Vault: Who Has Been Ditched During A Date?

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: Who Has Been Ditched During A Date?"

Date: January 23, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, & Guests

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, the Bert Show team opens up the phone lines to discuss unforgettable stories of people who’ve either ditched or been ditched mid-date—with no explanation, sometimes vanishing right after a restroom break. The hosts and callers swap hilarious, shocking, and sometimes awkward anecdotes, painting a raw picture of dating’s less glamorous side. The conversation also expands to unexpected ditching scenarios beyond dating, including work and marriage! Listeners share both sides of the experience: why they bailed and how it felt to be left behind.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Defining "Ditching" in Dating

• The team kicks things off by clarifying the episode’s focus:
  "[...] this is the kind of ditch on a date where it's smack in the middle of it with no excuse [...] you go to the bathroom and just never come back to the table." (Host [00:05])
• The hosts liken ditching mid-date to quitting a job mid-shift without a word. It’s "the dating 'I quit'."

2. Call-in Stories: The Ditchers

• Howard’s Restaurant Walkout [00:53]

  • Got so mad during a dinner date that he left while his girlfriend was in the bathroom, leaving her with the bill.
  • "As soon as she went to the bathroom. That was my cue and I took off and I left her in the dust at the restaurant and with Bill."
  • Confirmed this ended their relationship: "That pretty much sent the spiral downward on that relationship." (Howard [01:39])

• Jeff’s Concert Escape [02:07]

  • Attended a concert at a grimy venue, found the environment unbearable despite the girl being "smoking hot."
  • "It was so nasty. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna go take a trip to the bathroom real quick. And I walked out of the parking lot, my car was there, and I took off." (Jeff [02:48])
  • The hosts joke about "sucking it up" and suggest tequila as a solution.
  • "If she's that hot, you suck it up. You do whatever you gotta do." (Host [03:17])

• Ralph’s “Strobe Light Honey” Revelation [03:36]

  • Met a girl at a club ("strobe light honey"—looked great in the club lights, not so much in daylight). Scheduled to meet at the library.
  • "Once I saw her at the library, I realized that wasn't quite the girl that I saw at the club. So I told her I had to make some copies and I just left." (Ralph [03:51])
  • Followed up: "A week later, I see her on the street and she says, 'Hey, why didn't you call me?' So I did. [...] Figured if she did that, she must be easy." (Ralph [04:29])
  • Hosts love the phrase "strobe light honey" and plan to add it to their "show dictionary."

• Candice’s MySpace Mishap [04:47]

  • Chatted with a guy online, liked his photos, but met someone entirely different-looking in person.
  • "This total opposite guy opens the door ... I told him my gum was bad and I needed to spit it out [...] I said, I need to make a phone call. I don't have any service. So I walked outside and totally ditched. Ran, ran to my car, headed for my mom's house." (Candice [05:19])
  • Awkward run-in at Walmart weeks later while with her boyfriend, leading to bobbing and weaving through aisles to avoid him.

3. Call-in Story: The Ditchee

• Holly’s Hotel Ditch [06:41]
  • After agreeing to make it "exclusive" with a guy she’d dated on and off, ended up at a downtown Atlanta hotel.
  • "Afterwards he said, I need to go out to the car and get my cell phone. He went out to his car and drove off. Left me in a hotel, downtown Atlanta. No car or anything." (Holly [07:18])
  • Holly recounts just knowing "something was up" and watching him drive away with her own eyes.
  • Afterwards, she walked to a club, found friends, and got a ride home.
  • She later confronted him: "You're an idiot. I can't believe what you did to me." (Holly [08:20])

4. Ditching Outside of Dating

• CB’s Dramatic Exit from a Marriage [08:32]
  • Over dinner with her husband and their neighbor (with whom husband was clearly flirting), CB ordered the most expensive items, excused herself to the restroom, called for a ride, and disappeared for three days.
  • "I excused myself to the restroom, called somebody and picked them up and disappeared for three days." (CB [08:56])
  • When she returned, she ended the marriage. That neighbor? Later called CB "the most emotionally healthy person" she’d ever met.
  • "Never look back." (CB [09:11])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On ditching with style:

