Vault: Why Women Keep Their Enemies Close

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault — Why Women Keep Their Enemies Close

Date: April 2, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show explores the complex reasons why some women maintain friendships with people they actively fear or dislike—often due to intimidation, group dynamics, and the desire to avoid drama or social fallout. The cast solicits input from listeners, sharing stories ranging from manipulative threats to deeply-rooted social loyalties.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Scenario: The "Jen and Melissa" Hypothetical

• [00:00–03:05]
  • Hosts introduce the main theme: Do women sometimes keep "friends" out of fear—of reputation attacks, drama, or retaliation?
  • Story setup: Jen and Melissa connect via Wendy. Melissa grows wary of Jen’s “mean streak” but is too scared to cut her off, fearing social punishment or damaged reputation within their friend group.
  • Quote:
    • Host 2:
      “Your Melissa is too scared of Jen and what Jen might do to Melissa if Melissa cuts the relationship off entirely. So they remain friends and Melissa goes through the motions.” (01:13)
  • Hosts discuss distinctions:
    • Is it truly "fear," or just a wish to avoid drama?
    • Longevity and group history play a role ("length of time we’ve been friends").

Manipulation and Social Power

• [02:46–03:05]
  • Host 1 notes that dominant, controlling personalities can become group leaders, compelling others to remain friends to avoid group ostracism.
  • Quote:
    • Host 1:
      “If she's seen as like the leader of the group, then you might stay friends with that person because you know that everyone else will follow their lead even though you don't really like them.” (02:46)

Listener Stories: Real-Life Experiences

Michelle — The Workplace Secret

• [03:15–03:59]
  • Michelle, using voice disguise, shares she maintains a false friendship with an employee because she once confided sensitive workplace secrets. Firing her now could lead to blackmail or exposure.
  • Quote:
    • Michelle:
      “I really, she's a bad employee and she really needs to be fired. But I can't do that because I'm afraid she'll divulge the information that I gave her.” (03:43)

Jade — Enduring Blackmail

• [04:11–05:42]
  • Jade describes a “friend” of 14 years who threatens to expose her secrets if she doesn’t provide constant attention and favors, both in personal and intersecting work life.
  • Quote:
    • Jade:
      “If I don't let her babysit my kid at least once a week, ... then she has threatened to go to our bosses and tell them things about my past, things about what I do on the weekends, things about my living situation.” (04:27)
  • Hosts reflect on increased tolerance towards longtime friends and the reluctance to end stale relationships from youth.

Amanda — The Dorm Bully

• [05:44–06:56]
  • Amanda recounts the story of a controlling, intimidating dorm-mate who manipulated and scared the group, continuing to wield social power even after moving away.
  • Quote:
    • Amanda:
      “She had to be the leader of the pack, the center of attention. ... all the people in the dorm were scared of her, and I'm not even near her anymore—like, she’s in Alabama, and I’m still scared to unfriend her anything. Even on Facebook.” (05:48, 06:13)
  • Hosts compare these dynamics to "never leaving the seventh grade," drawing parallels to celebrity cliques.
  • Quote:
    • Host 2:
      “I could see this whole scenario playing out with that whole celebrity clique ... just hanging out with each other just because they're afraid of what they're gonna do to each other.” (07:04)

Sue — Blackmail Over Secrets

• [07:19–08:18]
  • Sue maintains a friendship with a vindictive woman who knows details about her extramarital affair, fearing exposure if she cuts ties.
  • Quote:
    • Sue:
      “I maintain a friendship with a wretched, horrible, horrible human being of a woman because she knows I cheated on my husband, and she will tell him because she's vindictive.” (07:21)
    • “If I don’t maintain contact with her, she’ll just assume that I’ve blown her off, and I’m afraid she’ll go off the deep end.” (08:14)

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Reflections from the Hosts

Gender Differences in Handling Toxic Relationships

• [08:18–08:55]
  • Hosts discuss how men typically avoid such drama, opting out of relationships rather than maintaining false friendships.
  • Quotes:
    • Host 2:
      “Guys handle this kind of thing so differently. I just don't even think it processes for us. And we certainly wouldn't be vindictive to another dude.” (08:18)
    • Host 3:
      “I don't hang out with people I hate, you know. ... Maybe my laziness is an asset because I don't put up with this drama.” (08:34, 08:47)

