Vault: Why did she show Melissa her underwear?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Why did she show Melissa her underwear?

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This Bert Show episode is a lively look into the cast’s energetic studio banter, full of behind-the-scenes moments, relatable mishaps, and listener-driven drama. The title’s central mystery—"Why did she show Melissa her underwear?"—quickly becomes a springboard for stories about on-air mishaps, green-themed shenanigans for St. Patrick's Day, and the all-too-real perils of confusing what’s on-air versus off-air. There's also a meaty update from Bert about his recent knee surgery and his son Hayden's budding acting career. Classic Bert Show humor, camaraderie, and authenticity are on display, making for a memorable listen.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Underwear Incident – Mistakenly on Air

• [02:03 - 03:28]
  • Context: Jen accidentally showed her green underwear to Melissa in the studio, thinking that they were off the air, but they were actually broadcasting live.
  • The conversation started lightheartedly, joking about St. Patrick's Day pinching rules and wearing green.
  • Jen’s “green underwear” reveal was meant as a joke, but turned into a real on-air moment.
  • “Jen looks at me and says, ‘I’ve got green underwear on. You want to see?’ And then started pulling it out of her pants.” – Wendy [03:08]
  • There was some playful embarrassment as Jeff leaned in to see, then quickly redirected to another topic when they realized the mics were still on. Jen later left the studio early, feeling unwell.

2. Bert’s Return Post-Surgery and Recovery Details

• [03:42 - 07:55]
  • Bert is back in the studio after knee surgery, navigating painkillers and physical discomfort.
  • Surgery details:
    • “The leg feels worse this time than it did on my left one. When I did it, what, three years ago, I ripped the ACL off the femur and I tore the meniscus clean this time.” – Bert [05:59]
    • Explains the ACL and meniscus: “The ACL is the ligament that allows you to have lateral movement, I believe, in your leg... The meniscus is the cushion between the bones and your knees.” – Bert [06:27/06:37]
    • Surgery involved using his own hamstring for the ACL repair rather than a donor tendon.
  • Candid discussion of painkillers: “These pain pills, they are like a heat roller coaster. Like when I’m up moving around, I feel like it’s 140 degrees. But if I sit here long enough, I get freezing.” – Bert [03:43]
  • Side effects and humor: “I had them reduced [breasts]. I was working out a little too hard, a little too much muscle melt, so I got them reduced.” – Bert (jokingly, on surgery) [07:36]
  • He reflects on tweeting while under the influence, with various misspellings: “Well, you’re so tired when you’re tweeting that you see the mistakes, but it takes so much effort to backspace and then correct it. You’re like, screw it.” – Bert [08:48]
  • Notable quote on the fog of recovery: “It's a struggle for me right now to even talk to you guys. Like, my tongue feels numb and I just can't get the words out.” – Bert [14:03]
  • The team jokes about having him do dramatic readings of his painkiller-fueled tweets.

3. Listener Drama: The Townhouse Stakeout Saga

• [04:24 - 05:34]
  • The team recaps an ongoing story about Frankie investigating a sketchy real estate situation.
  • “Frankie confronted the dude, found out he wasn’t a real estate agent, and then Frankie and his sister spent the night in the bushes.” – Host [04:43]
  • Frankie went above and beyond for a listener, including a stakeout outside the suspicious townhouse.
  • Bert sums up the show’s ethos: “If you call us to do it... we’re gonna go above and beyond to get this.” – Bert [05:24]
  • The segment demonstrates their commitment to listener stories.

