Vault: Who Has Beef With A Celebrity?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Who Has Beef With A Celebrity?

Episode Date: January 16, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Main Cast: Bert, Co-hosts, Callers

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show centers on a playful vent session: which celebrities, TV shows, or pop culture phenomena do people just not get? Host Bert and his co-hosts invite listeners to call in and air their “celebrity beefs”—those icons or entertainment hits everyone else seems to love, but bafflingly don’t resonate with them. The segment sparks honest, humorous conversation among the cast and a parade of spirited listener takes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bert’s Celebrity “Blind Spots”

• Paris Hilton (00:00–01:36):
  Bert confesses he doesn't get Paris Hilton's appeal, even referencing recent news of her raising $200,000 at a Miami fundraiser by auctioning off a night of partying with her:

  • “I look at her and I just see trashy, non-celebrity.” – Bert (01:26)
  • Co-hosts debate her status as a fashion leader and TV personality.

• Napoleon Dynamite (01:29–01:49, 02:28–02:49):
  Bert shares frustration with the cult comedy's popularity:

  • “I have tried and tried and tried to be cool enough to laugh at Napoleon Dynamite... I still think it's the worst movie ever.” – Bert (01:38)
  • Co-hosts and friends quote the film and mock Bert, yet he remains unconvinced.

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2. Co-host & Listener Call-ins: Unpopular Opinions

• Ashton Kutcher (03:11–03:32):
  Caller Ray and co-hosts express confusion about Kutcher’s popularity:

  • “I don't think he's funny. I don't think he's stylish. I don't think he's cute. I don't get it.” – Co-host 2 (03:27)

• Dr. Phil (03:32–03:45):
  Co-host 1 can’t grasp Dr. Phil’s following, especially when he wrote a weight loss book while overweight.

• Shakira (03:51–04:29):
  Caller 1 can’t understand her singing or appeal:

  • “What are we all just worshiping Shakira for?” – Caller 1 (04:18)
  • Co-hosts counter with her global celebrity status and unique dance moves.

• Tara Reid (05:05–05:20):
  Callers and cast are mystified by her fame, largely referencing “American Pie” and “Van Wilder.”

  • Bert quips: “She put the hoe in Hollywood. She's a drunk.” (05:06)

• Will Ferrell (05:32–05:57):
  Caller Lisa can’t stand him, especially after “Wedding Crashers.”

  • “As soon as he comes on screen, I start laughing.” – Bert (05:49)
  • Lisa’s response: “I'm nauseated.” (05:51)

• Jessica Simpson (06:13–06:32):
  Caller Michelle: “She cannot sing... I don't see what people see in her.” (06:21)

  • Bert agrees but admits she “looks hot now” (06:32).

• Hilary Duff (06:43–07:07):

  • “She cannot act. And she tries to be so innocent. She needs to go on Passions.” – Caller (06:50)
  • Co-hosts concede her appeal for Lizzie McGuire fans, quip about her changed teeth.

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3. Recurring Themes and Memorable Moments

• Pop culture FOMO:
  Bert’s frustration at not “getting” some mass faves:

  • “It just sucks when you're around all these people that just absolutely adore these icons and you're like, I just don't get it.” – Bert (06:58)

• Age and relatability:

  • Co-hosts joke about older people quoting “teenage” movies like Napoleon Dynamite:
    “When a 30 year old is doing it, I'm thinking, come on now.” – Co-host 1 (02:53)

• Global vs. local celebrity status:

  • “I find it fascinating that here in the United States we don't have the same hit music that they do over the rest of the world. Like Shakira is big around the world. Except here.” – Co-host 1 (04:29)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Time | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:26 | Bert | “I look at her and I just see trashy, non celebrity.” | | 01:38 | Bert | “I have tried and tried and tried to be cool enough to laugh at Napoleon Dynamite...” | | 03:27 | Co-host 2 | “I don't think he's funny. I don't think he's stylish. I don't think he's cute. I don't get it.” | | 04:18 | Caller 1 | “What are we all just worshiping Shakira for?” | | 05:06 | Bert | “She put the hoe in Hollywood. She's a drunk.” | | 05:49 | Bert | “As soon as he comes on screen, I start laughing.” | | 05:51 | Caller Lisa| “I'm nauseated.” | | 06:21 | Caller Michelle | “She cannot sing... I don't see what people see in her.” | | 06:58 | Bert | “It just sucks when you're around all these people that just absolutely adore these icons and you're like, I just don't get it.” |

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Show Structure & Major Segments

• [00:00–02:28] Bert's confessions about not understanding the hype behind Paris Hilton and Napoleon Dynamite. Co-hosts discuss and debate.
• [03:07–07:44] Phones open up: listeners and cast rapidly share their celebrity “beefs,” ranging from Ashton Kutcher and Dr. Phil to Shakira, Tara Reid, Will Ferrell, Jessica Simpson, and Hilary Duff.
• [07:15–07:44] Comparisons of generational or personal taste—callers and hosts bonding over shared bafflement at pop icons.