  • "It's the dating. I quit. Like, I'm just done in the middle of this. I'm done. I quit. I'm outta here. I'm gone." (Host [00:44])

• On “strobe light honeys”:

  • "A girl that looks so much better in the club than she actually looks in person." (Ralph [03:47])
  • "We have to add that to the dictionary." (Host [04:41])

• On running into a ditch victim:

  • "That's when you bob and weave amongst the clothing racks at Walmart." (Host, re: Candice [05:43])
  • "And next thing you know, you realize, like, you're a guy and you're standing in the preteen underwear section." (Host [05:50])

• Ultimate walk of shame:

  • "Got in a hotel, we did our thing. And afterwards he said, I need to go out to the car and get my cell phone. He went out to his car and drove off. Left me in a hotel, downtown Atlanta." (Holly [07:18])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Defining "ditching" and anecdotal kickoff: [00:00 – 00:44]
• Howard’s restaurant ditch story: [00:53 – 01:44]
• Jeff’s concert escape: [02:07 – 03:17]
• Ralph’s “strobe light honey”: [03:36 – 04:41]
• Candice’s MySpace disaster: [04:47 – 06:03]
• Holly’s hotel nightmare (the ditchee): [06:41 – 08:29]
• CB ditches her soon-to-be-ex-husband: [08:32 – 09:54]

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Episode Tone and Language

True to the Bert Show’s reputation, the episode is lighthearted, conversational, and peppered with humor (sometimes at the expense of callers or panelists themselves). The team keeps the energy up, laughing about even the most jaw-dropping stories, and giving cheeky advice (e.g., use tequila to survive a bad date, or that running into your ditch-victim is best handled with a duck-and-cover tactic). Empathy shows through—especially for the ditchees—but the focus is always on sharing a laugh and acknowledging the reality (and absurdity) of modern dating.

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Takeaway

The episode is a hilarious, fast-paced collection of cautionary tales and cathartic confessions about one of dating’s most awkward pitfalls. Whether on the giving or receiving end, ditching—or being ditched—makes for some unforgettable stories. The Bert Show’s open phone lines bring out the very best (and worst) of listeners’ dating lives, delivering equal parts relatability and comic relief.

Transcript

[A]

The Birch Show. No shortage of phone calls on people who ditched or got.

[B]

Oh no.

[C]

And this is the kind of ditch on a date where it's smack in the middle of it with no excuse. Because I'm sure a lot of people have used the excuse like, oh, you know what? I'm not feeling well, I'm gonna leave. This is like you go to the bathroom and just never come back to the table.

[A]

Right, right. And there's always like, we're talking about this regarding dating, but it reminded me that I, I, I think every one of us probably knows of someone who had a job and this would be back like in college or whatever. So like at the mall and like just in the middle of his shift, decides he no longer wants to be there and leaves.

[B]

Yeah, I'm done. I'm outta here.

[A]

Just take off. It's the equivalent.

[B]

I'm outta here of Slurpee.

[A]

It's the dating. I quit. Like, I'm just done in the middle of this. I'm done. I quit. I'm outta here. I'm gone. Hey, Howard, you'll be our first call.

[D]

No problem.

[A]

What's going on?

[D]

Hey, how's it going?

[B]

Good, good.

[A]

How are you?

[D]

Awesome. Awesome. This is a great topic because I'll tell you what. You know, as many years as I've dated, it's amazing what anyone can do, including myself. And you know, one night I was out with my girlfriend and, you know, conversation. We were at a restaurant, she had her car, I had her my car there. So we each had our other's cars or whatever. And I just got so mad because something she said or something. She did that as soon as she went to the bathroom. That was my cue and I took off and I left her in the dust at the restaurant and with Bill.

[C]

And was that the last day she was your girlfriend?