4. Bert’s Son Hayden’s Big Audition

• [12:28 - 13:40]
  • The team excitedly discusses Bert’s son, Hayden, auditioning for a film shooting in Atlanta.
  • “So yeah, we told you guys that Hayden signed up with an agent…the timing was really good that this Owen Wilson movie is shooting in Atlanta right now...this kid looks just like the younger version of another celebrity that’s in the movie.” – Bert [12:28]
  • Hayden’s audition was short and sweet: “She said, tell me your name, your age, and your eye color. So he said, Hayden Weiss, 7 years old, blue eyes. And she said, thank you. Turned the camera off and said, okay, we’ll be calling you.” – Bert [13:18]
  • There’s also a lighthearted bit about Hayden potentially appearing in a kid-themed reality TV show, “Little Boys of Atlantis.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [03:08] Wendy: “Jen looks at me and says, 'I've got green underwear on. You want to see?' And then started pulling it out of her pants.”
• [03:43] Bert: “These pain pills, they are like a heat roller coaster. Like, when I'm up moving around, I feel like it's 140 degrees. But if I sit here long enough, I get freezing.”
• [05:24] Bert: “If you call us to do it...we're gonna go above and beyond to get this.”
• [06:27] Bert (on ACL): “The ACL is the ligament that allows you to have lateral movement, I believe, in your leg.”
• [08:48] Bert: “Well, you’re so tired when you’re tweeting that you see the mistakes, but it takes so much effort to backspace and then correct it. You’re like, screw it.”
• [09:10] Host: “Here it comes. I do enjoy the tweet where you said, 'I've got 50 new followers in the past 24 hours since I've been tweeting enablers.'”
• [13:18] Bert: “She said, tell me your name, your age, and your eye color. So he said, 'Hayden Weiss, 7 years old, blue eyes.' And she said, 'Thank you.' Turned the camera off and said, 'Okay, we'll be calling you.'”

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Recurring Themes & Tone

• Authenticity: The cast isn’t afraid to let listeners in on backstage blunders, unfiltered reactions, and personal struggles—whether that's the infamous underwear reveal or Bert's hilarious-yet-genuine painkiller stories.
• Humor: Even through pain or embarrassment, the team keeps the mood light, proving why they’re a staple for making mornings "bearable."
• Camaraderie: The banter is warm and familiar, with everyone supporting and ribbing each other in equal measure.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 01:30: [Ads, skip]
• 01:30 – 03:28: The "green underwear"/St. Patrick's Day on-air mishap
• 03:42 – 07:55: Bert’s surgery and recovery saga
• 04:24 – 05:34: Listener drama—Frankie’s townhouse stakeout
• 08:56 – 10:38: Reading Bert’s painkiller tweets; on-air laughs
• 12:28 – 13:40: Hayden’s big audition story
• 14:02 – 14:11: Bert’s post-surgery struggles and team support

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Final Thoughts

If you missed this episode, you’ll want to tune in for the accidental overshares, epic medical updates, and the heartwarming story of Hayden’s on-camera debut. Through every tangent and tale, The Bert Show proves—again—why their honest, comedic, slightly chaotic approach endears them to listeners day after day.

Transcript

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[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Get it the Burt Show Bull's distraction. We're not used to having guests in the studio and I'm about to take a picture of this and I'll send it to Joanna for our website. It's pathetic, but Burt just made his way in. Well, a roster change this morning. If you've been listening to the Bert show, you know that Burt had an operation last Thursday on his knee. So he took Friday off. He wanted to come in on Monday, but he's on pain pill. He'll tell you all about it in a second. So he's been out.

[Jen]

Right.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

But he sent Tracy a message and said I'm gonna at 9 o' clock, I'm gonna start making. So anytime between 9 and 11, I'll show up.

[Commercial Narrator 3]

Right?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

So he has hobbled his way into the station. Meanwhile, at about 8:45, when Jen showed Melissa her underwear, thinking that we were off the air, but we were really on the air.

[Bert]

You have to explain that one to me a little bit better.

[Jen]

All right, so we were talking about the fact that Jeff did not have Anything green for St. Patrick's Day and that, you know, people are still in the eighth grade, because I did go pinch him this morning. And so Wendy had given Jeff some Mardi Gras beads that are green so he'll have something green on today. So then I made the sarcastic response that, well, if you're out there and you don't have green on today, you can't use the excuse, well, I've got green underwear on.

[Bert]

You know, I've got green on.

[Jen]

I've got a green bra on that you can't see, because that's what kids would always say, like, if they didn't have green.

[Bert]

This is during a break. This is during the break.

[Jen]

This is where all the mics on everywhere.

[Bert]

This isn't one of these weird conversations that start off the air with them. I hit the bed. And you guys don't realize we're on

[Jen]

the air because we're talking about being at fido tonight for St. Patrick's Day.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

I started out by saying, hey, don't forget, Johnny O is at Fido at 11. And then Wendy made a comment about the beads. Melissa, the pinching made the underwear statement. So we're bantering back and forth, and

[Jen]

Jen looks at me and says, I've got green underwear on. You want to see? And then started pulling it out of her pants.