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Tone and Energy

The episode maintains a lighthearted, confessional, and often self-deprecating tone. The hosts and callers are open about their unpopular opinions but keep the mood fun—even when being blunt (“She put the hoe in Hollywood. She's a drunk.”). There’s a palpable bond between the team and callers, as they share the feeling of being “on the outside” of certain pop culture crazes.

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Summary

If you’ve ever felt mystified by an ultra-popular celebrity or film, this episode of The Bert Show is right up your alley. Bert, the co-hosts, and a stream of callers admit which pop icons just never clicked for them, whether that’s Paris Hilton’s enduring fame, the cult of “Napoleon Dynamite,” or Shakira’s dance moves. With good-natured jabs and a supportive environment for unpopular opinions, it’s a chatty, relatable listen—proving that in pop culture, you’re never the only one who just doesn’t “get it.”

Transcript

[Burt]

The Burt show producer Tracy did not get to the story about Paris Hilton this morning. That I. She is a mystery to me. And generally, I don't ask you guys that listen this early to call us up because I know you're busy doing other things, but I'm wondering if there are other celebrities or other. Maybe it's movies, TV shows, public figures that everybody else seems to love that you just look at and go, I don't get it. Like, maybe everybody's screaming over Desperate Housewives and you're like, I've watched the show three or four times because everybody else says it's such a great show. And I just don't get it. Right. If you have one of these, call us 404-741-1005. I specifically have two, and one is Paris Hilton.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

Paris Hilton just raised $200,000. It was at a Miami fundraiser for the hurricane victims. She raised this $200,000 by auctioning herself off to a fan. Now the fan bid the money in order to party with her on New Year's Eve. 200 grand party. But you know who I could see doing something like this? Jeff Dollar. Because he loves to party with celebrities and likes to be seen with them.

[Burt]

I don't know. $200,000 worth of party, But I see what you're saying.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, he would do it.

[Burt]

See the appeal of Paris Hilton. I just don't get. Like, we have lists all the time, the most intriguing celebrities. I think there was a list that Jen Hobby read off yesterday about the celebrity couples you want to know most about in Paris Hilton's. I look at her and I just see trashy, non celebrity.

[Co-host 1]

Right.

[Burt]

But she's a fashion leader. She had a hit TV show, and I don't get it. The other one for me is Napoleon Dynamite.

[Co-host 2]

Oh, are you kidding?

[Burt]

I have tried and tried and tried to be cool enough to laugh at Napoleon Dynamite. And I read a story this morning that Napoleon wear the T shirts, the sweatshirts, the knit tops, the underwear have become the strongest selling licensed products in the teens and boys mass marketplace. The this movie made $50 million at the box office. Made for 400,000. Made another 104 million in DVD. You can't go anywhere without seeing a Pedro for President T shirt. Melissa comes in here laughing about it all the time. Jeff. Or was it it's Jen that does that. It's Jen and Jeff, and they're always quoting the movie. And I felt so out of the loop that I watched it and came back and said, I don't understand it. And they ridiculed me so badly that I watched it again. And I still think, think it's the worst movie ever.

[Co-host 2]

I think it is the best movie ever. It reminds me in a weird way. It reminds me of my little sister when she acts like, really stupid and dorky, but it also reminds me of all those like complete dorks in high school that just didn't. It's so funny. And is it John Heder or John Heater who plays Napoleon Dunn? Well, he's in that new movie with Reese Witherspoon and even his one line in the previews for that movie make me laugh.

[Burt]

So stupid. I want to like it. I want to be cool enough to like it.

[Co-host 1]

And the thing is, like, I think it's a total teenage movie. And when I look at Jen and Jeff trying to quote the movie, I want to say, you know what, you look old. You know, because if an 18 year old is quoting the movie, I have no problem with that. But when a 30 year old is doing it, I'm thinking, come on now, people love it.

[Burt]

Hey, Ray, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hello. Good morning, guys.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Caller 1]

Okay, you're not gonna like me for this, but Ashton Kutcher.

[Co-host 2]

I agree.

[Caller 1]

Thank you.

[Burt]

Sort of agree. Although I think he's pretty funny on punks.

[Caller 1]

But other than, I don't, I don't get the overall appeal of him. I don't think he's all that and anything.

[Co-host 2]

I don't think he's funny. I don't think he's stylish. I don't think he's cute. I don't get it.

[Burt]

He's in the news every other day.

[Co-host 1]

That's right. You know what? I never jumped on the Dr. Phil bandwagon. Like, I especially didn't understand why people were so ready to follow him on his weight loss book when the man was overweight himself. Yeah, I just, yeah. Dr. Phil don't get it.

