Vault: Why shouldn't women date Christian men?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Why Shouldn't Women Date Christian Men?
Date: June 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the experiences and perceptions surrounding Christian men in the dating world, prompted by a listener email. The team discusses whether devout Christian men are, as one listener suggests, the "pickiest, harshest judges of women." They explore religious expectations, cultural pressures within religious communities, and broader themes about dating across religious lines. The conversation is candid, personal, and filled with both humor and serious exploration, featuring input from both cast members and a range of listener callers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Jesse Story: Dating Standards & Honesty

[01:06-02:29]

• The show references a recent guest, Jesse, who described himself as "about a 4" in looks but landed a date with a "15/10," only to realize they lacked chemistry.
• Jesse’s reason for not pursuing further: He’s a “good Christian” not interested in premarital sex, seeking a deep personality match, not just looks.
• Hosts are initially skeptical, suggesting that physical attraction often gives people more chances, but Jesse’s values are different.

The Listener Email: Are Christian Men Too Picky?

[02:29-04:01]

• Email from Lainey, a 26-year-old Christian woman, claims: “Christian guys are the pickiest, harshest judges of women I’ve ever known… they are making Christian women feel like chopped liver. Wtf.”
• She describes the stereotypical expectations: “They are looking for someone who smiles and nods, votes Republican, teaches kindergarten...”
• Lainey highlights feeling left out as a Christian woman with personality, ambition, and a taste for wine.

Notable Quote:

"Your man Jesse would take me to the Melting Pot, and after a few dips into the cheese, he’d break it off with me. So yes, I buy it." — Lainey (02:50)

Are Devout Christians Different in Dating?

[04:01-04:58]

• The cast distinguishes between “devout Christian men” and more casually religious Christians.
• Theory: Withholding sex until marriage ups the pressure — there’s “one shot” at picking a partner, leading to higher pickiness and the quest for perfection.

Notable Quote:

"If you were gonna withhold sex until marriage, you have this extreme expectation. You have one shot at finding a partner." — Cast Member (04:26)

Dating Across Religious Lines

[05:04-06:15]

• Cast members debate how important shared religion is to their own dating lives. Several admit it’s tough to date someone of a different faith, especially if they're devout.
• A co-host recounts his experience: "I'm Jewish and Stacy's not, and her mom is hardcore Christian... she cried when Stacy told her she was dating a Jewish guy." (06:04)

Caller Stories: Judgment and Church Pressure

[06:21-07:33]

• Caller Christy shares her breakup with a Catholic man who expected “the Christian woman, perfect to a T,” making her feel judged constantly.
• Host observes that tight-knit church communities can amplify judgment — "trying to impress the church" can lead to pressure for both men and women.

Notable Quote:

"If someone is real involved in their church community... that is their extended family, and that's who is giving them feedback on who they date." — Cast Member (06:54)

Is The Critique Fair? Pushback and Agreement

[07:47-08:26]

• Ashley calls in to argue generalizing all Christian men is unfair: “You can't judge on just a few men... that's not fair.”
• The cast agrees, acknowledging generalizations can be dangerous — but also notes that Lainey, the emailer, seems to have faced repeated negative experiences.

Perspective from Christian Men Themselves

[08:28-11:24]

• Caller Will: “Christian men definitely are very strict when it comes to what they're looking for in a girl. Real. Unrealistic. Definitely unrealistic. Because... they want someone that's perfect... but that’s just not reality.” (08:28)
• Another male caller shares how his wife, as a career-focused, fun-loving Christian woman from New Orleans, felt looked down upon by Christian men — “either intimidated by her or they just looked down on her.”

The Influence of Church Culture & Older Generations

[11:24-12:08]

• Discussion of cultural inertia: Many church communities are older and may hold outdated gender expectations, which influence younger men’s standards.
• The result is conflicting expectations for partners.

