Vault: Why do straight women love gay men?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - "Why Do Straight Women Love Gay Men?"

Episode Date: June 15, 2026
Cast: Bert, Ashley, Melissa, and rotating Host/Moderators
Main Theme:
This episode explores the unique bond and "love affair" between straight women and gay men, contrasting it with the less common dynamic between straight men and lesbians. The team and callers unpack why these friendships thrive, share personal anecdotes, and challenge common stereotypes about intimacy, trust, and gender dynamics in friendships.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening the Conversation: Ashley's Question

• [01:32] Ashley: Raises the central question:

  "Why don't men and lesbians have that same camaraderie with each other? Because couldn't they learn just as much about women together as straight women and gay men do?"

• She reflects on her close, comfortable friendships with gay men, describing how these relationships involve deep, candid conversations about men, dating, and life in general.
• Uses the metaphor of a tic-tac-toe board to wonder why crossover friendships seem stronger in one direction (straight women + gay men) than the other.

2. Why the Dynamic is Different for Straight Men and Lesbians

• [02:39] Melissa: Suggests that many straight men, when befriending lesbians, still retain a sexualized view, unlike the purely platonic approach straight women have with gay men:

  "A straight man's fantasy is two women. So if it's a good-looking lesbian, he's trying to hit that. He's not trying to be buddies with her and get advice on women."

• [03:07] Ashley: Wonders why straight men don’t take the chance to learn from lesbians about relationships with women, if attraction isn’t a factor.
• The group speculates whether learning and openness could happen if men got over attraction or ego barriers.

3. Stereotypes, Ego, and Gender Barriers

• [03:24] Host/Moderator: Parallels the idea with how women sometimes suggest to men to watch adult films with only women, to “learn” from them:

  "...ask their men to watch adult movies with women in them. So their guys will learn from the women in the movies..."

• [04:20] Burt: Explains the male perspective:

  "If that thought occurred to me...my first thought would be, well, she's a lesbian, so they do things differently. So it doesn't — number one, it doesn't apply. And number two, I can figure it out."

• [04:45] Burt: Acknowledges it’s about vulnerability and ego:

  "...that's the logic. A guy's logic. A guy doesn't ask for directions driving a car. Why is he gonna ask for questions?"

4. Why Straight Women & Gay Men Relationships Feel Special

• [04:00] Ashley:

  "There's this love affair between straight women and gay men. I think that it's such a great relationship because I don't feel threatened at all. I know they're not interested in me at all. And that is such a great place to be, but it's still different than having a girlfriend because it's a guy."

• Discuss how this comfort is rooted in a lack of sexual tension, creating a friendship dynamic that feels both open and safe.

5. Callers Weigh In

• [05:20] Caller - Chaz (gay male):

  "...once I get across that line where they know I'm not interested in them and they're comfortable with that, the questions just start pouring out...from everything sexual to relationship, like, I have no problem giving that advice."

• [06:03] Caller - Chaz: Observes some men can't accept that "every woman doesn’t want them," reinforcing ego as a barrier.
• [07:14] Caller - Chaz: Shares how he gives relationship advice to straight male friends and how friendship thrives precisely because there's no sexual tension:

  "...there’s no sexual tension there between us, so it really opens up an opportunity to have great friends."

6. Lesbians & Straight Men - Trust and Friend Zone

• [08:18] Melissa: Notes another exception:

  "The straight guy friends I do have... I'm the only girl they can hang out with that their wives are okay with. Sometimes straight guys...want to have a more casual night, then yeah, I'm the one their wives trust."

• The group agrees this dynamic roots partly in a sense of “safety” and ambiguity.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ashley [01:32]:

  "Why is the love affair going across the...like, if there's a tic-tac-toe board or whatever, why is it going one way across the board but not the other way?"

• Melissa [02:39]:

  "A straight man's fantasy is two women. So if it's a good-looking lesbian, he's trying to hit that..."

• Burt [04:45]:

  "A guy doesn't ask for directions driving a car. Why is he gonna ask for questions?"

• Ashley [04:00]:

  "I think that it's such a great relationship because I don't feel threatened at all. I know they're not interested in me at all."

• Caller - Chaz [05:21]:

  "...once I get across that line where they know I'm not interested in them and they're comfortable with that, the questions just start pouring out..."

• Melissa [08:18]:

  "I'm the only girl they can hang out with that their wives are okay with..."