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Memorable Moments

• Host 1:
  "We never leave the seventh grade." (06:56)
• The show draws parallels between real life friendships and “Mean Girls”–style power plays.
• Candid admissions from callers about enduring long-term manipulation and blackmail.
• Host 3’s closing comedic self-awareness about simply being too lazy to maintain toxic or dramatic friendships.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–03:05: Hypothetical scenario introduction and group discussion
• 03:15–03:59: Michelle's workplace blackmail story
• 04:11–05:42: Jade's decade-long manipulative friendship
• 05:44–06:56: Amanda's dorm story and group discussion on lingering fear
• 07:19–08:18: Sue's fear of exposure and forced friendship
• 08:18–08:55: Host reflections on gender differences and closing remarks

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Summary

This episode thoughtfully and humorously dissects why women sometimes keep their “enemies” close, sharing stories of manipulation, social power, and fear-based loyalty. Through relatable anecdotes—including voice-disguised confessions—the show captures the complex, sometimes toxic web of female friendships and the real consequences (emotional, professional, and reputational) that cause people to stay in relationships they would otherwise end. The mix of hosts’ insights and listener calls makes for an engaging exploration of a rarely discussed social phenomenon.

Transcript

[Host 1]

Get it?

[Host 2]

The bird show. So I gotta ask women a question here, something that I heard this weekend. And I can't tell you specifically who I heard it from, but I heard these words come out of a woman's mouth that I was around and it didn't make sense to me at the time because it's so not a guy thing. And I wonder if it's just a her thing or if it's a woman thing. My question is, do women keep friends because you're scared of them? Because you're scared not to be friends with them anymore? I'm assuming, based on what I heard in this conversation, is Jen and Melissa meet each other through Wendy.

[Host 3]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Okay. Wendy's really the, the middle one here.

[Host 3]

Go between.

[Host 2]

Okay, the go between. And then Jen and Melissa start becoming pretty good friends. You guys start hanging out, you're enjoying each other's company, so you're becoming girlfriends. Right? And then Melissa all of a sudden realizes that Jen just kind of has a mean streak to her. She's not really somebody that she feels like hanging out with. She seems some of the things that Jen has done to other women and she's a little scared of her. Just a little. Just look, this is just not my cup of tea here.

[Host 3]

This is a little too close to the truth. But okay, keep going with the story. Such a scary figure.

[Host 2]

Your Melissa is too scared of Jen and what Jen might do to Melissa if Melissa cuts the relationship off entirely. So they remain friends and Melissa goes through the motions. They go to dinners, they still talk on the phone. Melissa doesn't like to be in this relationship at all. But she is really nervous about what Jen might do to her and to the friends around them. Isn't it more just so she stays in the relationship?

[Host 3]

The friendship to me, the fear is not is a word that I can't connect to. But I could see where if I was intimidated and wanted to avoid the drama of what Jen might do, you know what I'm saying? Like if Jen was a high maintenance friend or was in this group where we're all like, you know, we just kind of tolerate parts of her personality, but there's still, she's still a friend of ours. Like I could see where we would, we'd have her around either because of the length of time we've been friends, you know, I think is has a lot to do with keeping somebody in a group of friends. But I think that just avoiding the drama is more how I would see it. But I don't know if I'd be friends with somebody I was afraid of.

[Host 2]

Based on the conversation I heard this weekend, it wasn't trying to avoid the drama. It was nervous that Jen would either start jacking with you or start jacking with your reputation to Wendy. So everybody in the circle would hate you.

[Host 1]

Also, that's why they stay friends, is because she's fearful that the Jen is going to take all of her friends away.

[Host 2]

Right, Right. I think. I think. I mean, I don't know if there's anything physical there or if she would jack with her at work or anything like that.

[Host 3]

I wash my tires.

[Host 2]

Yeah. At all.

[Host 1]

She seems like the type of person that would be like this control freak anyway. And sometimes those people can be manipulative amongst groups of other people and very influential. Like, if she's seen as like the leader of the group, then you might stay friends with that person because you know that everyone else will follow their lead even though you don't really like them.

[Host 2]

It was like an adult mean girls playing out in front of me. 404-741. Q100. Michelle here wants to be on the voice disguiser. Go ahead, Michelle.

[Caller 1]

Hi.

[Caller 2]

Hi.

[Host 2]

We can't recognize your voice. You're probably scared of your friend.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I'm afraid of losing my job, actually.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 3]

Job.

[Caller 1]

Oh, yeah. I'm actually her manager at our workplace. And when I thought that we were friends, I confided in her about our regional manager embezzling money and being on drugs. And now that I found out the type of person that she is and really she's a bad employee and she really needs to be fired. But I can't do that because I'm afraid she'll divulge the information that I gave her.

[Host 2]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Caller 1]

So I have to work with her. Well, she has to work for me every single day. And I have to put on this front for her. Like we're friends, but.

[Host 1]

But you're not.