Notable Quote:

"You've got a hen house of older women whose idea of a perfect woman is from the 1950s." — Cast Member (12:01)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Lainey’s Email: “These alleged good guys are still out there, and they are making Christian women feel like chopped liver. Wtf.” (02:50)
• On Devoutness: “If you were gonna withhold sex until marriage... you have this extreme expectation. You have one shot at finding a partner.” (04:26)
• On Family Pressure: “She cried when Stacy told her she was dating a Jewish guy... She cried more after she got to know me.” (06:04)
• Call-in Confirmation: “Christian men definitely, definitely are very strict when it comes to what they're looking for in a girl… Definitely unrealistic.” — Will (08:28)
• On Old-Fashioned Expectations: “You've got a hen house of older women whose idea of a perfect woman is from the 1950s.” (12:01)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:06] – Jesse’s Story: Christian dating standards explained
• [02:29] – Lainey’s email: Critique of Christian men’s pickiness
• [04:01] – Are devout Christians more judgmental in dating?
• [05:04] – Cast and callers discuss dating across religious lines
• [06:21] – Caller Christy on pressure and judgment in Christian dating
• [07:47] – Ashley's rebuttal: Challenging overgeneralization
• [08:28] – Will’s confession: Christian men’s unrealistic dating expectations
• [11:24] – Examining cultural influence and generational divides in the church

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Tone & Style

• The discussion blends humor, candor, and empathetic personal stories.
• The tone is informal, sometimes irreverent, but always aiming for authenticity and inclusivity.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Bert Show presents a multi-faceted, sometimes provocative look at the intersection of faith and dating, focusing on how rigid expectations rooted in devout Christianity can shape relationship dynamics and prompt frustration for both genders. The voices of listeners and the cast highlight that while certain patterns exist, experiences are diverse, and broad generalizations don’t capture everyone’s story. The conversation calls for empathy, reflection, and openness—fitting The Bert Show’s trademark real-talk style.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Visit borhears.com the Burt Show alright, so this is the email that I got last Thursday. Melissa, you need to know the back history on this.

[C]

Uh huh.

[B]

So we talked to this dude Jesse last week and he comes on with us. This is early in the Burt show and he says, look, I'm about a 4. If I look at myself critically, I could say, you know what, I'd rank myself at about a four. And there's a girl in my class that's a 15. She's hot. Okay, so how do I ask her out? So we give him some advice and he comes on the next day and he ends up bagging the date with like this 15, right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But while he's out with her, he realizes that yeah, she's pretty and all, but she's got nothing else. She's cynical, it's not a lot of fun to be around. And he claims they don't have chemistry. So at the end of the date he says that he said to her, look, this isn't working out, let's just be friends.

[C]

Good for him.

[B]

That's his story.

[D]

Well yeah, they weren't really buying the story. But then as we asked him more like she might have Brought up something that would have sparked him to have that conversation, right?

[B]

Yeah, but Jeff and I weren't really buying the story. Because you didn't think you were out with her or. Well, no. If you're with somebody that hot and they're annoying, then chances are pretty good. Because she's so hot, you'd give her two, three, four, five other chances.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So you could hook up with her.

[C]

So you thought that he just. He ended it too soon, if it really happened.

[D]

But he was real clear, and the hot part didn't matter to him. And what he explained to Burt and Jeff was that he's not looking to have any sex before marriage. So he wasn't interested in the physical.

[E]

He.

[D]

He wanted their personalities to connect.

[F]

He's one of them.

[B]

He used the word good Christian. He's a good Christian. So, you know, the looks part of it's nice, but he's looking for something deeper. So we talked about that for a little bit. Then I got this email later on in the day, which I was really surprised by. It says, Bert show team. I had to write in because I totally buy Jesse's story. And I want to explain why Jeff and I didn't believe it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Christian guys are the pickiest, harshest judges of women I've ever known. As a Christian woman, let me tell you more. My theory is that these men are waiting for this angel that they've had in their head. They believe that they will remain pure and be intentional, and God will deliver them a perfect physical specimen. I actually heard my pastor admit that he used to believe if he waited to have sex until he was married, he'd be awarded with, quote, unquote, mind blowing. You know, his point was that God doesn't work that way. They are looking for someone who smiles and nods, votes Republican, teaches kindergarten, and it is so, so, so annoying. She writes, I'm 26 years old, I'm a Christian, and looking for a Christian guy. However, I am not a turkey and white bread girl. I have a little personality on me. I like a glass of wine. Some would say, I'm witty, I want a career. Your man Jesse would take me to the melting pot, and after a few dips into the cheese, he'd break it off with me. So, yes, I buy it. These alleged good guys are still out there, and they are making Christian women feel like chopped liver. Wtf. Love the show, Lainey.

