The Bert Show – "Vault: Who Has Been Ditched During A Date?"

Date: January 23, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, & Guests

Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, the Bert Show team opens up the phone lines to discuss unforgettable stories of people who’ve either ditched or been ditched mid-date—with no explanation, sometimes vanishing right after a restroom break. The hosts and callers swap hilarious, shocking, and sometimes awkward anecdotes, painting a raw picture of dating’s less glamorous side. The conversation also expands to unexpected ditching scenarios beyond dating, including work and marriage! Listeners share both sides of the experience: why they bailed and how it felt to be left behind.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Defining "Ditching" in Dating

• The team kicks things off by clarifying the episode’s focus:
  "[...] this is the kind of ditch on a date where it's smack in the middle of it with no excuse [...] you go to the bathroom and just never come back to the table." (Host [00:05])
• The hosts liken ditching mid-date to quitting a job mid-shift without a word. It’s "the dating 'I quit'."

2. Call-in Stories: The Ditchers

• Howard’s Restaurant Walkout [00:53]

  • Got so mad during a dinner date that he left while his girlfriend was in the bathroom, leaving her with the bill.
  • "As soon as she went to the bathroom. That was my cue and I took off and I left her in the dust at the restaurant and with Bill."
  • Confirmed this ended their relationship: "That pretty much sent the spiral downward on that relationship." (Howard [01:39])

• Jeff’s Concert Escape [02:07]

  • Attended a concert at a grimy venue, found the environment unbearable despite the girl being "smoking hot."
  • "It was so nasty. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna go take a trip to the bathroom real quick. And I walked out of the parking lot, my car was there, and I took off." (Jeff [02:48])
  • The hosts joke about "sucking it up" and suggest tequila as a solution.
  • "If she's that hot, you suck it up. You do whatever you gotta do." (Host [03:17])

• Ralph’s “Strobe Light Honey” Revelation [03:36]

  • Met a girl at a club ("strobe light honey"—looked great in the club lights, not so much in daylight). Scheduled to meet at the library.
  • "Once I saw her at the library, I realized that wasn't quite the girl that I saw at the club. So I told her I had to make some copies and I just left." (Ralph [03:51])
  • Followed up: "A week later, I see her on the street and she says, 'Hey, why didn't you call me?' So I did. [...] Figured if she did that, she must be easy." (Ralph [04:29])
  • Hosts love the phrase "strobe light honey" and plan to add it to their "show dictionary."

• Candice’s MySpace Mishap [04:47]

  • Chatted with a guy online, liked his photos, but met someone entirely different-looking in person.
  • "This total opposite guy opens the door ... I told him my gum was bad and I needed to spit it out [...] I said, I need to make a phone call. I don't have any service. So I walked outside and totally ditched. Ran, ran to my car, headed for my mom's house." (Candice [05:19])
  • Awkward run-in at Walmart weeks later while with her boyfriend, leading to bobbing and weaving through aisles to avoid him.

3. Call-in Story: The Ditchee

• Holly’s Hotel Ditch [06:41]
  • After agreeing to make it "exclusive" with a guy she’d dated on and off, ended up at a downtown Atlanta hotel.
  • "Afterwards he said, I need to go out to the car and get my cell phone. He went out to his car and drove off. Left me in a hotel, downtown Atlanta. No car or anything." (Holly [07:18])
  • Holly recounts just knowing "something was up" and watching him drive away with her own eyes.
  • Afterwards, she walked to a club, found friends, and got a ride home.
  • She later confronted him: "You're an idiot. I can't believe what you did to me." (Holly [08:20])

4. Ditching Outside of Dating

• CB’s Dramatic Exit from a Marriage [08:32]
  • Over dinner with her husband and their neighbor (with whom husband was clearly flirting), CB ordered the most expensive items, excused herself to the restroom, called for a ride, and disappeared for three days.
  • "I excused myself to the restroom, called somebody and picked them up and disappeared for three days." (CB [08:56])
  • When she returned, she ended the marriage. That neighbor? Later called CB "the most emotionally healthy person" she’d ever met.
  • "Never look back." (CB [09:11])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On ditching with style:

  • "It's the dating. I quit. Like, I'm just done in the middle of this. I'm done. I quit. I'm outta here. I'm gone." (Host [00:44])

• On “strobe light honeys”:

  • "A girl that looks so much better in the club than she actually looks in person." (Ralph [03:47])
  • "We have to add that to the dictionary." (Host [04:41])

• On running into a ditch victim:

  • "That's when you bob and weave amongst the clothing racks at Walmart." (Host, re: Candice [05:43])
  • "And next thing you know, you realize, like, you're a guy and you're standing in the preteen underwear section." (Host [05:50])

• Ultimate walk of shame:

  • "Got in a hotel, we did our thing. And afterwards he said, I need to go out to the car and get my cell phone. He went out to his car and drove off. Left me in a hotel, downtown Atlanta." (Holly [07:18])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Defining "ditching" and anecdotal kickoff: [00:00 – 00:44]
• Howard’s restaurant ditch story: [00:53 – 01:44]
• Jeff’s concert escape: [02:07 – 03:17]
• Ralph’s “strobe light honey”: [03:36 – 04:41]
• Candice’s MySpace disaster: [04:47 – 06:03]
• Holly’s hotel nightmare (the ditchee): [06:41 – 08:29]
• CB ditches her soon-to-be-ex-husband: [08:32 – 09:54]

Episode Tone and Language

True to the Bert Show’s reputation, the episode is lighthearted, conversational, and peppered with humor (sometimes at the expense of callers or panelists themselves). The team keeps the energy up, laughing about even the most jaw-dropping stories, and giving cheeky advice (e.g., use tequila to survive a bad date, or that running into your ditch-victim is best handled with a duck-and-cover tactic). Empathy shows through—especially for the ditchees—but the focus is always on sharing a laugh and acknowledging the reality (and absurdity) of modern dating.

Takeaway

The episode is a hilarious, fast-paced collection of cautionary tales and cathartic confessions about one of dating’s most awkward pitfalls. Whether on the giving or receiving end, ditching—or being ditched—makes for some unforgettable stories. The Bert Show’s open phone lines bring out the very best (and worst) of listeners’ dating lives, delivering equal parts relatability and comic relief.