[Host 2]

All right. Now, there's a little work element to that one. I'm wondering if there's anybody that. There's no work. You're just scared of this person. You're freaked out. So you won't break the friendship. Hey, Jade. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hi.

[Caller 3]

Mine's kind of the same. Similar situation is my friend and I have about 14 years. We work together in the same type of place but different departments, and we go and hang out on the weekends and stuff. If I don't let her babysit my kid at least once a week, if I don't Comment on her pictures on Facebook if I don't basically kiss her butt every single day, bring her lunch and coffee. Then she has threatened to go to our bosses and tell them things about my past, things about what I do on the weekends, things about my living situation. And I am. I really am scared to, like, befriend her, even on Facebook.

[Host 2]

So she's threatening you into your job?

[Caller 3]

Yeah, pretty much have authority over me in the. In the department.

[Host 2]

And this has gone on for 14 years.

[Caller 3]

We've been working in the same place for about almost six years. Yeah.

[Host 2]

So before that, you would. Why didn't you be friend? Why did you just cut off the friendship?

[Caller 3]

Because, I mean, we were just in high school and middle school together, and then we both sort of got out, got the same type of job, and then that's where it basically escalated. And then, you know, marriages, divorces, kids, stuff happens.

[Host 3]

So you will put up with so much more from your friends, from youth than you will a new friend.

[Host 2]

Like, you don't want to believe that the two of you aren't the same people you were when you were kids.

[Host 3]

You have a loyalty to them.

[Host 2]

Hey, Amanda. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Good morning.

[Host 2]

Good morning.

[Caller 2]

I totally. Everything you guys have said about them being control freaks and just having to have been to everybody's business is so right. I lived in a dorm last year, actually, and this girl just. She had to be the leader of the pack, the center of attention. She was really one of those people that you think, oh, they don't realize they're being mean, but she knew exactly what she was doing, and she, like, it was awful. And every. All the people in the dorm were scared of her, and I'm not even near her anymore. Like, she's in Alabama, and I'm still scared to unfriend her anything. Even on Facebook. Before me, she's just an awful person. She had. You know, if I talked, like, I was friends with a guy that she liked, and she. And I talked to him in passing one time, and she, like, blew up and told me she was gonna tell him that I was all this stuff that wasn't even true, and people.

[Caller 3]

She's just.

[Caller 2]

People were scared of her, and people still are. And she doesn't even live in that dorm anymore.

[Host 2]

Psycho.

[Caller 1]

Wow.

[Caller 2]

Yeah. The only thing I can think of is that she was an only child, and she was the youngest of us. She was, like, 17, and we were all 19 and 20 in this. In this dorm, and she just. Guess she felt like she had to measure up. But she really is, like. I feel bad for her now, looking back on it, but I'm still scared of her.

[Host 1]

We never leave the seventh grade.

[Host 2]

Seriously.

[Host 1]

I mean, it's like the same. That sounds exactly like you're talking about a seventh grade conversation.

[Host 2]

You know, I could see this whole scenario playing out with that whole celebrity clique of the Paris Hiltons and the Kim Kardashians and all of them just hanging out with each other just because they're afraid of what they're gonna do to each other. Right?

[Host 3]

Yeah. Just so much wasted energy, though, it seems like.

[Host 2]

Hey, sue, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 1]

Hi. I maintain a friendship with a wretched, horrible, horrible human being of a woman because she knows I cheated on my husband, and she will tell him because she's vindictive.

[Host 2]

Has she threatened that with. With you, or are you just assuming that she hasn't?

[Caller 1]

She hasn't threatened, but I have seen the way she is with other people who have crossed her or who let her down or anything like that. I mean, even with her own husband, she's just evil.

[Host 1]

How often do you guys hang out?

[Caller 1]

We don't very often, thankfully, because we don't work in the same place anymore, so it's more email and phone calls and let's have lunch. And, you know, I can normally get out of lunch, but if I don't maintain contact with her, she'll just assume that I've blown her off, and I'm afraid she'll go off the deep end.

[Host 2]

She would expose your affair to your husband. Wow. Yeah. Guys handle this kind of thing so differently. I just don't even think it processes for us. And we certainly wouldn't be vindictive to another dude. I just think we don't.

[Caller 3]

We don't care to be in that situation. Yeah.

[Host 3]

I don't. This foreign to me because I just can't. I don't have. I really am a lazy person. I don't have the energy to deal with that drama. I really. Maybe that's my laziness is. There's an asset to that. It's an asset because I.

[Host 1]

You don't put up with this drama.

[Host 3]

I don't hang out with people I hate, you know, And I don't. Yeah, I just. Oh, I just can't do them.

[Caller 2]

Too lazy.

[Caller 3]

Get it?

[Host 2]

The bird show.