. So I think she’ll do it on purpose.”
  • [D, 04:05]
• Burt: Andy Dick
  • “Any given day, that dude can be doing something where he’s gonna get arrested.”
  • [C, 04:56]
  • Cast notes Andy Dick was just arrested the previous week for groping someone at a comedy club.
• Wendy: Mischa Barton
  • “She last year was picked up in that ambulance at her house and taken to the hospital because she was on the crazy train…and just been really picked on in the media right now about her weight gain. So I think she’s gonna fall off the wagon.”
  • [F, 05:26]

3. Strategy & Psychology Behind Picks

[05:46-06:00]

• The cast shares strategic thoughts:
  • Celebrities without current projects or those “a little desperate” are statistically more likely to land in trouble.
  • They note Mischa Barton’s inactivity since "The O.C." as an indicator.

“A lot of times the celebrities that end up getting in trouble are the ones that don’t really have a big project going on...”
—[E, 05:49]

4. Audience Interaction & Bonus Suggestions

[06:03-06:24]

• A listener calls in with a strong suggestion: Cat Williams.
  • “That is a guaranteed good bet right there for your game. At least every other week anyway.”
  • [B, 06:06]
• The show agrees Cat Williams’ arrest record would make him a top pick in the next round.

5. Commentary & Banter Highlights

• The group keeps the tone light, often teasing one another and poking fun at habitually troublesome celebrities:
  • “Andy Dick… he sort of belongs in the hall of fame of celebrity incarceration.”
    —[C, 05:19]
  • “There’s no good behavior on.”
    —[E, 04:24], in reference to certain repeat offenders
  • “We’ve had these go on where it’s like hundreds of dollars in the pot after a while.”
    —[C, 02:26]

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Notable Quotes

• “If you woke up the next morning and found out that this person got arrested, you wouldn’t be surprised at all.”
  —[C, 03:44]
• “Because you know which one I was thinking about picking before I picked her, right?”
  —[D, 04:31]

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Content | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:27 | Introduction to the “Celebrity Incarceration Draft” and explanation of rules | | 02:33 | Why they're restarting the draft (Michael Lohan’s arrest as the trigger) | | 03:23 | First-round draft picks and rationales (R. Kelly, Tila Tequila, Andy Dick, Mischa Barton) | | 05:46 | Discussion of strategy—trouble-prone “inactive” celebrities | | 06:03 | Listener call-in with a Cat Williams suggestion |

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Final Roster (First Round Picks)

• Melissa: R. Kelly
• Jen: Tila Tequila
• Burt: Andy Dick
• Wendy: Mischa Barton

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Tone & Style

The Bert Show keeps the conversation playful, fast-paced, and slightly irreverent, balancing pop culture familiarity with friendly mockery. The hosts poke fun at celebrity mishaps, each other’s picks, and the very idea of “celebrity draft” strategy, while inviting listeners to participate in the fun.

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Summary

This episode delivers an entertaining look at celebrity mishaps through the lens of The Bert Show’s Celebrity Incarceration Draft. From Michael Lohan’s latest legal issues to speculative picks like Andy Dick and Tila Tequila, the crew keeps the discussion lighthearted, competitive, and rooted in pop culture wisdom and humor—a perfect escape for listeners wanting laughs at the expense of fame’s most notorious troublemakers.

Transcript

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[D]

This is fun.

[C]

It is. Celebrity Incarceration Draft goes like this. When a celebrity gets busted and gets arrested, can't be pulled over, can't be alleged, it has to be arrested. Then each one of us try to predict who the next celebrity is that's going to be arrested. And every time we do that, we put a dollar, a dollar into our jackpot and then that celebrity that we predict sort of stays on our individual rosters until the next celebrity gets arrested. Now if that next celebrity is on our list, we get the pot. We get the jackpot, right? So we really sort of difficult to explain.

[D]

Next time a new celebrity is arrested, we add more people to the list until somebody that one of us has picked is arrested.

[C]

Right, you said that much better than I did.

[D]

So it can keep going and going and going for a long time or it could be over in two round.

[C]

Yeah, we've had these go on where it's like hundreds of dollars in the pot after a while. So Jen, tell them why we are starting this up again today.

