The Bert Show "Vault: Who Was Married The Quickest After Their Divorce?"
Date: December 17, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast Featured: Bert, Kristen, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & callers
Theme: Hilariously rapid remarriages after divorce
Episode Overview
This lively episode of The Bert Show dives into the whirlwind world of lightning-fast post-divorce weddings. The hosts invite listeners to call in and share stories about the shortest time spans between finalizing a divorce and tying the knot again. The segment is lighthearted and filled with wild tales, candid confessions, and a generous dose of humor.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Setting the Scene: How Quick is Too Quick?
- The hosts express surprise at just how many listeners have stories about nearly instantaneous remarriages.
- Discussion touches on legal waiting periods for divorce (e.g., 30 days in Georgia), and how some couples may be separated for a long time but only officially divorced just before remarrying.
2. Lightning-Round Listener Stories
a. Three Days After Divorce
- Caller Megan shares about her father-in-law who married his new wife just three days after finalizing his divorce.
- "He signed his divorce papers, drove off to go see his new wife... Two days after that, he flew us all up there for the wedding." (00:24)
- Hosts comment on how strange (but apparently common) it is to plan a wedding before a divorce is technically final.
b. Same-Day Nuptials — With a Jerry Springer Twist
- Caller Loretta recounts how her ex-husband got her the divorce papers via FedEx and married someone else—same day.
- “He sent me a money order along with the FedEx divorce papers, asking me to express mail it the next day. They got married the day they received the paper, same day.” (01:17)
- "It's like a Jerry Springer show." (01:47)
c. Immediate Courthouse Shuffle
- Caller April: Her stepfather finalized his divorce that morning, then took her mother straight to the courthouse.
- “Drove my mother straight to the courthouse and got married. Just like that.” (02:24)
d. Six Hours—A Full Wedding Ready in Advance
- The next caller describes an ex-brother-in-law whose ex-wife got the papers in the morning; he married his new wife, complete with elaborate wedding, six hours later.
- “They had already planned this big elaborate wedding... she got her papers that morning.” (02:52)
- The hosts laugh about the logistics: “So what if the divorce papers are late... you’re pretty screwed.” (03:31)
e. One Hour, 80's Style
- Caller Angela shares that her father married his new wife just an hour after divorcing her mom—and describes the iconic style.
- “His new wife was waiting outside with her lace glove and black leather skirt and high white pumps... an hour later.” (03:40)
- "The vision of classiness." (04:00)
- “You gotta remember, this was in the 80s, so I guess she was in style at the time.” (04:02)
- Co-host quips: “Even in the 80s, honey, that’s not gonna be in style for a wedding.” (04:05)
f. Half Hour—The Quickest Yet
- Caller Melissa: “Within half an hour.”
- She explains that as soon as her lawyer confirmed the divorce, they drove to the courthouse and married.
- Hosts ask: “You still with him?” Melissa: “Yeah. Eight years.” (04:37)
- The hosts marvel at the longevity: “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, right?” (04:42), but note statistically, second marriage divorce rates are higher.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Megan: "He signed his divorce papers, drove off to go see his new wife... We flew up there two days later for the wedding." (00:24)
- Loretta: "He sent me a money order along with the FedEx divorce papers... They got married the day they received the paper, same day." (01:17)
- Angela: "His new wife was waiting outside with her lace glove and black leather skirt and high white pumps... an hour later." (03:48)
- Host Cassie: "The vision of classiness." (04:00)
- Melissa: "We kept calling my lawyer and when she said okay, we were driving up to the courthouse and it took a few minutes." (04:23)
Timestamped Segment Breakdown
- 00:00–00:50 – Introduction to topic, Megan’s story (three days post-divorce marriage)
- 01:12–01:58 – Loretta’s Jerry Springer-style same-day remarriage
- 02:12–02:41 – April’s stepfather’s back-to-back courthouse wedding
- 02:48–03:22 – Elaborate six-hour wedding, planned while divorce pending
- 03:38–04:05 – Angela’s one-hour window & 80’s wedding fashion discussion
- 04:14–04:38 – Melissa’s half-hour new marriage & hosts discuss remarriage statistics
Overall Tone & Takeaways
The episode is infused with the Bert Show's trademark energy: candid, playful, and sometimes irreverent. Callers and hosts blend shock, laughter, and genuine curiosity about how quickly people move on—and how sometimes, these whirlwind romances turn into lasting partnerships. Listeners are left with hilarious anecdotes and a sense that love, for better or for worse, doesn’t always wait for the paperwork.
Perfect for those who love outrageous love stories—and for anyone looking for a dose of morning radio hilarity rooted in real life.