[C]

And they're Christian.

[F]

You can't say wtf.

[C]

Well, I think we probably should specify devout Christian men, because, I mean, there's so many levels, but of the devout Christian men that I've known in my life, I could see where she's coming from.

[D]

Really?

[C]

Because. Yeah, I think that there is an expectation. A. Yeah, because her female makes sense.

[D]

It holds itself to that same expectation. Or you think it's a double standard expectation?

[C]

Well, I just wonder if it's just. I don't know if it's just a male Christian thing or a female devout Christian thing. If you were gonna withhold sex until marriage, you have this extreme expectation. You have one shot at finding a partner. So you're gonna try to pick the cream of the crop, or at least what you think that is. And that's why you're over picky and over judgmental, maybe about a partner. But like I said, that's like. To me, that defines like a very. Church is like the number one thing in your life Christian. Not just, you know, not every single Christian out there. Because there's a lot.

[D]

Not just that you were baptized. And you go on the holiday.

[G]

Holidays.

[C]

Yeah. And you go on the holidays. Yeah. You go on Eastern Christmas.

[B]

You guys don't specifically date with a religion in mind, right?

[D]

Not in mind, but it's important.

[G]

It is kind of a big deal.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Same religious views. Yeah. Because then that could cause major arguments.

[B]

How long would you give a guy that was a different religion?

[G]

I don't know, because I'm struggling with that about going out with this one guy who's not Christian.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Right now?

[G]

Yeah, right now. Because he's Jewish. So I don't know how much time to devote to somebody who I don't know if I could ever convert to. But why do you have to convert?

[F]

Is he devout Jewish?

[G]

Yeah, I would say devout Jewish. From what I know right now, I might not have all the pieces together.

[D]

That's a big deal.

[G]

I mean, I think about marriage, you have to think about the church you want to go to.

[F]

And when you get married, don't ever say that to the guy, ever.

[C]

See, I'm trying to think about. I would have to think about my parents because the family would have a hard time with that, too.

[B]

I think I shared this with you guys when Stacy and I first started going out. I'm Jewish and Stacy's not, and her mom is hardcore Christian.

[D]

Catholic.

[B]

Catholic.

[D]

That's a whole different breed.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

She cried when Stacy told her she was dating a Jewish guy. George Ann told me years later. Yeah, she cried that.

[F]

Oh, my God. But did she know you.

[B]

No, she cried more after she got to Know me. Hey, Christy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[H]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[H]

How are y'? All?

[B]

Good. Is there any truth to this email that Lainey sends, basically saying, look, Christian guys are the pickiest, harshest judges of women she's ever known?

[H]

It is so true. I actually just broke up with a guy who is Catholic, and I'm a Christian woman. And just if I didn't smile and nod and was completely perfect to a T, the Christian woman, then I got, like, almost the snub nose looked down on, and I was like, you can't judge me.

[C]

So was he real involved in the church?

[H]

Yes, very, very much so.

[C]

Because a lot of times I find that if someone is real involved in their church community, then they. That. That is their extended family, and that's who is giving them feedback on who they date. So I think that, you know, the crossing your T's and dotting your I's, you know, as a good Christian woman or man, in that situation, you're trying to impress the church.

[D]

Supposed to be one of the most accepting environments, but it usually doesn't. Doesn't end up being that way. So it seems to be a really judgmental environment.

[C]

Well, I think that most denominations are a group of people who are very much alike, just like little small towns. So if somebody comes in, that's different. You know, as a culture, we seem to not embrace that.

