Vault: Why Are Women Falling for Men Behind Bars?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Why Are Women Falling for Men Behind Bars?

Date: March 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show delves into the intriguing question: Why are women attracted to men who are incarcerated? The hosts explore the psychological, emotional, and social dynamics at play, discuss examples from infamous criminal cases, and invite callers who share real-life stories—both from men who received letters in prison and women who have formed relationships with inmates. The conversation is lively, honest, and sprinkled with the show’s signature humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Phenomenon of "Prison Relationships"

• Hosts invite listeners: They put out a call for people who have either been in jail and received romantic attention or were on the outside and fell for someone incarcerated.
  "We may not get any calls on this at all. But if we do, it just takes one. It may be a fascinating conversation about psychology." – [C, 01:04]

• Infamous examples: The hosts reference high-profile cases (Scott Peterson, Brian Nichols) where women developed relationships with convicted murderers after incarceration.
  "We had a Bert Show listener that was writing [Scott Peterson] and found some connection with him." – [F, 01:31]

2. Theories Behind the Attraction

• Desire to Fix or Save:

  • Some women believe they can "fix" or rehabilitate these men.
  • "She feels like she can fix him, is my thought...she feels like she's different and she can change him and she can fix him." — [E, 02:19]

• Control Dynamics:

  • The control aspect of relationships with inmates is explored; women may feel empowered or safer knowing where their partner is.
  • "When you're on the outside and you've got somebody on the inside, then you're in complete and total control of the relationship…They've got zero say." — [C, 02:43]

• Focused Attention & Availability:

  • Hosts suggest women receive more focused attention from men behind bars, who have little else to do with their time.
  • "That prisoner has focused attention on you…but the fact that you always know where that prisoner is." — [F, 08:44]

3. First-Person Accounts – Callers Share Their Stories

A. Whitney’s Story [03:19]

• How it started: She acted as a go-between for her friend and an inmate, but ended up falling for the jailed man herself.
  • "She moved on and me and him kept talking and one thing led to another." — [H, 03:51]
• What happened: He lied about his background; relationship ended after two months post-release.
  • "He was like 30 and I was, you know, 18 and he had like a five year old..." — [H, 04:13]
  • Humorous anecdote: He walked hours from jail to her house after release.
    • "Oh, he got out at like 2 in the afternoon and he showed up at my house like three in the morning." — [H, 04:48]

B. Mark’s Perspective – Ex-inmate [05:39]

• Writing in prison:
  • Mark confirms that women writing to inmates is common, often through word of mouth or introductions by relatives.
  • "I've had women actually want to write me…it's really common." — [D, 05:44]
• Why women do it:
  • Suggests it’s a mix of factors: seeking stability, a sense of control, being tired of 'game playing' by men on the outside.
  • "I think they're kind of tired of being screwed around by guys. And this guy's here…It's like a control thing." — [D, 07:27]
• Success rate:
  • Rarely work out long-term. "Bachelor" show-level track record.
    • "I know of one, and it's the same track record as the Bachelor…eventually she got tired of it because once he got out, he just pretty much went to his old ways." — [D, 08:05]
• Transparency:
  • Mark admits his guilt: "Were you innocent?" — [C, 08:23]
    "What? Please. I was dead guilty." — [D, 08:25]

C. Kelly’s Story [09:00]

• Fell for a man after only knowing him a week pre-incarceration:
  • Initially wrote out of kindness, which developed into a full-blown year-plus correspondence and love.
  • "I had never known anyone to go to jail. So I did it out of being nice...within those 14 months, like, we, like, fell in love with each other." — [H, 09:06 & 09:31]

4. Hosts’ Reflections and Social Commentary

• On the 'dating pool':
  • Hosts joke about how difficult dating seems for men on the outside compared to inmates, poking fun at the situation.
    • "I'm a good looking guy and I can't get a date. And then there's a dude sitting in jail right now...getting all these letters" — [C, 09:44]
• Beneath the humor:
  • There's genuine intrigue and mild lament that romantic prospects are so poor for some that prison relationships become appealing options.
    • "There are so few good men out there that women are starting to go to the penal system to find their men." — [C, 10:39]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "She feels like she can fix him, is my thought. [...] she can change him and she can fix him." — [E, 02:19]
• "When you're on the outside and you've got somebody on the inside, then you're in complete and total control of the relationship." — [C, 02:43]
• "I've had women actually want to write me. And I'm really surprised that like a lot more women aren't calling because that's really common." — [D, 05:44]
• "This guy is here...and when you're in prison, you'll pretty much say anything, you know, you'll say anything." — [D, 07:27]
• "What? Please. I was dead guilty." — [D, 08:25]
• "There are so few good men out there that women are starting to go to the penal system to find their men." — [C, 10:39]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:02 – Introduction of the Topic: Why do women fall for men behind bars?
• 01:31 – 02:14 – Examples of Scott Peterson and Brian Nichols cases.
• 02:19 – 02:43 – Theories: Fixing, attention, and control motivation.
• 03:19 – 04:33 – Whitney’s story: Pen-pal love triangle and fallout.
• 05:39 – 08:25 – Mark’s story: Inmate’s perspective on receiving attention.
• 09:00 – 09:44 – Kelly’s story: Writing to an inmate out of kindness, falls in love.
• 10:30 – 10:39 – Hosts’ commentary on why women seek out men in jail.