[D]

We're starting it up again today because Michael Lohan, I mean loosely a celebrity because his daughter is Lindsay Lohan, but he is, is going to be our sort of springboard to launch this round of celebrity incarceration draft. Because he was arrested, his ex girlfriend Aaron has a restraining order against him and he's not allowed to call her. And apparently he called her. So he was arrested yesterday in Long Island. Now he says that she doesn't have any proof. Blasey blah.

[E]

Careful.

[D]

Whatever it is, he's doing court and he's arrested and he's loosely a celebrity.

[C]

At least you know his name. That's sort of our rule. If you know his name, then we can start another round. Cause a lot of football players and stuff get busted and nobody knows who they are or directors.

[F]

Right.

[C]

All right, so this will be our order for the very first round of this celebrity incarceration draft. It goes Melissa, Jen, Burt and Wendy.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Okay. All right. Well, I just want to put this guy on my roster because I think he's going to, you know, eventually he's going to get busted for something. It may end up being a dui. But R. Kelly, because my boy R. Kelly, because he's dodged a lot of bullets and eventually he's not going to be able to dodge, you know, the silver one.

[D]

Okay, that's good.

[C]

Good one, R. Kelly. That is strong.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

On any given day, like for me, these first couple of rounds are like, if you woke up the next morning and found out that this person got arrested, you wouldn't be surprised at all. These are like the easy ones.

[D]

Well, I want to pick one that we always talk about, but he just got arrested, so I don't think that that pick is going to be the right call to make because I think he's going to be on good behavior for a while.

[C]

So sometimes there's consistency there.

[D]

There is sometimes consistency. So I'm kind of upset about maybe not picking him, but I'm going with Tila Tequila. Oh, that's a good one. That is a good one. Because she is desperate to stay relevant and in the headlines and will do anything possible. So I think she'll do it on purpose.

[F]

She's in a crazy train too.

[E]

I think it's a good choice.

[C]

We were on the same page on that one. That's where I was going.

[E]

There's no good behavior on.

[C]

Okay then.

[D]

Because you know which one I was thinking about picking before I picked her. Right.

[E]

And I have his name written down too. Uh huh. Yeah.

[F]

I have no idea.

[E]

And I think the same with him.

[C]

This is probably. I mean, I make this pick every time that we do the celebrity incarceration draft and it might be the one that you have written down. Before I say it though, let me. No, I like it. It's strong. Andy Dick.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Andy Dick is. Any given day, that dude can be doing something where he's gonna get arrested.

[E]

And he's a behavior.

[C]

And he just got arrested, right?

[D]

Yes. Just like last week for what? It was for feeling up somebody at a comedy club.

[E]

Sexual harassment.

[D]

Yeah, he was. He was wasted and was groping somebody and the security guard threw him out.

[C]

He's a hot mess.

[F]

He's disgusting.

[C]

Yeah, he's gross. So I'll take Andy Dick on there just because he sort of belongs in the hall of fame of celebrity incarceration. Wendy, who you got?

[F]

I am going with Misha Barton because she last year was picked up in that ambulance at her house and taken to the hospital because she was on the crazy train. And then just been really picked on in the media right now about her weight gain. So I think she's gonna fall off the wagon. So I'm going with Mischa Barton.

[C]

Okay, Mischa Barton, then. We've got Andy Dick, we got Tila Tequila, and we've got R. Kelly.

[D]

And next time around, Jeff will have to pick two.

[C]

Right, right.

[E]

And I think, you know, Wendy's is a good pick too, because a lot of times the celebrities that end up getting in trouble are the one ones that don't really have a big project going on.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[E]

Like, they're a little desperate. And Misha Barton, what has she done since the O.C.

[B]

right?

[E]

You know, nothing.

[F]

Right.

[C]

Good morning, t. You're on Q100.

[B]

Hey, listen, somebody needs to pick my boy, Cat Williams. That is a guaranteed good bet right there for your game.

[C]

That would have been fantastic. He's been pretty consistent the last year getting busted, hasn't he?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

At least every other week anyway.

[C]

Yeah, right, exactly. So our next round, whoever got the first pick probably gonna go with Catwoman.

[E]

And y' all don't email Jeff that pick. Just don't do it. God, y' all get on my nerves.

[B]

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