[D]

That pretty much sent the spiral downward on that relationship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See, now you gotta. It'll be fun to talk. Thank you for the call, Howard. It'll be fun to talk too, to the Ditchies. Because how long. Yeah, she goes back and she's like, oh. Because your first thought is, oh, he must be in the restroom also.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then it's gotta hope he's feeling okay. Then you probably even get well.

[B]

The server comes and says, do you, do you need anything else? Do you need another drink? I don't know yet. Come back and check in a few minutes.

[A]

Hey, Jeff on the voice disguiser.

[E]

Hey, y'.

[F]

All.

[A]

Hey, how are you, Jeff?

[F]

Alright. Sitting in traffic.

[G]

It sucks.

[F]

I Had to go on a date with this girl I've been trying to get with for a long time. And she was smoking hot. That's what makes this so irritating to me. She was smoking hot. And we were at this music concert in Marietta, and this nasty, just grungy, smoke filled bottom of the bottom of these people. I don't know why she wanted me to go to this thing, but I went, and I was just around this, and I was like, oh, my God, she's freaking hot, but I can't be here. Like, this is ridiculous. It was so nasty. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna go take a trip to the bathroom real quick. And I walked out of the parking lot, my car was there, and I took off. I didn't even call her back the next day. She kept calling me, and I was like, you know, I think none of this for me.

[C]

Just the choice of bar that you were like, I'm out of here.

[F]

Yeah, it was a music concert in Marietta off Roswell Road. And I was just like, this place is nasty. I'm getting the heck out of here. You are. You're hot. But if you're gonna be here, forget this crap. I'm not doing this no more.

[E]

You suck it up, you suck it up. If she's that hot, you suck it up. You do whatever you gotta do.

[A]

That's right. That's why the good Lord invented tequila. You work around that, you numb yourself to the environment. Disappointment to masculinity. Hey, Ralph. Ralph.

[D]

Hey, I'm here.

[A]

Hey.

[G]

Hey.

[H]

How's it going, guys?

[A]

Good. How are you?

[H]

Love the show. Listen all the time.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Are you the ditcher or the ditchy?

[H]

I am the ditcher.

[B]

Okay.

[H]

Basically, when I was in school, I was at a club, so obviously I was drinking pretty heavily. And I met this girl, what would be known as a strobe light. Honey. A girl that looks so much better in the club than she actually looks in person. So we were meeting at the library, and once I saw her at the library, I realized that wasn't quite the girl that I saw at the club. So I told her I had to make some copies and I just left. I mean, I was missing a game of Tecmo bowl, so I had to leave. The interesting thing is, though, a week later, I see her on the street and she says, hey, why didn't you call me? So I did. I mean, hey, I figured if she did that, she must be easy. So I called her.

[A]

I love that. You know what I Love learning from the bird show. And I love strange strobe light. Honey, I need to find occasion to use that.

[C]

We have to add that to the dictionary.

[A]

It's not just guys who are doing the ditching. Hey, Candice.

[I]

Hey, guys.

[G]

What's up?

[A]

How are you?

[I]

I'm good.

[C]

What happened?

[I]

Well, I met this guy through a friend. I hadn't seen him yet. We just talked back and forth on MySpace. He was a friend of a friend, and he looked so cute in his picture.

[G]

Right?

[I]

So I had to do it. And I met him at his apartment, and this total opposite guy opens the door, and I had to go in. We were just going to watch movies, and I told him my gum was bad and I needed to spit it out. And so he shows me where to go spit it out, and then follows.

[G]

Me to the bathroom.

[I]

And I said, I need to make a phone call. I don't have any service. So I walked outside and totally ditched. Ran, ran to my car, headed for my mom's house.

[A]

You think he was watching you from the window?

[G]

Oh, yeah, he was.

[I]

And totally ran into him at Walmart, like, weeks later with my current boyfriend. At the time, I was just like, crap.

[C]

That's when you bob and weave amongst the clothing racks at Walmart. You're, like, trying to duck, and all.

[A]

Of a sudden you find yourself, like, you know, you're trying to avoid somebody, and next thing you know, you realize, like, you're a guy and you're standing in the preteen underwear section.