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Conclusion

In this candid, fast-paced episode, The Bert Show brings humor, empathy, and insight to an unconventional but common phenomenon. Through vivid listener stories and sharp group analysis, the hosts unpack the dynamics that lead some women to seek (or stumble into) love with incarcerated men, noting the interplay of fantasy, control, attention, and the realities of the modern dating scene.

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Transcript

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[B]

Hey girl.

[C]

What's happen.

[B]

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[D]

Uh, yeah.

[B]

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[C]

It's native. The bird show.

[E]

We may not is behind bars.

[C]

We may not get any calls on this at all. But if we do, it just takes one. It may be a fascinating conversation about psychology. So here's what we're looking for. Either you were in jail and somebody on the outside fell in love with you that you didn't know before you went in jail, or you were that person that fell in love with somebody while they were in jail. You were on the outside, you were free, free, free, free. But for whatever reason ended up in maybe pen pal thing, email thing.

[F]

Well, the fascinating thing, I don't know what happens. You know, the two cases, we've talked about this. A few years ago, Scott Peterson, when he was arrested for murdering his wife, an unborn child, he's in jail, he's convicted of it. And then we had a Burt show listener that was writing him and that cared about him and found some connection with him. And it's just fascinating that here he is and the crime he committed and that somebody wants to reach out to him. And so then the same with Brian Nichols. He was actually in the Fulton county courthouse that day when he did those shootings for assault charges against his girlfriend. So then. So he had a history of abusing his girlfriend and then he just, you know, lost it. Lost it. Killed four people right there. Four strangers. And then this woman has developed a relationship with him after he was arrested for that.

[C]

I don't see anybody. There's nobody calling for it.

[G]

They will.

[E]

She feels like she can fix him, is my thought. Or could it be like, here they come. Because it could be the attention thing. Like she maybe doesn't get enough attention in her life, and he only has time to give her attention or write her back or that sort of thing. Maybe that makes her feel special, but I really think it's a. She feels like she's different and she can change him and she can fix him.

[C]

Or it could be, and I'm no psychologist, but it could be a total control thing. Like when you're on the outside and you've got somebody on the inside, then you're in complete and total control of the relationship. You do what you want, go where you want. You're not accountable at all because he or she is in jail and they can't. They've got zero say. So you're in total and complete control of the relationship.

[F]

Well, in the case that we just. About Scott Peterson and Brian Nichols, I mean, then there. There's not really much of a chance they're going to get out. So it's not like, you know, because I'd be worried about, you know, eventually they'll get out and then you're not in control anymore and they're coming straight to you, you know.

[C]

All right, we don't have the person, but we have a friend of the person.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

Whitney, you fell in love with somebody in jail? Yep.

[H]

It was a domestic violence dispute that he was in there for.

[C]

Well, didn't that scare the hell out of you?

[G]

No, it wasn't his fault. He wasn't guilty.

[H]

I didn't know it at the time.

[C]

So how does this whole thing even start?

[H]

My friend was dating him. I had never met him. Her parents didn't agree with their relationship, so I would call or I was like the middle person for the contact.

[G]

So your friend would talk to you, then you would call him in jail, then he'd relay messages back. And you go back to your friend

[H]

and he would call and then I would three way her and get them on. And then eventually she moved on and me and him kept talking and one thing led to another. And.

[F]

Was the domestic abuse against your friend?

[H]

No, no, no, no. That was against his baby's mama.

[C]

Oh, okay. So you.

[E]

Did you think he really did it?

[H]

I don't know when he actually got out and I met him for the first time. Everything was great for about two months. And then I kind of found out he'd lied to me about a bunch of stuff. And he was like 30 and I was, you know, 18 and he had like a five year old and yeah, I was just gonna be in.

[C]

Boy, the hits just keep on coming here. You said the first time that you met him is when he got out of jail.

[H]

Uh huh. Yeah, he walked to my house. He didn't have the car.

[G]

Oh, from jail.

[F]

That's the first place they go.

[C]

That's a sweet story. How far, how far walk was that?

[H]

Oh, he got out at like 2 in the afternoon and he showed up at my house like three in the morning.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[E]

Really? That was a long walk.

[C]

Well, he'd been in jail for a long time without any, you know, have

[E]

to be in jail that long and that long of a walk. I bet he smelled ripe.

[G]

Guys, I'll walk that off. You put sex at the end of the march and they will go as far as you need them to that

[C]

old song from the ac, Right? Proclaimers.

[F]

And I love the fact that you say her friend. Her friend's mom didn't agree with it. Well, that's because she's a teenager talking to a dude that's in jail.

[H]

Yeah, well, she liked all of us, so it didn't work. He came and I met him and I was just like, oh, no.