[Wendy]

She did.

[Jen]

And after Jeff tried to lean in and look and then stopped himself, then he started talking about Guinness. And then Jen turned and said, oh, my God, are we on the air?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay, but we're all wearing headphones at the same time.

[Jen]

We were talking for two or three minutes already by this point. So it wasn't when we just can't, you know? So that's when Jen realized that she was hitting a wall. And so we. We have made a roster change. We're like. Like Jeff said, bird is in. But Jeff left. I mean, Jen left early because she was starting to feel bad again.

[Bert]

It's so hot in here, y'.

[Wendy]

All.

[Bert]

Like, these pain pills, they are like a heat roller coaster. Like, when I'm up moving around, I feel like it's 140 degrees. But if I sit here long enough, I get freezing.

[Jen]

It's almost like menopause.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Well, Wendy. That's right, Wendy.

[Bert]

I was having my period of on last Thursday, so all the symptoms are the same.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Wendy turned the thermostat up because you had sent a tweet about how cold you were getting. So we thought we were being nice. Once we found out what time you'd be here, we thought we were doing nice for you.

[Bert]

I didn't realize that the hall was a mile and a half long. You don't realize how long it is until you're on crutches.

[Jen]

Well, I mean, yeah. When he said. Because Jeff was saying, oh, yeah, verse going to be in here at about 9:15. And that was about 8:45. And I said, well, he's actually down the hall. It's just going to take him 30 minutes down.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

We have. We have two things to talk to Bert about, and then we also were supposed to talk to Frankie and Bert. We won't even try to bring you up to speed on the townhouse thing because you're on pain pills, and it's. And it's going into. It's going to go into week number three.

[Jen]

It isn't included yet.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

It's so awesome.

[Bert]

But Frankie confronted the dude at one point, right?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Frankie confronted the dude, found out he wasn't a real estate agent, and then Frankie and his sister spent the night in the bushes.

[Bert]

Get out of here.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Over the weekend.

[Jen]

Did a stakeout.

[Bert]

Come on.

[Bluff]

Really?

[Bert]

That is a commitment for a guy that's not getting paid huge.

[Jen]

And there was a. There's a TV on in the townhouse the whole night.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

So Frankie actually broke into a real estate agent's database.

[Bert]

This is great.

[Jen]

So he found the owner. The real estate agent of this townhouse is actually the owner. So the next step was he was going to call her. It was a her. That's not the guy. Walking to the townhouse and talk to him. Because the theory is if he's not doing anything illegal, he may be the security guy that comes in and turns that TV off every morning so that it looks like it's lived in.

[Bert]

Well, if I'm a listener, the message is loud and clear that if you call us to do it. I'm just curious. We're gonna go above and beyond to get this.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

So anyways, we're not gonna give you the update on that.

[Bert]

Don't need it.

[Jen]

Don't tell me not to do something. Then I'll do it because.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Because I want to make sure we talk to you about two things. We gotta find out about your leg.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

And then you sent a tweet out that Hayden's got an audition.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Cause you told us last week that he was going to start pursuing acting more seriously because he loves it so much. So we want to talk about his audition.

[Bert]

Which one you want to cover first?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

It's up to you. You're the guest.

[Bert]

Let's do the leg here. The leg feels worse this time than it did on my left one. When I did it, what, three years ago, I ripped the ACL off the femur and I tore the meniscus clean this time. And I'm not sure if I did it playing soccer or if I started the whole injury playing soccer and then re injured it when I was down in Costa Rica on that boat. But that was the result.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Can you tell me what the ACL is and what a meniscus is?

[Jen]

Wendy, don't pass out.

[Bert]

The ACL is the ligament that allows you to have lateral movement, I believe, in your leg. So it can go this way and

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

this thing like this thing?

[Bert]

Yes. And this way also.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay.

[Bert]

Yep. And the meniscus is the cushion between the bones and your knees.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay.

[Bert]

So if you don't have any cushion there, you have arthritis. It's bone on bone and you'll just

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

wear your knees down.