[Burt]

I've never bought into him.

[Co-host 2]

I don't. Yeah, I agree on Dr. Phil.

[Burt]

Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hey, is that me now?

[Burt]

It's you now.

[Caller 1]

Hey, mine is Shakira. I don't get it at all. You can't understand what she's singing unless you are, you know, Hispanic and you know, Spanish. But in the way she dances, it just drives me crazy.

[Burt]

I, I don't totally agree with you on Shakira, but I do agree with you on the last video and the thing that she's Doing with her stomach these days freaks me out way more than it turns me on. That double jointed abdomen cold I'm all.

[Caller 1]

About, you know, someone's beautiful and all that. And I don't even think she's cute and she's just. I don't get it at all. And it's like we can't understand what she's singing either. So I'm like, what are we all just worshiping secure for?

[Co-host 1]

Well, I mean, that's a little short sighted. If I can't understand you, then you're not good. I mean. But you know, I just think that I find it fascinating that here in the United States we don't find we don't have the same hint music that they do over the rest of the world. Like Shakira is big around the world. Except here, you know, I just like.

[Burt]

You came in one day talking about how sexy the video was and I specifically turned on MTV and watched for hours just to finally see it. And she's got like, she's rolling around in gasoline or something. Yeah. WD40.

[Co-host 1]

I was fascinated. Like, Yeah. I think when she. I mean it's different moves but it's like, wow. I cuz I couldn't. There's no. I couldn't do that.

[Burt]

Jada.

[Caller 1]

Tara Reid.

[Burt]

Tara Reid. I don't understand the appeal either. She's a drunk. She put the hoe in Hollywood. She's a drunk.

[Co-host 1]

Is American Pie all she did?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, pretty much. And that Ryan Reynolds movie, National Lampoons. Van Wilder.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

Which she's famous at the end for saying she decided not to put on underwear. Ooh.

[Burt]

Way to stretch yourself, Sarah. This one I absolutely cannot agree with. Good morning, Lisa.

[Caller 1]

Good morning. Will Ferrell.

[Burt]

I cannot agree. Will Ferrell.

[Caller 1]

Oh my God.

[Burt]

So annoying.

[Caller 1]

The Wedding Crashers was great until he showed up.

[Co-host 1]

Really? Oh, I thought it was a nice surprise.

[Co-host 2]

I agree. I didn't think he was good in the Wedding Crash.

[Caller 1]

I cannot stand. I will not see a movie that he's in.

[Co-host 2]

He.

[Burt]

As soon as he comes on screen, I start laughing.

[Caller 1]

Are you serious? That's the general consensus at work. But they quote him and everything and I'm just, I'm nauseated.

[Co-host 2]

We did an interview with him and I was sitting in the corner and just couldn't stop giggling just because I was in the same room with Will Ferrell. He's that funny.

[Burt]

Isn't that frustrating though, Lisa, when everybody else is like in on the joke and you just can't get it right? I'm so with you. Thank you. Hey, Michelle, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hey, Jessica Simpson. I'm sorry. The girl gets on my nerves. I think she's so stupid. She cannot sing.

[Burt]

I gotta agree with you. I gotta.

[Co-host 1]

It was just that reality show. I mean, I think people are fascinated by her and Nick and that's it.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I. I honestly, I don't get it. She has no talent, so I don't see what people see in her.

[Burt]

She does look hot now, I'll tell you that. I mean, I. I can certainly admire that.

[Caller 1]

Anyway.

[Burt]

She's gonna mumble all day. Better. Jenna. Who? Just don't you get Hilary Duff. Hilary Duff.

[Caller 1]

She cannot act. And she tries to be so innocent. She needs to go on Passions. She cannot act.

[Burt]

It just sucks when you're around all these people that just absolutely adore these icons and you're like, I just don't get it.

[Co-host 1]

I do think, what was the show she was on on Disney?

[Co-host 2]

Lizzie McGuire.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, that was a cute show. So I will. I can understand if you're in that age group that watched Lizzie Mcguire, that you would be all about her, but since she changed her teeth. No, I'm done.

[Burt]

Crash. You have one of these, like, something that everybody finds funny or so attractive, and you're just like, I just don't get it.

[Caller 2]

I totally agree with you on the Napoleon Dynamite thing.

[Burt]

I tried so many times to laugh.

[Caller 2]

Through it, and I'm a huge fan of those silly, stupid, slapstick, old time airplane kind of movies. And everyone's like, oh, you're going to love this one. You're going to be quoting it.

[Burt]

No.

[Co-host 2]

Even in his new movie where he says, I'm a little parched. I think I'd like a cooler.

[Burt]

I got nothing. I got nothing.

[Caller 2]

Even you doing that right there just aggravated me.

[Burt]

The bird show.