[B]

And you can draw a lot of generalities by dating one guy and having one bad experience with one guy. Like, she'll never date a Christian guy ever again based on this one experience.

[F]

We've talked about that before with occupations. People who have, like, one bad police officer. Never date one again.

[B]

Hey, Ashley. Good morning. You're part of the Burt Show.

[H]

Good morning. I just think that that statement's completely unfair to all Christian men. I mean, come on. You can't judge on just a few men. The whole population of Christian men. That's not fair.

[D]

I agree with you. I mean, I don't think you can judge anybody on one person's behavior, but.

[H]

Right. I mean, she's getting upset with them for judging her, but then she wants to judge all of them because that one guy, that's just ridiculous.

[B]

She's judging a very judgmental guy.

[G]

Well, it sounds like she's been met with a couple of Christians. Yeah, I mean, it's just her experiences. She sounds like she's been with a couple. More than one.

[B]

Here's Will. Hey, Will you.

[E]

Hey. I actually waited till I was married to have sex. I'M a Christian. And. But. But I will say this. Christian men definitely, definitely are very strict when it comes to what they're looking for in a girl. Almost. I won't say almost. Real. Unrealistic. Definitely unrealistic. Because they want to. They want someone that's perfect and. But that. It's just not reality.

[B]

Well, can't you say this again?

[E]

Forget that we're human.

[B]

Can't you say this to anybody that's passionate about their own religion or anything? Or anything. Like, if you're a passionate Jewish guy

[F]

or a vegetarian, like any. Anything that you. Anything that you surround yourself, you build your life around. You know what I mean? If you try to date and you're different than that, you're gonna. There's gonna be struggles.

[B]

What's the patron shot look there for Jen?

[D]

Well, I think that there's more. I understand what Jeff's saying about, you know, somebody that's a vegetarian or something that is the way they live their life and sort of putting that impression upon other people. But I think that there's a specific goal of perfection, and it's not just in one little area, like not eating meat. It's in all areas. So these men are expecting their women to be perfect in every single way. But the look was. Because, I mean, that's why we're all Christians and ask for forgiveness for our sins, because we're all sinners. So it's kind of. I don't know, it just seems like this juxtaposition of both things. You know, that's why you belong to the church and that's why you go there. But then once you're there and admitting that you're a sinner, then all of a sudden you have to become perfect. I don't know.

[B]

Hey, Mark. Good morning. You're on the bird show.

[E]

Yeah. Actually, in a lot of ways, I actually do sadly agree with that email, which is like, before I met my wife, I would actually date when, you know, take them out on dates to actually encourage them because of that. And my wife, when she first, you know, became a Christian, she first joined the church. She really didn't. She didn't get all. She didn't go on a lot of things. You know, she's from New Orleans and, you know, I don't drink, but, you know, she drinks on occasion. And, you know, she likes to dance. I mean, dude, she's from New Orleans. Like, that's part of their culture. Like, you know, that they have more, you know, Christians from New Orleans and people kind of way they kind of, you know, kind of look down on her. You know, she's a career minded woman. She's, you know, now she's a stay at home mom. But you know, back, you know, when she was single, she was a career minded woman and she wasn't your necessarily cookie cutter Christian woman. Now the staff looked at her as, wow, she's a go getter. She's the next person on staff. But a lot of the Christian men, they either A, were intimidated by her or B, they just looked down on her. So it's really true.

[C]

Well, and I, and I want to say that I have a friend whose brother's really involved in the church and I'm just trying to think about. Because not every relationship seems to last and it usually ends up being him breaking up with her because something disappointed him, you know, and that's normal for any relationship. But now I'm thinking, is that the reason why? Because in a church, normally in a church, in most churches, the, you know, the attendees are older. You know, like churches aren't really attracting young people anymore. Some churches are, most aren't. And if you're in that environment as a young man, you've got a hen house of older women who, their idea of a perfect woman is from the 1950s. You know what I mean?

[D]

That's very different.

[C]

So I think that, yeah, I think a young man's getting conflicting ideas of what is realistic in the church.

[B]

The bird show.