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:32: Ashley lays out the main question and kicks off discussion.
• 02:39: Melissa explains the difference in straight men’s and women’s approaches to gay and lesbian friendships.
• 03:24: Moderator and Ashley reflect on gendered learning about sex and relationships.
• 04:20: Burt shares male perspective on vulnerability and learning from lesbian friends.
• 05:20: First major caller (Chaz) describes his advice-giving role as a gay man with straight friends.
• 05:57: Second major caller expands on men's perceptions.
• 07:14: Caller relates successful cross-orientation friendships and the drag queen best friend dynamic.
• 08:18: Melissa discusses being the “safe” friend for straight men.

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Summary Takeaways

• The episode explores why deep, platonic, and supportive friendships between straight women and gay men are so common and valued, while the reverse (straight men and lesbians) remains relatively rare.
• Discussions focus on ego, stereotypes, societal expectations, and perceived vulnerability as barriers for straight men forming strong, platonic bonds with lesbians.
• The lack of sexual tension and the perception of “safety” are highlighted as strong contributors to these special cross-orientation friendships.
• Listener calls reinforce these points, offering real-life examples and shade more nuance on the experiences of both gay men and lesbians navigating friendships with straight people.

Tone: Conversational, candid, playful, sometimes irreverent, but always rooted in real experiences and honest curiosity.

Transcript

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[Burt]

The Bird Show I've got a question

[Ashley]

for the straights and for the gays and this is a discussion I was having with a straight guy over the weekend. Okay. What I can't quite comprehend is why straight women and gay men have such a love affair with one another. Like love, love, love gave men. Like I have so many gay male friends in my life. We talk about everything. We do all kinds of fun things together. We go out, we have dinner. We just have so many different things in including our interest in men. And so it can go towards that type of conversation as well. You know, all kinds of tips and advice I can learn from my gay male friends. Well, here's My questions for the straights and the gays. Why don't men and lesbians have that same camaraderie with each other? Because couldn't they learn just as much about women together as straight women and gay men do? Like, why is the love affair going across the. Like, if there's a tic toe, a tic tac toe board or whatever, why is it going one way across the board but not the other way across the board?

[Melissa]

Because a guy's still trying, like a straight guy. Straight guys in my life, there's not the same, I think, respect factor for the relationship. Like straight women, I think, have a respect for the gay guy and his boyfriend. Yeah, I don't. And I'm generalizing here. Certainly it's not every straight guy, but a lot of times, you know, that's a, that's a straight man's fantasies. Two women. So especially if it's a good looking lesbian he wants to be friends with, he's trying to hit that. He's not trying to be buddies with her and get advice on women.

[Ashley]

But if they could get sort of past that point, maybe it wasn't a good looking lesbian couple. Maybe it's a lesbian couple that you don't like, Bert, that you don't find attractive. Couldn't you learn something from what she's doing with her girlfriend? Like, and, you know, so maybe some, you know, some techniques or some, you know, whatever. Because, you know.

[Host/Moderator]

Well, it would be the reason why we've received emails before from women that say that they ask their men to watch adult movies with women in them. So their guys will learn from the women in the movies, will kind of

[Ashley]

learn what's going on. Exactly. Well, and I mean, if straight men were comfortable with it, they may ask their women to watch gay men in the same way. Right? That's the reverse. It's not different. That's the reverse situation.

[Burt]

If there's a core line called these gay men are smaller than Jeff down there, than I would consider it.

[Ashley]

Than you would consider it.

[Burt]

Sure.

[Ashley]

I don't know. I just think that there's just this love affair between straight women and gay men. And I. And I think that it's such a great relationship because I don't feel threatened at all. I know they're not interested in me at all. And that is such a great place to be, but it's still different than having a girlfriend because it's a guy. I don't know. I just wish that straight guys and lesbians were the same way.

[Burt]

I think the difference. The guy differences from a guy's mentality. Because I certainly think I'm friendly enough with Melissa that I could go ask her any questions like that. But I think if that thought occurred to me, I would. My first thought would be, well, she's a lesbian, so they do things differently. So it doesn't. Number one, it doesn't apply. And number two, I can figure it out.

[Ashley]

No, you can't. You could really learn a lot, but you can't.

[Burt]

Like, that's the logic. A guy's logic. A guy doesn't ask for directions driving a car.

[Host/Moderator]

We got this.

[Burt]

Why is he gonna ask for questions?

[Melissa]

We gotta have the same relations.

[Burt]

Like, it doesn't.