[Bert]

You wear your knees down right there. So that was torn clean. So they had to put pins in and reattach the. The meniscus together. And they used my hamstring to reattach my ACL to my femur.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Hold on. Wendy, you okay, honey?

[Wendy]

I'm hanging in there.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

I read your email at 5:30 this morning, the one you sent us yesterday, and Wendy almost passed out.

[Bert]

Did I say the same thing in it?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Similar.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Wendy]

No. He said something about Scotch tape and using this to connect to this and pins and needles and.

[Jen]

Well, I'm fascinated that they could do that. They took the hamstring and they could reconnect the ACL to, you know, you

[Bert]

could either take it out of a dead person or you could take it out of your own hamstring. And I went with my own, so.

[Wendy]

Oh, it's slimy.

[Bert]

And yeah, he did a great job on it. I guess so.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

And did you get your breasts done while you were under? Because they look great.

[Bert]

I had them reduced.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay. They look good.

[Bert]

I was working out a little too hard, a little too much muscle melt. So I got them reduced. And the recovery on it is six weeks. Zero weight on the foot at all. So I have to be on these crutches. And then four weeks, I think, in the brace.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Now, I'm assuming.

[Bert]

And the rehab started already. Started yesterday.

[Wendy]

Whew.

[Bert]

Two days ago.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

I'm assuming that. Cause I think you're a fool for coming in, because if you twist it again, you're doing this all over again. Right?

[Bert]

Yeah, but the same thing could happen in my house.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Well, I was gonna say, I'm assuming your house is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.

[Bert]

The painkillers were really fun the first couple of days, and I'm not. I'm not so much into them anymore. They make you irritable, and my mouth is dry all the time, and I can't think, and it's just not nearly as fun as it was first day.

[Wendy]

I did make your tweets entertaining to read because there was no spelling corrections in any of them.

[Bert]

I did have to apologize to Stacy for one of them.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

The Percocex.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

You know what?

[Jen]

We saved them. Right.

[Wendy]

Because it was Scacey. S, C, A, C, E Y.

[Bert]

Well, you're so tired when you're tweeting that you see the mistakes, but it takes so much effort to backspace and then correct it. You're like, screw it.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

We were gonna have. We were gonna have you do a dramatic reading of your tweets.

[Jen]

We still should. We still should, because we were gonna wait till you felt a little better, your mind was a little clearer, and let you reread your tweets from surgery.

[Bert]

I assure you, my mind's not any clearer today than it was when I was doing that.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Here it comes. I do enjoy the tweet where you said, I've got 50 new followers in the past 24 hours since I've been tweeting enablers. So here are some of my favorites. This is from the best of Bert on Twitter. Somebody is at the door downstairs, but I can't answer it. So I'm screaming from my bedroom like James Caan in Misery.

[Bert]

I'm like, I'm here.

[Commercial Narrator 4]

I'm here. Call.

[Bert]

Because there's nobody in the house. And I couldn't at that point. I was hooked up to the ice machine, and I couldn't detach it myself, so I couldn't go downstairs.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

And then here's one. At 11:18, the Percocet train just left the station. And slightly nervous. At 11:20, the Percocet train just left the station. Let's see, what else the pre. Was this pre surgery? No, this is post surgery. No lie. It Took three razors to shave the hair off my knee before surgery.

[Bert]

That is true. That is absolutely true. She said it's the first time that she's ever had to use three razors on somebody's knee.

[Wendy]

That is so scary.

[Commercial Narrator 2]

It was so ugly. I was so embarrassed.

[Bert]

It looks like a poo. It's like a poodle's leg.

[Wendy]

You needed one of those cool designs drawling in there so bad.

[Jen]

Tracy's writing her next commercial right now

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

out of Seargery. S I E G E L R Y All right. Ouch. Many Percocet Woo.

[Bert]

Yeah, I was just taking off. I think I didn't realize even how high I was those first couple of days until like the third day.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

The I hate that pimple half t Stop what they are doing to help.

[Bert]

Oh, people.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay.

[Bert]

I hate that people have to stop doing what they're doing to help.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Have heartburn from all the chick flick fries I just ate.

[Bert]

Have heartburn from the chick fil a fries I just ate.