[C]

Okay. All right. Well, this one you can all sort of play off. Also, she was 18. He was. She didn't really know what she was doing. I was talking to some people at the time that were adults and in their right mind. Oh, good morning, mark. You're on Q100. Hi.

[D]

Hey.

[H]

Hey.

[D]

I gotta say, first of all, I love you guys. I love your show.

[I]

Thank you.

[E]

Thanks.

[D]

Yeah, I just wanted to call, actually. I've been to prison and this was years ago, and I've had women actually want to write me. And I'm really surprised that like a lot more women aren't calling because that's really common.

[C]

Oh, yeah, they're loaded now. Now we got plenty of them lined up.

[D]

Okay. Okay. Because I was gonna say, like, I've had women. Like, I chose not to write them because, like, prison isn't a cakewalk and I need to focus on where I'm at as opposed to something on the outside. But I'm. I was gonna say I'm really surprised if nobody calls up, but is it just.

[F]

Was it random women that. I mean, how did they know to write you? Really?

[D]

Random, random women, how do they get

[E]

your names and your ad? Like, I mean, how do they find you?

[D]

Well, a lot of times your name gets passed through. Oh, well, yeah, well, you know what, girl? My cousin's in prison. Maybe you should write him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, and these are like girls you just don't know. Random women. Some women. You do know, the woman that wanted to write me, it was a girl that I was. I wasn't dating her. We were just friends with benefits. And I went to prison. And when I went, I kind of called her on the phone and said, look, the relationship's over. It's best that you just go see someone else. And she kept writing me, and, you know, kept writing me. And finally she got the message, you know, but it's very common. Very common.

[C]

So since you got a couple of these, you had a couple of correspondence, I think the psychology of the whole thing sort of fascinates us a little bit. So what's the common denominator with these women? Are they just really trying to make themselves available by not making themselves available? Is it. Are they trying to fix somebody in jail?

[D]

It's. Well, I've seen. I think it's a combination of things. I think, one, I think they're kind of tired of the. For lack of a better term, kind of like tired of being screwed around by guys. And this guy's here. It's like a control thing. This guy is here, you know? And when you're in prison, you'll pretty much say anything, you know, you'll say anything.

[C]

So at that point, they're like, I know where he is. He certainly can screw around on me. And even though he's in jail, I'll take that.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[E]

Do any of those relationships work once the guy gets out? Have you ever heard of any of them that are successful?

[D]

I know of one, and it's the

[G]

same track record as the Bachelor.

[D]

They'd lasted for, like, maybe 10 years, and eventually she got tired of it because once he got out, he just pretty much went to his old ways.

[C]

Sure. What were you in jail for?

[D]

I was trafficking drugs.

[C]

Okay. Were you innocent?

[D]

What? Please. I was dead guilty.

[H]

Okay, you're the first.

[G]

Well, once you're out, then, yeah, of course I was guilty.

[C]

While you're in there, you're innocent as hell. Thank you for calling, Mark. Appreciate it, man. Thank you. Yeah. Now, we could take our. Take your pick.

[F]

But that's funny, though. I mean, because Jen had mentioned focused attention, which I think is part of it, too, because, you know, that prisoner has focused attention on you, but the fact that you always know where that prisoner is. Yeah, never thought of that.

[C]

I will take one more call on this, but now we could probably do this for an hour. Hey, Kelly. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[H]

Good morning.

[C]

Good morning.

[H]

How are you guys?

[C]

Okay. What's up?

[H]

I just. My alarm just went off. And then I was hearing this and I was like, oh, my God, they're speaking to me. It was so crazy. I knew a guy for about a week and then we. And then he went to jail. And at first I started doing it because I had never known anyone to go to jail. So I did it out of being nice, I guess.

[F]

Okay.

[H]

And then it turned into he was in there for about a year, about 14 months. And within those 14 months, like, we, like, fell in love with each other.

[C]

I'll say the same thing I said earlier this morning. If you're a single guy and you're listening to this, you're like, I'm doing everything right. I've got a job, I've got wheels. I've got a job. I'm at East Andrews one night, you know, I'm at Velvet Room the other. I'm a good looking guy and I can't get a date. And then there's a dude sitting in jail right now. He's getting all these letters right now going, hey, I want to be with you.

[F]

Hadn't even met him.

[C]

Hadn't even met him. What's a guy gotta do to get to the city is you gotta go to jail.

[G]

There's some guy who's actually thinking, God, I'm gonna just get picked up for something that'll just put me in there on weekends just so I can go through the mail.

[C]

It happens more often than you think. Because we could seriously do this for the next hour.

[I]

Wow.

[E]

So wild.

[C]

So it did sound like the common denominator, at least with Mark, was that women know where the men are. No, they're not screwing around. They got them right there. And they're all always there for them when you need them. Sort of.

[F]

Well, that also should make a commentary on some men that are outside jail. Like, if women are having to write letters in jail to keep tabs on a guy, there are so few of

[C]

you, There are so few good men out there that women are starting to go to the penal system to find their men.

[G]

The Burt Show.

[I]

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