[Host/Moderator]

And it puts you in a vulnerable. It would put you in a vulnerable spot. Right.

[Burt]

You'd feel like you have to admit to Melissa, like, hey, or whoever, something ain't right. Yeah.

[Ashley]

That maybe you need some help with something. See, to me, it's an interesting curiosity. Like, with my gay male friends, I'm like, well, do you do this or what do you do when this is happening?

[Burt]

Cause girls like to talk and blah, blah, blah.

[Ashley]

Guys, maybe we're more receptive to getting advice because, I mean, I've really gotten some good advice from my gay male friends.

[Host/Moderator]

Hey, Ashley. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller - Chaz]

Hi. Guys.

[Caller - Gay Male Friend]

Love the show. I am gay, and I have kind of that advice relationship with my straight friends, my straight guy friends. I don't like to necessarily be one

[Caller - Chaz]

of the dudes, you know, where they

[Caller - Gay Male Friend]

want to talk about every girl that walks by and what she's rocking and that kind of thing where it gets just gross. But once I get across that line where they know I'm not interested in them and they can forget about it and they're comfortable with that, the questions just start pouring out and, you know, from everything sexual to relationship, like, I have no problem giving that advice. And we can kind of talk about that, and it seems to really help them.

[Host/Moderator]

Thank you for calling.

[Ashley]

So you're the exception.

[Host/Moderator]

Here's Angie. Good morning.

[Caller - Chaz]

Hey.

[Caller - Gay Male Friend]

Yeah, I think it's that the fact that some men.

[Caller - Chaz]

Of course, generalizing again, that some men have.

[Caller - Gay Male Friend]

Can't comprehend the fact that every woman doesn't want them.

[Burt]

I'm pretty sure that Melissa doesn't want me. She's.

[Ashley]

She's.

[Burt]

Yeah, I don't think that's an issue. She's really made that really abundantly clear.

[Melissa]

I see what you're saying. Saying, though, it is a. It is. Yeah. Because, I mean, instead of guys asking Advice on what? How they can please, you know, women or whatever about women. They're always asking us, well, what do you do? I don't understand, like, why you. Seriously. I mean, you've never been with a guy, you know, so it's. Yeah, the relationships.

[Ashley]

So I wonder how it's satisfying with the missing pieces parts.

[Melissa]

Gay men and straight women have a lot more in common than straight men and lesbians do. It's just strange interest of the way they. Yeah, just. I think it's. It's the way they see women is different. What they appreciate about women is different.

[Host/Moderator]

Where guys are more physical into physical and women are not. Hey, Chaz. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Chaz]

Good morning, guys. Can I just say how much I've missed y' all since I moved away from Atlanta?

[Ashley]

Oh, we're glad you're back.

[Host/Moderator]

You sure can.

[Caller - Chaz]

I'm visiting today for a business meeting, and I'm so glad to be able to listen to you.

[Melissa]

Thank you.

[Caller - Gay Male Friend]

You know, I was.

[Caller - Chaz]

I was saying earlier how much. How great of an opportunity it is to hang out with all my straight guy friends. I mean, you know, we're all checking out girls at the same time, but, I mean, I'm giving them advice. My friend over in Augusta, I just gave him advice because he's all shy about this girl he's trying to talk to and, you know, kind of metrosexualing him up. So I'm like, this is how you got to talk to them. And this is, you know, and it's great because there's no sexual tension there between us, so it really opens up an opportunity to have great friends. But at the same time, you know, my girlfriend and I, our best friend is a drag queen. So, I mean, it's great. It's just awesome. It's an awesome dynamic.

[Host/Moderator]

So she's on. She's so there.

[Ashley]

Yeah. So there are some lesbian and straight men friendships.

[Host/Moderator]

Hey, Melissa. Good morning, Yellow.

[Melissa]

Hello.

[Host/Moderator]

We can't end on that note, or can we? Every guy. Every guy friend I have is because I'm gay. She was gonna say so. She's already taken sort of advantage of that. Like, all her guy friends ask her for advice all the time.

[Melissa]

Well, the one thing, though, like, you know, the straight guy friends I do have, like, they. I'm the only girl they can hang out with that their wives are okay with. You know, like, sometimes when a guy. Straight guys don't want to hang out with the. You know, in the. You know, the. The man room with her buddies. And just want to have a more casual night, then then yeah, I'm the one that their wives trust.

[Host/Moderator]

You're safe. Yeah, you're totally safe. Makes sense.

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