[Commercial Narrator 4]

Okay.

[Wendy]

That's a new restaurant, the chick flick hoes.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

I don't puke.

[Commercial Narrator 1]

Hope.

[Bert]

I don't puke.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay, cool.

[Bert]

Got it.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Got it. And then the one that got you in trouble. Percocect denied.

[Bert]

Right. And you can understand why. So it's been like that the last couple of days. And yeah, the doctor said it usually takes a week to get back to work, but I was just like, I can either be miserable at home or I could be miserable in here with you guys. So I thought I'd at least try it, But I'm not promising anything tomorrow.

[Jen]

Yeah, that was hard. I mean, yeah, because I've know, I know friends have had the same surgery and they all were like, there's no way he's coming back. I think if I just try to

[Bert]

like, you know, take it like one half an hour at a time. So I was in here like 9:30 today, maybe 9 or 8:30 tomorrow. Then maybe that's the way to go. But I can't talk. I can't. Like, it's hard for me to focus on what you guys are saying. Like, the words are just a little slow and it's not nearly as fun as it was on that first day.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

I said yesterday when I emailed you, I was emailing you back and I was on the phone with somebody else and I was saying that what I think would be most useful, rather than trying to stand up or sit there and work the, you know, whatever, and for five hours and then be done at the end, will be to come in for our meetings after the show. And the person I was talking to said, well, if he's on painkillers, that wouldn't be good either. And I'm like, actually, that might be great.

[Bert]

I thought that yesterday, too, but I was just too tired to write you back. I was like, he won't get it. Just come in and I'll prove to him what I mean.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay.

[Bert]

So the Hayden stuff, this is really pretty exciting. So, yeah, we told you guys that Hayden signed up with an agent, the people store down in Atlanta, and they got him in a couple of workshops and stuff like that. And just the timing was really good that this Owen Wilson movie is shooting in Atlanta right now. So he went to audition for it, and I'm not sure if the agent or a casting director took a look at Hayden and just said, oh, my God, this kid looks just like the younger version of another celebrity that's in the movie.

[Jen]

Wow.

[Bert]

So we think we want him in the movie. So have him come on in one time just so another producer can't. We can put him on camera for, like 10 seconds. So about three days ago, Hayden went down there, talked to the producer.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Where is there the movie set or is it the office of your casting person?

[Bert]

I think it was the. I think it was the office.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Okay.

[Bert]

So Hayden said he was in there for 10 seconds. Stacy said it took literally less than 10 seconds. She said, tell me your name, your age, and your eye color. So he said, Hayden Weiss, 7 years old, blue eyes. And she said, thank you. Turned the camera off and said, okay, we'll be calling you. So I think if he gets the part, it'll only because he looks like the guy that's older, but, yeah, he

[Jen]

might be in it.

[Wendy]

That's all.

[Bert]

We're waiting on the call. Who knows?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

This is. You know, I don't think they came to you with this because you've been under the weather, but princess called us, and Hayden and his friends are actually going to be in a reality TV show called Little boys of Atlantis, and we're going to follow.

[Bert]

I'm not sure he wants to take it yet. He has got to look at the contract and he's going to debate it over with us for a while that he'll realize buddies want to do it.

[Jen]

But.

[Bert]

So that's it really, in my world right now, man. And I'm just telling. It's a struggle for me right now to even talk to you guys. Like, my tongue feels numb and I just can't get the words out so.

[Jen]

Well, you look. You look great. I mean, I thought you were gonna come. No, seriously, I thought that he was gonna come in pale, you know, still on pain medicine. Cause sometimes, you know, but you look. You look good. Thank you.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Well, we'll make the last few minutes of the show easy for you.

[Bert]

Okay?

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

You can have a pic of one of two things. You can either hear Governor Sonny Perdue, who joined the show earlier.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

Or you can hear Joanna doing three minutes of stand up comedy.

[Bert]

No disrespect, Governor, but you're on your way out. Let's go with Joanna.

[Host (possibly Bert or a co-host)]

All right, we'll explain why Joanna did stand up comedy for the Burt show, and she actually, I think you're gonna be pleasantly surprised. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised you're

[Commercial Narrator 2]

on the Burt Show.

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[Bert]

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