[I]

Oh, yeah. I totally ditched him in, like, the bra section. I think it was funny.

[E]

Did he come? Did he try to talk to you?

[G]

He, like, tried to approach, but, I.

[I]

Mean, I saw him and I freaked. And I grabbed my boyfriend's arm and.

[G]

I'm like, come this way.

[I]

And I, like, moved him to another aisle, and it was just a fiasco. Ended up taking a lot longer at Walmart than we wanted to.

[E]

Nothing will make you feel worse than if that happens right there. And I saw her new boyfriend.

[A]

Yeah, I was like, you know what?

[E]

I'm not good enough. But this dude is.

[A]

He's the one.

[I]

Yeah, I didn't mean to.

[G]

It was a total different person's picture that he sent me. I couldn't help it.

[A]

Hey, a lot of calls from ditchers. Here's a call from the ditchee. Holly.

[G]

Yes, this is Holly.

[A]

Welcome to the bird show.

[G]

Thank you. Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

Let's hear your story.

[G]

Well, I dated a guy on and off for about a year. Nothing serious. He Kept being persistent. So I said, okay, let's, you know, step it up a notch. So we started dating exclusively. Supposedly. We went out, had a really good time. We decided that we were going to step it up. So he got a hotel, downtown Atlanta. Got in a hotel, we did our thing. And afterwards he said, I need to go out to the car and get my cell phone. He went out to his car and drove off. Left me in a hotel, downtown Atlanta. No car or anything.

[A]

Who did you call?

[G]

I didn't call anybody. I walked up to a club and there were some friends and they took me home.

[A]

That right there is the walk of the ultimate walk of shame.

[G]

Yeah, totally.

[B]

How long was it before you realized he was gone?

[G]

Oh, I knew immediately. Something inside of me. He kind of picked up my purse that I saw him pick up my purse. I thought maybe he was gonna like take something out of my purse, money or whatever. So I got up and I said, that's not my purse. And I mean, that's not your billfold, that's my purse. He goes, oh. And so then he got his bill fold. He said, I'll be right back. And I watched him. I mean, he got his Porsche down the convertible top and off he went. I watched him the whole time. So needless.

[C]

Was it worth the trip downtown?

[G]

No, not at all. And actually, I bumped into him like three years later. Oh. He called me two weeks after that. And I just said, you're an idiot. And I don't, you know, I can't believe what you did to me. And then I saw him like three years later and he tried to, you know, and I'm just like, no, you're done.

[A]

Thanks for the call, Holly.

[G]

Thank you.

[A]

Hey, CB Has a twist on this. CB you'll be the last call.

[J]

Okay.

[A]

Who'd you ditch?

[J]

Who'd I ditch? I ditched my husband and soon to be ex husband. We were having dinner with the neighbor and he was flirting unpropusely with her. And you know, I commented about it a couple times or two. So I was ordering my sake and kirinbir and all this and ordered the most expensive as everything as I could get on the menu and excuse myself to the restroom, called somebody and picked them up and disappeared for three days.

[C]

Good for you.

[A]

So you're. So your husband and the neighbor are obviously having their own thing going on. You excuse yourself and just walk away. Never come back.

[G]

Yep.

[J]

Never look back.

[A]

And where did you go for three days?

[J]

I went over to my sister's house and, you know, he finally took him about three or four hours before he started calling around, looking for me and, you know, kind of hid out. Never told him where I was. Nobody ever, you know, snitched on me where I was, and finally went back and said, enough's enough.

[A]

So he's going to be your ex husband? How are things with the neighbor?

[J]

Oh, no, he's already my ex.

[A]

Yay. And did you have to see that? Did you have to see that neighbor anymore?

[J]

Oh, once I did see the neighbor, and I thought I was going to die laughing. And she told me she thought I was the most emotionally healthy person she ever met. I'm thinking.

[G]

Oh, are you in trouble, odd?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you for the call, C.B.

[J]

All right, you guys have a great day.

[A]

The Birch Show.